- Religion - I used to require that someone I date is Catholic; changed that to Christian, but that doesn’t have to mean attending a service - it can mean that they have a relationship with God or desire one. While Catholic should = person striving for virtue, it doesn’t always. I have a few people in my family who are converts and I felt hypocritical just going for Catholics. Like I said, I know we aren’t supposed to try to change people, but does anyone have advice on not trying to convert someone even if we wish they were Catholic? Or can we be okay without them converting?
My parents are from a ‘mixed marriage’. My dad is Protestant, although nonobservant. He’ll come to Catholic Church for big days like weddings and baptisms. Funerals are a little spotty. My mom told me it’s lonesome to not share her faith and go to church alone. So, although I’ve loved and wanted to marry a non-catholic, it was a blessing that after I made a novena to St. Joseph that he brought me my dh! DH asked specifically on our first date, “Are you Roman Catholic?” “Yes I’m Catholic.”, I said. “No I mean are you ROMAN Catholic?” he had had trouble with some Christians claiming to be Catholic. He wanted to be sure.
BTW, I was rejected by genuine Christian men who loved God and their denominations so much that they couldn’t see dating a Catholic girl. They did us a favor by dropping the pursuit.
Well would I’d take a genuine Christian who loved God with his whole heart over a CINO? Maybe but, I’d rather take a genuine practicing Catholic who loved God with his whole heart. They’re out there.
- Politics Is politics truly a deal-breaker? A lot of people would say yes, but the funny thing is that the way I “politically identify” is generally totally different from the people I spend time with and enjoy. Some people aren’t familiar with pro-life teachings or have been raised in a different background, and I don’t know what is acceptable or not. Now if the other person is totally immersed in his political party, I’d steer clear, but I’ve found that most people just say “I personally disagree with that, but I don’t know if the government should control it” or something.
I don’t think I could date let alone marry someone who vilified MY politics. Good luck there.
- Number of kids Let’s say you’re far enough into a relationship when you talk about kids. Obviously we must be open to children, that’s a given. God gives you however many kids you should have, but should you both want the same amount? (Note: obviously the person should want kids in general, I know that haha, but does the amount preference matter?)
As a Catholic you should be open to kids. The belief that you can ‘plan’ your family is actually a myth. Good luck with planning personality, let alone hair and stature. Numbers of children do you mean? Well, you might want three and pregnancy number 2 hands you the miracles of humor, Quads.
And then, you might get smacked with the desire for a big family, and the inability to have one.
This is sad.
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And then of course personality, but I already have a good idea of what I need there (well, I'm sure I'll find out if I'm wrong haha). I'm mostly just asking about these things like religion and politics that are notoriously polarizing. I have many friends of different faiths and political beliefs, but it gets much harder for me in dating relationships when that happens.
My mother, who often gave me some advice and who never seemed to understand me, gave me some terrific advice before I married my dh. “Honey everybody isn’t perfect. Everyone has issues (she used a different word
). Ask yourself what issues are you willing to put up with?”
This was excellent advice. Because I have issues, I’m not perfect. But it’s my job as a human being to be patient and loving while working on my faults. My dearest sweetest husband isn’t perfect either. We have had a marriage where we are accepting and loving, but the goal is as St. Charles of Austria said to his bride Zita, to “help each other get to heaven,”.
It’s hard to be patient and just let it all unfold, so I’m seeing if there is any general advice out there.
One excellent way to practice patience is to be the person you would want to raise your children. Go have your sort of adventure right now, as long as it’s wholesome with some good Christian friends. Pass the time in Confidence with God, make friends with some holy Saints and ask them to pray for you. My life became so much better as a young person when I found a friend in St. Joseph.
My life in middle age, I started in my thirties with the EWTN International Rosary, but now only the past year I say it on my own. I wish I had followed my grandmother’s example and done so in my youth. I highly recommend that practice for anyone considering the vocation to marriage.
Fundamentally, we have to share the same values on marriage and life which also means–> loves babies 
