What to Do...

  • Thread starter Thread starter Christian4life
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Just a few thoughts about NFP vs. Condoms.
  1. Someone already mentioned the effectiveness. I believe that properly used NFP is AS effective as ANY form of contraception, and clearly much better than condoms.
  2. It sounded to me like you are using the Rhythm method because HE didn’t want to use NFP, so if you had been pregnant, I would have thought it was on HIS terms not yours. Remember how much more effective NFP is than rhythm - believe it or not, you won’t be living in constant fear of pregnancy. You’ll get pretty confident. But it does seem strange that he’s not willing to use NFP exclusively, but he is willing to use Rhythm exclusively. I guess effectiveness really isn’t the issue with him.
  3. I think you mentioned that he didn’t want to spend the money on learning NFP. How much do condoms cost? Once you buy the thermometer and take the course, NFP is completely FREE! In the long run, this way is much cheaper, even if you take a course.
Forgive me if I sound like I’m ranting. This may not be the most charitable way to convince your husband. Just my thoughts.
God Bless.
TKC
 
Christian4life said:
I never called it NFP. I don’t know enough about that method. That’s why I wanted to at least get a book on it, but that would’ve just caused fights between my husband and me. Now he says, I can learn NFP if I want, but we’re still going to use condoms, end of story. I told him if he wants to he has to buy them, and I’m not using the kind with spermicide (it can cause defects if you do get preg). Either way we are planning on being abstinent for the next week or so.

I have tried to explain to him about NFP and how I’ve heard it is pretty effective, and he does agree with me in theory, but isn’t willing to try it exclusively, or help me with it, or anything. We are both Protestants right now. I think I would like to be a Catholic as I have been reading up on it a lot lately and all, but he isn’t too enthused with the idea and says I am not bringing up our kids to be Catholics. But that is a subject for a different thread.
Click to expand...

Whoops, I stand corrected. You’re right about what you said/didn’t say.

I guess I don’t understand how/why my husband would restrict my reading material, especially if I was just checking out free library books! (That’s how I taught myself NFP, btw.)

On another note, my heart leapt to read that you are considering Catholicism…I’ll continue to pray for you, your family, and your journey together.

God bless!
 
I am new to this but I could not help to respond. My husband and I started using NFP when we were Protestants and after a very long two year journey were confirmed into the Catholic Church and have never been more spiritually fullfilled. It is a joint venture however. Unlike Scott and Kimberly Haan we were going to do it together at the same time or not at all. (You may want to get a couple of his books. While at seminary, to be a protestant pastor, school he converted to catholism, but Kimberly did not until three years later.) Too much unneeded stress on a marriage. My best advise is to take it slow and it sounds like with baby steps.

You do not have to be Catholic to practice NFP or any of the other methods of child spacing. The thing to remember always is that even when practicing NFP you both still have to have an open heart to the possibility of life. Otherwise you abuse it and it becomes no better the abc.

Keep strong and be a good witness to your husband. You may have to do all the leg work and research but from the sound of things he seems a little bit open to your ratical ways.🙂

Although I don’t agree with the Couple to Couple Leagues parenting style they are a great resource for NFP. You should also check out Billings, and Creighton methods and then make a decision that works best for you and your life style. One method may be Gods blessing to one woman but a pain in the booty to another. There is also a devise called “Performa”, from England the my girlfriend loves and is accepted by the Church. If you are interested I can send on a web site. A bit pricier then a book I am afraid but in any case you will want to take a class so it works out to about the same and you should think of it as an investment anyway. Money well spent:D Don’t just get a book!! It can be overwhelming.

Remember, abstainance makes the “heart” grow fonder. After 8 years (of practicing NFP) and four children my husband still whines, but that is a good sign. He still wants me after 11 years of marriage and a small brood. Good luck to you and may God lead you and your family to His truth. Be strong!
 
Christian4life said
…“some people are just trying to make money off it because it’s really simple.”
Click to expand...
Interesting to note that there are so many natural methods. In my part of the world where the Catholics & Christians are a minority, the Catholic Church makes it compulsory for us to attend the NFP (Billings/ovulation) course, to be able to get married in the Catholic Church. I had to sit through the 3 hour course with my wife and accompany her on subsequent follow-up visits. It only costs RM10.00 for ever - one time fee. For as long as we are still interested, we can keep going there for advice/follow-ups/refresher course until the day we die. By the way RM10.00 is equivalent to about USD2.63 which is barely enough to pay for the colour pencils, charts, etc.

Anyway below are some links which you can find the contacts in your area to attend such courses:

billings-centre.ab.ca/
woomb.org/

Hope they are useful.

atelim
 
40.png
atelim:
It only costs RM10.00 for ever - one time fee. For as long as we are still interested, we can keep going there for advice/follow-ups/refresher course until the day we die. By the way RM10.00 is equivalent to about USD2.63 which is barely enough to pay for the colour pencils, charts, etc.
Click to expand...
Good point, Atelim.

It only cost me $30 to get started with sympto-thermal NFP- that was $20 for the book and $10 for the thermometer. The charts are free if I print them off of the internet. I was on the pill for years, and if I hadn’t had insurance, they would have been $30 per month! And I know condoms aren’t free, nor are they terribly effective (although I don’t know how much they cost).

I’m starting to suspect that this is more of a control issue than it is an “effective birth control” or monetary issue. The tip-offs for me were the quotes from Christian4Life:
That’s why I wanted to at least get a book on it, but that would’ve just caused fights between my husband and me. Now he says, I can learn NFP if I want, but we’re still going to use condoms, end of story.
My husband wants us to wait another week before we take a pregnancy test.
Well he said he thinks I should because he is the husband and I have to submit to him.
Our daughter was born because I prayed for a daughter, and he resented that all through the pregnancy, because he truly believes I was wrong to do that without asking him first.
I don’t really think I’m pregnant but my husband is suspicious, and well, I think he would resent me if I am.
Click to expand...
It would certainly serve Christian4Life well to learn NFP regardless, but I’m betting some counseling would help as well. Of course their marriage may work very well for them, I’m only getting snippets of one side of the story. But I cannot imagine having to ask my husband for permission to read a book about my body or to buy a pregnancy test for myself and take it when my period was late, or to have my husband blame me for a pregnancy that was created by both spouses, or to have to ask my husband first before I pray to my Lord and savior. Discussing family planning with your spouse is certainly necessary, but I can’t imagine not being able to bring my opinion to the table as an equal participant in the matter. Different views on marriage, I guess.
 
Yes I definately do think he has control issues. Especially after what happened last night. First he said we are going to be abstinent for a week, and then all of a sudden, he decided we’re really not. Sheesh. He really is a nice guy but my goodness, the *machismo! *

And he still does interpret the scripture about the wife submitting to the husband as the husband gets to make all the decisions. He kind of ignores the part about the husband loving the wife as much as Christ loved the church, *enough to die for her. *So yeah, I know he loves me and he probably would die for me if it came down to it, but when it comes to small, every day things, he always has to have his way in the end.

I know I can’t just drag him to counseling since he works so much and has very little free time. I would ask his pastor for help, but his pastor is also his dad! That would be a bit uncomfortable, to say the least.

The more I learn about it, and especially because you people are so incredibly smart and kind, much more so than I ever thought, I really do want to be Catholic. However it is hard because I have no way of getting to church, I can’t drive because of my peripheral vision.

This is a bit of subject, and It is so weird, but I thought about something recently. In all the Bible studies I’ve ever been to and from what my husband says too, they talk a lot about how great God’s love is that he gave his only begotten son to die for us. I know that’s right, but they never say anything about the fact that that was Mary’s son who died too. It must have been just as hard for her, and different because she didn’t know it was going to happen like that. I know that I would sooner die than see one of my children die, no matter how old they were. They don’t give any credit at all to Mary, even though she suffered too. The MACHISMO!
 
I think I will find a book on NFP this weekend. My husband gets 4 days off for the holiday so I’m hoping we’ll get a chance to sit down and just talk about it.

I researched it a little more and found out that condoms would cost us at least 60 bucks a year. The kind with spermicide can give you symptoms similar to an infection, and they can damage sperm so that if you do get pregnant, your chances of having a deformed/disabled child increase. I actually found out that, to a lesser extent, the same is true of all lubricated condoms. And we’ve tried the unlubricated kind…OUCH.

Also, condoms are about 90% effective when used WITH a spermicide. That means that after 1 year, 10% of couples who use condoms are preg. Without spermicide, the effectiveness is debatable. Some say around 60-80%.
 
Still showing signs of pregnancy, more so now. If I start getting nauseous again we’re going to the doctor.
 
There is also a devise called “Performa”, from England the my girlfriend loves and is accepted by the Church.
Click to expand...
I tried to do a search on this and Performa seems to be a brand of condom in England. There is something called Persona that is used for NFP. Just a caution. 🙂
 
40.png
Christian4life:
This is a bit of subject, and It is so weird, but I thought about something recently. In all the Bible studies I’ve ever been to and from what my husband says too, they talk a lot about how great God’s love is that he gave his only begotten son to die for us. I know that’s right, but they never say anything about the fact that that was Mary’s son who died too. It must have been just as hard for her, and different because she didn’t know it was going to happen like that. I know that I would sooner die than see one of my children die, no matter how old they were. They don’t give any credit at all to Mary, even though she suffered too. The MACHISMO!
Click to expand...
😃 Christian4life, you are closer to being Catholic than you may realize! Think about what you wrote in this quote, and then think about why Catholics have such a deep regard for Our Lady. Her Fiat–her “yes” at the Annunciation was as pure then as it was at the foot of the cross. Machismo on the part of God? Naw. What is given freely can’t be wrestled away.
 
Christian4life, you may want to consider getting a green scapular. There’s others here on the forums that know more about them than me. In a nutshell, though, they are helpful with conversions. It sounds like your husband wouldn’t wear one, but maybe you can put it in his pillow or under his side of the bed. Do the devotions to Mary, and hopefully God will loosen your husband’s heart. I do think that you are a lot more Catholic than you realize, and I pray for your conversion as well!

God bless you, your husband, your daughter, and the possible child growing within you.
 
Thank you Kristine,
I was very distracted and tired when I wrote my post yesturday. You’re absolutely correct it is “Persona”. Some web sites that maybe helpful if anyone is interested are the following:

ovula.com
nccbuscc.org
SimplyFertility.com

Hope I did that right?

Again, my girlfriend swears by it and she has tried every method out there.
God Bless

P.S. Christian4life, if you are pregnant, rejoice!!! My second and third are 16 months apart. We were practicing NFP but our anniversary just happened to be on day 11 and voila, nine months later enter our sweet Abigail. She was my third, and not last, and I love having Caleb and her so close. It was surprisingly easy. Try to remember that God only gives you what you can handle and nothing more.
 
There is also a product called BabyComp that does all the work for you. It is a bedside mini-computer with a thermometer that calculates all the stuff for you. It is expensive, about $300, but for a lifetime’s worth of use, it is probably worth it. I don’t have a need for it, but friends of mine who are missionaries in Africa have used it for a few years now (they aren’t Catholic) and are happy with it. I believe it is similar to Persona.
 
I would also suggest (online) fertility charting software. :yup: I use both the TCOYF software, which I purchased and installed on my computer, and the free Fertility Friend site for charting.
ovusoft.com/ is the TCOYF site and you can try the software FREE for two weeks.
fertilityfriend.com/ is the ma(name removed by moderator)age for Fertility Friend. Basic membership and charting is FREE.
 
40.png
Christian4life:
I think I will find a book on NFP this weekend. My husband gets 4 days off for the holiday so I’m hoping we’ll get a chance to sit down and just talk about it.

I researched it a little more and found out that condoms would cost us at least 60 bucks a year. The kind with spermicide can give you symptoms similar to an infection, and they can damage sperm so that if you do get pregnant, your chances of having a deformed/disabled child increase. I actually found out that, to a lesser extent, the same is true of all lubricated condoms. And we’ve tried the unlubricated kind…OUCH.

Also, condoms are about 90% effective when used WITH a spermicide. That means that after 1 year, 10% of couples who use condoms are preg. Without spermicide, the effectiveness is debatable. Some say around 60-80%.
Click to expand...
DH and I have been practicing NFP for almost a year now. I really put off learning it for every reason in the book, even though I knew using condemns was wrong. We used condemns for years and let me tell you that they break very easily. NOT very reliable when you really want to avoid a pregnancy. I felt the same distrust of NFP for a long time just like your husband. I was afraid to take any chances. But after learning and practicing it these last few months I am very confident of when I’m fertile and when I’m not. Even if the Pope came out tomorrow and said condemns were OK, I’d never go back to trusting those dang things. All 3 of my kids were the result of a failed condemn. (of course they are happy accidents)

From reading your posts, I am very concerned for you. You definitely need to find a good, orthodox Catholic counselor. You are in an unhealthy controlling relationship and you need support or it will destroy you. I would even go so far as to say that it borders mental/emotional abuse. Please seek some help, especially if you are pregnant.

Good Luck on your journey into the Church. If your concerned about getting to Mass, call your local parish and see if they can arrange transportation for you. Somebody will get you there. And leave the rest in God’s hands. 😉
 
Almeria said:
…green scapular…maybe you can put it in his pillow or under his side of the bed…
Click to expand...
Somebody please correct me if I am wrong but the above does not sound right! Having devotions to Our Lady & the saints asking for intercession is acceptable to me; but believing in some “magical” powers of the green scapular doesn’t sound right. That will be a violation of the 1st commandment. It sounds more like superstition to me.

CCC 2110 The first commandment forbids honoring gods other than the one Lord who has revealed himself to his people. It proscribes superstition and irreligion. Superstition in some sense represents a perverse excess of religion; irreligion is the vice contrary by defect to the virtue of religion.

CCC 2111 Superstition is the deviation of religious feeling and of the practices this feeling imposes. It can even affect the worship we offer the true God, e.g., when one attributes an importance in some way magical to certain practices otherwise lawful or necessary. To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions that they demand, is to fall into superstition.

CCC 2138 Superstition is a departure from the worship that we give to the true God. It is manifested in idolatry, as well as in various forms of divination and magic

atelim
 
Just some helpful info on “scapuars”. They are not superstitious. They go back hundreds of years. Actually, the history is quite interesting. They originated as a part of the monastic orders as part of their habit. For more details I refer you to newadvent.org.

Hope this gives you a better insight. It may not be a devotion that you are interested in, but there is absolutely no harm them, spiritually or otherwise.

God Bless
 
Question, are you using a Basal Thermometer?
That would be the only really accurate way of determining if you have ovulated.
How does this cycle compare to cycles before pregnancy?
Did/are you breastfeeding? If so, which style?
What rules for abstinence are you using?
Are you actually charting your temps?

Under the Mercy,

Matthew Sauer
ccli.org <–my reccomendation
 
40.png
crazyage3:
Oh i forgot to ask, how do you know when you ovulate by using the r method?
Click to expand...
You don’t know when YOU ovulate. The old rhythm method is based on averages, when you are likely to ovulate. The newer methods of NFP are based on observable & measureable signs of fertility. Please take a class. If you can’t get to a class, get some books, your parish may still have a teaching couple you can talk with or ccli.org can put you in touch w/one.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top