I confessed over the weekend, but just a few hours ago I am looking at pornography and masturbating.
Every male, Catholic or non-Catholic, suffers from this. Even the saints were tempted in this very way. If it is a habitual sin, and it has become almost involuntary, then it is most likely that you do not bear mortal sin, only venial. However, to give up even the struggle would make it a mortal sin. You must continue the fight. I am tempted the same way; most of us are.
I have no one to talk to either. You see I think I suffer from sever Social Anxiety Disorder, but I haven’t got diagnosed or treated. Have you ever felt what it’s like to want to make friends but you can’t or ask a girl out but you can’t? Do you know what it’s like sitting by yourself all the time, being the last kid picked for games?
Do not think that you are any less valuable because of these human things. You have a soul; you are invaluable, priceless.
You may have SAD. Have you talked to this one friend or to your parents about it? Have you told your father about your addiction?
THIS is only half of my story. To top it off, I’m having serious doubts about this Catholic faith. I read about the Saints and their way of life seems so untouchable. I can’t handle it. I mean I’ve tried like I mentioned earlier, learning about the faith, even copying the life of a Saint to the point of fasting two days a week last year. I just don’t understand the faith. I want a faith to feel passionate about, something concrete to believe where I can really say I believe. I don’t feel any of that when I pray or try to live holy. I just feel sad and it becomes very difficult for me.
I read a story once, of a French saint (I can’t remember her name at the time). In her early life, she engauged in all kinds of disgusting sexual behaviour, and lived with a man she was not married too. When he died, she began to see that she had to give up her sinful life for the sake of God.
But you are struggling against it; that proves that you intend to stop doing it; because of this, and other factors, probably social and hormonal, I believe that, in this circumstance, you are not necessarily committing a mortal sin. However, you do need to comtinue to fight it. Pray the rosary, MEDITATING ON THE MYSTERIES. And above all, do not leave the Catholic faith; if so, you will be committing a real mortal sin, and, outside of the Catholic Church, you will have even less help with this problem than within the Church.
FURTHERMORE, I have this whole issue of my parents not understanding me. They expect me to return to college this January. What I FEEL is that I need to do some soul searching. I want to serve the needy overseas with a volunteer mission group. I have told my parents about this in great detail. A priest even told me people don’t know that some people just aren’t cut out for college right away, it’s a fact. My father’s view, though is, after serving overseas, what am I going to do with my life. He says those who don’t start college right away are very likely never to go. He keeps painting this bleak future for me.
Tell your parents how you feel; listen to the priest. Ask the priest for help with the masturbation problem. If he is a good priest, you can rely on him, and be accountable to him. call him when you are struggling all the more.
Finally, either that’s a whole lot of problems or I’m exaggerating a lot. I probably even missed a bunch of details. Right now, I feels as if I’m a useless piece of flesh.
Never feel that way! You are an Image of God. You are the finest creature in all creation. You are human. Your soul is invaluable, priceless; beyond worth. In my earlier years, I sounded just like you (minus the college thing) and I even contemplated suicide. But Christ and Mary and the Church were always there for me, and they’re what encouraged me. As low as you are now, think of the heights of bliss that Christ can bring to you! If you perservere to the end of your life, after purgation, after the ressurection of all Christians, your body will be glorified, you will expirience divinization. You will be a divine human.
So don’t give up! Go to Eucharistic Adoration! Come to Christ in the Holy Eucharist, cry before Him, tell Him everything. He can help you. You’re in all our prayers.
Knowing this has helped me greatly.