What is your opinion towards premarital sex

[benidict]

I have no problem with pre marital sex. Now I dont mean to trivialize this but an example I have is: We only spend about 4 - 7 yrs when we buy a car. We can talk about that car all we want and read about what it does and how it performs but who here buys a car without test driving it first?

The same with a house. We are gonna spend about 5, 10, even 30 years with that purchase and did anyone buy it without entering it or seeing if it is inhabitable? Nobody does this.

and these are material things without the possibility of mental hangups, etc

One can talk and discuss with their soon to be significant other about sex til they are blue in the face but what happens of all of a sudden the much promised talk turns into frigidness, or mental hangups or unwilling to do certain things when in conversation that person whether the man or woman said they would have no problem? Sorry, for me PM sex is very important. Call me shallow but if in conversation my soon to be said oh I never tried oral sex but yes we will do that when married…then we are married and she goes, sorry I thought I could but its just too gross…what, now I am supposed to be stuck for life or now enter into counseling and possibly have to get an annullment because someone wasnt being honest? WAY TOO MUCH HASSLE once the priest says the words and makes u married. And since the majority here who pose are women Im sure to get flack, and the men will probably agree but wont speak up

I wont give you flak. and I perfectly understand where you are coming from. My views are more based on practicality and respect than anything religious. However. How do you deal the the high percentage of people with HPV out there? This virus is not that tough for a guy to deal with, but it can have devestating effects for a woman. And Yes I am a guy. A condom is not going to protect you, and there is a high likely hood you will catch it. Not fun, and no cure. For a woman, not only can she get the warts. This condition can lead to cirvical cancer, and sterility. Big fun! Think the vaccine is going to do any good? Think again. the vaccines only cover 3 or 4 types of this virus. There are over 100 different strains. So if you wish to keep trying out the goods before you buy, then by all means. continue. I think your showing a lack of respect to your partner, or maybe you both just want to have something temporal. I dont know, and I dont care. but your chance of coming down with HPV is apx 75% Herpes simplex 2? which is extremely painful and ugly, not much lower. Makes pre marital activity a little less attractive, doesnt it? Oh, and incidentally, a woman is not a house, or a car, OR an alternative to masturbation. They are highly intelligent wonderful creatures who deserve our utmost respect. Peace

 

[benidict]

Sex is a MAJOR concern because the act sex is used to bring the 2 together for bonding and rebonding especially when the stresses of daily life, bills,work, etc, personal arguments occur. Sex is supposed to be what brings the 2 back together and IMO if that aspect isnt tested out BEFORE marriage, all esle runs the strong risk of being doomed.

And this my friend is a myth. Ive tried it your way, many many times. It never works. Pre marital sex just throws confusion into the mix. Your making a promise, and joining with part of that persons soul, but you are not fullfilling it in a covenental manner. How many times have you TESTED sex out, just to not go thru with the marriage. I can tell you my number. P.M. me if your more comfortable. These are my last few post for the most part of CAF anyway. I will be happy to discuss this with you, off line. Peace and prayers for you.

 

[Tomb54]

If I can add my 2 cents. First off if you love the girl and you know what true love is then you will not have sex with her before marriage. True love is to desire the best for the one you say you love and the only thing this can be is heaven. So you will not do anything to her that would hurt her chance to get to heaven and you would in fact do what would increase her chance for heaven. Second You must desire God above all else and learning to control your worldly desires allows you to follow your heavenly God and the laws which He gave us to aid us in being with Him. Thirdly, learning to control your desires will also aid you in staying faithful. If you want to use scientific stuff like the one guy brought up then science has proven this to be true so I guess God knew what he was doing giving us those commandments that we like to ignore…

just so you know this is my history of relationships, Dated my wife 3 1/2 years before marriage never had sex before (although it got hard toward the end) and we are still married 36 years later. I will also say it helps if you both practice the same faith even if one is not as strong in it as the other. I was not as strong in my faith as my wife but I did believe in respecting her and in doing that I felt it was wrong to use her as a sexual object to satisfy my desires and wants.

 

[CathModerate]

Don’t put the cart before the horse. You get married, the sex is good. Then what? Two close friends of mine who are married go to work, clean house, go shopping and do all the other everday things married couples do. Sex is a tiny fraction of their time.

So when the sex is done, you need to realize that the bonding you talk about is more than physical.

You need to enjoy the other person’s company before you get married.
You need to have certain common interests and do things together.
You need to know what the other person wants out of married life. A list, if you will, of her expectations.
And what about children? When the children are born, someone has to take care of them, spend time with them and nurture them as they grow.

Church attendance and a prayer life are required.

Peace,
Ed

Ur trying to use your friends as sex being tiny fraction for many its major

 

[CathModerate]

I wont give you flak. and I perfectly understand where you are coming from. My views are more based on practicality and respect than anything religious. However. How do you deal the the high percentage of people with HPV out there? This virus is not that tough for a guy to deal with, but it can have devestating effects for a woman. And Yes I am a guy. A condom is not going to protect you, and there is a high likely hood you will catch it. Not fun, and no cure. For a woman, not only can she get the warts. This condition can lead to cirvical cancer, and sterility. Big fun! Think the vaccine is going to do any good? Think again. the vaccines only cover 3 or 4 types of this virus. There are over 100 different strains. So if you wish to keep trying out the goods before you buy, then by all means. continue. I think your showing a lack of respect to your partner, or maybe you both just want to have something temporal. I dont know, and I dont care. but your chance of coming down with HPV is apx 75% Herpes simplex 2? which is extremely painful and ugly, not much lower. Makes pre marital activity a little less attractive, doesnt it? Oh, and incidentally, a woman is not a house, or a car, OR an alternative to masturbation. They are highly intelligent wonderful creatures who deserve our utmost respect. Peace

Ur associating pre marital sex as swinging or being all over the place with many women

 

[Tomb54]

Ur trying to use your friends as sex being tiny fraction for many its major

Which means they make it their god (their idol) and it becomes more important than following God and desiring God over things of this world. It is their choice because they have free will but there are also lasting consequences if they continue in this belief.

 

[benidict]

Ur associating pre marital sex as swinging or being all over the place with many women

so how many “test” drives, and “commited” relationships have your been in? Im trying to save you a world of hurt and grief. If you dont want the advice. then by all means. Knock yourself out. You will learn soon enough.

 

[benidict]

Nope, you are not the only one. I 2nd this. Its at the very least. an imature way to view women. You are most correct. Peace

 

[benidict]

And I am suffering justly for my sin in this reguard. also many women get diseases from such men, when they lose their virginity to them. Its not always equated with alot of partners. that is a myth.

 

[benidict]

Yes. im engaged to a wonderful lady. I hope he puts himself in my shoes and thinks about what it would be like to have to have “the talk” about what shes at risk for, due to past behavior with ONE unfaithful partner. It only takes ONE time.

 

[Padraig1972]

I also did disagree with Rome. Note: did, but not doing. As i of May 1.st 2011 do agree with Rome on this.

Our bodys are our temples and i am 100 % against any pre-marital sex or anything else that may corrupt the Holy union between a man and a woman.

 

[Listener]

When I was growing up in the 1950’s, it was considered just plain stupid for a girl to have sex before marriage. We were told it was like letting a man take advantage of you. There was an old saying, “Why should he buy the cow if the milk is free?”

This saying would be very politically incorrect these days, but there is a lot of truth in it.

Women who are married for at least ten years can collect Social Security from their husband’s account, even if they never work outside the home. There is no such benefit for a single person who is shacking up with someone.

I just can’t imagine what people are thinking when they shack up with someone and then have a bunch of children. To me, this is just completely irresponsible.

 

[CathModerate]

Which means they make it their god (their idol) and it becomes more important than following God and desiring God over things of this world. It is their choice because they have free will but there are also lasting consequences if they continue in this belief.

ok…Gods sending people to hell…or better we r sending ourselbes to hell cuz we have pre marital sex…with the person we then marry…this woulld be the SAME God who let his servants have multiple wives, sire kids with women other than their wives and let his servants overtake kingdoms so his servants could have he spoils…one among them their women…

 

[StevenFrancis]

As an act of free will, I have subjugated what would have formerly be my “opinions” to the magesterium of Holy Catholic Church in matters of faith and morals. Pre-marital sex is pretty well settled by the Church. So my opinion on pre-marital sex, (or any other question of morality), is on display for anyone to see in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Some germane citations from ccc:

2353 *Fornication *is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.

2390 In a so-called free union, a man and a woman refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy.
The expression “free union” is fallacious: what can “union” mean when the partners make no commitment to one another, each exhibiting a lack of trust in the other, in himself, or in the future?
The expression covers a number of different situations: concubinage, rejection of marriage as such, or inability to make long-term commitments.183 All these situations offend against the dignity of marriage; they destroy the very idea of the family; they weaken the sense of fidelity. They are contrary to the moral law. The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion. 2391 Some today claim a “right to a trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, "the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim."184 Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.185

Blessings,

Steven

 

[wild_thing]

I need help. I just read all of this and it had deeply disturbed me. I am an 18 year old Catholic Man. I go to church every Sunday and i try to live my life free of sin. Until now ive always reguarded sexual sins as not a “big deal” because ive only had one partner, and we care about eachother very much (8 month relationship so far) But after reading this im put into doubt. Ive always thought of myself as a good person i guess, ive always tried o be. But going through these posts ive found that Premarital sec, contraception, Masturbation are not only sins, but MORTAL sins.
I recently gave up sex for Lent, not all forms of sex i succumed to manual and oral forms but i did succeed in giving up sex. i was proud of myself until today. My whole life seems to have been thrown into doubt. What do I do?? How can I be intimate with this woman with such dire concequences? Isnt saying this is a mortal sin in my case an exaggeration? Whats wrong with condoms? How do I tell this girl " ya we cant touch again…like ever"??
I dont want to dissapoint God and i dont want to go to hell but i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I dont know how to get through this i’m so confused and i dont want to hurt this girl. please please give me some advice

Since you have read through this entire thread, I think you get the gist of why premarital sex is never a good idea- spiritually, emotionally, psychologically and physically.

I invite you to consider it in a whole different light.

The Church is a Mystical Body, yes? All of us catholics are joined together in a mysterious, mystical way. Your sin of fornication, in this case, is not a private act between you and your girlfriend. You do not live in a vaccuum. Whatever you do- for good or for ill, affects us all. Your sin is hurting the entire Body of the Church. We are all affected, we are all involved. The Body gets a little more sick, looks a lot less pretty, when we sin. :stretcher: Similarly, when you resist temptation and resolve to stay chaste, the Body gets stronger and healthier. :yeah_me:

Many people make sacrifices or offer their sufferings in union with Christ’s Passion for the sake of this Mystical Body. A little old lady with arthritis offers her pain and her prayers to God so that you can be given the grace to turn away from this sin. Or maybe it’s a young mother with breast cancer uniting her suffering to Jesus’; or a middle age man offering his work anxieties to God through prayer; maybe it is in the prayer intentions we read during mass or the private prayers in the Divine Office. The point is, somewhere, somehow, someone is praying that you have the strength to give up this mortal sin. Don’t let Christ’s sacrifice for us be in vain. Do your best to turn away from this sin- for your sake, for your girlfriend’s sake- and for the Body’s sake. We are all in this together- we’re family! Do right by your family.

 

[benidict]

ok…Gods sending people to hell…or better we r sending ourselbes to hell cuz we have pre marital sex…with the person we then marry…this woulld be the SAME God who let his servants have multiple wives, sire kids with women other than their wives and let his servants overtake kingdoms so his servants could have he spoils…one among them their women…

Ok, so what is gonna be special about your wedding night? I can answer that… Nothing! You wanted everything now, including indulging in your own jollies, irrespective of her, and there is nothing now saved for the honey moon. Congratulations! Way to go. Im sure a lady really loves this view.

 

[caoindealbhan]

Sex is an act of love between 2 committed adults. Pre-relational sex is usually uncommitted and promiscuous. It cheapens the act of love. Also, don’t believe that by having sex before getting committed you will see if you are ready to be committed. Becoming committed is based on how well you get along and the things you have in common. Also take a good look at that person you love when they are at their worst. Do you still love them now?

 

[Victoria47]

I think in a relationship, as far as physical intimacy, things should not go past kissing. Thats just my opinion though. There are so many more intimate things you can do with your boyfriend/girfriend that don’t require physical things. Like movies, bowling, games, or even just taking a walk. Those are the things you should focus on in a relationship before marriage.

Thank you for this. I am a college student and for the first time I am faced with the question of how far I am willing to go. Intercourse has never been even a consideration, but recently the point has been brought to my attention that there is so much that a couple can do without having “intercourse”. Frankly, I am completely ignorant on these things and wanted to know what “premarital sex” entailed. Your words and the words of others have helped cleared that up. Thank you and please pray that I may be able to hold firm to abstinance for myself and the other person.

 

[Tomb54]

Thank you for this. I am a college student and for the first time I am faced with the question of how far I am willing to go. Intercourse has never been even a consideration, but recently the point has been brought to my attention that there is so much that a couple can do without having “intercourse”. Frankly, I am completely ignorant on these things and wanted to know what “premarital sex” entailed. Your words and the words of others have helped cleared that up. Thank you and please pray that I may be able to hold firm to abstinance for myself and the other person.

Victoria, I just would like to let I will pray for you and to let you know it works, hold fast to the morals as the chuch and the bible teach. I dated my wife 3 1/2 year before we got married and stayed chaste (although it was getting hard there at the end). Next weekend we will have been happily married 37 years. Hold Firm and pray for strength, it is hard but all things worth while are usually hard.

 

[TarkanAttila]

I’ve been thinking a lot about sex lately.

I’m beginning to think what really makes a marriage - at least, what finishes it, that is what makes it permanent - is the first sex you and your spouse have. THAT is what makes you husband and wife (not husband and husband or wife and wife).

In the Catholic Church, we make a special effort to include God in our marriages by offering up our consummation to God. But it’s the man and the woman who marry each other, in the bed, during sex. And that’s how non-Catholics are married: by the procreative act. That’s how they’re supposed to be married.

And whenever a man and a woman (or a boy and a girl) do this act, they’ve basically married each other. That’s how it’s been since Adam and Eve. When you have sex for the first time, you’ve married each other. United each other in a bond that says “I’ll be with you forever; nothing will separate us.”

THAT, I think, is why the Church teaches against adultery and sexual immorality, and fornication. Because that act is the REAL marriage ceremony. But as we know, vows that are not said genuinely are no vows at all. So if we say “I do” with our bodies, but not with our hearts and souls and minds… that, that is the real sin. Lying. Breaking an oath printed in blood and oxytocin.

Amazing the revelations you can have with six hours playing a visual novel about a bunch of disabled high-schoolers, a bit of theological education in the Catholic Church.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, especially about this next statement.

I think, therefore, that outside of the Catholic Church and Christianity, the only marriage ceremony really needed is the conjugal act done with the right frame of mind, for the right reasons, and the right intentions.

True, that happens very,very rarely today. And a bit of fanfare for such a momentous occasion seems only right. It only seems right to celebrate the fact that you’re going to spend your life with the one you love forever and ever.

But if America - the world - ever gets back into its right mind, we’ll celebrate a man and woman’s having sex because they’ve officially committed to each other. Like in the old (very old, as in Jacob and Leah old) days.

Whaddya think?