What do you call your in-laws

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I was very fortunate. While I did like many others and tried to avoid calling them anything, very early on, my MIL grabbed my hand and said “Just call us Jack and Susie”.

What a relief! I don’t know how long it would have taken me to come up with the courage to ask them what they would like me to call them.

Frankly, unless asked to be called Mom and Dad, today I would just advise my kids to jump in and call future in-laws (once the ring is on the finger future) by their first name.
 
Sir and Madam unless personal friends. Not like I have in-laws yet.
 
I am just getting comfortable calling them mom and dad. For some reason I’ve always felt “mom” and “dad” should be reserved for my real mom and dad. However, my wife told me that they feel offended when I don’t call them mom and dad so I’ve had to learn. It’s still alittle awkward for me.
 
I think it’s very rude to not call someone anything. The sweetest sound anyone can hear is the sound of their own name (or something like that!). I think anyone confused by this should ask the MIL or FIL what they would like to be called and abide by that. Yes, it was uncomfortable at first to call my MIL “mom” but 14 years later and a much more in depth relationship later, it is not difficult at all. If my mom and MIL are in the same room, to avoid confusion, I simply make eye contact or stand close enough so the person knows who I am talking to. If your MIL or FIL chooses to be called by their first name and you don’t approve, perhaps when children arrive you can call them what the kids call them. I just don’t like the idea of not calling them anything, I think it belittles the realtionship, whether it is a good relationship or not. How does one address a letter to this person? Leave it blank? I wasn’t fond of my FIL, God rest his soul, but I called him “Pops”, as not to compare him with my own father. How about calling MIL “MA” as not to compare to your own mom?
 
I just say hi then go to the subject at hand. feb12 th my motherinlaw passedaway now I started calling her by her first name Barbara.
 
I call mine mom and dad…my hubby and i both feel it for respect and in both our families that is how it has always been.

I will say something here. Being catholic and entering another catholic family has had some very difficult issues because I was raised catholic but not as strict as my husband was.

So…I was not raised correctly. I was an only child (like it was my choice and my parents choice) I was “spoiled” and I did not go to catholic school so how can I be their son’s equal???

Ok folks…they had four children all raised strict, catholic school.
two children are divorced now and one is co- habitating. We are married 19 years. I’m not judgeing or pointing my finger, as sometimes divorce is necessary and in my SIL case it was. But the family was so upset, blaiming her of not trying to work things out…she did try above and beyond. But just the fact that two of their children are divorced is like the end of the world to them…moral of my story is…the girl who was an only child, grew up not as strict and went to public school is now going the be a Deacon’s wife. My husband is in formation and I’m so proud of him. I feel our lives are stricter catholic than I was raised but I also have a great relations hip with god and just because I was not raised strict, does not make me any less spiritual than the next person…I love my life!
 
La Chiara:
I totally agree with thann’s post. You are the mother and the soon-to-be MIL. It is only respectful for your future DIL to acquiesce to your preference. If she can’t call you “Mom”, then she has some growing up to do. If and when, she has children, she might feel more comfortable calling you “Grandma” or “Nana” or whatever. In the meantime, she needs to come to terms with it.
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I personally have never been comfortable calling my in laws, mom and dad. Too me, the terms for parenthood means something more then even a blood relationship. Mom or Dad should be reserved for someone that you have that close bond with. When first entering into marriage, the spouse might not have those strong feelings but I would hope would develop over time. If it was important to my in laws,(and it was) I would call them mom and dad just for the sake of family harmony.( and I did)
 
I avoid calling them anything. My husband cut contact with his parents a few years before I met him. 2 weeks before we got married my sister in law (my husband’s sister) found him. I convinced him to let them back into his life (ooops, my mistake). So, since I didn’t really know them untill a few days before we got married, I had no clue what to call them. They told me I could call them either Mom and Dad or by their first names. First names got confusing though becasuse FIL and my DH have the same first name. It took me a long time to get close to them becuase of what I had heard from DH and my SIL about the past. Unfortunatly, nothing has changed. So, I avoid calling them anything. If absolutly forced I will call them mom and dad.
 
My in-laws insist on being called “Mr. and Mrs.” It’s very weird and my husband says it’s their own strange need to feel super important. After we were married, I called his father by his first name and he corrected me. It was very uncomfortable.

My parents invited my husband to immediately call them by their first names and he is very comfortable doing so. They have a great relationship.
 
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Princess_Abby:
My in-laws insist on being called “Mr. and Mrs.” It’s very weird and my husband says it’s their own strange need to feel super important. After we were married, I called his father by his first name and he corrected me. It was very uncomfortable.

My parents invited my husband to immediately call them by their first names and he is very comfortable doing so. They have a great relationship.
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That would be strange. It would be odd for me to call my MIL Mrs. Jones because techincally I am also Mrs. Jones. In fact, there was a time when my FIL had a heart attack. All of us went to the hospital. My MIL, my husbnad’s grandmother and I were all in the same room. Everytime someone walked in and adressed Mrs. Jones all three of us responded.
 
I dont understand how in-laws can be offended when they are not called mom and dad. How offended will my parents be if I called someone else mom and dad? Did the in-laws think about that? I will only call my parents mom and dad, no one elese deserves it. I call my husband’s mother by her first name as that is how I was introduced to her. When my son gets married, I expect my daughter in law to call me by my first name, not mom, for respect of her own mother.

I have never heard of any other culture that calls their inlaws mom and dad. Is this an American thing?
 
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sarai:
I dont understand how in-laws can be offended when they are not called mom and dad. How offended will my parents be if I called someone else mom and dad? Did the in-laws think about that? I will only call my parents mom and dad, no one elese deserves it. I call my husband’s mother by her first name as that is how I was introduced to her. When my son gets married, I expect my daughter in law to call me by my first name, not mom, for respect of her own mother.

I have never heard of any other culture that calls their inlaws mom and dad. Is this an American thing?
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My daughter calls her in-laws Mom and Dad and it does not offend me. I would find it strange and disresptful to her husband to do otherwise. I call my Mother in law mom as does her other dil. She deserves this because she is my husbands mother.

I started this poll to see other opinions and mine is the minority but that does not make them wrong. My future dil calls me by my first name and even thougth she was told to do this five years ago, I do not like it now that she will be my DAUGHTER I don’t like the term in law. My Son il calls me mom. We regard him as our son. For fdil not to call me mom is a rejection. What does your husband call your mom. I think that the older persons wishes should be followed that is RESPECT.
 
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deb1:
I personally have never been comfortable calling my in laws, mom and dad. Too me, the terms for parenthood means something more then even a blood relationship. Mom or Dad should be reserved for someone that you have that close bond with. When first entering into marriage, the spouse might not have those strong feelings but I would hope would develop over time. If it was important to my in laws,(and it was) I would call them mom and dad just for the sake of family harmony.( and I did)
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Same here. The frustrating part, however, is when you have to wrestle them to the ground (not literally!) to give you a preference either way, and when they finally say, “Whatever you’d prefer” and you choose their first names, THEN it comes out that they really prefer Mom and Dad.

The good thing is that in the beginning it felt really forced, and now it flows a little easier. Still doesn’t feel right, but it’s for the sake of family harmony.

My husband doesn’t call my parents anything. It doesn’t bother me, because it doesn’t seem to bother them, but it’s just really funny when they greet each other and they say, “Hi (name)!!” and he says, “Hi!..” with a big smile! I’ve hinted to both that they might want to figure something out, but they seem fine for now.
 
Ann Cheryl:
My daughter calls her in-laws Mom and Dad and it does not offend me. I would find it strange and disresptful to her husband to do otherwise. I call my Mother in law mom as does her other dil. She deserves this because she is my husbands mother.

I started this poll to see other opinions and mine is the minority but that does not make them wrong. My future dil calls me by my first name and even thougth she was told to do this five years ago, I do not like it now that she will be my DAUGHTER I don’t like the term in law. My Son il calls me mom. We regard him as our son. For fdil not to call me mom is a rejection. What does your husband call your mom. I think that the older persons wishes should be followed that is RESPECT.
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My husband calls my mom by her first name and so does both of my bil. they call my dad by his first name too.

Im not being disrespectful in any way, and please forgive me if I sound that way, but is this an American tradition?? We are Hispanics and I never heard of the inlaws being called mom and dad. Like another poster mentioned before they are usually called Don or Doña insert name. My parents dont like the Don and Doña thing, so they are called by their first names. My sisters call their inlaws by their first name too.
 
I usually just start talking or I say hey to get there attention. Addressing them is akward and I never resolved what to call them in the past 6.5 yrs.
 
Ann Cheryl:
My daughter calls her in-laws Mom and Dad and it does not offend me. I would find it strange and disresptful to her husband to do otherwise. I call my Mother in law mom as does her other dil. She deserves this because she is my husbands mother.

I started this poll to see other opinions and mine is the minority but that does not make them wrong. My future dil calls me by my first name and even thougth she was told to do this five years ago, I do not like it now that she will be my DAUGHTER I don’t like the term in law. My Son il calls me mom. We regard him as our son. For fdil not to call me mom is a rejection. What does your husband call your mom. I think that the older persons wishes should be followed that is RESPECT.
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My in-laws are equally hung up on “respect,” but their version is in the form of “Mr. and Mrs.” I would never, ever be comfortable calling them mom or dad. They are too unkind. I feel like it’s a control issue for them to “demand” Mr. and Mrs. when it would be perfectly appropriate to call them by their first names.

Does your future DIL even know what your expectations are? Does she know you expect her to call you Mom now? You said she calls you by your first name because that’s what she was told to do five years ago. Is she supposed to be a mind-reader now?? 🙂 Maybe she just isn’t clear about it.
 
I only have a father-in-law but I love him and I call him Dad. Not for the first few years though, I had to build up the nerve. However, he has always signed the beautiful cards he gives me…Love Dad, so that helped. 😃 My own dad does not even love me like that. Heck he could not even spell my name right till I was about 20! :banghead:
 
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Princess_Abby:
My in-laws are equally hung up on “respect,” but their version is in the form of “Mr. and Mrs.” I would never, ever be comfortable calling them mom or dad. They are too unkind. I feel like it’s a control issue for them to “demand” Mr. and Mrs. when it would be perfectly appropriate to call them by their first names.

Does your future DIL even know what your expectations are? Does she know you expect her to call you Mom now? You said she calls you by your first name because that’s what she was told to do five years ago. Is she supposed to be a mind-reader now?? 🙂 Maybe she just isn’t clear about it.
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Sorry for the delay in answer. Yes she fully realizes what I want. That is why I asked the question because she thought it was an unusal request.
It is only appropriate to call them by their first names if that is what they have asked you to do.
 
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