What the hook-up culture has done to women.

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At my husband’s college, current dorm visiting hours depend on the day of the week (longer on the weekend). The visiting hours start in the early afternoon and are 9 hours a day on school nights and 11 hours a day on non-school nights. (That’s for visitors of either gender.) Everybody knows about those rules, especially since they’re posted. Apparently, the visiting hours used to be way, way stricter.

Same-sex guests can stay overnight several nights a term, but aren’t supposed to stay longer than that. (But it sounds like that one is either unknown or widely ignored.)
 
Come to think of it, the visiting rules probably do help drive the popularity of off-campus non-college housing.
 
JimG said:
That link didn’t work for me and I don’t know why. Maybe this link will work.
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Maybe UVA is a totally different place from Harvard, but it’s hard to square the survey numbers from Harvard with those impressionistic accounts from UVA.

I think this is a social norming problem, and I think the First Things authors did absolutely nobody any favors by pushing the idea that “everybody is doing it.”
 
EasterJoy said:
They might want to re-word that: Change the residence hall visitation policy in order to prevent on-campus acquaintance rape. The secular world does not understand chastity, but at least they are waking up and starting to understand the pervasiveness of on-campus rape and sexual assault.

The other thing they need to do is to penalize any drunkenness or possession of illegal substances on campus. Students old enough to drink may drink, but if they don’t drink responsibly they need to be diverted into some substance-abuse prevention program.

When they stop tolerating intoxication and stop allowing fraternization in dorms, they’ll be getting serious about preventing on-campus rape. Until then, their tolerance of current conditions is pandering lip-service that guarantees the rapists will keep committing their devastating crimes.
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I think a non-religious school would have a more difficult time instituting a stricter visitation policy, and I agree that it would probably better to frame the argument in the way you presented it.

The article was from the Cardinal Newman Society and was challenging the Catholic schools to look into it. There are a handful of schools that have those strict policies and they work.

They could actually start by enforcing the policies they already have in place as you describe above. I actually cannot imagine that they have any other choice at this point. Even if they aren’t concerned about the safety of their students (which I hope they are), they will have a lot of lawsuits on their hands in the coming years.
 
Vanny said:
The sexual revolution in general has been devastating to women.
Men and children, too.
a lot of people under 40 can’t see it.
The sexual revolution has torn apart the family.
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I wouldn’t know. Whatever the sexual revolution was, it seems to have passed my old college by, and certainly me. But if it’s somehow more devastating than missing out on it has been … Well, THAT I’ve absolutely got to see.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Having done the whole college hookup thing (for several years), I can assure you that Brock’s victim was not “lucky” in any sense of the term. The consequences of my choices don’t compare in any way to the consequences of what happened to her.

I went through that phase, had a great time, and came out the other end a happy, functional adult.
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What do you mean by this?

You enjoyed hooking up with multiple men in college?
 
PRmerger said:
What do you mean by this?

You enjoyed hooking up with multiple men in college?
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I wasn’t on the extreme end of the bell curve, but yes, I fooled around with several people in college. And yes, I enjoyed it. Most people did.

It’s a lot like drinking, it may not be the responsible choice, but it’s usually hard to argue against it being fun. That’s probably why both are so popular and especially among young people.

To say that partying in college is worse than being raped behind a dumpster is insane from every angle.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I wasn’t on the extreme end of the bell curve, but yes, I fooled around with several people in college. And yes, I enjoyed it. Most people did.
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You never felt regret about being intimate with someone?

It is, after all, literally, revealing oneself, in one’s entirety (physically, to be sure, but it can be argued that sex cannot be done without revealing oneself emotionally and spiritually), to another.

You did this with someone, “fooling around”, and never regretted it?

It was simply a recreational activity?
 
JimG said:
I don’t see the writer equating rape with a hook up culture. The writer teaches at a college and relates her own experiences and the experiences her students have told her. She finds the hook up culture to be damaging to women. (It is also damaging to men.) How does such an observation make the article disgusting? Is the hook up culture a good thing for students?
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I agree with you Jim. I don’t know how lemongrass read the article but the author made no such association and it she makes a convincing argument about the issue of the “hook up culture”. She is also speaking from her experience as a professor and from her own life. I think this problem should be addressed in all schools.
 
Le_Cracquere said:
I wouldn’t know. Whatever the sexual revolution was, it seems to have passed my old college by, and certainly me. But if it’s somehow more devastating than missing out on it has been … Well, THAT I’ve absolutely got to see.
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No average person has been unaffected to some degree.

ncregister.com/daily-news/wages-of-the-sexual-revolution

Those who want to destroy what family means, the good of children and the proper relationship between men and women, are still working very hard.

Ed
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I wasn’t on the extreme end of the bell curve, but yes, I fooled around with several people in college. And yes, I enjoyed it. Most people did.

It’s a lot like drinking, it may not be the responsible choice, but it’s usually hard to argue against it being fun. That’s probably why both are so popular and especially among young people.

To say that partying in college is worse than being raped behind a dumpster is insane from every angle.
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I know people who have had casual sex. Maybe for a time it felt ok but for the most part there are some regrets especially when they find their soulmate and wished that they were the first and only. But then again everyone’s experience is different and it depends how deeply you feel about yourself and others. To me sex is an intimate affair and most certainly at that age I did not regard casual sex as a thing to do. I felt that it should be between to people who love each other and that through a deep commitment. Then again, it also depends on how you are brought up. As for me, sex was only intended for marriage. I saw what it did to girls who didn’t care about this and I was not going to end up like them. Most became depressed or kept having failed relationships after another. Some ended up married but later divorced because they cheated. There are few that are happy of their experience.

I do believe that at that young age it is unwise to practice such a lifestyle. I don’t know why it didn’t affect you that way maybe because the guys you were with had some connection with you but when it is purely sexual it seems void and even tasteless. I don’t mean to offend you but it is what it is.
 
Still_Hoping said:
I know people who have had casual sex. Maybe for a time it felt ok but for the most part there are some regrets especially when they find their soulmate and wished that they were the first and only. But then again everyone’s experience is different and it depends how deeply you feel about yourself and others. To me sex is an intimate affair and most certainly at that age I did not regard casual sex as a thing to do. I felt that it should be between to people who love each other and that through a deep commitment. Then again, it also depends on how you are brought up. As for me, sex was only intended for marriage. I saw what it did to girls who didn’t care about this and I was not going to end up like them. Most became depressed or kept having failed relationships after another. Some ended up married but later divorced because they cheated. There are few that are happy of their experience.

I do believe that at that young age it is unwise to practice such a lifestyle. I don’t know why it didn’t affect you that way maybe because the guys you were with had some connection with you but when it is purely sexual it seems void and even tasteless. I don’t mean to offend you but it is what it is.
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Outside of religious reasons and barring an unplanned pregnancy or disease, I find the idea of regretting the past strange. It’s not something I cling to or ever really think about. It just doesn’t matter. It wasn’t about a “connection” either. I just can’t think of anything in my life that would be different if I had fewer sexual partners. A few hours with a guy after a couple of drinks just didn’t fundamentally change me or my circumstances. I doubt I made a lasting impact on them either.

Unless it’s a result of a religious conversion, I’ve never met anyone who regretted their sexual history unless there were tangible consequences.

That’s why I think anti premarital sex material puts the cart before the horse. Unless you accept an overarching moral code or ideology that requires chastity for a higher purpose, the idea that premarital sex is bad is a hard one to understand and accept. It would make more sense to start with god and let the rules follow.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Outside of religious reasons and barring an unplanned pregnancy or disease, I find the idea of regretting the past strange. It’s not something I cling to or ever really think about.
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No one is asking whether you “cling to” the past.

I’m just interested in knowing if, after getting intimate with someone, you were chagrined to think you had done this.

I can’t imagine getting naked before someone I had no commitment to, sharing a very, very intimate act, (not to mention exchanging body fluids with–ick!)…and not regretting it.

I can’t imagine stripping myself before someone whom I wouldn’t reveal some other confidential thing to.

I’d like to know how you felt after this. No regrets at all? Ever?
 
BlueEyedLady said:
A few hours with a guy after a couple of drinks just didn’t fundamentally change me or my circumstances.
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I find this, too, interesting and am curious about this.

Would you ever sleep with a guy you just met with your full faculties? That is, without being numbed by a few drinks?

Personally, I think alcohol is required by women in order to get naked before a man you just met (outside of prostitution or coercion).
Unless it’s a result of a religious conversion, I’ve never met anyone who regretted their sexual history unless there were tangible consequences.
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Really? It seems to me that no woman has ever said, “I wish I had had sex with more men”.

But it’s quite common to hear women say, “I wish I hadn’t had sex with so many men”–even without any religious conversion. Only with the wisdom of retrospection.
 
PRmerger said:
I find this, too, interesting and am curious about this.

Would you ever sleep with a guy you just met with your full faculties? That is, without being numbed by a few drinks?

Personally, I think alcohol is required by women in order to get naked before a man you just met (outside of prostitution or coercion).

Really? It seems to me that no woman has ever said, “I wish I had had sex with more men”.

But it’s quite common to hear women say, “I wish I hadn’t had sex with so many men”–even without any religious conversion. Only with the wisdom of retrospection.
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Yes, I had sexual experiences without alcohol. Given the stats on premarital sex, I’m surprised you are so shocked. It doesn’t take crazy circumstances to get a heterosexual woman to have sex with a man. That’s pretty much the most natural thing in the world.

And I think a lot of women wish they had sowed their wild oats when they were younger. Even when I started seriously dating my husband, I had women and men of all ages urging me not to settle down too soon and miss out on that stuff. I think others who married young can relate to hearing that too.
 
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