Continued
She finally cmae out of the confessional, and it was way past the time I usually leave. She walked and father was with her, and I aske her, “so, are you ready? Let’s go” Father looked shocked as he asked her: “do you know him”? I figured it was just father as always micromanaging all even people’s lives. I told her “let’s go.”
We are at dinner and my God, suddendly, she starts a converstaion talking about sex in ways that would make a playboy man blush (though becasue of my spiritual state at the time, I was liking the talk) she said things I cannot repeat here, “i like doing this and that” this way that way, etc". She told me in less than 25 minutes her fantasies
, and all she would like to do one day, umm=lusts. I then walked her home, and she said “do you want to come up” I live alone". Stupid me went up, and I go with her into her apartment, we continue where we left off in OUR CONVERSATION, the one she started. Well, she then told me she was a bit tired, and I offered a massage, well, let me just say, things almost got very sinful. If they were not already on her mind and my own. For a long time I had not had a woman (24 years old) come on to me that way in a time in which I had parted from God, and was very physically lonely. THE POINT IN ALL THIS, I THANK GOD THIS DID NOT GO FURTHER, THOUGH I THINK (MAYBE THOSE MORE EXPERIENCED HERE CAN TELL ME) SHE DID WANT ME TO INITIATE A MORE LETS JUST SAY, SINFUL MOVE. My Guardian angel helped me. It has been weeks, and I went to confession, and all, but now, especially last night all of this kept comming back into my mind, her, what we talked about, the two kiises we gave each other, etc. I have been praying my daily Rosary, and have not nor intend to fall into impure sins, and I want to reject her face etc from my mind. However, last night all night I could not sleep thinking over and over and over of all this in my mind. Why is all this happning to me??? Now that I am praying mre etc. It’s almost as if my inner inclination would like to be with her again. but NO!! I erased her number, and I already told her not to call me. BUT GOD, I CAN’T FORGET!!! EVEN THE PRIEST PROBABLY THINKS I DID SOMETHING WITH HER, AFTER SHE WENT TO CONFESSION, AND I COULD JUST IMAGINE HE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS ABOUT. I am even embarrased to see him, I have since resigned my job there, and all.
CAN ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME, WHAT WAS SHE, DID I ENCOUNTER SOME EVIL ENTITY? I remeber seeing all this weird jewelry on her, gave me weird feelings. I am afraid to continue to attract in the future, these agents of seduction and sin. My God, almost like a succubus. She was so promiscous. But at the same time, well mannered, educated, and works for a certain state (well in a State Assemblyman’s office.
What would lead a 24 year old female to such talk? Why did she seem to lustful, almost like in a possessed way??
Thanks for all your words and welcomed comments here. Please know, I think God allowed this evil to come into my life at the time, because I had so far had left him.
I am a changed guy now, but?? Why all these thoughts of HER???