We lost our baby

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heathernoel

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I was 19 weeks pregnant, and we lost him. Marshall, our first son, the fourth of our children, was born on March 30 after a hard day’s labor.

We heal every day a little bit more, but I still have my moments. We have been advised to wait a cycle, and then we can ttc. That’s coming up soon!

What hurts the most is I have lost my sisters in all this. They didn’t come to his prayer service. Apparently, we aren’t respecting the “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” p.o.v. If I have to choose between the two…well, it’s goodbye to them.

My mom passed away two years ago, and this would make her just SO sad. But I am hurt, and I will not stand for my son to be dismissed that way.

He is home in an urn…he was 3.35 ounces and 6.5 inches. He looked exactly like DH. He will always be my angel.
 
Heathernoel:

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am about to offer a rosary, so I will include you, your husband, your son and your sisters in my intentions.

I know that no words of mine can console you, but please keep praying and stay close to our Crucified Savior. God bless you both.
 
heathernoel said:
I was 19 weeks pregnant, and we lost him. Marshall, our first son, the fourth of our children, was born on March 30 after a hard day’s labor.

We heal every day a little bit more, but I still have my moments. We have been advised to wait a cycle, and then we can ttc. That’s coming up soon!

What hurts the most is I have lost my sisters in all this. They didn’t come to his prayer service. Apparently, we aren’t respecting the “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” p.o.v. If I have to choose between the two…well, it’s goodbye to them.

My mom passed away two years ago, and this would make her just SO sad. But I am hurt, and I will not stand for my son to be dismissed that way.

He is home in an urn…he was 3.35 ounces and 6.5 inches. He looked exactly like DH. He will always be my angel.
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I am so sorry for your lost. My heart truly breaks for you and your family.

I know how you feel I have lost three children through miscarriage and it always breaks my heart when I hear someone call my children blobs and not human.

I will pray for your sister and all those who feel as she does.
 
Oh… I am so sorry. My miscarriages were much earlier… I cannot imagine how hard this is for you.

Prayers for you and for your misguided family members, and for the father and siblings of your precious little guy, too.

Maybe Grandma is holding him in Heaven? Can’t know for sure… but it’s nice to think maybe…
 
My heart just breaks for you and your family. We lost our little one four years ago last month and though he was much younger than your son, I know how strong a parent’s love is and how very much I would have given to have seen him alive.

Time does help to heal the wounds of loss, though they may re-open from time-to-time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that my baby is rejoicing with Marshall right now in heaven.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I have never had children, so I can’t imagine what you must be suffering. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
God bless you,
Pat
 
Heather -

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss! That must have been just devastating. I’m currently in the midst of an early miscarriage right now, and it’s horrible enough. I cannot even imagine the pain and sadness that you must have gone through.

Prayers for your lost little one, and for you and the rest of your family, especially your sisters that they may come around and understand the true nature of your loss.

Sue
 
heathernoel said:
I was 19 weeks pregnant, and we lost him. Marshall, our first son, the fourth of our children, was born on March 30 after a hard day’s labor.

We heal every day a little bit more, but I still have my moments. We have been advised to wait a cycle, and then we can ttc. That’s coming up soon!

What hurts the most is I have lost my sisters in all this. They didn’t come to his prayer service. Apparently, we aren’t respecting the “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” p.o.v. If I have to choose between the two…well, it’s goodbye to them.

My mom passed away two years ago, and this would make her just SO sad. But I am hurt, and I will not stand for my son to be dismissed that way.

He is home in an urn…he was 3.35 ounces and 6.5 inches. He looked exactly like DH. He will always be my angel.
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I’m so sorry for your loss:( --I’ll keep you and your hubby in my prayers…and I’m also sorry for your sisters’ reactions, but sometimes, people don’t always know what to say in times like this. I have a feeling they will come around, and hopefully, be there for you. God bless you, and your family.
 
Heather, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

You will be in my prayers. :gopray:
 
heathernoel said:
I was 19 weeks pregnant, and we lost him. Marshall, our first son, the fourth of our children, was born on March 30 after a hard day’s labor.

We heal every day a little bit more, but I still have my moments. We have been advised to wait a cycle, and then we can ttc. That’s coming up soon!

What hurts the most is I have lost my sisters in all this. They didn’t come to his prayer service. Apparently, we aren’t respecting the “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” p.o.v. If I have to choose between the two…well, it’s goodbye to them.

My mom passed away two years ago, and this would make her just SO sad. But I am hurt, and I will not stand for my son to be dismissed that way.

He is home in an urn…he was 3.35 ounces and 6.5 inches. He looked exactly like DH. He will always be my angel.
Click to expand...
Hi Heathernoel,

I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet little Marshall. I went through the very painful miscarriage of my first baby, Isaac at 11 weeks in 2002, he would be six in August. I think of him and miss him all the time. I understand your pain, especially in feeling that some of the ones closest to you don’t understand that Marshall was REALLY a perfectly formed, unrepeatable person with an eternal soul…he was just small and growing!

I’d like to offer up something to you for your consideration in dealing with your sisters…I’ve found that most times people with the mindset of “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” are that way for one of two reasons: 1) they are truly ignorant of basic biology, as well as the Church’s teaching on the personhood of every conceived baby or 2) they are hurting over a previous miscarriage/abortion which they have not properly been able to face or grieve over. Therefore they can’t recognize another mother’s loss of a pre-born baby because they’d have to face that they too lost a precious baby (possibly at their own hands). In any case for your sisters, it might be good to give them the benefit of the doubt about why they did not attend Marshall’s prayer service and aren’t supporting you in this time of grief and healing. I found that in the aftermath of losing my Isaac, I was called on by the Lord to be a great instrument of Mercy to friends, family and acquaintences who had lost babies or who didn’t realize Isaac was REALLY a baby! It was a totally unexpected, but sweet reminder that even babies who never set foot on Earth, still have an impact and make a difference. I’m sure Marshall’s life can be that for you and your whole family too if you let it.

God Bless you sweetie. You’re in my prayers.
Elizabeth
 
I’m about to offer Vespers, and I’ll remember you and your son and husband. May the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, comfort you.

-ACEGC
 
I’m so sorry for your loss - of course he was your baby, you held him close to your heart for so long. 😦

Please make sure you look into having him properly interred as soon as possible, the dear sweet one deserves to have a proper burial, and perhaps that may help you a bit as well. I hate the word “closure” as I do not believe there is ever such a thing, especially in the death of a child, but I do believe in healing, and our beloved Jesus is the great physician. He has given us the Church to help us through such things.

Will keep you all in my prayers - surely Marshall is praying for you as well.

~Liza
 
Heathernoel, I am so sorry that your baby was taken so soon. I will pray for the consolation of his family and the conversion of those who refused to acknowledge his personhood.

It is very important to give him a proper burial as soon as possible. I have heard of baby’s ashes being stolen during house robberies–the robbers thought the baby’s ashes were drugs. 😦 How heartbreaking. Talk to your priest and find out what the options are in your area.
 
Hi Heathernoel,
I am sorry your sisters don’t share the same p.o.v as you. Sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort and peace and healing. You and your family are in my prayers. So many people on CAF have lost little ones and I am always thinking of you all.

God Bless
 
I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry too that your sister don’t share your pov.
Gearoidin
 
I’m so sorry to read about you losing your little boy Marshall.
I will keep all of you in my prayers. As others have already told you, please talk to your Priest about his burial. God bless you.
 
I’m so very sorry for your loss. We lost our little one 5 monts ago, he was our first baby but my miscarriage was only at 9wks. I cannot imagine what you must be going thru and feeling. My prayers are with you.

If you ever need to talk and share your story, please join us on this thread: Mommies of Little Saints

Again, I’m so very sorry for your loss. And I’m really sorry your sisters acted that way and don’t think of your baby as a person. :hug1: Please know that he was as real as anyone else walking on this earth. I know Marshall has many friends up in Heaven… I’m pretty sure he’s up there with my Julian praying for his mommy and daddy.
 
Stay-at-home Dad of 3… is me!

Your child is a creation of God the Father, as are all children, they are not to be dismissed as non-persons, as some would think, although very misinformed.

My sister-in-law carried a son to 7 month and went through hours of induced labor all while knowing… he would be still born.
He passed while still in the womb and she and my brother had to be strong enough to get through the delivery and after. They named him Matthew and he too was cremated. And sadly several years later my brother’s urn sits next to his sons like a sentinel in constant watch over his family.

Here is perhaps an idea to wear a small medal during your next pregnancy:

Saint Catherine of Siena

Also known as
Caterina Benincasa
Catharine of Siena
Memorial
29 April
(formerly 30 April)
Profile
Youngest child in a large family. At the age of 6 she had a vision in which Jesus appeared and blessed her. Her parents wanted her to marry, but she became a Dominican tertiary. Mystic. Stigmatist. Received a vision in which she was in a mystical marriage with Christ, and the Infant Christ presented her with a wedding ring. Counselor to Pope Gregory XI and Pope Urban VI. Proclaimed Doctor of the Church on 4 October 1970.
Born
25 March 1347 at Siena, Tuscany, Italy
Died
29 April 1380 of a mysterious and painful illness that came on without notice, and was never properly diagnosed
Canonized
July 1461 by Pope Pius II
Name Meaning
pure one
Patronage
against fire
against bodily ills
against illness
against miscarriages
against sickness
against temptations
Allentown, Pennsylvania, USA, diocese of
Europe (declared on 1 October 1999 by Pope John Paul II)
fire prevention
firefighters
Italy
nurses
nursing services
people ridiculed for their piety
sexual temptation
sick people
Siena, Italy

Representation :
cross
crown of thorns
heart
lily
ring
stigmata

May the strength of the Holy Spirit Bless you, your family, and all your future children. May you know the comfort of God’s healing grace. This life is abundant… live it in Christ.

Paul
 
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