What should I do?

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EasterJoy said:
You can have sympathy for him, but do not feel that he has “fate” or your mom to blame. His lover shouldn’t have let this happen, either, but in the end this mess is his doing, he is responsible, and it is his job to clean the mess up and make amends to everyone harmed because of his selfish and self-centered choices. To support him is to support him in making amends. He can be forgiven, IOW, but he must not be excused.

Again:** You mom is the victim here, not your dad and his complicit lover.**
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I know he should fix the damage thats done not that im taking sides but what happens to his lover
 
She must leave completely, as I previously said sever all contact,
now that he has been exposed he may do this more willingly.
 
alebin,

What a horrible situation you are in. Sorry to say this, but your father is being despicable.

You are only 16? You should not have to be dealing with this.

I have not read this entire thread. But I will say I have had my experience with this sort of situation.

My opinion is, - expose, expose, expose. Blow this affair up!

I know it will be difficult. I know people (your father, in particular) will not like you for a time. It’s probably not the popular thing that people are advising. As i said, I haven’t read the entire thread. But exposing is the only means of ending it.

Also, your mom has a right to know. Yes, it will hurt her. But your father’s already done the damage. HE is the one hurting her. You are just giving the facts. And you are NOT responsible for any of it.

I despise adultery. And I’m sorry for you. And I will pray for you and your family.
 
abelin said:
I know he should fix the damage thats done not that im taking sides but what happens to his lover
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You should take sides. You should take the side of your mother, your family, and marriage. His “lover” (there are other words women use for someone like her that are quite a bit more uncharitable) needs to leave. He needs to sever contact with her. If she is pregnant, he is going to HAVE to come clean to your mother, because this opens up a whole new can of worms.

And what if this woman has some type of disease? your mother should have the opportunity to seek medical care, and testing.

Do not be swayed by “what happens to this woman?” She made this bed when she chose to pursue a relationship with a MARRIED MAN. You can feel compassion for her, but at the end of the day, your loyalty and responsibility should be to the victim in this - your mother.
 
mandajane said:
You should take sides. You should take the side of your mother, your family, and marriage. His “lover” (there are other words women use for someone like her that are quite a bit more uncharitable) needs to leave. He needs to sever contact with her. If she is pregnant, he is going to HAVE to come clean to your mother, because this opens up a whole new can of worms.

And what if this woman has some type of disease? your mother should have the opportunity to seek medical care, and testing.

Do not be swayed by “what happens to this woman?” She made this bed when she chose to pursue a relationship with a MARRIED MAN. You can feel compassion for her, but at the end of the day, your loyalty and responsibility should be to the victim in this - your mother.
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I love my parents of course that’s a given. But in the past i’ve felt some sort of connection with the ow and indeed she may be mother to my sibling
 
I think this situation is beyond the advice we can give across the internet,
definitely still see your priest about this.
it is just such a terrible situation you are in.
 
KnightofSilence said:
I think this situation is beyond the advice we can give across the internet,
definitely still see your priest about this.
it is just such a terrible situation you are in.
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Thanks, normally people would dismiss it. Perchance do you think the ow( Susan) actually cares about me?
 
If this situation is for real…
The OW cares nothing for you or for anyone except herself.
Her behaviour with your father is clear evidence of this.
Tell your mom, and then step away. This is not for you to deal with.
Your father is in the wrong, be a support for mom. She will need you.
 
abelin said:
I’ve finished speaking to my dad. It was really emotional he broke down in tears and admitted that he had been seeing her but for a much longer period of time than expected around 2 years.** His reasons for the affair were that he had always loved her and so couldn’t be without her for much longer otherwise his soul would die**. He also stated that if it wasn’t for her his life wouldn’t have been worth living any longer I don’t know if he was lying but his emotions were quite strong
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What a load of claptrap. Your father is committing adultery. Whatever words and emotions he uses to justify it, he is fornicating with someone who isn’t his wife, your mother. He’s CHEATING ON your mother!!! How can I impress this upon you?? He needs to come clean and admit to the affair. And don’t have sympathy for him, he’s going to break your mother’s heart. People who don’t honor the vows they made in front of God really make me :mad::mad:
 
If the Op was to tell his Mother, it would further aggravate this, and could end catastrophically.
 
KnightofSilence said:
I think this situation is beyond the advice we can give across the internet,
definitely still see your priest about this.
it is just such a terrible situation you are in.
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You need to do this…
I love my parents of course that’s a given. But in the past i’ve felt some sort of connection with the ow and indeed she may be mother to my sibling
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Because you say this!!
You seem more concerned about a woman who is literally trying to steal you father from the woman who carried you in her womb for nine months and has taken care of you for sixteen years.
Get your priorities straight. You spent this heart wrenching time with your father and you or his sister didn’t bother to ask his intentions regarding your mother or IF there even is a pregnancy? Your obviously not mature enough to be doing any of this without qualified help…and don’t look for it hear, it’s above our pay grade. (maybe you’ve heard that already):rolleyes:

I gotta bail, man…this is getting just too ridiculous!
 
TheRealJuliane said:
What a load of claptrap. Your father is committing adultery. Whatever words and emotions he uses to justify it, he is fornicating with someone who isn’t his wife, your mother. He’s CHEATING ON your mother!!! How can I impress this upon you?? He needs to come clean and admit to the affair. And don’t have sympathy for him, he’s going to break your mother’s heart. People who don’t honor the vows they made in front of God really make me :mad::mad:
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How can I stop my mother’s heart from being broken?
 
abelin said:
How can I stop my mother’s heart from being broken?
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You can’t. It’s your father who has chosen this. You need help because as it is, this is beyond your abilities. Your father is committing adultery, and is saying it is out of love for the other woman. Therefore, it is unlikely that he will agree to stop seeing this woman. Therefore, your mother has a right to know. If it were me, I’d tell him, “Dad, if you don’t tell Mum in the next 24 hours, I will tell her myself, and I won’t leave anything out.”

What did your aunt have to say? Did she get all sympathetic to him as well?

What a mess. I’d call him a very uncharitable name but I’d get banned for it. :mad:
 
I would also say that yes you are effected, but this is between your mother and your father.
You are the child and it is not your place to do anything except perhaps to make you mother aware if she is not already.
They are the grown ups, and it is up to them to deal.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
You can’t. It’s your father who has chosen this. You need help because as it is, this is beyond your abilities. Your father is committing adultery, and is saying it is out of love for the other woman. Therefore, it is unlikely that he will agree to stop seeing this woman. Therefore, your mother has a right to know. If it were me, I’d tell him, “Dad, if you don’t tell Mum in the next 24 hours, I will tell her myself, and I won’t leave anything out.”

What did your aunt have to say? Did she get all sympathetic to him as well?

What a mess. I’d call him a very uncharitable name but I’d get banned for it. :mad:
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My aunt had a go at him although she tried to console him
 
You feel a “connection” to the Other Woman? Are you KIDDING??

A., this woman is an INTERLOPER intent on destroying your family!!!

You must let this out. Sorry you’re the one to have to do it. It will make you unpopular for a time. But this is not a POPULARITY CONTEST!

Look, you stated you’re a Roman Catholic. This is simply not tolerated in our faith. You must shine the light on this evil and let whatever happens - happen.

Sorry to be harsh on you. I know you’re young. But like another said, you must get your priorities straight.
 
abelin said:
My aunt had a go at him although she tried to console him
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Awww, poor baby, him! He’s eating his cake and having it too, isn’t he? And everyone is so sorry for him! It’s his true love! He is going to die if he has to stop seeing her! :mad:

He is a RAT. He’s not even sorry he got caught.
 
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