What would you do if DD's friend reveals she has a crush on DD?

[cornbread_r2]

lmgtfy.com/?q=homosexuals+and+past+sexual+abuse

One would think that 6.4+ million hits would be helpful, but sadly not only am I not seeing any studies that demonstrate a clear-cut, undisputed statistical causal link between childhood abuse and the eventual sexual orientation or behavior of the abused, I’m seeing some that even deny such a causal link. Thanks anyway.

 

[SlackerCatholic]

Accusation, claim, suggestion, insinuation, whatever you want to call it, you need a better foundation before you proceed on that. It is a serious matter.

So is a 14 year old expressing as bi-sexual. If there are treatable issues behind it, then it would be my obligation to try and help that child.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

14 is too young for someone to be attracted to someone else? Huh? People used to get married even earlier than that, probably still do in certain places.

If someone else took it upon themselves to teach my child this, I would be a little offended. Granted, the girl brought it up in the first place but it’s still not appropriate.

Based on what???

Well, the Catechism sets lower limits on the age for marriage, since 14 is the minimum age it is obviously too young to marry amirite?

lmgtfy.com/?q=homosexuals+and+past+sexual+abuse

That’s not a source, that’s lazy

Accusation?! I would be suggesting they might need to look into the possibility and get treatment for their child.

How exactly does someone “accuse” someone of being a victim, anyway?

The family is the most likely culprit in sexual abuse cases so if you start it they are going to look into the family first. You don’t have any evidence to suggest she was abused.

So is a 14 year old expressing as bi-sexual. If there are treatable issues behind it, then it would be my obligation to try and help that child.

and so is the case that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990

 

[SlackerCatholic]

Uhhhh, how the freak did Glenn Beck end up in this conversation?

And why are you repeating a discredited hoax to smear his reputation? That’s real Christian of you…

 

[28562]

One would think that 6.4+ million hits would be helpful, but sadly not only am I not seeing any studies that demonstrate a clear-cut, undisputed statistical causal link between childhood abuse and the eventual sexual orientation or behavior of the abused, I’m seeing some that even deny such a causal link. Thanks anyway.

conservapedia.com/Sexual_abuse_being_a_contributing_factor_for_homosexuality

ipc-sweden.com/components/com_agora/img/members/2/Childhood-sexual-abuse-among-homosexual-men.pdf

I am not saying that abuse causes homosexuality, but it is fact that a much, much higher percentage of gays report past sexual abuse than the rest of the population.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Uhhhh, how the freak did Glenn Beck end up in this conversation?

And why are you repeating a discredited hoax to smear his reputation? That’s real Christian of you…

Well it has about as much evidence as the OP’s daughter’s friend was sexually abused.

You are aware that I linked to a site saying it is a hoax right?

 

[SlackerCatholic]

I had no idea expressing concern for a child was so offensive.

If someone doesn’t click on the link, and many won’t, they’d think based on your wording that Glenn Beck had actually done that.

Clearly I need to be done with this thread. Jeez.

 

[lerapt78]

So if this situation occurred, and your 14yr old DD’s friend revealed that she’s bi-sexual and had feelings for your DD, what would be your response?

Not to downplay any concerns here, but I wonder if perhaps her friend is just trying to act a certain way, according to the latest trends?

I’m sure I’m wrong in some cases, but the first thought that usually pops into my head when I hear about a female teenage bisexual is to first put the word “bisexual” in quotes. Not because I think bisexual attraction doesn’t exist, but because it seems to be more of a fad these days than any sort of true attraction. As in, probably 95% of the young women who claim to be bi really aren’t at all; they’re just trying to act in a way that they think is sexy, because society in the past 15 years at least has been promoting lesbian action among heterosexual women as something that turns men on. And since the age of the sexualization of children is getting lower and lower, it’s not likely that 14 year-old girls will be immune to it.

I guess my point is, maybe this will blow over quickly. Hopefully this friend is just acting out, and a firm “knock it off” will set her straight. If her friend respects it, there’s no reason they can’t continue the friendship.

 

[28562]

Not to downplay any concerns here, but I wonder if perhaps her friend is just trying to act a certain way, according to the latest trends?

I’m sure I’m wrong in some cases, but the first thought that usually pops into my head when I hear about a female teenage bisexual is to first put the word “bisexual” in quotes. Not because I think bisexual attraction doesn’t exist, but because it seems to be more of a fad these days than any sort of true attraction. As in, probably 95% of the young women who claim to be bi really aren’t at all; they’re just trying to act in a way that they think is sexy, because society in the past 15 years at least has been promoting lesbian action among heterosexual women as something that turns men on. And since the age of the sexualization of children is getting lower and lower, it’s not likely that 14 year-old girls will be immune to it.

I guess my point is, maybe this will blow over quickly. Hopefully this friend is just acting out, and a firm “knock it off” will set her straight. If her friend respects it, there’s no reason they can’t continue the friendship.

Agree on all points.

 

[MarkInOregon]

What is a “DD”?

Thank you.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Thank you.

Can Catholic Answers Forums make it a rule that everyone must call a family member by actual title and not an acronym? That’s something I would wholeheartedly support. I have always hated lazy acronyms with a passion, and I don’t see why someone can’t just say “husband” or may even “dear husband” if they so choose. Then again, I write at a 112 words per minute, so…

 

[PRmerger]

Can Catholic Answers Forums make it a rule that everyone must call a family member by actual title and not an acronym? That’s something I would wholeheartedly support. I have always hated lazy acronyms with a passion, and I don’t see why someone can’t just say “husband” or may even “dear husband” if they so choose. Then again, I write at a 112 words per minute, so…

 

[PatriceA]

Now that’s funny!

 

[PRmerger]

Feelings are not sinful, actions are.

This is, frankly, ridiculous.

Feelings can indeed be sinful. Is not lust a feeling? What about jealousy? And pride?

In fact, how many of the 7 deadly sins are feelings?

The currently recognized version of the sins are usually given as wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

 

[PRmerger]

If someone doesn’t click on the link, and many won’t, they’d think based on your wording that Glenn Beck had actually done that.

Yep–I did not click on the link and wondered, peripherally, what the story was. But not enough interest engendered to actually pursue.

Clearly I need to be done with this thread. Jeez.

Awwww…don’t go!

 

[PatriceA]

To answer the original question…I would talk to my daughter about the situation…and talk…and talk some more. There is a possibility this won’t be the first time your daughter faces this situation…or a similar situation when its a boy that has a crush and she won’t feel the same. I think it would be better to have the conversation, help my daughter develop the skills to handle the situation and only if she can’t handle the situation would I then put the brakes on the friendship entirely. I would probably limit the setting or the time they spend together until I felt my daughter was capable of handling the situation, but I wouldn’t automatically jump to nixing the friendship without many, many conversations. Like someone said, this girl may be confused and its not uncommon for girls to develop normal “girl crushes” without ever being homosexual.

Oh and as far as the sexual abuse question, there would have to be other behavioral problems exhibited for me to reach the conclusion and approach the parents of the girl. Its an awfully far jump to say someone must be have been abused for them to have a crush on a girl at the age of 14.

 

[Kensho]

Not to downplay any concerns here, but I wonder if perhaps her friend is just trying to act a certain way, according to the latest trends?

I’m sure I’m wrong in some cases, but the first thought that usually pops into my head when I hear about a female teenage bisexual is to first put the word “bisexual” in quotes. Not because I think bisexual attraction doesn’t exist, but because it seems to be more of a fad these days than any sort of true attraction. As in, probably 95% of the young women who claim to be bi really aren’t at all; they’re just trying to act in a way that they think is sexy, because society in the past 15 years at least has been promoting lesbian action among heterosexual women as something that turns men on. And since the age of the sexualization of children is getting lower and lower, it’s not likely that 14 year-old girls will be immune to it.

I guess my point is, maybe this will blow over quickly. Hopefully this friend is just acting out, and a firm “knock it off” will set her straight. If her friend respects it, there’s no reason they can’t continue the friendship.

This. OH, this. “Knock it off!” I love it.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

This is, frankly, ridiculous.

Feelings can indeed be sinful. Is not lust a feeling? What about jealousy? And pride?

In fact, how many of the 7 deadly sins are feelings?

It seems like he means to say concupiscence, the problem is they don’t really teach that word anymore.
Trent on concupiscence.
Council of Trent:

But this holy council perceives and confesses that in the one baptized there remains concupiscence or an inclination to sin, which, since it is left for us to wrestle with, cannot injure those who do not acquiesce but resist manfully by the grace of Jesus Christ; indeed, he who shall have striven lawfully shall be crowned.[22]

This concupiscence, which the Apostle sometimes calls sin,[23] the holy council declares the Catholic Church has never understood to be called sin in the sense that it is truly and properly sin in those born again, but in the sense that it is of sin and inclines to sin.

But if anyone is of the contrary opinion, let him be anathema.

 

[Debora123]

Exactly the same thing I’d say if a 14 year old boy said he had feelings for her … ‘Now where did I put my shotgun?’

Seriously, 14 is way too young for this nonsense.

14??

14 is NOT too young to have a crush on somebody. :nope:

 

[Debora123]

14 is old enough to know to whom you are attracted. This girl may be confused, she may not, but at 14 I certainly knew I was attracted to boys.

I would tell my daughter to say to her friend, “I am straight. I don’t have feelings like that for girls. If you can respect that, I still want to be your friend.”

If the girl could not refrain from expressing sexual attraction to my daughter, then the discussion would have to be different. If my daughter tried to break ties and the girl wouldn’t back off, we’d treat her like any other stalker.

Perfect response. Right here. I have nothing more to add.