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KnightofSilence
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Sorry about that I just meant you did not seem to bothered about your mother knowing about this.
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abelin
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Say my parents were to divorce and she was my step mom. Would it be sinful to love her back if she loved me?Yes that sounds like a good idea, also the fact that your Aunt will be there also, will probably make him more likely to listen.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Many adults feel this say, Catholic or not.I spoke to my auntie and she says she already knows. Apparently because my aunt’s not a catholic she felt that it wasn’t her business to intervene
Talk to your dad. I don’t know about your aunt, but I don’t think anyone can possibly ask a son to keep information like this from his mother. I would not tell him you’ve been in his phone, however, if that can be avoided. I don’t think you’d need to think very long to realize that you would feel it was a huge invasion of your privacy, if he did that to you. Still, there are situations where he’d probably feel compelled to do that, such as if he thought you were dealing drugs. Well, cheating on a young man’s mother is that serious. It would have been better to tell your mother what you knew without having done that, but it is understandable that you did it. Some might fault you, but I won’t.
If I found out that my husband was having an affair and our sons knew about it and I was not told, however, it would not be my sons I would blame. It would be my husband. This is all entirely your dad’s responsibility. Still, if you tell your dad that you know, that realization may help him to come clean with your mother. If you are afraid of what he might do to you, however, you would not sin by keeping silent.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.Say my parents were to divorce and she was my step mom. Would it be sinful to love her back if she loved me?
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abelin
Guest
I’m going to confront him!Many adults feel this say, Catholic or not.
Talk to your dad. I don’t know about your aunt, but I don’t think anyone can possibly ask a son to keep information like this from his mother. I would not tell him you’ve been in his phone, however, if that can be avoided. I don’t think you’d need to think very long to realize that you would feel it was a huge invasion of your privacy, if he did that to you. Still, there are situations where he’d probably feel compelled to do that, such as if he thought you were dealing drugs. Well, cheating on a young man’s mother is that serious. It would have been better to tell your mother what you knew without having done that, but it is understandable that you did it. Some might fault you, but I won’t.
If I found out that my husband was having an affair and our sons knew about it and I was not told, however, it would not be my sons I would blame. It would be my husband. This is all entirely your dad’s responsibility. Still, if you tell your dad that you know, that realization may help him to come clean with your mother. If you are afraid of what he might do to you, however, you would not sin by keeping silent.
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EasterJoy
Guest
It is very hard to say there is something a 16 year old couldn’t think or do. It is a tumultuous time of life, one minute mature beyond one’s years and the next seemingly not able to make a sum of two and two or remember the most basic training of early childhood. Still, there are some extremes in his posts that make one wonder, yes. It’s not rude to say so.Sorry about that I just meant you did not seem to bothered about your mother knowing about this.
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abelin
Guest
What extremes?It is very hard to say there is something a 16 year old couldn’t think or do. It is a tumultuous time of life, one minute mature beyond one’s years and the next seemingly not able to make a sum of two and two or remember the most basic training of early childhood. Still, there are some extremes in his posts that make one wonder, yes. It’s not rude to say so.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Try to stay calm, though, OK? Put yourself in his position and try to keep this as low-key as possible. And stay off the topic of your electronic snooping. Just say, “Dad, you’re having an affair behind Mom’s back with Sarah, aren’t you?” If he doesn’t admit it, then no matter what he does say, you say: “Dad…yes or no. You’re having an affair behind Mom’s back with Sarah, aren’t you?” Do not let him interrogate you about what evidence you have. Just don’t.I’m going to confront him!
It is your job to let him know that you know, but it isn’t your job to lay out a court case against him. It may not seem so, but that won’t help things at all. So after you raise the topic, all you have to do is to say this: “Dad, I need to be able to look up to you. You need to do the right thing. Either come clean with Mom or quit fooling around with Sarah. Stay away from her entirely, or I’ll have to tell Mom what you’re up to when I’m watching and Mom isn’t…and Dad, I’m 16. You know I can’t be the only one who’s caught on. If you choose to stop, you have to really stop. You aren’t going to fool anyone by getting sneakier.” And that is all you have to say, and I would encourage you not to say a bit more. He can wonder what you know and what you don’t know; it won’t hurt him.
You are just going on the record to let him know that he and his mistress aren’t fooling anyone, and that you are done with keeping your suspicions to yourself. That is the only other thing I’d say: “Dad, I’m not going to lay out a court case, here. You know what you’ve done or haven’t done, better than anyone. I want you to do the right thing. I have my concerns, though, and if what I’m seeing does not stop, I have no choice but to tell Mom. That’s all I’m saying, so you have a chance to come clean with her yourself before someone else does it for you.”
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abelin
Guest
Thanks but I still have this underlying fear that he will dismiss me even with the evidence. I have a coup de grace which I omitted from my op but its a bit perverted . Can I reveal it here?
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KnightofSilence
Guest
Yes you canThanks but I still have this underlying fear that he will dismiss me even with the evidence. I have a coup de grace which I omitted from my op but its a bit perverted . Can I reveal it here?
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abelin
Guest
Ok, it’s quite a long recording of them kissing in a park and then it cuts to them engaged in fornication wearing what appears to be latexYes you can
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EasterJoy
Guest
The extreme of having seen the pictures you described and yet thinking that it was a significant detail that he played with her hair in public. Or the way you described them: “I’m ashamed to say a few were of them engaged in fornication”…who would write with that kind of polite detachment about pictures of their father in flagrante delicto* with another woman? (Oh, and by the way, your dad is married, so technically it is adultery, not fornication. Fornication happens between unmarried people.)What extremes?
(in flagrant delicto is Latin, translates literally as “in blazing offence”…it means to be caught in the act of a crime)
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KnightofSilence
Guest
Then this is all the evidence you need it is totally irrefutable.Ok, it’s quite a long recording of them kissing in a park and then it cuts to them engaged in fornication
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abelin
Guest
I was confused at the time. It was meant to be in chronological orderThe extreme of having seen the pictures you described and yet thinking that it was a significant detail that he played with her hair in public. Or the way you described them: “I’m ashamed to say a few were of them engaged in fornication”…who would write with that kind of polite detachment about pictures of their father in flagrante delicto* with another woman? (Oh, and by the way, your dad is married, so technically it is adultery, not fornication. Fornication happens between unmarried people.)
(in flagrant delicto is Latin, translates literally as “in blazing offence”…it means to be caught in the act of a crime)
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abelin
Guest
Yes, if he dismisses me ill play it in front of everybodyThen this is all the evidence you need it is totally irrefutable.
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EasterJoy
Guest
No. Do not give any evidence to him (and certainly do not give any more evidence here!) You might, however, tell him that your aunt was not surprised when you raised the question with her, and so he might ask the aunt what evidence that not only you but the entire world except your mother knows.Thanks but I still have this underlying fear that he will dismiss me even with the evidence. I have a coup de grace which I omitted from my op but its a bit perverted . Can I reveal it here?
Tell him you know enough that not telling your mother is no longer an option, and tell him that if you do not see evidence that he’s cut off his relationship with this woman, you’re going to ask your mother if he’s come clean, and if he has not done it himself, you’re going to tell your mother what you know. That’s all. He can worry about whether she will dismiss your evidence, and it is better if he is left wondering exactly what that evidence is. He is your father, but he does not deserve any advance notice about how much of what he’s been up to has become public knowledge. Just the things you’ve seen in broad daylight and heard from the mouth of his mistress is far more explaining than most husbands would EVER want to have to do to their wives, let’s just say that.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Oy, vey, this is what I mean by not being able to predict 16 year olds!Yes, if he dismisses me ill play it in front of everybody
DO NOT play it “in front of everybody”. Have some sensitivity for your poor mother’s feelings! Do you have any idea how embarrassing those pictures will be to her? Do you know how angry she’d feel to know your dad has left those pictures where you might ever see them, because she wants to protect you from fully knowing what he’s done to your family? Those pictures and that affair is an insult to you, too, you know. No man wants to see his mother treated as your mother is being treated. Do you have any idea how upset she would undoubtedly feel if she knew you’d been exposed to those?
If at all possible, if she can be alerted of this affair without ever knowing that you have any knowledge of that, please do that much for her. She should never see those, but if she does it is better if she does not know you have ever seen them. Telling her that you have seen them ought to be your last option.
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KnightofSilence
Guest
So when will you next see him also is your aunt still with you?Yes, if he dismisses me ill play it in front of everybody
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abelin
Guest
I know I shouldn’t be too hot-headed I’ll gently prod him to admitting his affair. BTW-how did you know?Oy, vey, this is what I mean by not being able to predict 16 year olds!
DO NOT play it “in front of everybody”. Have some sensitivity for your poor mother’s feelings! Do you have any idea how embarrassing those pictures will be to her? Do you know how angry she’d feel to know your dad has left those pictures where you might ever see them, because she wants to protect you from fully knowing what he’s done to your family? Those pictures and that affair is an insult to you, too, you know. No man wants to see his mother treated as your mother is being treated. Do you have any idea how upset she would undoubtedly feel if she knew you’d been exposed to those?
If at all possible, if she can be alerted of this affair without ever knowing that you have any knowledge of that, please do that much for her. She should never see those, but if she does it is better if she does not know you have ever seen them. Telling her that you have seen them ought to be your last option.
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abelin
Guest
Next week?So when will you next see him also is your aunt still with you?
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