Veils at Other People's Weddings

[mantilla410]

So…the sister, because she is going to be a bride, is off limits from being asked to sacrifice/compromise merely because she is the bride?

The secular world creeps in yet again.

 

[GladCatholic]

She’s wouldn’t be sacrificing her devotion to the Lord–it’s quite obvious it would be more difficult for her to do this for her sister than to wear her veil. Like someone said a few post’s ago, it’s not the devotional act that is pleasing to the Lord, it’s the motivation, the love, behind it. And to do something that is far less pleasing or comfortable to us out of charity for someone else exhibits a pretty high state of love. It’s not the act, it’s the charity that goes behind it.

And of course you don’t sacrifice a devotion for some petty reason or because it’s easier to not do it or because someone else is uncomfortable, but you weigh the circumstances and ask the Lord what is more pleasing to Him. Would He not know what is harder for her? Would the Lord be that rigid that He’d rather an act than humbling submitting to a sibling on a wedding day?

It’s obvious the OP loves the Lord and loves her sister. However, I doubt it’ll come to that because of all those options but if the sister is that unbending and emotional, one humble act done as penance can bring a world of grace upon oneself.

To the OP–I hope you can enjoy this wedding once all the “drama” leading up to it is over!

Oh, and poster-right-before-me (I am awful with names so forgive me) no, you cannot say sacrifice READ: COMPROMISE because that is clearly not the motivation behind the sacrifice, yes, sacrifice. And regarding your rosary example, if you are talking about your immediate family whom you would live with, then yes, you should be finding a private time to pray the rosary. You have an obligation–a very high one–to charity to your neighbors. So yes, the charitable thing is to find devotional time that is not in your family’s face so as to keep the peace in your home. Remember love your neighbor was nearly as high a commandment as loving God.

Glad

 

[savienu]

She’s wouldn’t be sacrificing her devotion to the Lord–it’s quite obvious it would be more difficult for her to do this for her sister than to wear her veil. Like someone said a few post’s ago, it’s not the devotional act that is pleasing to the Lord, it’s the motivation, the love, behind it. And to do something that is far less pleasing or comfortable to us out of charity for someone else exhibits a pretty high state of love. It’s not the act, it’s the charity that goes behind it.

And of course you don’t sacrifice a devotion for some petty reason or because it’s easier to not do it or because someone else is uncomfortable, but you weigh the circumstances and ask the Lord what is more pleasing to Him. Would He not know what is harder for her? Would the Lord be that rigid that He’d rather an act than humbling submitting to a sibling on a wedding day?

It’s obvious the OP loves the Lord and loves her sister. However, I doubt it’ll come to that because of all those options but if the sister is that unbending and emotional, one humble act done as penance can bring a world of grace upon oneself.

To the OP–I hope you can enjoy this wedding once all the “drama” leading up to it is over!

Oh, and poster-right-before-me (I am awful with names so forgive me) no, you cannot say sacrifice READ: COMPROMISE because that is clearly not the motivation behind the sacrifice, yes, sacrifice. And regarding your rosary example, if you are talking about your immediate family whom you would live with, then yes, you should be finding a private time to pray the rosary. You have an obligation–a very high one–to charity to your neighbors. So yes, the charitable thing is to find devotional time that is not in your family’s face so as to keep the peace in your home. Remember love your neighbor was nearly as high a commandment as loving God.

Glad

I still get the feeling you are minimizing why women veil, but then, you would expect someone to not pray the rosary if the family wasn’t comfortable with it, too. Sometimes, you have to make people unhappy, even family, if it means pleasing the Lord. I am sorry, but knowing why women veil, and the fact that it WAS a tradition that was required for so many years, tell me that the Lord would more want the BRIDE to accept that her sister is going to veil, as a devotion to Him, than expecting the maid of honor to give up a personal devotion. But, that’s just me.

 

[GladCatholic]

I get the feeling people read past the words that are written. I did not say to “give up the rosary” but out of charity you don’t do it in their faces.

You’ll make up your mind and the wedding will occur either way. I’m signing off the thread as it’s a new workday and when words are not read as they are written, sinner that I am, I get somewhat irritated Plus, sounds like your mind is made up. Everyone is called to holiness via a different path, some by penance and sacrifice, some by extreme charity to others, some by devotions.

Glad

 

[savienu]

My apologies, Glad. Words are inaccurate what typed in a web forum. I just do take issue with not praying the rosary around people if they might be offended. I should have specificied that I knew you said don’t do it around them. I still find it sad.

 

[FanChan]

My apologies, Glad. Words are inaccurate what typed in a web forum. I just do take issue with not praying the rosary around people if they might be offended. I should have specificied that I knew you said don’t do it around them. I still find it sad.

I agree. When I was younger, I used to find the whole praying grace before a meal out in public was kind of embarassing, thinking it was making the people around us uncomfortable. But lately, we’ve encountered a lot of people who are really moved by that simple act, people who were never courageous enough to do the same and who took courage from seeing us do it.

I wonder how many people besides the OP’s sister and family would be touched to see the maid of honor with her head covered, or would find inspiration if she happened to bow out of the wedding party because she wasn’t allowed to.

I find it interesting that so many women (as it’s usually women) take offense at seeing another woman veil. Ironic, that an act of modesty and obedience would come across as an act of ‘holier-than-thou’ to other people.

To the OP: Do you know precisely why she doesn’t want you to have your head covered? You mentioned that your family has issues with the tradition of veiling, but are there specifics? Is it a feminism thing, or a dislike for the ‘old ways’?

 

[Extempore]

Oh, and poster-right-before-me (I am awful with names so forgive me) no, you cannot say sacrifice READ: COMPROMISE because that is clearly not the motivation behind the sacrifice, yes, sacrifice. And regarding your rosary example, if you are talking about your immediate family whom you would live with, then yes, you should be finding a private time to pray the rosary. You have an obligation–a very high one–to charity to your neighbors. So yes, the charitable thing is to find devotional time that is not in your family’s face so as to keep the peace in your home. Remember love your neighbor was nearly as high a commandment as loving God.

Glad

Hi Glad,

No worries about the name, it basically is a funny jab at having a Latin forum name at my own expense.

Anyhow, I can see that your intentions are kind and I can understand how you have presented your argument - specifically, that God would prefer that the love of a sister translate into making a sacrifice as to avoid discord and anger amidst the happy celebration of a wedding.

And while I definitely agree with you that we should try, as much as possible to reach agreements, our desire to serve others and to “love our neighbor” does have a limit. And, to me (and many Catholics who adhere to certain devotions) this limit is reached when it requires us to give up a very important devotion to God in order to preserve this harmony. Please understand that this is not stubbornness but a desire to remain faithful to our devotions and commitments to God while presenting an example to our family members that these things are important to us, that they are not mere whims or idle hobbies and that it truly does matter whether we practice them or not.

And, as for my rosary example - I strongly disagree. If my family objected to my praying the Rosary anywhere, I would not retreat or quit doing so to preserve harmony. I think this is where the faith of so many has been diminished in lessening the importance of these things. The Rosary is an EXTREMELY important tool to bring about the conversion of hearts and souls. The better option would be to pray twice as many Rosaries for your family so that they too might benefit from the wonderful graces that it brings.

As for praying before dinner, you did not address this, but I assume that your response to this would be the same. Again, I reiterate my concern - how far should I be willing to go to preserve peace in my family at the expense of my devotions to God? Should I retreat each time I sense conflict or opposition? Or should I use these opportunities to stand firm in my resolve and to share with my family the importance and the meaning behind these things.

This, I believe, was the concern of the OP and it is a valid one. One that, quite sadly, has been pushed under the rug in favor of a more “friendly” (but, ultimately, more meaningless) atmosphere with our family and friends.

 

[Chiltepin]

I’m signing off the thread as it’s a new workday and when words are not read as they are written, sinner that I am, I get somewhat irritated

I couldn’t reply for a while either. Silly work getting in the way of my posting!

I am sorry. I found your (name removed by moderator)ut very helpful and I hope you don’t feel like I was twisting your words with all that business about eating breakfast. Thank you for your perspective. You have said many things which I take to heart.

To the OP: Do you know precisely why she doesn’t want you to have your head covered? You mentioned that your family has issues with the tradition of veiling, but are there specifics? Is it a feminism thing, or a dislike for the ‘old ways’?

I am not completely sure what the issue is. I have only ever discussed this practice with her once or twice before her engagement and she exhibited noticeable frustration toward it. For this reason I thought she might take issue with the practice but cannot positively confirm it.

Given that past experience and given that she has expressed not directly to me, but through my mother some desire for me not to, I am treating it as a fashion issue until otherwise informed. I will simply discuss what sort of dress she might want me to wear and suggest certain “hair accessories”(that is the term I will be using) you all have linked me to.

She is definitely not a feminist. The women in my family, though strong and muscley , have always clung to their traditional feminine identity.

I think some of her frustration is that we did not grow up doing this. We also did not grow up abstaining from meat on Fridays (except for during Lent). When I was a teenager I started liking the idea of doing it all year and my parents started that practice. Only later did I learn we are actually required to make some kind of sacrifice on Fridays outside of Lent. To this day that seems to upset her, my parents sudden change in behavior. Without that being part of our upbringing and without the local churches teaching or encouraging these practices you can see sort of why she sees it as unnecessary. She might see this as just another thing I started doing later in life and wasn’t doing from the start.

I hope there are many things I pick up as I go along, I have to be allowed to do that. There is so much to learn about the Catholic faith, no matter how much you already knew. I have to be allowed to learn and grow!

It could be that a discussion of this nature would not bother her at all, or it could be that it does and makes her more stressed than she needs to be. Her wedding is the week before her final exams as it was the only weekend they could get.