women shouldn’t expect men to do inhuman amounts of working out in order to become as wide as they are tall.
(just kidding)That’s right. A former coworker of mine had that very problem with her now-ex-husband. She was an attractive gal with a nice figure (nicer yet after DH talked her into getting a boob-job which she didn’t really want), and hubby pressured her to wear immodest clothes so everyone could see what a “hot” wife he had. He was very controlling and manipulative, so she paraded around like his living Barbie-doll in miniskirts, low-cut tops, and tight outfits even though as a conservative Protestant herself, this made her uncomfortable. That, IMHO, is a form of abuse. This jerk also abused her in other ways psychologically and eventually physically. It wasn’t until he beat her and barricaded her in the bathroom that she finally had enough and left.
Hehe, thanks. Well, I seem to be suffering from the Eternal Friend Syndrome. They will like my company, grow close (very, sometimes), be enchated, impressed, whatever, but not want a relationship. Perhaps I don’t provide challenge or thrill, which is about right because I don’t want to.
you make me laugh with your comments dude…
how r u single uptil now with ur sense of humor!!! there has to be something that u r not letting us know…
I am more than prepared to manipulate people (I’m a law student, I’ve devoured tons of psychological literature, especially on communication or personality types, I’ve attended mediation/negotiation courses), but I don’t want to and I hate to put people in any position of uncertainty - even the “will he phone or not?” kind of thing. But that’s fine. I wouldn’t make a bad priest if I were called and I don’t think I’d be a grumpy bachelor. Oh dear, what did she see in him? I don’t want to be cruel, but it does look like she ignored a couple of alarm signs. Many good girls fall for the wrong guy because of a certain allure. Don’t get me wrong, good guys have a certain charm (which occasionally “converts” a bad girl even), but bad guys have the kind of allure that’s really hard to defeat. Maybe the organism thinks they’re strong genetic material, don’t know.That’s right. A former coworker of mine had that very problem with her now-ex-husband. She was an attractive gal with a nice figure (nicer yet after DH talked her into getting a boob-job which she didn’t really want), and hubby pressured her to wear immodest clothes so everyone could see what a “hot” wife he had. He was very controlling and manipulative, so she paraded around like his living Barbie-doll in miniskirts, low-cut tops, and tight outfits even though as a conservative Protestant herself, this made her uncomfortable. That, IMHO, is a form of abuse. This jerk also abused her in other ways psychologically and eventually physically. It wasn’t until he beat her and barricaded her in the bathroom that she finally had enough and left.
Is that term really used? I associate alter Christus with the priest saying, “this is My body,” or in Confession maybe.
“Naturality” and natural apperance are two different things.
It’s one thing if we mask unpleasant smells or trim fingernails (we can’t be completely passive or else we’d be expected not to wash or something like that ), another if we go to the surgeon. I’m not going to throw rocks at cosmetic surgeries (after-accident restoration excepted of course), but there’s probably always a better way to deal with one’s self-image or to spend the money. Note also the big risks - that’s something I believe we aren’t entitled to take for the sake of looks alone.I would say yes, but there’s the general problem of modesty and humility anyway. The sin of pride can be committed because of cheaper clothes in one person than those that inspire humility in another.
Less repulsive rings more legitimate than more attractive, but one needs to consider the risks anyway, as well as the expense.
Don’t know. If there’s a big risk, unforeseen complications or unreasonable expense involved, it’s probably wrong. I would think about the attitude more than the act itself. Obsession with appearance, rejection of self, that kind of thing.
Personally, I like moderate sizes and even smaller ones better, so we could argue about well-endowed. It’s ultimately a matter of either how she sees herself or how she wants to be seen by others, as there is no objective law that bigger is better.
Thanks.
That’s fine, as long as those future Catholics understand that God made all of us in His image – the homely ones, as well as the pretty ones.
Well, if you were about 30 years older, I might give you a chance myself!
You impress me as an articulate young man of deep thought; perhaps this is an acquired taste and the young ladies in your life aren’t “there” yet. Hang in there.I didn’t know this gal back then, but from what she has told me, her younger years were pretty rough. She has self-esteem issues and considered herself “damaged goods” because of a past abortion and another unwed pregnancy (back in our day, that was a BIG deal). Hubby-dearest was a classic case of an abuser who preyed upon her insecurities and low self-esteem, and I won’t waste bandwidth telling the rest of the story; we’ve all heard the same story with different names far too many times.
Bingo, you’ve got it. That’s what really ticked me off. Yet I know another woman who was involved with an abuser who did the opposite, wanting her to dress very conservatively so that other men would NOT look at her. If burkas were sold at Wal-Mart, he’d have bought her an entire wardrobe. Go figure.
The last time I talked with her, she had decided that she wasn’t ready for dating again. It has only been a couple of years since she divorced the abuser for the second time (yes, she dumped him once and then took him back after he had “counseling” and swore he had changed; yeah, right). So she is just hanging out and focusing her attention on her kids for now.
I wish the girls who dress this way would read this and take it to heart! I almost dread the coming of summer, knowing that I will have to look at the nearly-naked masses baring themselves because “it’s too hot” to cover up. One time I told the priest in confession that I was having uncharitable thoughts toward the disgustingly-(un)dressed I saw in the grocery store during a heat wave, and I could swear I heard the priest stifle a laugh – betcha he was thinking the same thoughts!
I understand what you mean. My husband will purposely sit in the front of the cathedral or the chapel connected to it because we have a lot of very attractive young people that attend mass there. He says that some of them dress really inappropriately and he is trying really hard to concentrate on the mass. I personally don’t care how the women dress outside of church, but I feel it is inappropriate to be hanging all out when you are at mass. What gets me is when parents will let their daughters wear skirts that barely cover their bottom or tops that show too much cleavage when they attend mass.
I’m with you on this one. I try to dress nicely all the time, not just for my husband but for my witness. I am pregnant with our 7th child and I have worked really hard over the years to maintain a size 8, the nicest wardrobe (only on clearance, mind you), make-up and handbags. I think we do much good for the Catholic Church (by the grace of God, of course) when people come to our table in a restaurant, or approach us any-old-place and comment on the beautiful family. I do not think they are looking at objective physical attributes. They are seeing kids that are dressed appropriately for Mass, or restaurant or whatever, mom who doesn’t look like life is on her last nerve, and hubby and I co-operating to manage the kids. They then see us load into our 12 passenger vehicle with pro-life bumper stickers all over.
Hehe, I thank you for your kind words.Well, if you were about 30 years older, I might give you a chance myself!
I suppose that might be it… being articulate is neither common nor particularly considered to be of value these days. It’s evident even from comparing how people speak or write. If you took something a teacher of Polish wrote today and an engineer before WW2, I suppose the latter would be more elegant and even more correct. Sometimes it feels to me that in this modern world thoughts are hastily formed and they never really find an ordered expression. I’ve been accused of excessive dissecting and way too much thinking, so I guess that’s something to put off those who know me. Other than that, I suppose I might be the male equivalent of the girl you’d look at for hours but wouldn’t actually be attracted to. Don’t know… I turn heads by entering a room on my good days and I get a good share of strangers to look and even smile, but I’d be the last one to be considered “sexy”, at least normally, which is not contrary to my desires, anyway. So I guess I just don’t provide the challenge or the thrill or whatever.Yeah… The damaged goods blackmail is so difficult to escape from. People can do that without realising. It’s not so easy to let go as it is merely to give up revenge for something. It might even have started with his subconsciously wanting something in exchange for his forgiveness.
I wouldn’t like to play victim blame but is it absolutely sure that the women did nothing to warrant such extremes even partially? I’ve noticed some such patterns in myself which I’ve had to shake off on occasion and I think the “show-off” reflex is probably a natural male one going too far (the man’s own insecurities about his desirability and his ability to find a pretty girl, I suppose), whereas the burkha reflex is probably tied to some dislike of how the girl acts or dresses. I don’t think normal men freak out without any reason about such things, but then, abusers are not normal men. Even if the girl likes to flirt just a little or to “strut the stuff” just a little and the man feels neglected just a little by her, it may still add up to a very big problem.
I think she did right. The kids need the attention and she doesn’t seem to be ready for anything. In fact, she might be better off without a man at all unless she were to find a really exceptional one.
And his problem is bigger because he has to find another priest!
Yeah, I wonder. It’s not like those girls buy their clothes alone (well, the younger teens) or at least earn the money on their own. Parents have some control.
i honestly dont think shared friends should be brought into this at all becos then you are just airing your dirty laundry for the whole world to see…I think shared friends could be asked to slip a suggestion.
I personally don’t think there is anything wrong to “fish” after mass - obviously not during. My husband and I met during mass at our college campus. We were also involved with the campus ministry and got to know each other better that way. But if you’re not in college anymore or aren’t involved in campus ministry, it’s very difficult to find a nice Catholic gentleman or gentlewoman outside of Church. Once you’re out in the workforce it makes it harder. Some of my friends are having that problem right now. That is one nice thing about have “coffee and donuts” after mass, especially for young and single people of all ages.
) I’m slender and curvy at the same time, so I always refer to my husband to make sure that what I’m wearing won’t be too distracting to people in the congregation. I will change my top, for instance, if he gives me too positive of a reaction, if you know what I mean. He knows that it is not my fault, because he says that any other person would look fine in that top and it wouldn’t make him turn his head at all, but it’s the way I’m endowed. Believe me, I sometimes wish I didn’t have these curves and could be straight up and down, which I used to be before I turned 24. I can’t help the way God made me, but I can dress to downplay as much as I can to look modest. The cantors used to wear robes, but it was decided that only the deacons and the altar servers could wear them, so that was out for me.Obviously not one acquaintance or another. I meant a good friend, in-law, something like that. This may be a poor analogy, but when I need to turn a girl’s attention to wardrobe malfunctionl, I discreetly ask another female friend to do that rather than doing it myself. Guess one could do that with weight issues or a sudden lack of care about style.
Not only outside. In fact, in some parishes, it’s like senior citizens at a weekday mass plus a young couple or two and a rare student who doesn’t have classes or anything at the time, but a whole crowded church at a Sunday mass, so you have stampede mechanics at play.
The best style.
A reactionary word I use to refer to slovenly clothing when I’m being particularly sanctimonious. It rhymes with “lousy”, which is an additional bonus.
(You may want to spell it “frowzy” since you live in the States and it’s subject to the “ise/ize” rule.) Click