What do you call your in-laws

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Hey folks, of course it’s awkward to call people who are not your parents “Mom” and “Dad”. It is for all of us. But it is respectful and a sign that you view your spouse’s family as your own family. I feel very strongly about it. My parents called their respective in-laws “Mom” or “Dad”–sometimes followed by their last name (Mom Smith/Dad Jones). And when I wasn’t feeling especially close to my in-laws, it sure didn’t come easily. But again, it is an issue of respect.

If you can’t do it, maybe you should really think about your own emotional maturity. I don’t say that unkindly. But it is a sign that you are not truly committed to becoming one with your spouse. And like everything, the more you do it, the easier it is. (To give you perspective, I am in my 40s and have been married 20 years.) If a son-in-law finds it too hard to call his in-laws Mom and Dad, I would wonder whether he is mature enough to be getting married and whether we want him in the family.
 
La Chiara:
Hey folks, of course it’s awkward to call people who are not your parents “Mom” and “Dad”. It is for all of us. But it is respectful and a sign that you view your spouse’s family as your own family. I feel very strongly about it. My parents called their respective in-laws “Mom” or “Dad”–sometimes followed by their last name (Mom Smith/Dad Jones). And when I wasn’t feeling especially close to my in-laws, it sure didn’t come easily. But again, it is an issue of respect.

If you can’t do it, maybe you should really think about your own emotional maturity. I don’t say that unkindly. But it is a sign that you are not truly committed to becoming one with your spouse. And like everything, the more you do it, the easier it is. (To give you perspective, I am in my 40s and have been married 20 years.) If a son-in-law finds it too hard to call his in-laws Mom and Dad, I would wonder whether he is mature enough to be getting married and whether we want him in the family.
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hmmm… I don’t know La Chiara. :hmmm: I think its a stretch to say that if we are don’t call our in-laws “Mom/Dad” that we are somehow ununited to our spouse and disrespectful of them.
I try hard to be a good wife in all ways. But it would be just WEIRD if I called my MIL “Mom” … in fact she would probably give me a really strange look - and it might offend her. Likewise - I would be uncomfortable with my husband calling my mother “Mom”. Finally - I don’t know how my OWN parents would feel about me calling the in-laws by their term of endearment. It just feels all wrong to me. :nope: I would rather call them Mr or Mrs. so and so… but not Mom or Dad.
And a matter of emotional maturity? Why? When I began dating Mr. Ridesawhitehorse - I began calling them by their first names - this is what I called them for years. It seems kind of cheesy to call them Mom and Dad now.
 
I agree Mrs. Rideawhitehorse. It’s VERY awkward. My MIL asked me to call her “Mom” but I try to avoid calling her anything…I think it would be a better compromise to either use some version of Mother Sue or Mother Nelson although it does sound like an abbess rather than a MIL.

I think because I wasn’t close to my own parents, it seems wierd to call a bio-parent mom or dad. I don’t even call my own bio mother and (now deceased) father mom and dad. I used their first names after I became a teenager.

Lisa N
 
This is an interesting thread! I call my MIL “Mom” but my husband calls my mom by her first name. I really struggled with this 13 years ago when we were engaged and first married.

My MIL was in her mid/late 70’s at the time and I wasn’t at all comfortable calling her by her first name. When I was in high school, (6 years prior) I used to call many of my close friends’ parents ‘mom and dad’ as a sign of affection…we all did that w/ each others’ parents. So I thought, if I was able to call these people ‘mom & dad’ then surely I could call my MIL ‘mom’ as well. It wasn’t at all natural at first but I made myself continue to call her that and now it’s second-nature!

I actually made this decision because of advice my mom gave me. She told me that my Grandmother (paternal) shared with her how much her feelings were hurt when my uncle’s wife (her first daughter-in-law) did not address her by any name at all! My Mom told me to “call her something!” She said it would offend and hurt my MIL to just not address her by any name!

Sometimes if I’m with my kids and trying to get her attention for them to talk or visit w/ her I will call her “Grandma”

Now, when my husband and I first were dating and engaged, my parents were much younger and my siblings spouses were already calling them by their first names. So he just started using their first names as well.

I think that both parties have to be comfortable with whatever names are used. But I do think it is obvious to them and disrespectful to not address someone at all!! Just my 2cents
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God Bless
J
 
I call them “Mom” and “Dad”, but, of course, that is because they have always treated me like a son.
 
I call them saints now. Both have died. My mother in law came into the Church at Easter 1999 and died three months later. She would retire early every Saturday night to have the energy to attend Sunday Mass… wheelchair, oxygen tank and all. Now she is at peace. My father in law was not Catholic. But he feared(loved) the Lord. I think they are together again.
 
I try not to have to address them as anything…I feel that calling them by their first names would be disrespectful, but I can’t address my MIL as Mom…FIL is a whole different story, I can call him Dad and not feel weird about it…but knowing the hateful horrible things my MIL has said about her own son as well as myself makes it very hard for me to use such a meaningful title as Mom for her…

Calling my Mom, Mom, means a lot…just like calling a Dad, Dad, means a lot…I can call both my Dad and my FIL “dad” without hesitation, because I know that they both care about and love me, and about my husband. I call my Mom “mom” because I know how much she cares about and loves me and my husband, but it is incredibly hard to hear the horrible things my MIL says about my husband and call her mom, the title bears too much weight for me to give it to her…

My husband on the otherhand switches back and forth between calling my parents mom and dad and by their first names…it depends on who is around…

If not calling my MIL mom makes me immature then so be it, but I really don’t think so…I think I’ve given a lot of thought to it, and that I have a lot of things going on that take quite a bit of maturity to handle.

Jamie
 
I have been married twice (the first was annulled). Both sets of in-laws, I called them by their first names. This is what they asked and this is what I did. My husband and brother in law also call my parents by their first names.
My FIL died about 11 years ago.
My MIL is German and the kids called her Oma, so in front of the kids I will call her Oma. My sister in law (husband’s sister) became a grandmother 2 years ago, so she is called Oma by her grandson and her mother (my MIL) is called Oma Trudy
 
Why not ask one’s in-laws how they would like to be addressed? That is what I did, but they also have two other son-in-laws so the die was already cast, to a certain extent.

I use their first names.
 
uggghh I am one of the “call them Mr. and Mrs.” because when my husband introduced us years ago, it was “this is my mother and father”, leaving me little choice but to use Mr. and Mrs. We were not close and they have since passed away. My regrets are not in what I called them, as much as that we were not close. They raised a wonderful son, who I am blessed to be married to and I wish so much that I would have been able to tell them that.
 
My in-laws have invited me to use their first names, but seem perfectly OK with it that I persist in using Mr. and Mrs. Using their first names goes against how I was brought up; I regard them as my elders rather than my peers. Two of my SILs call them by their first names, the other calls them Mom and Dad, and they (my parents-in-law) are OK with that, too.

It bugs me when my children’s friends call me by my first name because it just seems weird, but I don’t correct them for it because they mean well and it seems to be very common these days.

One thing that annoys me tremendously is the refusal my generation (born in 1959) has to grow up, or to allow themselves to be addressed formally in a formal situation. When I worked in supply line management at Bell Labs a few years ago, some sales reps from a big name semiconductor supplier flew in to meet me and show me their product roadmaps. We introduced ourselves using our first and last names and titles, and exchanged cards. In the first two minutes of the meeting I referred to one as Mr. X and he said, “don’t call me Mr. X. Mr. X is my dad and he’s dead.”

I was tempted to say, “OK, a**hole, then I assume your family tree ended with him. Why don’t you take your last name off of your business cards if you’re so ashamed of it – or if you don’t think you live up to it?” I didn’t, though. We bought millions of dollars of product from them every year so I looked past it.

If he had said, “please, just call me Steve” I would not have minded at all, and would have gladly obliged. As it was, it blew my mind that a person who was trying to get me to recommend his company’s products to our designers would lecture me like that.

Alan
 
I’d really like to call them Mom and Dad but just can’t! It must be the anti-touchy-feely in me. We’ve been married over 23 years. I’ve recently been addressing them as that when I write - but haven’t gotten up the nerve to say it. Maybe a New Year’s resolution…because I think they’d both like it, especially the mom-in-law. They call me their “daughter-in-love”. Is that not the sweetest?
 
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AlanFromWichita:
It bugs me when my children’s friends call me by my first name because it just seems weird, but I don’t correct them for it because they mean well and it seems to be very common these days.
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Oh, I am quite the opposite; I refuse to respond to a child who calls be my first name. Of course, my children’s friends are all under the age of 5. hehe. Seriously, I am Mr. LastName and if you want me to respond to your question, comment or whatever, call me by name. If you don’t I won’t get in a child’s face, but I will tell them that if they want to talk they should call me by name. Likewise, if a child wants something and doesn’t say “please” and “thank you” I go suddenly deaf. I won’t force someone to be polite, but I’ll be damned if I am going to scrap and bow for some child. You would be shocked at what some of these “parents” let their children get away with–out of control.

That goes for nephews and nieces as well, they have to call me Uncle before my Christian name.
 
I call my in-laws by their first names, i wouldnt feel comfortable in calling them Mum and Dad- i already have a Mum and Dad. Likewise my hubby calls my folks by their first names. I dont like people calling me Mrs. Burgess as it makes me feel stifled- weird maybe be but thats just me. Even my sons friends call me by my first name (6 year olds) and i dont have a problem with it in fact its preferable to Mrs. Our 6 year old refers to his Dad by his first name also as he does with his paternal Grandfather. God Bless. Sue.
 
Mrs P:
I’d really like to call them Mom and Dad but just can’t! It must be the anti-touchy-feely in me. We’ve been married over 23 years. I’ve recently been addressing them as that when I write - but haven’t gotten up the nerve to say it. Maybe a New Year’s resolution…because I think they’d both like it, especially the mom-in-law. They call me their “daughter-in-love”. Is that not the sweetest?
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Yes and how lucky you are.
 
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Matthewsmumau:
I call my in-laws by their first names, i wouldnt feel comfortable in calling them Mum and Dad- i already have a Mum and Dad. Likewise my hubby calls my folks by their first names. I dont like people calling me Mrs. Burgess as it makes me feel stifled- weird maybe be but thats just me. Even my sons friends call me by my first name (6 year olds) and i dont have a problem with it in fact its preferable to Mrs. Our 6 year old refers to his Dad by his first name also as he does with his paternal Grandfather. God Bless. Sue.
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I use to think that way but with age my thinking has changed. I like being called Mrs. I guess I am an old fogy(sp) .

Thanks for all your response it has helped me come to terms with this new time of my life.
 
Before the children came along, I didn’t call them anything. Mr & Mrs sound too formal. Mom & Dad would have seemed disrespectful to my own parents and calling them by their first names seemed disrespectful to them because of the differences in our ages so I just called them “Excuse me” whenever I wanted to get their attention.

Now that the kids are here, they are “grandma” and “grandpa” and my own wife has become “Mommy” and I am now “Daddy”.
 
I couldn’t refer to in-laws as Mom or Dad. They weren’t the ones who raised me, so they don’t get the titles. I’m not trying to be mean, it’s just the way I think about it.
 
Actually, I always called them ‘Mother & Dad’ which is the same as my husband and the rest of his family. They are both deceased now but I had a great relationship with them. My husband’s mother introduced us when I was on a committee with her for Catholic Daughters of America and it required my visit to her home every week. She and my mother were best friends for 33 years. Yes, we have been blessed. (I called my own mother ‘Mom’ and so did my husband.) This is a fun poll… it brings back many happy memories. Thanks.
 
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