What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

[RosaryCrusader]

Further I would like to draw attention to the fact that the ‘Always our Children’ document put out by the USCCB caused a great controversy when it was first released and the CDF had to make some MAJOR revisions. One of which was a deliberate misquote from the CCC sections previously mentioned which added words to the effect that people are born homosexual - the CDF had them strike that - for one, it’s not in the catechism and was maliciously inserted as if it was a part of official Church teaching, and second, because there is no scientific proof of such an assertion.

 

[sancte_joseph]

Sancte, you set yourself up against the Catholic Church & refer to me as ‘protestant’ in the process when the Church clearly states that BOTH the acts and the inclinations are disordered.

CCC
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.

you didn’t show the rest of my quote where i say

“on further reading… i can see how he got that out of the CCC… sorry for being unchristian like if i was…”

And don’t ever say that i have gone against the Church those are awful words at least to me… I would rather die than to ever go against the Church the bride of Christ… when it has spoken so directly on ANY matter… sorry my mistake i take everything back that truly goes against the Church… but the Church does say that we should support them in their struggle…

 

[sancte_joseph]

Sancte, it’s already clear you’re ignorant of what the Church teaches on the subject and you further want to press your misinformed viewpoints? All I said is that scientists have been searching for a gay gene at the promptings of gay lobbyists. Do you disagree with this? And if it’s common knowledge that there is no gay gene why are they investing millions to try to find it?

Please enlighten me how I’m ignorant on this issue.

I say nothing about the gay gene… rather that we don’t know what makes us… us… Whether there are certain genes that take part or is it purely nurture… that is what i said… that there is a nature v. nurture debate

 

[RosaryCrusader]

Well you are being a bit protestant about it … cuz you didn’t show the rest of my quote where i say

“on further reading…** i can see how he** got that out of the CCC… sorry for being unchristian like if i was…”

And don’t ever say that i have gone against the Church those are awful words at least to me… I would rather die than to ever go against the Church the bride of Christ… when it has spoken so directly on ANY matter… sorry my mistake i take everything back that truly goes against the Church… but the Church does say that we should support them in their struggle…

Well, that’s good to know - however the rest of your quote says, " I can see how HE got that out of the CCC" making it a case of being my personal interpretation instead of just admitting that that’s what the CCC is saying in a forthright manner.

And why do you persist in making personal jabs - ie. “Well you are being a bit protestant about it”. Why can’t you just man-up and own your mistake?

 

[sancte_joseph]

Well, that’s good to know - however the rest of your quote says, " I can see how HE got that out of the CCC" making it a case of being my personal interpretation instead of just admitting that that’s what the CCC is saying in a forthright manner.

And why do you persist in making personal jabs - ie. “Well you are being a bit protestant about it”. Why can’t you just man-up and own your mistake?

o sooorrrrryyyy!!! hahaha… i didn’t know we were being analytical with my texts… ok so ignore EVERYTHING… WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS BELOW…

OK on further reading I see where the CCC says that. Well the first time… i said protestant i sorta forgot to delete it i wonder if a can still edit it… and the second time I meant it… because you didn’t use the whole quote… Anyway sorry. again… I take those personal stabs back… :imsorry: Are we good now…

 

[RosaryCrusader]

o sooorrrrryyyy!!! hahaha… i didn’t know we were being analytical with my texts… ok so ignore EVERYTHING… WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS BELOW…

OK on further reading I see where the CCC says that. Well the first time… i said protestant i sorta forgot to delete it i wonder if a can still edit it… and the second time I meant it… because you didn’t use the whole quote… Anyway sorry. again… I take those personal stabs back… :imsorry: Are we good now…

Yes, I forgive you.

 

[sancte_joseph]

Yes, I forgive you.

 

[Jack17]

Isn’t it usually those who do those homosexual activities, the ones who call themselves gay?

If they have a same sex attraction (SSA), but don’t act on it, I don’t think they normally refer to themselves as gay. From what I understand, a lot of them seek help through courage (couragerc.net). …and I’ve only learned that from being on this forum for a few years.

I"m just saying that if one of my children came to me and told me that they were gay that I would be concerned for their soul and no I wouldn’t reject them, but I sure would point them in the direction of that site and I sure would be praying for them and offering sacrifices for them and trying to discourage them from acting on their SSA.

I would do the same for one of my children who was living with a “partner” and not Married. It isn’t that I’d think they are defective, just disordered in their thinking and lifestyle.

You said in your earlier post that you wouldn’t care as long as they were happy. I think we all ought to be caring more for eternal souls than so called happiness doing whatever we feel like as long as it makes us “happy”. Where is the happiness in doing something wrong and doing nothing to change it?

I don’t know, if they are gay they are gay (regarding the attraction), celibate or not.

This is a Catholic forum so they will switch “gay” with “SSA”. Same thing. I have to see how things work out first, since I doubt they (whoever they turn out to be) would be gay.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Why are you reacting so violently to anyone who disagrees with your view, Rosary Crusader?

Are you aware of what they say about those who rail so loudly against something?

 

[mary1173]

Strangely (since a lot of the time I disagree with him) On this matter I must agree with **bpbasilphx **
People can’t choose to be gay. And the RosaryCrusader just because YOU say something is a fact doesn’t make it so.

I agree with them RosaryCrusader, it is proven in MRI’s of brains of straight and gay persons that female lesbian brains look like straight males brains and vice versa… on structure, what parts of the brain lights up in interests concerning masculinity and femininity, sexual attractions and interest, the shapes of, and hormonal secretion, and sizes of the regions of the brain that form in the 1st 3 months of someone’s life. If the egg and sperm were somehow to get a surge of testosterone toward being a male infant, and that surge wasn’t big enough for the baby to become a male fetus, and it remains female, then it could be that the brain of that female has masculine responses. Especially concerning SSA or being heterosexual. bpbasilphx is right when he sites medical discoveries and places that have proven that homosexuality exists as a physical difference in brain functioning and not something to be ‘‘talked out of’’.
Gods Peace be with You
mary1173

 

[RosaryCrusader]

Why are you reacting so violently to anyone who disagrees with your view, Rosary Crusader?

Are you aware of what they say about those who rail so loudly against something?

I didn’t react “violently” - in fact, you’re the only one using exclamation marks, & large bold face fonts - and pink at that. And now you want to make another personal attack and insinuate that I’m gay.

Once again you lack the maturity to engage in dialogue and I’m ignoring your snide comments from here on out.

 

[RosaryCrusader]

I agree with them RosaryCrusader, it is proven in MRI’s of brains of straight and gay persons that female lesbian brains look like straight males brains and vice versa… on structure, what parts of the brain lights up in interests concerning masculinity and femininity, sexual attractions and interest, the shapes of, and hormonal secretion, and sizes of the regions of the brain that form in the 1st 3 months of someone’s life. If the egg and sperm were somehow to get a surge of testosterone toward being a male infant, and that surge wasn’t big enough for the baby to become a male fetus, and it remains female, then it could be that the brain of that female has masculine responses. Especially concerning SSA or being heterosexual. bpbasilphx is right when he sites medical discoveries and places that have proven that homosexuality exists as a physical difference in brain functioning and not something to be ‘‘talked out of’’.
Gods Peace be with You
mary1173

Mary,

You’ve taken the homosexual agenda and swallowed it hook,line,sinker and even fish! If homosexuality is a normal “physical difference” then it’s completely normal and not disordered at all. In which case the Catholic Church is all wrong and homosexual acts are not an abomination before God - making the Bible a complete lie as well.

On the contrary, homosexuality - both the acts and the inclinations - are disordered as rightly taught by the Catechism. Disorders are treated. People who have emotional disorders, grew up in abusive homes, etc. go through treatment if they want help. Your saying they shouldn’t try to be “talked out of it” flies in the face of charity.

 

[RyanML]

I have SSA. I don’t label myself “gay”, nor do I define myself by my sexual attractions.

I don’t have a problem refering to myself as “gay” though I do hate the way so many of my friends use the term like that is the sum and total of who they are. As a Catholic, I have been baptized into Jesus Christ and it is in Him that I find my true identity.

As for the OP, the most sinful and abominable thing a parent could do would be to disown their child. I was blessed to have parents that were very loving and understanding when I came out to them and it made life a lot less stressful.

Perhaps I’m biased, but if I ever had a child and they told me they were gay or lesbian, I would be nothing but loving and supportive. I would also strongly discourage them from getting involved in the “gay scene” as I believe it is very detrimental to one’s temporal and eternal welfare.

 

[Charlotte408]

I don’t have a problem refering to myself as “gay” though I do hate the way so many of my friends use the term like that is the sum and total of who they are. As a Catholic, I have been baptized into Jesus Christ and it is in Him that I find my true identity.

As for the OP, the most sinful and abominable thing a parent could do would be to disown their child. I was blessed to have parents that were very loving and understanding when I came out to them and it made life a lot less stressful.

Perhaps I’m biased, but if I ever had a child and they told me they were gay or lesbian, I would be nothing but loving and supportive. I would also strongly discourage them from getting involved in the “gay scene” as I believe it is very detrimental to one’s temporal and eternal welfare.

Hey Ryan!! I totally agree with you on the disown thing…I could never just completely cut my daughter off…how could you help them then, right? and not even just with the homosexuality thing, i mean, a lot of things go wrong, your kids are always going to need you…

I’m just wondering tho, and I know its your personal business, but…like, is the only thing they disagree with is the ‘gay scene’ ← and I totally get what you mean by this, i live right by frisco…how do they feel about the ‘acts’?? or do they just not even ask, or are you chaste?? I know this is personal, but its kindofa crazy dynamic, homosexual/catholic…know what i mean? like you said, if you had kids youd tell em, likewise, to stay away from the gay scene…but would you tell them that performing homosexual acts is just as deterimental to ones ‘temporal and eternal welfare’ as well?? just curious for conversations sake…dont mean to pry

 

[TheDoctor]

Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay? Do people go as far as disowning their child?

You love them, just as you would if they turned out to be a murderer, thief, etc. and you try to help them to amend their sinful ways (and let’s keep it clear that it is no sin to have SSA, it is a sin to act on it).

I could never disown my child for anything they do. Christ did not give up on me, and I have done such awful sins in His eyes He had every right to. How then can I show less love and forgiveness to my own child? From the time my kids were born, my wife and I have always told them “I may not always like the things that you do, but there is never anything you can do to make me stop loving you”.

 

[SaltySirena]

mkingdomlvr,

Thank you for posting! The way your parents dealt with it is basically how I see myself dealing with it. When I said I don’t know if I could be comfortable with having their partner in my home, I realized that if we did it that way, I’d be fine. If my child insisted on the term “partner” basically announcing to every old aunt and granny “we have sex” then I would be uncomfortable. But if the respect went both ways, with us using the term “friend” and being kindly welcoming as we would with any other friend, and them respecting our difficulty by behaving like you and your partner did, I think we could all get along peacefully.

It’s worked with my aunt for 20 years now. She has a “friend” she met when they were both in the Navy. They’ve lived together, retired together, even won the lottery together, all these years. I think respect for my grandma has kept them from being open or obvious around family gatherings. But we all know what the reality is. It doesn’t need to be spoken. And for that mutual respect, the family is peaceful and happy, and “Aunt Laura” is welcome and has become part of the family. They don’t demand to flaunt, and my grandma doesn’t demand to chastise.

To WillieWonka, I have major problems with Church teaching on birth control. You could basically say I have a proportionalist view of marriage. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with the Church on almost everything else. Most important, though, I believe the Catholic Church is the true Church, instituted by Christ upon the rock of Simon Peter. I believe in the unbroken line of Papal Authority from Peter to now. I believe in the miracle of Transubstantiation and the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I believe the Catholic Church has the fullness of the truth about Jesus. I believe everything in the Nicene Creed. In short, I am a Catholic, though a flawed one. The fact that I am flawed does not take away my right to have standards.

 

[estesbob]

It’s a nice idea in theory. But if you look at what that kind of attitude does in reality you will see it is anything but an act of love. I have heard heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story about gay human beings who sink into lives of pain and despair because their “lifestyle” is rejected and shunned by their own families. I can hate the fact that someone is an artist but love that person right? I could be like a Christian mother who loved her child but hated the sin of boxing that he was actively involved in as a boy (I kid you not, she felt competitive boxing was a sin).

Again you fail to adress why Parents should abandon their Moral beleifs because their child has decided to embrace sninful lifestyle. The solution is not for parents to affirm sin-its for their children to stop living a sinful lifestyle.

When you say you love a person but hate a part of who they are that they have no power to control, love becomes an empty, meaningless word, and I say that from personal experience.

Which I suspect is based on your opinion that those who live this lifestyle are not sinning and their parents are narrow minded bigots bringing great pain to their children by not accepting their lifestyle whatever it may be,

A gay child is going to endure enough rejection and “honesty” from the rest of the world. Stick to your personal convictions if you must, but the plain and simple fact is a parent does more harm than good by telling their child they are flawed and disordered by having feelings for someone of the same sex.

Again we need to differentiate between Same Sex attraction (which is not a sin) and homosexual behavior(which is).

Yes, a parent must love their child unconditionally, but sometimes, or rather most of the time, a child needs more than just love. If my child ever told me he or she was gay, I would still invite them over for Christmas dinner, I would still stop by their house if I was passing through town, I would still encourage them to call me if they are upset about something, I would still help them out with school or work if they needed it, I would still sit down with them over diner and talk about God, family, politics, etc. I’ve endured to much isolation and chastizing in my own childhood to be able, in good conscience, inflict that on someone else.

Which is exactly what most parents do with children who have decided to live a sinful lifestyle. what you dont do, however, is in anyway approve of or affirm of the way they are living their life

 

[WillieWonka]

"Which is exactly what most parents do with children who have decided to live a sinful lifestyle. what you dont do, however, is in anyway approve of or affirm of the way they are living their life "

In the real world, how does one affirm or approve of the way they are living? What is the affirming behavior that should be avoided? Is this all done in the prvacy of the parents thoughts, or is there some observable behavior?

I don’t affirm or approve of Muslim theology, but there is nothing in my behavior or dealings with Muslims to demonstrate that. It’s all internal to my private thoughts.

 

[SaltySirena]

Dr. Laura’s advice is good here: Just be polite.

 

[estesbob]

"Which is exactly what most parents do with children who have decided to live a sinful lifestyle. what you dont do, however, is in anyway approve of or affirm of the way they are living their life "

In the real world, how does one affirm or approve of the way they are living? What is the affirming behavior that should be avoided? Is this all done in the prvacy of the parents thoughts, or is there some observable behavior?

I don’t affirm or approve of Muslim theology, but there is nothing in my behavior or dealings with Muslims to demonstrate that. It’s all internal to my private thoughts.

In reality ones childs sexual behavior rarely comes up. The differences come in how you deal with their "partner’. For instance you would not let your visiting homosexual child share a room in your house with their partner (anymore, IMO, than you would let your heterosecual child share a room with their partner if they are not married) and out of respect for your feelings ask them for no outward signs of their behavior in your presence.