What if you can't receive absolution?

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Constantin said:
Sure it is a serious sin. I guess it’s always a sin in the end. I can’t end it. It’s no use.
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This does not make sense. You have said that you need absolution, in which case, we are talking about a mortal sin, which, by definition, requires full consent of the will. Therefore, saying that you “can’t end it” is inconsistent.
 
So many people live together without marriage in the church. Many of them are entirely happy, don’t even think about going to confession. If only I could stop worrying. Probably God understands. After all, he let it happen. Maybe I am making this a lot bigger than it actually is.
 
It seems that you married outside the Church someone who is divorced and is unwilling or unable to get an annulment.

I know someone who was in the same situation. She went to Mass, taught her children Catechism and sent them to CCD, etc. She did not receive the sacraments, but she prayed a lot and made a Spiritual Communion at Mass. She offered up the suffering she experienced.

Eventually, her husband changed his mind about the annulment, and she was then able to receive the sacraments.

Fwiw, she is not happy with the AL footnote thing, either. She thinks it was spiritually helpful to her to “fast” in obedience to the Church!
 
Seriously? God does not remove our free will just to keep us from sinning.

That indelible mark of your Baptism is calling you Home. Like the prodigal son, your Father is waiting to welcome you.
 
Annie said:
I know someone who was in the same situation. She went to Mass, taught her children Catechism and sent them to CCD, etc. She did not receive the sacraments, but she prayed a lot and made a Spiritual Communion at Mass. She offered up the suffering she experienced.
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This is the life of sacrifice to which Christ is calling us. Is it not worth that sacrifice to live as brother and sister until it is resolved? How might such a sacrifice help your own soul, as well as that of your spouse and children?
 
Living as brother and sister was not an option for my friend, but had it been, she would have.
 
I’ve been through this exact same thing. A priest refused to hear my confession once because I was too emotional and honestly it was hard on me. It was very hard for me to make myself go there in the first place (legitimately almost impossible and months in the making) and I was doing my best, but it wasn’t good enough. I struggled with this for a long time and it led to me having really severe anxiety related to confession. I couldn’t even think about going, much less go, and then I stopped attending mass because, in my eyes at the time, I didn’t see a point if I was always going to be in mortal sin. I felt like God didn’t love me or want me in His church or else why would He let me get turned away like that?

Let me just say; is is SO DIFFICULT to move past this. I work at it every day and am trying to regain the trust in God I lost after that incident. It does get better though - slowly, but better - so I encourage you to not give up. I recently encountered a priest who was so kind and so patient with me and that has totally changed my outlook and has given me so much hope I will one day fully return, body, heart, and soul, back to the Church. All will be well in God’s timing - and His timing is always perfect.

In regard to committing more sins: it’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole. The more you commit, the more you will stop caring. The more times you commit a sin, the more habitual it will become. This will only make it harder once you eventually come to your senses. Please, I beg you, don’t do this. It’s so tough to get out of and there is nothing I regret more.

God bless you.
 
No convalidation? Could you guys compromise

Isn’t it the first civil marriage for you both. Tell her about the Pope marrying that couple on the plane
 
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Keep wanting to change. This is your conscience which essentially is God. Don’t think/worry about what other people are doing. We will/are all praying for you. Sorry this is so hard for you. Don’t ever give up on going to mass and confession. Do talk to your priest, he knows a lot more than we do and just because he’s never been married doesn’t mean he doesn’t know a lot about it. Seeing from the outside is often a much better position to be in. Also when you are in confession it’s Jesus Himself who is talking to you, via the priest, don’t discount that. God bless you in these difficult times. Don’t forget we all have difficult times, not the same necessarily but we do have them… the best thing to do is always to submit to God’s will which is love and mercy.
 
Thanks to all for your kind words!
Living as brother and sister would certainly be possible for a few months. But I can’t honestly promise that for an indefinite period of time. You see, we both wish for another child, this is VERY important for us. And I guess you cannot make a valid confession if you only intend to not sin for a particular amount of time. It’s not the way it works.
 
Try it and see how God works in the mean time… He has those mysterious ways. He loves you and your wife very very much. God bless you both
 
No.
You can always avoid sin.

Trust me, confession is a great place to start. You may be in a sin, but it confers grace. Likewise Eucharist gives grace. Pray the Rosary.

The devil wants you to think you’ll always be stuck in sin. God already has won.

If all else fails pray to be martyred.

But know that all things are possible through God. Pray often.

I suggest making a special appointment with a priest for confession and explaining this all to him during the week.
 
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Constantin said:
Living as brother and sister would certainly be possible for a few months. But I can’t honestly promise that for an indefinite period of time. You see, we both wish for another child, this is VERY important for us. And I guess you cannot make a valid confession if you only intend to not sin for a particular amount of time. It’s not the way it works.
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You are right. I guess it boils down to whether you are willing to submit your earthly desires to His heavenly desires. If He desires that another child be produced, then it will come when you are obedient to His commands.
 
It appears to me that in the end, it always boils down to that. As long as you are on your own, things are comparatively easy. But if you are married, things change dramatically: You need to make decisions which both the wife´s and the husband´s support.
 
That’s Satan who makes you think when you aren’t in a state of Grace you might as well just keep doing what your sinful behavior is because what difference does it make.
I advise you to do some soul searching. Study the mass. If you don’t like the Mass go to another parish, try the extraordinary form of Mass, maybe that would be better for you.
Church isn’t something to be dreaded. I try to go every day and I love it. I can’t fathom not even being able to go for one hour a week. It’s really that much of a burden? One hour with God? What is so important you can’t do that? Do you make time to watch your favorite t.v. shows every week though?
Not trying to be rude but it just seems you need a serious spiritual guidance. Your in my prayers.
 
I used to go to the mass of a FSSP parish, but it takes some time to get there, so I settled for the next “average” parish. In terms of liturgy, it is not really what helps me in a spiritual sense, lots of things going on that make me cringe, especially compared to the Tridentine mass at the FSSP parish, but I no longer really care: After all, mass is mass, I have become kinda resigned. It´s not so much about spending the 1-2 hours on a Sunday, I can make the time easily. It is more about a general apathy and indifference.
 
Yes, but you are not married. No offence meant my friend. You are cohabitating with your wife. You are only married in the eyes of society and not yet in the Church (God’s body) eyes. Therein, my brother, lies the problem. If you were married, you could procreate as you like and rejoice in it with God’s blessing. However, as you are you are living in sin. I am sorry to put it so bluntly. But your situation is very much like that of many and is of course very challenging as you do wish to consider the needs and wants of your wife. She however, should also want to consider how much this is tearing you apart, even if she doesn’t understand it. This of course is difficult, but can and should be two way. God bless.
 
Consider that absolution can only be given when we repent.

The true meaning of the word “repent,” is to have a change of mind, or heart.

If you’re refusing to change your heart and mind about a sin you’re committing, then absolution isn’t possible.

Jim
 
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