We are cohabitating can we still take communion

[denise_wallace]

I was just recently baptized 7 months ago. at the time of my baptizm i was living with my boyfriend and i still am. because of hurricane katrina i have no place else to live at this time, in our area there is very little available to rent and what is available is way over what i can afford. we are planning on geting married as he is going through an annulment and we are very confident that he will get it. I am very excited and happy to be part of the catholic church. i was braught up atheist and had recieved my calling after the hurricane. while going through catechism my fema trailer was taken and i had no place else to go.
I am still learning and want to do the right things. I am struggling so much with this whole thing. i have been told that i can still receive communion. i would just like some feedback on this situation since it is quite unique.

 

[whatevergirl]

I was just recently baptized 7 months ago. at the time of my baptizm i was living with my boyfriend and i still am. because of hurricane katrina i have no place else to live at this time, in our area there is very little available to rent and what is available is way over what i can afford. we are planning on geting married as he is going through an annulment and we are very confident that he will get it. I am very excited and happy to be part of the catholic church. i was braught up atheist and had recieved my calling after the hurricane. while going through catechism my fema trailer was taken and i had no place else to go.
I am still learning and want to do the right things. I am struggling so much with this whole thing. i have been told that i can still receive communion. i would just like some feedback on this situation since it is quite unique.

First…welcome to the faith! And, second…thanks for asking us to share our thoughts and advice with you.

I had a gf a few years back, who lived with her bf before marriage. During their marriage classes, their instructing priest told them that they could receive communion, providing they lived ‘as brother and sister’ during their cohabitation…so in other words, no sex…no sleeping together in same bed, I would assume, since that could easily be tempting towards sin. Being that your bf has not completed the annulment process, I’m not sure if he would still be considered ‘married,’ in the eyes of the RCC. Maybe someone else on here could answer that aspect of your situation.

But, as long as you live like brother and sister, I am not seeing it being a problem to receive communion. Hope this helps.

 

[Cristiano]

Being that your bf has not completed the annulment process, I’m not sure if he would still be considered ‘married,’ in the eyes of the RCC. Maybe someone else on here could answer that aspect of your situation.

He he was married and he has not received an annulment, then he is still married. If he is married and he has a girlfriend both of them are committing adultery. Only one needs to be married for both of them to commit adultery. Sexless dating between a married person and a non married person is still considered adultery (need to check with a priest to confirm this). Adultery is grave matter, if you know that and still freely choose to commit it then you are committing a mortal sin. If you are in a state of mortal sin you cannot receive communion.

For the OP. My suggestion is to talk to a priest and explain every detail. This forum goes only by what is posted, and honestly from here it does not look good at all.

 

[lizaanne]

He he was married and he has not received an annulment, then he is still married. If he is married and he has a girlfriend both of them are committing adultery. Only one needs to be married for both of them to commit adultery. Sexless dating between a married person and a non married person is still considered adultery.

She is looking for suggestions to do the right thing. So now that you have called her an adulteress, not knowing the exact details of the situation, what is your suggestion for her?

~Liza

 

[Cristiano]

She is looking for suggestions to do the right thing. So now that you have called her an adulteress, not knowing the exact details of the situation, what is your suggestion for her?

~Liza

I did not call her an adulteress. You should read the whole posting. I just called it the way it looks from her description. Is it that difficult for a reasonable person in todays’ society to figure out what to do in case of adultery?
My suggestion was talk to the priest!

How would you define a situation described as a women dating a married man? Do you have any better idea based on the information that she gave?

 

[denise_wallace]

He he was married and he has not received an annulment, then he is still married. If he is married and he has a girlfriend both of them are committing adultery. Only one needs to be married for both of them to commit adultery. Sexless dating between a married person and a non married person is still considered adultery (need to check with a priest to confirm this). Adultery is grave matter, if you know that and still freely choose to commit it then you are committing a mortal sin. If you are in a state of mortal sin you cannot receive communion.

For the OP. My suggestion is to talk to a priest and explain every detail. This forum goes only by what is posted, and honestly from here it does not look good at all.

so i guess the only way to make things right with GOD is for me to go live on the streets or live in my car and stay away from him until the annulment from his ex-wife is final, (she left him for another man that she had an adulterous affair with) so we know that his marriage will be annuled. I am trying to do the right thing here. but when fema took my trailer i had and still have no place else to live but in the streets.

 

[iguana27]

My suggestion is to live as brother and sister for sure! Also, talk to the priest. Tell him your situation, and see if he has any suggestions. Ask Mary, Help of Christians to pray for you. I know that God has a good plan for you. You are His daughter, and He wants the best for you. Maybe there is another woman in the parish that you can room with until you and your boyfriend are ready to be married.

Whether you are intimate or not cohabiting is harmful to a marriage. It’s not too late! Living separately, even now, will improve your chances of a successful marriage. Remember, God wants the best for you and He loves you very much.

God bless you.

Susan

 

[DanteAlighieri]

so i guess the only way to make things right with GOD is for me to go live on the streets or live in my car and stay away from him until the annulment from his ex-wife is final, (she left him for another man that she had an adulterous affair with) so we know that his marriage will be annuled. I am trying to do the right thing here. but when fema took my trailer i had and still have no place else to live but in the streets.

Cristiano suggested talking to a priest and telling him every detail; he didn’t suggest that you live in the streets. You asked if what you were doing was ok, and he pointed out that it isn’t – which, I imagine, you suspected, or you wouldn’t have asked.

That said, if your bf is going through the annulment process, you will undoubtedly be asked questions about your living arrangements. I can’t speak from authority here, but I would imagine there’s a possibility that they might recognize your situation as “staying at his place because of my situation”, rather than “living with him” – IF you make it that way.

Here’s how to do that:

1. Sleep on his couch – or, if he’s a gentleman, sleep alone in his bed while he sleeps on the couch.
2. Continue searching for your own place, even if it’s just for 6 months. Document your search.
3. DO NOT sleep with him – in fact, don’t even snuggle or kiss. He’s still married until a marriage tribunal grants a decree of nullity, and willfully committing adultery is a mortal sin – not to mention what impact that might have on his annulment.
4. Be completely honest and open when speaking to a priest about this, and trust his guidance.

Peace,
Dante

 

[rayne89]

so i guess the only way to make things right with GOD is for me to go live on the streets or live in my car and stay away from him until the annulment from his ex-wife is final, (she left him for another man that she had an adulterous affair with) so we know that his marriage will be annuled. I am trying to do the right thing here. but when fema took my trailer i had and still have no place else to live but in the streets.

I’m sorry for your difficult situation. It’s so wonderful your faith and are trying to discern what is best for your situation. If you must live together than live chastely as “brother and sister”. Anything less would be sinful and ofcourse than you could not recieve communion.

As far as annulment goes many people do not understand what it is exactly. Declaring a marriage null means there never was a valid marriage to begin with. In other words something was lacking at the time the marriage vows were said. So your boyfriend’s wife’s adulterous affair does not automatically mean the marriage will be annulled because that happened after the marriage vows. Now it could point to other factors that were lacking at the time of the marriage such as never having the intention to remain faithful to her husband or her lack of understanding the life long and permanent commitment she was making.

My prayers are with you. God Bless.

 

[Ron_Conte]

I was just recently baptized 7 months ago. at the time of my baptizm i was living with my boyfriend and i still am. because of hurricane katrina i have no place else to live at this time, in our area there is very little available to rent and what is available is way over what i can afford. we are planning on geting married as he is going through an annulment and we are very confident that he will get it. I am very excited and happy to be part of the catholic church. i was braught up atheist and had recieved my calling after the hurricane. while going through catechism my fema trailer was taken and i had no place else to go.
I am still learning and want to do the right things. I am struggling so much with this whole thing. i have been told that i can still receive communion. i would just like some feedback on this situation since it is quite unique.

In my opinion, you should not have been baptized, because you were living in sin, and with a man married to someone else, at the time of your baptism. Since you are still cohabitating with that man, you are not permitted to receive holy Communion.

You are not a practicing Catholic. If you wish to become a practicing Catholic you cannot live with a man who is married to someone else. Perhaps you could live with your family, or get a place with friends.

You should write to the Bishop of your Diocese and explain your situation.

 

[stbruno]

There is a great new website to help those who are contemplating marriage and also a link about second marriages. foryourmarriage.org/interior_template.asp?id=20398750
Explore the whole website. foryourmarriage.org/interior_template.asp?id=20398797
There is one section on cohabitation. There are many reasons people cohabitate, your’s seems to be financial due to the hurricane, which is a stress situation all by itself. However, the church is not punitive, it is loving, but loving does not mean that it doesn’t realize that the gate to heaven is narrow. Jesus didn’t promise us a touchy feely faith, but rather said, pick up your cross and follow me. The best advice the previous people have offered, is go seek out your parish priest. He will have the best answer. Until then, go to reconciliation regularly, do your best to avoid sexual intimacy. It will be the best foundation for your upcoming nuptials as well. You are in my prayers.

 

[denise_wallace]

I’m sorry for your difficult situation. It’s so wonderful your faith and are trying to discern what is best for your situation. If you must live together than live chastely as “brother and sister”. Anything less would be sinful and ofcourse than you could not recieve communion.

thank you very much for your advice. of course we are living as “brother and sister” i have my own room and he has his. I have been looking for an alternative living arangement but as i said with the hurricanes devistation it has been impossible to find any place to live. I have no family here and very few friends have come back after the storm. Our priest and others have said that they are quite sure he will be granted his annulment. not just because of her infadelity but she also mislead him to believe they were trying to have children while she was secretly on “the pill”. There are other factors as well that are too lengthy to go into here at this time.
I am a strong believer in that nothing in GODS world happens by mistake. We feel that God gave us eachother for a lot of reasons. We have the blessing of family and friends. His mother says i was the answar to her prayers. Her son has sufferd greatly over the past 7 years and she is very greatful that he has finally found some happeness.
I am greatful that i had my calling and now have Jesus in my heart.We are both trying to do the right things and stay very close to jesus.
When i look at where i have been and where i am today there is no other word that I can use to discibe how I feel except gratitude.
GOD bless you all. Peace be with you.

 

[WhatMeWorry]

Please talk to your priest about your need for a place to live. He might know of some places you could go for help. Perhaps someone in the parish has a room available for rent, for example.

 

[mercygate]

so i guess the only way to make things right with GOD is for me to go live on the streets or live in my car and stay away from him until the annulment from his ex-wife is final, (she left him for another man that she had an adulterous affair with) so we know that his marriage will be annuled. I am trying to do the right thing here. but when fema took my trailer i had and still have no place else to live but in the streets.

There may be hope for an annulment but the requisite is that AT THE TIME OF THE MARRIAGE there was a defect of intent or commitment. So, don’t assume.

There is NOWHERE else you can live?

Anyway: how about sleeping apart? Is that impossible? I mean, for all we know from your question, you are already sleeping on the sofa!

 

[Jlcastagna]

Denise, you are a practicing Catholic, your baptism and disire proves that, you may not be practicing perfectly at this time very few of us ever do. You are growing and moving towards God, your disire seems to be for that perfection, keep praying for a solution and I will do the same.

May God bless and protect us,
JLC

 

[Roman20]

I was just recently baptized 7 months ago. at the time of my baptizm i was living with my boyfriend and i still am. because of hurricane katrina i have no place else to live at this time, in our area there is very little available to rent and what is available is way over what i can afford. we are planning on geting married as he is going through an annulment and we are very confident that he will get it. I am very excited and happy to be part of the catholic church. i was braught up atheist and had recieved my calling after the hurricane. while going through catechism my fema trailer was taken and i had no place else to go.
I am still learning and want to do the right things. I am struggling so much with this whole thing. i have been told that i can still receive communion. i would just like some feedback on this situation since it is quite unique.

Of Course you can, Communion has nothing to do with what you are doing and everything to do with what Jesus has done its rememberance of Jesus and his death on the cross not rememberance of what you are doing… dont fall into that trap that is legalist teaching

 

[mercygate]

Of Course you can, Communion has nothing to do with what you are doing and everything to do with what Jesus has done its rememberance of Jesus and his death on the cross not rememberance of what you are doing… dont fall into that trap that is legalist teaching

Without revealing your religious affiliation on your profile, you appear to be attempting to speak on behalf of the Catholic Church. If you are not Catholic, you are stepping in where you have neither expertise nor authority.

If you are Catholic, you should know that for a Catholic, receiving Communion has EVERYTHING to do with the condition of one’s soul, and whether one is in a state of grace. Having sexual relations with a man who is still married to another woman would be adultery. For Catholics, adultery is still on the list of 10 Commandments. This is Scriptural, and it is not “legalistic” in the least.

Moreover, the OP has stated that in her difficult circumstances, she IS, in fact, living chastely in extremely difficult circumstances. End of discussion. She may receive the Blessed Sacrament. The scandal of cohabitation is mitigated by the severe hardship of her circumstances.

I hope she can find another place to live. But in New Orleans, many people are still completely without housing of any kind.

 

[Roman20]

Without revealing your religious affiliation on your profile, you appear to be attempting to speak on behalf of the Catholic Church. If you are not Catholic, you are stepping in where you have neither expertise nor authority.

If you are Catholic, you should know that for a Catholic, receiving Communion has EVERYTHING to do with the condition of one’s soul, and whether one is in a state of grace. Having sexual relations with a man who is still married to another woman would be adultery. For Catholics, adultery is still on the list of 10 Commandments. This is Scriptural, and it is not “legalistic” in the least.

Moreover, the OP has stated that in her difficult circumstances, she IS, in fact, living chastely in extremely difficult circumstances. End of discussion. She may receive the Blessed Sacrament. The scandal of cohabitation is mitigated by the severe hardship of her circumstances.

I hope she can find another place to live. But in New Orleans, many people are still completely without housing of any kind.

The 10 Commandments were part of the old covenant they were to point to sin to show people they could not live up to Gods highest standards

We are now under Grace but by the sounds of it you are like the Pharisees wanting to place more burdens on people than they can carry

Authority is given from God not from man

 

[mercygate]

The 10 Commandments were part of the old covenant they were to point to sin to show people they could not live up to Gods highest standards

We are now under Grace but by the sounds of it you are like the Pharisees wanting to place more burdens on people than they can carry

Authority is given from God not from man

Maybe this goes to another thread.

It is the Catholic position that the Commandments reflective of the divine and natural moral law are not repealed but fulfilled by the new Covenant. Christians, under grace, will live out these commandments fully and fruitfully.

We are saying that this person, who is living chastely under the same roof as the man she hopes to marry, MAY receive Communion in good conscience.

Are you suggesting (apologies, OP – this is getting generalized and not specific to your case) that if she were cohabiting and fornicating with her boyfriend that it would be OK to receive Communion because “under grace” moral law is no longer binding?

 

[Roman20]

Maybe this goes to another thread.

It is the Catholic position that the Commandments reflective of the divine and natural moral law are not repealed but fulfilled by the new Covenant. Christians, under grace, will live out these commandments fully and fruitfully.

We are saying that this person, who is living chastely under the same roof as the man she hopes to marry, MAY receive Communion in good conscience.

Are you suggesting (apologies, OP – this is getting generalized and not specific to your case) that if she were cohabiting and fornicating with her boyfriend that it would be OK to receive Communion because “under grace” moral law is no longer binding?

Jesus said… Do this in remembrance of me

he never said

" Do this in remembrance of me but before you do make sure you are doing A,B,C by the book otherwise your not allowed "

NO! that has been made up by the church again looking for ways to control the masses

Its an act of remembrance nothing more