What is the value of a wife?

[jmjZelie]

Well Trident’s here to weigh in. So careful everyone. He’s not very good at looking at where he’s going. Might step on toes and stuff.

But seriously. I can think of this in 2 ways. The first is the way that a wife takes care of the people around her. She’s pretty much the heart of the house in most cases. Take out the heart and the house can still work. It can still go on. But it doesn’t have that same sense of purpose. That same selfless drive. Or something. I mean you can’t pay for that. It has no price because no one’s for hire in that category.

And of course there’s the practical side. The thousands of chores that get done because of her efforts. That would cost a lot of coin. To even get done half as well.

But more to that even. Since Zelie is my friend. There’s the value of her as a friend. Which is huge to me alone. Never mind everyone else she’s lent an ear to. Or helped in other ways. So yeah. If she’s for sale I’m bidding. But I don’t think I’ve got anywhere near enough cash. And I mean there’s no way I could ever actually come up with her real value here. That’s a priceless thing. That’s gold bar territory.

Peace Zelie. You’ve got high value. Just can’t fit the number in the cheque blank.

-Your friend Trident

Thanks Trident! That was such a kind post. I needed encouragement today. I am very tired. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for you just now and prayed for your intentions. God bless you!

 

[Convert_in_99]

I asked my husband when he got home. I asked the question as simply as I asked it here. He said:

Someone who is the center of the home, spiritually and emotionally
Someone who brings softness and beauty to the home and to my life
Someone who adds gentleness to life
Someone who is a best friend and a good companion
Someone who nurtures our children and supports me
Someone who I can love and who can love me

Never once did his list include functions a wife/mother might perform (cooking or cleaning or laundry, etc). I asked him why he didn’t mention any of those. He said that it just never occurred to him, because we were talking about the value of a wife and not the jobs she might do to contribute to the household.

Now I know why I live this man!

And no, pianistclare, you husband certainly did not miss the point. He hit on the point perfectly.

Aww! How sweet!

 

[Della]

Yes, something to spark conversation and keep me on the right track when I get tired or stressed. I want to have good inspiration from fellow Catholics and other people of goodwill here at CAF to recall so I don’t fall into thinking that if I don’t get the laundry done on a particular day (or week) that I have failed to be a good wife.

Oh I don’t do laundry until it’s absolutely necessary. Ha! And I have many good friends among the dust bunnies. No, the value of a wife isn’t merely household duties, but rather all the things that make a spouse cherish her, and the same can be said of a good husband. Being industrious doesn’t mean working oneself to death–it merely means actively looking out for the good of one’s family.

 

[underacloud]

Never once did his list include functions a wife/mother might perform (cooking or cleaning or laundry, etc).

How do you do the below without doing the “functions” you seem to want to dismiss as unimportant?

Someone who nurtures our children and supports me

The “functions” of spouses and parents are inseparable from the vocation. You can dress things up in flowery language - nurture, love, support, etc - but you can’t separate out the functions from the vocation itself. These words mean nothing without the actions.

I can tell my wife I love her…or I can actually love her in practice by contributing to family life by doing certain functions (cooking, cleaning, going to work, taking care of the children, etc).

 

[underacloud]

Prov. 31:10-31.

In addition to this, I’d suggest reading the Song of Songs to understand that the spousal relationship is really beyond value (noting that the Song of Songs is really about God and us, but expressed as an allegory of two lovers). The poetic nature of the Song shows how difficult (impossible) it is to truly express the value of a good spouse.

 

[Trident_H]

Thanks Trident! That was such a kind post. I needed encouragement today. I am very tired. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for you just now and prayed for your intentions. God bless you!

Hey you bet Zelie. I remember not long ago being in the same down way. But that time it was you who lent me a hand. Lent me some real feeling when I needed it. So this is me pointing that out. And returning the serve.

And thanks for the prayers Zelie. You just proved what I said. Again.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[E_7]

Reading this thread with much interest.
I asked my husband to answer the question.
Without hesitation, he said: *Someone to trust, share my innermost feelings with. Someone with whom I can share anything, and receive understanding, humor, tenderness, and loyalty. This, to me, personally, makes you invaluable. *

After I showed him the various posts, he said “Geez, I guess I missed the point. I never even thought about mentioning your capabilities in those terms.”

God bless you both!!

 

[pianistclare]

I asked my husband when he got home. I asked the question as simply as I asked it here. He said:

Someone who is the center of the home, spiritually and emotionally
Someone who brings softness and beauty to the home and to my life
Someone who adds gentleness to life
Someone who is a best friend and a good companion
Someone who nurtures our children and supports me
Someone who I can love and who can love me

Never once did his list include functions a wife/mother might perform (cooking or cleaning or laundry, etc). I asked him why he didn’t mention any of those. He said that it just never occurred to him, because we were talking about the value of a wife and not the jobs she might do to contribute to the household.

Now I know why I live this man!

And no, pianistclare, you husband certainly did not miss the point. He hit on the point perfectly.

Right, Yours as well. God bless friend!

Edited to add:
Men hate it when they perceive that women only view them as a paycheck…I’ll wager that women don’t like to be viewed as the cook, chief bottle washer and baby maker.

 

[jlc2k2]

Thanks Trident! That was such a kind post. I needed encouragement today. I am very tired. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for you just now and prayed for your intentions. God bless you!

If you want a laugh to go with the encouragement, I can tell you my husband’s response.

Let’s go check Craigslist.

Despite never being able to get a straight answer from him, I still love him.

 

[Trident_H]

What a kind and thoughtful post!

Thanks for that C99. But it’s a truth. And that stuff needs saying. Even if sometimes we forget to. Because we get so used to the good we just take it for granted. Take it into that place in our mind where we think it’s a natural part of the landscape. But it’s not. Because it takes a real person to do that stuff. Someone who cares. Zelie’s like that to me.

Peace C99.

-Trident

 

[E_7]

jmjZelie, good question! Especially for men to think deeply about their wives and their relationship. I’m also reading the thread with interest.

 

[jmjZelie]

How do you do the below without doing the “functions” you seem to want to dismiss as unimportant?

The “functions” of spouses and parents are inseparable from the vocation. You can dress things up in flowery language - nurture, love, support, etc - but you can’t separate out the functions from the vocation itself. These words mean nothing without the actions.

I can tell my wife I love her…or I can actually love her in practice by contributing to family life by doing certain functions (cooking, cleaning, going to work, taking care of the children, etc).

Where do you get the idea that I want to dismiss as unimportant the functions (household duties, etc)?

And it was my husband who made the distinction, when he explained that nurturing meant those things a mother does to encourage and love her children in a way that only a mother can do. Anyone in the family can pitch in and do housework or make a meal, but only the wife can be the wife. And only the mother can be the mother. That was he point he was making.

I am talking more about being, I suppose, than doing.

 

[jmjZelie]

Right, Yours as well. God bless friend!

Edited to add:
Men hate it when they perceive that women only view them as a paycheck…I’ll wager that women don’t like to be viewed as the cook, chief bottle washer and baby maker.

Even worse if men view themselves as only a paycheck or women view themselves as chief bottle washer and baby maker!

 

[jmjZelie]

If you want a laugh to go with the encouragement, I can tell you my husband’s response.

Let’s go check Craigslist.

Despite never being able to get a straight answer from him, I still love him.

Thanks, that was a good laugh!

 

[jmjZelie]

When thinking about the complementary question, what is the value of a husband, I find it impossible to answer coherently. I get a sense of belonging and love and strength and companionship and so many other good things when I ponder the meaning of the word husband.

So often, I see articles and conversations about thre cost of a wife or the contribution of a husband, but so rarely do I see talk of the value or worth of either. We are so quick, as a society, to cheapen the things that are priceless or profound. So I just thought it would be encouraging to ask the question simply, from a different perspective.

 

[underacloud]

Where do you get the idea that I want to dismiss as unimportant the functions (household duties, etc)?

Based on what you said here - seems like you specifically want to exclude the “functions” from the list of things of value - sorry if I misunderstood your point:

Never once did his list include functions a wife/mother might perform (cooking or cleaning or laundry, etc). I asked him why he didn’t mention any of those. He said that it just never occurred to him, because we were talking about the value of a wife and not the jobs she might do to contribute to the household.

Now I know why I live this man!

I am talking more about being, I suppose, than doing.

Sure. But I’m just suggesting that you can’t *be *a good wife without *doing *what a good wife does (same of course for husbands).

I mean this in general of course, with no specific function in mind. For example, in my household (I am the husband/father) I am the primary cook. I also do at least as much of the cleaning as my wife (open to debate of course). My wife does many wonderful things, especially with the children.

To a degree I largely agree with what I think you mean. If I were to value my wife primarily as a cook or household cleaner, her value would be quite low, since she’s really not that good at either of these functions. I value her companionship very highly.

 

[on_the_hill]

Beats me. I’m still making payments.

 

[jmjZelie]

Based on what you said here - seems like you specifically want to exclude the “functions” from the list of things of value - sorry if I misunderstood your point:

Sure. But I’m just suggesting that you can’t *be *a good wife without *doing *what a good wife does (same of course for husbands).

I mean this in general of course, with no specific function in mind. For example, in my household (I am the husband/father) I am the primary cook. I also do at least as much of the cleaning as my wife (open to debate of course). My wife does many wonderful things, especially with the children.

To a degree I largely agree with what I think you mean. If I were to value my wife primarily as a cook or household cleaner, her value would be quite low, since she’s really not that good at either of these functions. I value her companionship very highly.

I think I disagree with you somewhat. There have been times where I was forced to not do anything but stay in bed, for medical reasons, until I healed. Was I a bad wife then? I certainly felt like a bad wife. But intellectually, I reminded myself I wasn’t.

There are crippled or disabled or severely ill spouses. They are not bad spouses if they are unable to perform the typical duties of a spouse.

These might be exceptions that prove the rule. OR, they might be examples that prove the value of a spouse is not tied to the functions they perform.

One last example: suppose a couple does not need to work for pay because one of them had an inheritance, and they also could afford a cook, maid, chauffeur, laundry services, the whole shebang. In such a circumstance, we can see that function does not provide true value or worth.

I think Della’s point was spot on earlier, now that I reflect on it. Faithfulness and willingness to give of self is a key part. I would add femininity for wives ( that sense of receptivity and beauty and softness like my husband described) and masculinity for husbands ( that sense of noble leadership and self-sacrifice that I admire in my husband).

Anyway, I am not here to advance any agenda. It is okay by me if there is disagreement or different perspectives, especially since this is such a profound topic. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[jmjZelie]

Well, commentaries aren’t necessarily spiritual material but rather putting passages into context, etc. The spiritual element is the truly important one or else it would have no meaning to us beyond a cultural representation of the times.

In the OT being sucessful was the same thing as being favorable to God. As we read it post-Incarnation, we see that it isn’t her financial or business success that is the important thing but rather it’s a metaphor for being faithful and industrious. God calls us to be useful and self-giving which garners success in our souls, which is far more important than temporal rewards such efforts might gain. It is just as much about men as women in the sense that we are all called to faithfulness and industriousness in our endeavors, temporal and eternal.

If you haven’t read the Haydock Catholic Bible Commentary on these verses, you may find it helpful. :tiphat:

I really liked your response and read it out loud to my husband.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

If you could put a Price on your own life , on the lives of Children, on every possession
You have ever accumulated , then somehow Double it,
You still wouldn’t be Close