Views On Sex Means No Dating

[zarek]

Hello,

I have posted a few times on this forum about the same topic. But its still a bother to me. I am 23 years old. Finished college, has a full time job, and lives by himself. Ive never been in a relationship let a lone had sex. It is important for me to wait however. Like, really important And its not for religious reasons either. Just personal. (Nothing medical). But I feel like this beleif will make it impossible for me to date.

Any thoughts

 

[phil19034]

it does not make it impossible to date.

Yes, in today’s society it might make it hard. But anyone worth being with would respect your desire to wait.

If you are Catholic, you could use one of the Catholic dating sites. Catholicmatch.com or catholicsingles.com (I can’t remember which) has a feature where everyone sets whether they fully believe what the Church teaches or if they ignore part of it. Fornication is one of those options, so you could use that particular Catholic dating site to focus on people who believe in waiting too.

God Bless

 

[lax16]

Hello,

I have posted a few times on this forum about the same topic. But its still a bother to me. I am 23 years old. Finished college, has a full time job, and lives by himself. Ive never been in a relationship let a lone had sex. It is important for me to wait however. Like, really important And its not for religious reasons either. Just personal. (Nothing medical). But I feel like this beleif will make it impossible for me to date.

Any thoughts

I understand that this can be difficult, however be careful you don’t fall into black and white thinking when it comes to dating.

There is a whole gray area that dating can fall into, such as going out in groups, attending Catholic singles events and socializing for fun with others in your peer group. I suggest spending some time doing these types of activities before worrying about dating for marriage.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Hello,

I have posted a few times on this forum about the same topic. But its still a bother to me. I am 23 years old. Finished college, has a full time job, and lives by himself. Ive never been in a relationship let a lone had sex. It is important for me to wait however. Like, really important And its not for religious reasons either. Just personal. (Nothing medical). But I feel like this beleif will make it impossible for me to date.

Any thoughts

What these views will do is allow you to find someone who shares your ideals about the importance of the marital act. Better this than to be lax in your criteria and wind up dating someone who’s beliefs directly conflict with your own.

Does it make it more difficult in our current day and age? Sure. But difficult does not mean that it’s not worth doing.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

It may make it difficult to date non-Christians but you do not want to do that anyway.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

I’m 60 and still believe in waiting. It’s a long time since I dated a lady and hadn’t done so, much.

 

[1ke]

And its not for religious reasons either.

I would suggest that it should be, in part, “religious reasons” because we always want to do what is pleasing before God and because God knows what is best for us.

But I feel like this beleif will make it impossible for me to date.

Yes, it does **feel **like that sometimes. Lots of times. Especially in the secular settings of work and in many families.

But, the statistics bear out that you are not in fact alone. There are MANY people who believe that sex should be reserved for marriage.

Cultivate relationships (friendships) with people in your parish and within ministries inside or outside your parish. Cultivate friendships with faithful Catholic married couples who can introduce you to their single friends who are like minded.

 

[pianistclare]

I have 2 daughters in their 20’s who would LOVE to find a nice guy who didn’t pressure them for sex.
Young women like them are everywhere.
Look around.

 

[jschwartz]

My fear is that most women don’t look for the nice guy. In fact, it’s a turnoff for them.

In terms of your sexual beliefs, I’ll pray that you find the right person for you in the right time. That right person for you will respect your desires.

 

[Sarcelle]

My fear is that most women don’t look for the nice guy. In fact, it’s a turnoff for them.

In terms of your sexual beliefs, I’ll pray that you find the right person for you in the right time. That right person for you will respect your desires.

Speaking from personal experience, a lot of guys who would describe themselves as being nice usually come across as either passive aggressive and/or just plain creepy.

Most women I know want good men, not bad boys or self-described “nice” guys.

 

[1ke]

My fear is that most women don’t look for the nice guy. In fact, it’s a turnoff for them.

“Most” would be an overstatement IMHO.

I think *some *women don’t look for nice guys, and often find NOT nice guys. Many of those women are damaged, many are looking for secular hook ups.

I think “most” women who believe as the OP does are looking for someone with similar values, beliefs, and who want a marriage and family rather than a hook up.

I think that often people set the bar too low believing they will not find what they are looking for. That unintentionally attracts those they are not looking for and repels the very ones they are looking for.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

The only thing I’ll say is don’t waste your time looking for watermelons in a carrot patch. There are many women who are willing to wait until marriage but you will not typically find them out at the bars or dance clubs.

 

[Lou2U]

Make sure you’re happy by yourself before you find a girlfriend, and make sure you are completely solid in those beliefs and why you hold them.

You are not impossible to date because you don’t want to have sex. Like the others have said, it might take you longer to find someone, but it will be worth it in the end.

Lou

 

[kozlosap]

Hello,

I have posted a few times on this forum about the same topic. But its still a bother to me. I am 23 years old. Finished college, has a full time job, and lives by himself. Ive never been in a relationship let a lone had sex. It is important for me to wait however. Like, really important And its not for religious reasons either. Just personal. (Nothing medical). But I feel like this beleif will make it impossible for me to date.

Any thoughts

Everyone here is giving you religious type answers, yet, you state that your reason for not making before marriage has nothing to do with religion. Might I respectfully inquire your real reason? IMHO your reason is very important and you should be able to articulate it to the woman you are interested in. You also should decide if a woman who has had past relationships is acceptable. Your post shows us your pain that this situation is causing. Praying for you to find a loving partner.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Speaking from personal experience, a lot of guys who would describe themselves as being nice usually come across as either passive aggressive and/or just plain creepy.

Most women I know want good men, not bad boys or self-described “nice” guys.

There is that.

An acquaintance of mine seems to spend most of his free time on FB, either complaining that he doesn’t have a girlfriend or that women are only interested in men because they like the gifts that men can buy them, and usually with the undertone of he doesn’t have a girlfriend because girls don’t like nice guys.

I once asked him, rather bluntly, if he was looking to vent or looking for advice. He said the latter, so I gave him my standard spiel: focus on getting a degree (or certification) that will net him a good job that will support a family, and then focus on becoming the best spouse he can be for his future wife. Learn to do basic home repairs; learn to cook and do basic housekeeping; spend time in Adoration and in prayer; learn to budget and save; volunteer; read a few good books on relationships, etc.

Please note that he’s Catholic and traditional, at that, so this wasn’t exactly coming out of left field. He’s also in his mid-20s and employed in a part-time fast food job while not attending school, and still lives at home.

(I did refrain from mentioning that whining is just plain neither attractive nor sexy, and that posting multiple times/week about how horrible women are but how much he wants one is a tad offputting.)

His response was essentially that he shouldn’t have to work hard in order to “catch” a wife.

That having been said, OP, you (hopefully!) don’t fall into this category. And as others have mentioned, some women would expect you to have sex while dating, but not all will. Looking in the right places for the ones who don’t is key. Good luck!

 

[pianistclare]

There is that.

An acquaintance of mine seems to spend most of his free time on FB, either complaining that he doesn’t have a girlfriend or that women are only interested in men because they like the gifts that men can buy them, and usually with the undertone of he doesn’t have a girlfriend because girls don’t like nice guys.

I once asked him, rather bluntly, if he was looking to vent or looking for advice. He said the latter, so I gave him my standard spiel: focus on getting a degree (or certification) that will net him a good job that will support a family, and then focus on becoming the best spouse he can be for his future wife. Learn to do basic home repairs; learn to cook and do basic housekeeping; spend time in Adoration and in prayer; learn to budget and save; volunteer; read a few good books on relationships, etc.

Please note that he’s Catholic and traditional, at that, so this wasn’t exactly coming out of left field. He’s also in his mid-20s and employed in a part-time fast food job while not attending school, and still lives at home.

(I did refrain from mentioning that whining is just plain neither attractive nor sexy, and that posting multiple times/week about how horrible women are but how much he wants one is a tad offputting.)

His response was essentially that he shouldn’t have to work hard in order to “catch” a wife.

That having been said, OP, you (hopefully!) don’t fall into this category. And as others have mentioned, some women would expect you to have sex while dating, but not all will. Looking in the right places for the ones who don’t is key. Good luck!

We see a lot of this attitude on CAF as well.
All the women are horrible and greedy, and the guys are holy and suffering because the Church won’t find them a wife.
Kind of hilarious when you think about it.

 

[Naskor]

Speaking from personal experience, a lot of guys who would describe themselves as being nice usually come across as either passive aggressive and/or just plain creepy.

Most women I know want good men, not bad boys or self-described “nice” guys.

Good thing OP isn’t looking for “most women”. He is looking for an exceptional one. They are women mature enough to know what he means by nice. But they are rare indeed.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Speaking from personal experience, a lot of guys who would describe themselves as being nice usually come across as either passive aggressive and/or just plain creepy.

Most women I know want good men, not bad boys or self-described “nice” guys.

You mean the I-did-the-nice-now-where’s-my-woman neanderthals? Those guys were SUPER common in college and I avoided them. The disingenuous “kindness” followed by entitlement followed by a victim mentality that they’re all too happy to wallow in can only be described as creepy.

I’ve never met a genuinely good, honest guy who ever blamed a single problem, much less lack of romance, on his own self-professed “niceness”.

 

[GreyWings]

OP, not for nothing but your views are a bit… extreme. Courting is dating with the purpose of marriage. That means no sex during courtship. This is the Catholic stance.

 

[XenaFan]

OP, not for nothing but your views are a bit… extreme. Courting is dating with the purpose of marriage. That means no sex during courtship. This is the Catholic stance.

Is there an official stance that the Church has when it comes to this sort of thing?