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1ke
Guest
Not only is it “not fair” it’s downright ridiculous.
If I gave money as a wedding gift and the couple used it to pay for some other guest’s reception meal I’d be offended.
Wedding and parents friends
- Thread starter AdamP88
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If I gave money as a wedding gift and the couple used it to pay for some other guest’s reception meal I’d be offended.
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pianistclare
Guest
Yeah, but that’s the norm in Ireland. My Irishman said his parents always calculated the cost of the meal for themselves and that the cash they would give.
Lousy, but they do that.
Joe’s generation is the first to focus more on wrapped gifts.
Lousy, but they do that.
Joe’s generation is the first to focus more on wrapped gifts.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Growing up, we were always told you at least had to cover the cost of the meal. But most people went beyond that.
The limit regarding both sides of the family is sort of unusual as my fiancee’s family have to travel so there will be significantly less of them. They are basically having as many as they want but it’s still not going to be as many as half of the people on my side.
I am going to set a limit. The total amount of guests we can have at the meal is 80-85.
@lemongrass
Regarding “being firm”. That’s not really the problem here. I’m looking for suggestions on how to politely and respectfully be firm without it descending into an argument.
Your advice about moving out is duly noted but at this point the next move I make will be in with my wife.
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Graceful_Lamb
Guest
One word: Elope.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
I had a similar issue with my wedding. My soon to be wife just politely but firmly decided on the guest list. It was at this time I knew she was the one for me. A mother should not be dictating a guest list. Especially for the “brides” day.
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pianistclare
Guest
I still think that since they’re such far removed relatives, they may not even show up.
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Irishmom2
Guest
That all depends on if the bride and groom are paying for the whole wedding or not themselves…
If the bride’s parents are footing the whole bill, it can be, but doesn’t have to be their call with (name removed by moderator)ut from their daughter, and future son in law(if they are nice and considerate of his wants.)
Well in this case it’s all being paid for by me and my wife to be.That all depends on if the bride and groom are paying for the whole wedding or not themselves…
If the bride’s parents are footing the whole bill, it can be, but doesn’t have to be their call with (name removed by moderator)ut from their daughter, and future son in law(if they are nice and considerate of his wants.)
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Irishmom2
Guest
Lucky you!
you get to listen to “suggestions” from both sides, and then decide with your future wife what you want, and what you can afford. 
You are beholden to no one.Yeah, that’s grand if “suggestions” don’t turn into “demands”.Lucky you!
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Irishmom2
Guest
“Oh, we would love to accommodate your request, but unfortunately, it’s not in our budget to do so.”
Or “Yes, that would be lovely, but we already have all of our plans set for XYZ.”
Repeat as needed, over and over and over.
youtube.com/watch?v=Pb6GdFr-0bE“Oh, we would love to accommodate your request, but unfortunately, it’s not in our budget to do so.”
Or “Yes, that would be lovely, but we already have all of our plans set for XYZ.”
Repeat as needed, over and over and over.
looks like repetition is the name of the game.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Yes, yes it is.
If you repeat the same thing to everyone for every request, no one can accuse you of playing favorites.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
IMO not al all. If parent’s/in-laws want to give to the couple a gift of money to help alleviate the cost that is OK. But it does NOT give them a say at all. I would recommend a young couple do without a wedding if the only way to pay for it is too have parents/inlaws start putting their 2 cents in
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Irishmom2
Guest
Really? That’s a bit extreme. There are things called compromise, and gratitude. I doubt any young couple is going to do without a wedding just to keep their parents from “putting their two cents in.”
Well we’re not relying on that. The issue is that we can pay but the extra guests are just outside the budget. And we’re not willing to rely on gifts to pay for stuff.
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mommy_k
Guest
If your family is anything like mine, parents of the bride and groom take over the task of the table assignments, ie seating. They know who gets along better with each other and so on. This happens no matter who is paying.
As for the extra guests, you have a choice. Stick to your guns or let your mother lay out the money and she can be reimbursed by the gifts these people give. In our family, we do not give wedding presents, we give money. If they do not cover the plate, it isyour mother’s risk. This is the only compromise I can think of that will not affect your wedding gifts. If your mother says she does not have the money for this, kindly explain that you are in the same boat as you don’t have the money either.
As for the extra guests, you have a choice. Stick to your guns or let your mother lay out the money and she can be reimbursed by the gifts these people give. In our family, we do not give wedding presents, we give money. If they do not cover the plate, it isyour mother’s risk. This is the only compromise I can think of that will not affect your wedding gifts. If your mother says she does not have the money for this, kindly explain that you are in the same boat as you don’t have the money either.
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