What is your opinion towards premarital sex

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Once upon a time I disagreed with Rome on this, and knew several priests that did not mind saying that Rome was wrong and would not say it was a sin (if within a committed relationship).

Looking back - little good came out of it, and it caused more than insignificant problems. It bore rotten fruit.

My relationship with my wife became better when we started to listen to Church teaching.
 
Premartial sex is a mortal sin. The sixth and ninth commandments teach this very clearly.
The sixth forbids all words looks and actions contrary to holy purity. The Ninth forbids all impure thoughts and desires willfully entertained or consented to.
Where do you think you would go if you died while having sex and you are not married?
It has happened.

Antrim
 
I need help. I just read all of this and it had deeply disturbed me. I am an 18 year old Catholic Man. I go to church every Sunday and i try to live my life free of sin. Until now ive always reguarded sexual sins as not a “big deal” because ive only had one partner, and we care about eachother very much (8 month relationship so far) But after reading this im put into doubt. Ive always thought of myself as a good person i guess, ive always tried o be. But going through these posts ive found that Premarital sec, contraception, Masturbation are not only sins, but MORTAL sins.
I recently gave up sex for Lent, not all forms of sex i succumed to manual and oral forms but i did succeed in giving up sex. i was proud of myself until today. My whole life seems to have been thrown into doubt. What do I do?? How can I be intimate with this woman with such dire concequences? Isnt saying this is a mortal sin in my case an exaggeration? Whats wrong with condoms? How do I tell this girl " ya we cant touch again…like ever"??
I dont want to dissapoint God and i dont want to go to hell but i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I dont know how to get through this i’m so confused and i dont want to hurt this girl. please please give me some advice
 
Et_Cetera said:
My opinion differs from that of the Church, but since you asked, I’ll provide it. I think that it can be fine as long as both partners are in some way committed and care for one another.
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Wow. Just wow.

So if they were committed to accompanying each other to every concert by their favorite musician, or committed to helping each other learn a foreign language, then sexual intercourse “can be fine.”

Ohhhh. Kaayyyy.
:rolleyes:
 
nitro said:
I need help. I just read all of this and it had deeply disturbed me. I am an 18 year old Catholic Man. I go to church every Sunday and i try to live my life free of sin. Until now ive always reguarded sexual sins as not a “big deal” because ive only had one partner, and we care about eachother very much (8 month relationship so far) But after reading this im put into doubt. Ive always thought of myself as a good person i guess, ive always tried o be. But going through these posts ive found that Premarital sec, contraception, Masturbation are not only sins, but MORTAL sins.
I recently gave up sex for Lent, not all forms of sex i succumed to manual and oral forms but i did succeed in giving up sex. i was proud of myself until today. My whole life seems to have been thrown into doubt. What do I do?? How can I be intimate with this woman with such dire concequences? Isnt saying this is a mortal sin in my case an exaggeration? Whats wrong with condoms? How do I tell this girl " ya we cant touch again…like ever"??
I dont want to dissapoint God and i dont want to go to hell but i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I dont know how to get through this i’m so confused and i dont want to hurt this girl. please please give me some advice
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I don’t know anything about your circumstances, but there is a simple answer to your question. If you care about this girl, marry her. In the meantime, don’t let your body make promises that your mind and will do not intend to keep.
 
our grandparents and before that always waited… think of all the problems were avoided by waiting…and divorce rate low, disease low, unwanted pregnancies low, it goes on and on !!!
 
nitro,

If your girlfriend truly cares about you, she won’t leave you simply because you can’t have sex until you are married. And if she does leave you, then that’s not the type of person you want to be with in the first place.

You need to take some time to understand why it’s harmful. A good book for you to consider is “Real Love” by Mary Beth Bonacci.

You also need to sit down and explain to your girlfriend that that you aren’t going to engage in that behavior anymore. Usually women have an easier time dealing with that then men, but if she honestly can’t handle it, then that’s not the type of person you want as your future wife.

Above all else, pray. especially to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She will help you to become pure and you will be much happier. Many people on here have been in your position, you are not alone. Please feel free to keep posting here for support.

You are in my prayers.
 
JimG said:
I don’t know anything about your circumstances, but there is a simple answer to your question. If you care about this girl, marry her. In the meantime, don’t let your body make promises that your mind and will do not intend to keep.
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Agreed. If she is worth having, then she is worth waiting for. I am recently engaged. I have made it very clear, I will NOT have anything sexual between us unless I get a ring and an I Do. This is for her, as well as myself. I have tried the other way before and it never works. Not to mention, What is special about the wedding night if your already engaged in sexual relations? Shouldnt there be some surprises? Its a matter of respect and showing you really cherish the persons whole being to wait. And a show of respect to God. Peace 🙂
 
My faith teaches that pre-marital sex (fornication) is always a mortal sin. I believe that.

If I wasn’t so committed to believing what my faith teaches, I would still look down on fornication, though not in absolutely every case. For example, I am the product of fornication, even though my parents married (albeit civil) about two months after I was conceived. I would probably not look down on it as much if the couple in question was engaged and relatively assured that they were going to marry, but the vast majority of fornication either brings problems or shame down on the fornicators (e.g. “one night stands”, when drunk, etc.)
 
tvdxer said:
My faith teaches that pre-marital sex (fornication) is always a mortal sin. I believe that.

If I wasn’t so committed to believing what my faith teaches, I would still look down on fornication, though not in absolutely every case. For example, I am the product of fornication, even though my parents married (albeit civil) about two months after I was conceived. I would probably not look down on it as much if the couple in question was engaged and relatively assured that they were going to marry, but the vast majority of fornication either brings problems or shame down on the fornicators (e.g. “one night stands”, when drunk, etc.)
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Not to mention, you have no promise from your partner, and they can bring home something that you can carry for life. Think it cant happen?..Keep sleeping with people outside of wedlock and find out. Two people in a marital covenant is a beautiful thing. outside? You have about a 95 percent chance of relational failure. I dont know if that is the actual stat. Kinda hyperbol on my part. maybe someone has the actual stat? Wait until you married. Its your best course of action. weather your deeply religious or an athiest. Pre marital relations hardly ever work. Peace 😦
 
benidict said:
Not to mention, you have no promise from your partner, and they can bring home something that you can carry for life. Think it cant happen?..Keep sleeping with people outside of wedlock and find out. Two people in a marital covenant is a beautiful thing. outside? You have about a 95 percent chance of relational failure. I dont know if that is the actual stat. Kinda hyperbol on my part. maybe someone has the actual stat? Wait until you married. Its your best course of action. weather your deeply religious or an athiest. Pre marital relations hardly ever work. Peace 😦
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I’d say 95 fail is not the correct stat… just off the top of my head 😛
 
cathoichelp said:
I’d say 95 fail is not the correct stat… just off the top of my head 😛
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Id be real curious my friend. It would be interesting to see how many of these relationships succeed, compared to married people whose divorce rate is now over 50 percent. Is the number Higher or lower. My own personal experience is at 99.9 percent failure. LOL! This is why I dont advocate it. but what do the statiticians say? 🙂
 
benidict said:
Id be real curious my friend. It would be interesting to see how many of these relationships succeed, compared to married people whose divorce rate is now over 50 percent. Is the number Higher or lower. My own personal experience is at 99.9 percent failure. LOL! This is why I dont advocate it. but what do the statiticians say? 🙂
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About 90 percent of American’s have pre-martial sex -

I don’t think you can blame premartial sex on the fail of relationships … well I mean you can Catholics do all the time … ha!
But I think there is a lot more that has changed in our society not just morally but purely in the sense of information -
We all know we can end a marriage -
We all have friends and family members who are divorced (aka its not taboo now)
Our education about sex does not just consist of what are parents are telling us (like years ago)
Kids and young adults have more access to information and therefore are less fearful
And of course science continues to expand what we know … The fear of God decreases as we can explain more and more other ways. It’s easier to believe things will send you to hell when most things are uncertain. The more we can explain w science the less we need to explain with religion
wow rambling haha

At any rate - there is not really any way to get an honest stats on this one.
Most people now days that actually do manage to not have sex before marriage are so deeply religious they would not get divorced anyway. that takes a lot of commitment to God
It does not mean they are all happy and living the great life - it means they could not have sex before marriage and they can not get divorced.
 
benidict said:
Agreed. If she is worth having, then she is worth waiting for. I am recently engaged. I have made it very clear, I will NOT have anything sexual between us unless I get a ring and an I Do. This is for her, as well as myself. I have tried the other way before and it never works. Not to mention, What is special about the wedding night if your already engaged in sexual relations? Shouldnt there be some surprises? Its a matter of respect and showing you really cherish the persons whole being to wait. And a show of respect to God. Peace 🙂
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Well said!
 
Chastity is counter cultural - both before and after marriage. I don’t think it is the magic bullet that prevents divorce. But perhaps it does helps people make better marriage choices (when the goal is not to hop in bed as quickly as possible - because after that we don’t make very rational decisions) - and perhaps it is indicative of believing marriage is something more than what you get out of it.

I know there are Catholic marriages that fail. But as the couple develop a mutual goal - a relationship that is God centered, that is open to life as appropriate (where sexuality is in a proper place) - I do think they have a much better chance than those who are living for themselves.
 
zhangxupage said:
What is your opinion towards premarital sex?

Why is it forbidden?
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On a practical level, there is no certain commitment involved. If the girl gets pregnant, then what? Traditionally, sex and marriage are all about forming the basic family unit. This is true wherever you live in the world. In the United States, the quickest road to poverty is being an unwed mother.

Catholics know that sex is pleasurable but it must occur in a situation that is open to life.

Peace,
Ed
 
I have no problem with pre marital sex. Now I dont mean to trivialize this but an example I have is: We only spend about 4 - 7 yrs when we buy a car. We can talk about that car all we want and read about what it does and how it performs but who here buys a car without test driving it first?

The same with a house. We are gonna spend about 5, 10, even 30 years with that purchase and did anyone buy it without entering it or seeing if it is inhabitable? Nobody does this.

and these are material things without the possibility of mental hangups, etc

One can talk and discuss with their soon to be significant other about sex til they are blue in the face but what happens of all of a sudden the much promised talk turns into frigidness, or mental hangups or unwilling to do certain things when in conversation that person whether the man or woman said they would have no problem? Sorry, for me PM sex is very important. Call me shallow but if in conversation my soon to be said oh I never tried oral sex but yes we will do that when married…then we are married and she goes, sorry I thought I could but its just too gross…what, now I am supposed to be stuck for life or now enter into counseling and possibly have to get an annullment because someone wasnt being honest? WAY TOO MUCH HASSLE once the priest says the words and makes u married. And since the majority here who pose are women Im sure to get flack, and the men will probably agree but wont speak up 🤷
 
Marriage is not to be entered into lightly. Sex is easy, relationships are difficult. Both easy and freedom have been marketed for a long time. I get that.

In the end, you will have only friends and family and a hope for eternal life. Being Catholic and keeping the Commandments are not easy. We will all be tried like gold in the fire. God has given us rules for living not to spoil our fun but out of His wisdom. Even though premarital sex has become more common, the reasons for avoiding it have not changed.

The last young lady I was with made it clear that certain things were expected from me if we married. I decided not to marry. Sex was the least of my concerns.

Peace,
Ed
 
Sex is a MAJOR concern because the act sex is used to bring the 2 together for bonding and rebonding especially when the stresses of daily life, bills,work, etc, personal arguments occur. Sex is supposed to be what brings the 2 back together and IMO if that aspect isnt tested out BEFORE marriage, all esle runs the strong risk of being doomed.
 
Don’t put the cart before the horse. You get married, the sex is good. Then what? Two close friends of mine who are married go to work, clean house, go shopping and do all the other everday things married couples do. Sex is a tiny fraction of their time.

So when the sex is done, you need to realize that the bonding you talk about is more than physical.

You need to enjoy the other person’s company before you get married.
You need to have certain common interests and do things together.
You need to know what the other person wants out of married life. A list, if you will, of her expectations.
And what about children? When the children are born, someone has to take care of them, spend time with them and nurture them as they grow.

Church attendance and a prayer life are required.

Peace,
Ed
 
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