S
SilverShadow22
Guest
The similarity to which he refers is the appearance of one thing while stating another.
- Status
L
LethalMouse
Guest
In fairness I have had talks on here and I state for example that the movement of feminism is high tied to abortion by the numbers.
Many simply say NU UH
and on a host of other things.
What he is overreacting a bit to is that especially in the non catholic world…
well there is an internet meme where Jesus comes back and says hi to the first person he sees. It is a young woman and she says: “UGH I have a boyfriend”
that about sums it up. Men even Jesus is nothing but a creeper and scum. Many will just deny that the narrative exists, but sadly it does.
Then some guys get into this “red pill” and take combating the negative narrative to an extreme.
But it harkens to my “good guys follow the rules” post in which there is a time where as you are told not to say hi to women you listen until one of 3 things
- You submit to no longer being any kind of man
- You buck into red pill
- You figure out how to disobey all the rules and say hi damned the consequences. But without turning “bad”
Kind of a man who is a female tomboy.
Then it becomes hard though for the angry red pill guy to discern whether a man is # 3 or Bonus guy.
They all need to find #3 but alas humans
L
LethalMouse
Guest
In isolation to the examples that is what some sound like at times
Especially as I called it before the “armchair” feminism
where in fact you would enjoy living up to the things you proclaim suck, but only so long as it is no one else who agrees with your choice. A need to “rebel” for no apprant reason
L
LethalMouse
Guest
Women do love a guy with potential.
Besides most good couples grow successfully. And he was a GRAD STUDENT so yeah he was “poor” lol. But you know then he graduated college with a graduate Masters? PHD? lol and you are “shocked” he made money??
LOL come on…
S
SilverShadow22
Guest
That means you can find your own ‘exception’ and not become a sad and shallow user.
So your solution is to join the shallow sex crowd? What do you suppose made everyone unfit for marriage in the first place?
What a Brave New World concept - a substitute version for everything. How sad, how shallow, how pathetic. This is the settlement sought by men too selfish to win a woman through love.
Speaking for myself, I seek no part of beta. The absence of tyranny does not equal beta. I sought, and found, a leader. He didn’t call himself an alpha; I did, and he found that he liked it.
The tyrant may have the power of execution - but real power belongs to the leader who is so beloved, his subjects would willingly die for him if necessary.
You are contemplating settling for the appearance of love in the guise of controlled pleasure and if you do that, you’ll never taste the ecstasy of real devotion.
X
Xantippe
Guest
If I told you what the degree was, you’d be shocked, too…
Graduate programs are always a gamble (especially outside the sciences or professional fields). My husband had some friends at the time who had a large family, and the husband (who was in a similar field to my husband) wound up leaving his various cruddy academic gigs to go work at a more lucrative (!) job at Home Depot instead.
If you google, you can find all the “don’t go to graduate school!” stories that talk about what happens when it goes wrong.
Bottom tier academic jobs are very, very bad–the pay is low, there are no benefits, and it’s almost impossible to find anything full-time–it means a course here, two courses there, and never knowing what you’re doing next term, because you get told about your course assignments at the last minute.
L
LethalMouse
Guest
Okay so then your arguement is that you wanted a poor guy you were barley attracted to and a weak girly man.
You wanted to be a burly sheman
But througj shear accident you landed the exact opposite?
You mean to tell me there was no inate human knowledge?
No indicators? None?
Like a bad relationship after it is always like “wow how did X YZ not shoe you!!”
Yet you saw nothing? Just pure luck?
You also often deny the fact that we can tell things. Like my example of the girl when in less than 2 mins with no outward indicators I just “knew” what guys she dates.
You knew even if you dont want to know you knew.
L
LethalMouse
Guest
Although you are dating right? I mean he still could be a jerk.
Plus according to some posters here since he is a man there is like a 100% chance he has mental illness and will become a jerk any day now lol
L
Lea101
Guest
Agreed.
A lot of guys are pretty confused about what masculinity is.
To be fair, the same can be said with women and femininity (look at my other threads lol)
But the whole alpha and beta thing is so annoying because guys/some girls think that the vast majority of guys are beta males. Guys can be sweet, gentle, caring, sensitive, strong, assertive (when it’s appropriate) and confident (NOT cocky) but apparently this combination id a beta male, or a ‘mix’. Which is why I really hate these 2 terms.
X
Xantippe
Guest
Pretty much. What I could see was the intelligence, the good manners, that he was from a good family, that he was devout.
Bear in mind that I was 22 and from a family that had been poor throughout my growing up, and that my family had pooh poohed the material side of bringing up children, so I didn’t really even think of that as an issue at the time. And looking back, I’m surprised I did as well as I did in choosing, but I think BEL is right about good people being able to recognize good people. When I met my husband, I just knew he was the one, right from the beginning.
My husband has also blossomed in a lot of other ways over the last 18 years. When we got married, he was mostly just nuking ready made stuff, but he’s turned into a very proficient cook. He’s gotten into woodworking and is a very good daddy who shares a lot of craft and athletic interests with our kids.
Sooo, character is very important.
L
LethalMouse
Guest
And there you have it. You saw it lol
X
Xantippe
Guest
Well, it is true that she’s currently seeing him at his best, and (if things proceed to marriage), there will come a time when he’s not working as hard to impress her. In a relationship, you start by WANTING to do all the things for your new sweetie, but then at some point, normal takes over again. And that happens to the best of people (of both sexes).
The question is, what then?
It’s an issue to be aware of and to be prepared for.
S
SilverShadow22
Guest
Give me some credit for good taste and judgement
I could always tell the Spartan warriors from the street thugs a mile away
L
LethalMouse
Guest
And it is possible that like your poor skinny husbamd he turns into rich James Bond Ward Cleaver though right?
Or is there only one man no mentally ill on earth?
X
Xantippe
Guest
Here’s another issue.
It’s a problem that in the manosphere, there’s so much chatter about getting a virgin bride, in that they talk as though that’s all there is to successful marriage. I see a lot of issues with that:
Why should nice girls keep being nice, if the reward is that they get to be old maids while the guys their age go hang around with prostitutes?
I personally think that chastity is its own reward, but on your terms (which don’t seem to be much informed by your Catholic faith), why should “nice girls” keep being nice? Chastity not infrequently means foregoing a shot at motherhood, which is a big deal for “nice girls.”
It’s a problem that in the manosphere, there’s so much chatter about getting a virgin bride, in that they talk as though that’s all there is to successful marriage. I see a lot of issues with that:
- Virginity is something that has to be taken on faith, so it doesn’t even make sense to treat it as the end all be all, when it’s something you can’t be 100% sure of the way you can be that the person is an RN or that they have a comfortable home and make great waffles and that they go to church every Sunday, rain or shine.
- Virginity by itself is not going to make a great marriage–it’s nice, but just the beginning. It is possible to marry a virgin bride and be such a screw up that the relationship implodes.
Why should nice girls keep being nice, if the reward is that they get to be old maids while the guys their age go hang around with prostitutes?
I personally think that chastity is its own reward, but on your terms (which don’t seem to be much informed by your Catholic faith), why should “nice girls” keep being nice? Chastity not infrequently means foregoing a shot at motherhood, which is a big deal for “nice girls.”
L
LethalMouse
Guest
I think this is a fair assessment but you always only give that for the women. It goes BOTH ways.
If the nice girls are running around with the scum than why would a confused yougng man like starship stay nice if he once was?
X
Xantippe
Guest
My husband and I have been through the start-acting-like-ourselves phase of our marriage.
I was speaking from experience. In my experience, our relationship has gone through three phases.
Step 1 (courtship): You are AMAZING. Let me do ALL the THINGS for YOU.
Step 2 (parenthood): So tired! Waaaah! I can’t help you with the things! Why don’t you help ME with the things?
Step 3 (mature marriage): Learning to be fair to each other, to be liberal with affection and praise, to speak clearly, and to have self-control. (It’s a work in progress.)
X
Xantippe
Guest
Starship is a whole whopping 24 years old (or so).
I strongly suspect that his “nice guy” phase was not very lengthy.
Also, I think it’s a pretty doomed enterprise to demand features from a significant other that one does not bring to the table. As they say, be who you want. If you want athletic–be athletic. If you want smart–be smart. If you want chastity in a spouse–be chaste.
S
SilverShadow22
Guest
I see and use it mostly as related to wolves. After some reading, it appears that the hierarchy theories we’re familiar with are based upon artificial packs thrown together from unrelated individuals and then studied in a false environment.
How wolf packs really form more often is that a pair starts a family unit. The parents are, naturally, dominant to the offspring. ‘Beta’ isn’t truly a thing, and alphas don’t get generally get there by fighting. They’re simply the oldest, most capable, and strongest. The offspring may either stay with the parents for a time, or leave to find a mate and start their own packs. Packs may merge at need, but apparently stay smaller than we’re accustomed to believe.
Also, the alpha male’s mate is herself an alpha. She chooses him because she is impressed by him. She ‘submits’ as a form of unity, not because he forces her by domination. And there’s this wonderful picture I found on Pinterest where the female wolf has her head under the male’s throat as if she’s cowering, as they face another wolf, all snarling.
But she’s not cowering. She’s protecting his throat. This frees him to concentrate fully on the adversary and gives him a better chance of winning. She potentiates him by taking the ‘submissive’ role and increases the power of them both.
I would rather be the second in a grand army than general of a drunken rabble. Satan, on the other hand, says ‘better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven.’ That is pride making an objectively lesser position seem worth more than it is because of the technicality of leadership.
Wolf packs may be les striated than we thought - not a string of delta, epsilon, and gamma cowering to the single alpha pair. More like one pair of leaders and then the rest function according to ability.
Human ‘Beta’ males may only appear so compared to high powered alphas. It depends on what group you’re in. Chasing the objectively top alpha is huge competition. Just like the ‘hottest’ guys and girls are too swarmed by the same for the ‘average’ to have a chance.
We seek our own level, but women seek slightly above in whatever is important to them. As LM pointed out, a geek girl is impressed by a guy who out-geeks her; gym girl is impressed by a guy who is above her level in physical prowess.
So I found a man that outdoes me where it’s important to me, while leaving me a few strengths he doesn’t have (mostly specialized areas of knowledge - what I call my particular geekdoms) and has the leadership qualities I have described more than once, makes me feel safe and appreciated.
Is he necessarily THE alpha in any room? No, and that probably can’t be proven or quantified anyhow. But he is MY alpha, and is therefore the most important person in any room to ME. And that’s all the is necessary for a man to be an ‘alpha’ - to be one to his girl.
http://wolveswolves.tumblr.com/post/54767720696/on-the-term-alpha-wolf
L
LethalMouse
Guest
I suppose too on my end after the bit you have previously mentioned about your rough phase with your husband it sounded like you were the prime “real self” issue.
However I know that was only what you mentioned and I assume he is not totally perfect or immune. But the part you mentioned you doing I could easily see that ending in divorce alone.
TBH the fact that it didn’t makes me idealize Mr. James Bond Cleaver as quite a guy with some serious loving patience.
I am not sure I could have handled that
- Status