What if the annulment isn't granted?

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My wife is seeking an annulment from her previous marriage. What does the Church ask that I do so that I can still receive the Sacraments if the annulment isn’t granted? We have a 5 year old son. Do we continue to live as brother and sister forever? What if her ex-husband passes away? In that case, what is typically requested from the Church in order for us to get married in the Church? Thanks for all your help!
 
My wife is seeking an annulment from her previous marriage. What does the Church ask that I do so that I can still receive the Sacraments if the annulment isn’t granted? We have a 5 year old son. Do we continue to live as brother and sister forever? What if her ex-husband passes away? In that case, what is typically requested from the Church in order for us to get married in the Church? Thanks for all your help!
If the ex husband passes away you can marry as usual. Otherwise you are supposed to be separated not only from bed also from table and the same apartment/house due to the close occasion of sin.

This is hard an painful requirement, and the reason why the annulment process was liberalized recently
 
Otherwise you are supposed to be separated not only from bed also from table and the same apartment/house due to the close occasion of sin.
Even if a child is involved? Could you point me to the code of canon law or other Church teaching that states this?
 
My understanding is that until and if the annulment is granted, then to receive the sacraments you should live as brother and sister.If the annulment is not granted then to receive the sacraments you should continue to live as brother and sister.At present you are not sacramentally married and in the event of the husband dying then she would be free to marry you.
It is best to speak to your priest about this who will not only be more knowledgeable but also understanding and helpful.We have all made mistakes in life, none of us are any better than anyone else.It is wonderful you and your wife wish to return to the sacraments and have a sacramental marriage.You are by no means the only couple in this situation.There is nothing that can not be overcome.Our love of God is paramount to all in life that is why we strive to do His will.Your sacrifice is commendable and will be rewarded.God bless
 
My wife is seeking an annulment from her previous marriage. What does the Church ask that I do so that I can still receive the Sacraments if the annulment isn’t granted? We have a 5 year old son. Do we continue to live as brother and sister forever?
You need to talk to your priest. If no children were involved, then you would typically need to separate. But, often when children are involved, yes, staying together-- living in the same house as brother and sister-- is a pastoral option. Again talk to your priest. Also try not to have too much anxiety over this, take it one day at a time until you know for certain her freedom to marry.
What if her ex-husband passes away? In that case, what is typically requested from the Church in order for us to get married in the Church? Thanks for all your help!
Then you could convalidate your marriage.
 
My wife is seeking an annulment from her previous marriage. What does the Church ask that I do so that I can still receive the Sacraments if the annulment isn’t granted? We have a 5 year old son. Do we continue to live as brother and sister forever? What if her ex-husband passes away? In that case, what is typically requested from the Church in order for us to get married in the Church? Thanks for all your help!
Hate to ask this, but were you sacramentally married inside the Church?

(this could theoretically happen if you weren’t asked the proper questions beforehand)

Was her previous marriage done within the Church?

Was her husband a validly baptized Christian? (Or, for that matter, is she a validly baptized Christian)

I’m not going to give legal advice which I am not qualified to give, but those and other questions you need to consider when talking to your priest. A really good reference that would cause you to ask those, as well as other, questions, is a New Commentary on Canon Law.

The more facts that you can bring to your priest in regard to that, the better he can do to help her get that annulment.

(And by the way, you can fully accomplish the brother/sister thing if you have a guest bedroom. That can be done quietly with nobody outside your family being aware of it. That way you don’t become the object of scandal within your community and can get the issue resolved quietly)
 
Otherwise you are supposed to be separated not only from bed also from table and the same apartment/house due to the close occasion of sin.
This is not true as close friends of ours can testify who are currently going through this process.

To the OP: I wouldn’t worry about the annulment. Since the liberalization of this process has occurred, does any one get turned down anymore? I just read that so many annulments are granted these days, it has been dubbed the “Catholic divorce.” In all fairness, tho, IMHO, this comes under the heading of pastoral care after all the error that spread like wildfire after Vat II when priests were telling people that if there was no longer love in the marriage, it invalidated the Sacrament. How sad that the effects of those lies are so prevalent even today, forty plus years later.
 
Even if a child is involved? Could you point me to the code of canon law or other Church teaching that states this?
Act of contrition
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace** to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin**. Amen.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
 
Act of contrition
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace** to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin**. Amen.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
And abandoning his child isn’t a sin?

From a woman who went through a divorce as a child I find that thinking unconscionable. The Church is not trying to hurt this family in any way…they are going through enough. If they didn’t have a child that is different and they would be asked to separate but that is not the case here.

Straight from the CCC:
  1. What is the attitude of the Church toward those people who are divorced and then remarried?
1650-1651
1665
The Church, since she is faithful to her Lord, cannot recognize the union of people who are civilly divorced and remarried. “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). **The Church manifests an attentive solicitude toward such people and encourages them to a life of faith, prayer, works of charity and the Christian education of their children. **However, they cannot receive sacramental absolution, take Holy Communion, or exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities as long as their situation, which objectively contravenes God’s law, persists.
 
And abandoning his child isn’t a sin?

Straight from the CCC:
As you quoted the catechism:
However, they cannot receive sacramental absolution, take Holy Communion, or exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities as long as their situation, which objectively contravenes God’s law, persists.
The sinful thing was to start relationship with someone who was not free. The consequence of a sin do not annul the sin itself. Any sex outside of the holy matrimony is grave sin, and living with someone’s partner is close occasion to the sin, have to be avoided.

He can pay for his son, can take him for visitations, buit cannot live with his mother.
 
Hate to ask this, but were you sacramentally married inside the Church?
No. At the time we were engaged, I was very ignorant of my Catholic faith, but somehow knew I needed to speak with my local priest about the upcoming marriage since I was marrying a non-Catholic Christian and that we wanted to be married in a different church. We both met with him on several occasions and did a type of marriage prep. He informed us that she would need to get an annulment. She told him that her ex-husband was a baptized Catholic and that they were not married in the Catholic Church. The priest told us this should be a simple “lack of form” annulment. To make a long story short, her ex’s baptismal record could not be found and still can’t be found. The priest then told us that he could essentially grant the annulment and that we were free to marry outside the Catholic Church. We did that. He told me that our marriage was convalidated and that we did have a dispensation and that our marriage was valid and sacramental.
(this could theoretically happen if you weren’t asked the proper questions beforehand)
I wonder if that is the case with my situation?
Was her previous marriage done within the Church?
No.
Was her husband a validly baptized Christian? (Or, for that matter, is she a validly baptized Christian)
He was a baptized Catholic. She is a baptized Lutheran.
I’m not going to give legal advice which I am not qualified to give, but those and other questions you need to consider when talking to your priest. A really good reference that would cause you to ask those, as well as other, questions, is a New Commentary on Canon Law.
Thank you.
The more facts that you can bring to your priest in regard to that, the better he can do to help her get that annulment.
Okay.
(And by the way, you can fully accomplish the brother/sister thing if you have a guest bedroom. That can be done quietly with nobody outside your family being aware of it. That way you don’t become the object of scandal within your community and can get the issue resolved quietly)
We have two bedrooms. One for us and our son.
 
No. At the time we were engaged, I was very ignorant of my Catholic faith, but somehow knew I needed to speak with my local priest about the upcoming marriage since I was marrying a non-Catholic Christian and that we wanted to be married in a different church. We both met with him on several occasions and did a type of marriage prep. He informed us that she would need to get an annulment. She told him that her ex-husband was a baptized Catholic and that they were not married in the Catholic Church. The priest told us this should be a simple “lack of form” annulment. To make a long story short, her ex’s baptismal record could not be found and still can’t be found. The priest then told us that he could essentially grant the annulment and that we were free to marry outside the Catholic Church. We did that. **He told me that our marriage was convalidated and that we did have a dispensation and that our marriage was valid and sacramental. **
Normally Convalidation requires a ceremony. Long as you have done that then as the priest said your marriage is valid and sacramental. You’re worrying about nothing.

If your annulment hasn’t been granted yet, that’s different - but it sounds from this like it already has.
 
As you quoted the catechism:

The sinful thing was to start relationship with someone who was not free. The consequence of a sin do not annul the sin itself. Any sex outside of the holy matrimony is grave sin, and living with someone’s partner is close occasion to the sin, have to be avoided.

He can pay for his son, can take him for visitations, buit cannot live with his mother.
With all do respect Laszlo, this is YOUR interpretation of it. Not the interpretation of his priest nor the interpretation given by the catechism. The Catechism says “The Church manifests an attentive solicitude toward such people and encourages them to a life of faith, prayer, works of charity and the Christian education of their children.”

It does not say they must separate. It does not say they must not live under the same roof.

It DOES say that they are to not receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and therefore cannot receive the Eucharist.

WE, as laypeople, are not to add to the Catechism nor to take away from it.

Either way, looking at the new post it appears this entire discussion is irrelevant since the marriage has already been deemed “valid and sacramental” by the OP’s priest.
 
As you quoted the catechism:

The sinful thing was to start relationship with someone who was not free. The consequence of a sin do not annul the sin itself. Any sex outside of the holy matrimony is grave sin, and living with someone’s partner is close occasion to the sin, have to be avoided.

He can pay for his son, can take him for visitations, buit cannot live with his mother.
Yes, extra-marital sex is sinful, but living as brother and sister is not.
 
Either way, looking at the new post it appears this entire discussion is irrelevant since the marriage has already been deemed “valid and sacramental” by the OP’s priest.
I should clarify. I was told that by my former parish priest in the town I was living in. I thought all was good. Several years after that my wife goes through RCIA and is told in order to continue, she would need to get an annulment. This is in a different town, different parish, priest and diocese. Now the process has started again. Actually, I don’t believe the long form annulment was sent to the tribunal the first time. I called the original priest who said we were okay and he said, “This is a mess.” and that he was sorry and that we need to pursue it with the diocese we are now in.
 
I should clarify. I was told that by my former parish priest in the town I was living in. I thought all was good. Several years after that my wife goes through RCIA and is told in order to continue, she would need to get an annulment. This is in a different town, different parish, priest and diocese. Now the process has started again. Actually, I don’t believe the long form annulment was sent to the tribunal the first time. I called the original priest who said we were okay and he said, “This is a mess.” and that he was sorry and that we need to pursue it with the diocese we are now in.
I’m sorry for your problems and it really makes me angry that those who give counsel (and should know better,) sometimes do so wrongfully. :mad:

Willl it take yet another generation to straighten out the “mess” (not referring to your situation, but the marriage debacle as a whole.) Take heart and know that our up and coming seminarians seem to have a greater knowledge of their faith and the competency to exercise priestly functions more accurately.
 
At the time, I didn’t know that was sinful.
This makes it complicated, or if you want easy, and let us hope, that the annulment process will be successful.

God is merciful, and he does not want impossible things

My personal experience says that to live together requires the conjugal love, and even if that is sinful due to the circumstances, it is lesser evil than to find sexual satisfaction outside of that relationship.

We are imperfect.

Living as brother and sister, is considered impossible by the Church except for Saints.
 
This is not true as close friends of ours can testify who are currently going through this process.

To the OP: I wouldn’t worry about the annulment. Since the liberalization of this process has occurred, does any one get turned down anymore? I just read that so many annulments are granted these days, it has been dubbed the “Catholic divorce.” In all fairness, tho, IMHO, this comes under the heading of pastoral care after all the error that spread like wildfire after Vat II when priests were telling people that if there was no longer love in the marriage, it invalidated the Sacrament. How sad that the effects of those lies are so prevalent even today, forty plus years later.
I know a couple that while they were granted a Decree of Nullity they were also enjoined against after marrying within the Catholic Church again due to the defect of their maturity level and having it determined that they can not truly understand the concept of a sacramental marriage.
 
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