I like numbers. I also like statistics. Problem is, they are usually abused due to ignorance and/or agenda. In addition to the issues raised above, this 70% thing out of context can easily be fabricated.
If 70% of the homosexuals are “practicing,” then what is the corresponding percentage for heterosexual couples.
Also, are these percentages measured among priests or the population in general. I’d guess that these percentages differ. Also, how were they sampled? Was this study done in San Francisco? Lots of other questions make this number meaningless.
Now here are some statistics we can take to the bank. (see if they will cash them
):
As another poster wrote, at least 100% of all people who drink water die. As Rush Limbaugh once said, 100% of all people who have ever eaten carrots die. Other studies have shown that 78% of Catholics with a gay priest are satisfied with them. (I was suddenly tempted to use a preposition other than “with” but didn’t this time. I’m not candidate for priesthood.)
Also, 73% of all statistics quoted are made up on the spot.
Maybe we need the Virtus program to address this special need. The can publish guidelines for all young men who may eventually be called to the priesthood. These will help ensure that they won’t be gay, or at least won’t get caught at being gay. Here are some examples they might consider:
- Never compliment another man’s clothing.
- Never give a woman roses unless you feel guilty about something.
- Never give a man roses unless you work at a nursery.
- Do not work at a nursery that has roses unless they also have trees, dirt for sale, or other items that require you to drive power equipment.
- Be careful your wrist is rigid when you wave to somebody. Better yet, a casual nod is better, hands in pockets preferably – and not too deep. If you have a problem with this, then it is best to break your wrists so they will fuse in a fixed position.
- Avoid locker rooms if at all possible.
- Lobby for mixed boy/girl wrestling in high school, then join the team. When interviewed by newspapers, keep a straight face most of the time, with an occasional knowing glance toward the camera.
- Never talk to another man on the phone for more then 3 minutes per day. Ever. If you have business to conduct, send a fax.
These guidelines might not ensure you are qualified for the priesthood, but they will help ensure that any hidden tendencies toward the “softer side” stay hidden. Remember, it is not just what you do or say, but also what we think you might want to do or say.
OK, yes, if a dude subscribes to Playgirl and has photos of Ahh-nold that don’t include deadly weapons, then we might not want them in the priesthood. Maybe this is the sort of thing the Vatican is allegedly talking about.
Alan
