What's a Catholic Grandparent to do?

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Whooo that is harsh, I don’t think the parents would think that way. Guess a priest can tell me why I now need to get in the parents face and MAKE them let us take over their kids religion, etc.
The priest didn’t baptize them, YOU did. YOU need to take responsibility for your action.

When you baptized them, you welcomed them into the Body of Christ. Now, as members of the Body of Christ, they have obligations. Obligations they wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t baptized them.

Catholicism isn’t a game.
 
What are you supposed to do? How about butting out and letting the parents decide what is best for THEIR children for starters.

I really cannot believe you abused a sacrament like that and now refuse to inform these children’s parents about what you did. But what really rubs me the wrong way is that you don’t seem to care. As a mother if I found out that my childs grandparent went behind my back and took it upon themselves to do something that I did not agree with, you can bet that I would have no problem making sure that my child would not be around said grandparent for a very, very, very long time and never again would they be left alone with my child.
 
I will talk to my priest about it. You seem to think I knew all about what you are talking about when I did it except to remove the original sin from them. That was all.

I really don’t think my DIL or step-son are that controlling of their kids. Personally I don’t think they are in as much danger than the children who have been baptized by a priest in the Catholic church and their parents never step foot in the church again or raise their kids in the church after that.

A lot of my hubby’s nieces and nephews have been married outside of the church and they were raised Catholic in the church. They knew what actions they were taking. Their parents knew, etc. I guess they are all going to hell. 🤷
 
I will talk to my priest about it.
Good.
And no one has said, or indicated the sentence I have bolded here:
A lot of my hubby’s nieces and nephews have been married outside of the church and they were raised Catholic in the church. They knew what actions they were taking. Their parents knew, etc. ** I guess they are all going to hell. 🤷**
Just because lots of people are doing it does not make it right or acceptable. But no one here makes the call on who goes to hell.
 
No, we would not do that and I don’t think a priest would do it without informing the parents anyway. We did it at our home with Holy Water and said the words of baptism when they were babies. Even they didn’t know what was happening to them so they would not tell their parents
How manipulative, it sounds like you don’t even want your grandkids to know they were baptized
It may be keeping the parents out of it **but we feel better **about removing the original sin. .
It is NOT about your feelings, it is about respecting the church and the church laws God gave us
If the parents don’t care about the faith and find out the grandparents baptized the child what difference would it make to them if it means nothing to them? .
BIG difference. ! You took it upon yourself to make a decision that was NOT yours. It was the parents. It appears you do not like your grandkids mom, well guess what that is YOUR problem. She is mom and she makes the decisions
 
I will talk to my priest about it. You seem to think I knew all about what you are talking about when I did it except to remove the original sin from them. That was all.

I really don’t think my DIL or step-son are that controlling of their kids. Personally I don’t think they are in as much danger than the children who have been baptized by a priest in the Catholic church and their parents never step foot in the church again or raise their kids in the church after that.
A lot of my hubby’s nieces and nephews have been married outside of the church and they were raised Catholic in the church. They knew what actions they were taking. Their parents knew, etc. I guess they are all going to hell. 🤷
Worse than being baptized and never going to church again, is to see Catholics who go to church every Sunday and do everything contrary to church teachings outside of mass.

If you did not know there was more to baptisim than just removing the original sin, I have to wonder how qualified you are to teach a kid about the faith.

Honestly, I have to wonder if you are a troll? I can’t believe anyone would do such a thing behind parents back
 
Wow, now I feel like I took the kids to a Satanism cult and indoctrinated them. Who would think Catholics would look on Baptism as such a shamful thing to do behind parents backs? I can think of worse things to subject kids to. They did go to their other grandmothers “commitment cermoney” when she “married” her girlfriend.

I think from now on I will not encourage anyone in the faith and as you say “butt out of their lives”. My hubby would like to encourage them to think about the Catholic faith but when it is so serious to rile up Catholics on here I will just keep my mouth shut and encourage him to do like wise… Thanks a lot.

As for being a troll, I brought my hubby back to the faith before we married. He is glad I did. From now on I think I will just let other people try to find their own way and “stay out of their business.”

I cannot find any charity with the Catholics on here anyway. Calling me a troll because I ask a question about the faith. Guess I will stop sending any people from other web sites.here who have questions about Catholics. Not worth it. :eek:

P.S. I love my grandkids mom, she is the best mom in the world and it is not her fault the was raised with no religion. Now I am crying.
 
Oneofmany, you presented a situation and asked “What’s a Catholic Grandparent to do?” You have now had many responses all indicating that, while your intentions were good, your action in ‘baptising’ your grandchildren overstepped the bounds of your relationship to them as well as now causing them to fall under the Canon Laws of the Catholic Church, even though they may not be taught what these are. Your responses to those who are trying to get you to see the seriousness of this action seems to indicate that you do not yet fully understand the implications of Catholic baptism. Instead of going off on an emotional ‘rant’, please do some research and find out why
… Catholics would look on Baptism as such a shamful [sic] thing to do behind parents backs?
To start you off, here are some links to threads on CAF and one from EWTN (which specifically addresses the issue of a grandparent baptising a grandchild):
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=330580
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=503266
ewtn.com/library/liturgy/zlitur145.htm
And another that explains the situation in a slightly different way: catholicherald.com/stories/Administering-the-Sacrament-of-Baptism-Who-When-and-How,11943
 
I think that the OP needs to realize that this is an Internet forum, that some of these harsh answers are from pious people who let the letter of the law take over when an action is seen by them as rigid and intolerant and are full of love and acceptance for much less understandable actions, and even downright sinful ones.
And that is what I see in the responses. It is hard to imagine that no one at least understands why you would perform such an action. You felt that the children were in danger of spiritual death, and acted drastically, perhaps inadvisably, but realize this torrent of nastiness is reserved for many a traditionalist on here, or for those of us, who, for whatever reason, cannot wrap ourselves around some of the questionable theology of Vatican II.

Yes, you overstepped your bounds, no, you are not satan incarnate. If you have a good relationship with your son and daughter in law otherwise, they may actually laugh this off as goofy old mom being superstitious. I am 51 but remember the days when a newborn wasn’t taken outside before being baptized because of the “evil eye”. If you have correctly assessed them this will be their reaction. If it isn’t, you still have to tell them, as ask humbly if they mind your involvement in the children’s religious education. If they agree, fine, if not you have to let go and pray.
Talk to a priest, not just Internet posters. You will be surprised. I doubt that you will encounter this kind of rage. At least a little sympathy will creep in. A lot of those catechism links just talk about removing original sin after all.
Also there is a form of conditional baptism. Our youngest was adopted from Guatemala as a five month old. We had no way of know if he had already been baptized as being from a peasant culture such practices are common. Our priest used a special formula for his baptism. They need to know in case they decide someday to become practicing Catholics, or have the children baptized in a different Chistian religion.

I also do not see where the original poster said that her children were bad parents. This was only about her fear of them being raised without religion.

The bulk of good grandparenting is done in prayer. So is a lot of good parenting but I just figured that out.
 
Wow, now I feel like I took the kids to a Satanism cult and indoctrinated them. Who would think Catholics would look on Baptism as such a shamful thing to do behind parents backs? I can think of worse things to subject kids to. They did go to their other grandmothers “commitment cermoney” when she “married” her girlfriend.

I think from now on I will not encourage anyone in the faith and as you say “butt out of their lives”. My hubby would like to encourage them to think about the Catholic faith but when it is so serious to rile up Catholics on here I will just keep my mouth shut and encourage him to do like wise… Thanks a lot.
Because if you can’t baptize your grandchildren behind the backs of their parents, then you shouldn’t encourage anyone to think about the Catholic faith??? :rolleyes:

Why can’t you just admit that you did something wrong? That baptizing your grandchildren without the permission of their parents breaks not only their trust in you, but also isn’t encouraged by the Church???

No it wasn’t the worst thing you could do to them. But it doesn’t have to be, to be wrong.

And one person talked about you being a troll. And they have only been here since the beginning of the year. ( ignore them 😛 ) They probably don’t realize that no one comes and stays for 3 years as a “troll.” :eek:
 
I’m still focused on the comment that people like nurses and childcare workers do this. That’s really offensive. I would hope their co workers would report them.
 
I’m still focused on the comment that people like nurses and childcare workers do this. That’s really offensive. I would hope their co workers would report them.
Nurses sometimes do this under the appropriate guidelines, i.e., the child is in imminent danger of death. Other times this could be done by well intentioned people acting out of what would seem today to be superstition. Some people may be on a personal crusade.

Incredibly offensive? In a world in which no one thinks anything of teaching your ten year old about condoms and sodomy or taking your fourteen year old for an abortion without your consent, I can think of lots more offensive things. Inappropiate and misguided, certainly.
 
Nurses sometimes do this under the appropriate guidelines, i.e., the child is in imminent danger of death. Other times this could be done by well intentioned people acting out of what would seem today to be superstition. Some people may be on a personal crusade.

Incredibly offensive? In a world in which no one thinks anything of teaching your ten year old about condoms and sodomy or taking your fourteen year old for an abortion without your consent, I can think of lots more offensive things. Inappropiate and misguided, certainly.
Okay, how about just plain offensive. Each persons faith is their own. Doing something that deliberately disrespects the actual parents feelings about faith and religion is offensive to me. Especially since as many have posted here, a catholic baptism is an actual sacrament with life long effects on the soul of the person being baptized. Or isn’t it?

BTW, the world is filled with things that I find terribly offensive, I didn’t bother to list them all in these posts because it would take way too much time.
 
Wow, now I feel like I took the kids to a Satanism cult and indoctrinated them. Who would think Catholics would look on Baptism as such a shamful thing to do behind parents backs? I can think of worse things to subject kids to. They did go to their other grandmothers “commitment cermoney” when she “married” her girlfriend.

.
Just because there are worse things one could do, it does not excuse going behind a person’s back. Well… maybe some people don’t think it is shameful for a Catholic to baptize a kid behind a parents back. But I am the type of Catholic who believes in respecting a parents authority. It is simple respect and charity for the parent.

If when the kid is a teenager that is old enough to choose for themselves you encouraged baptism against the parent’s will, it would be different

Not to mention, God is love. If the kid was never baptized before they died, a grandmother’s prayer would help get them out of purgatory

Angie
 
I’m still focused on the comment that people like nurses and childcare workers do this. That’s really offensive. I would hope their co workers would report them.
Ever considered that the nurses and child care workers actually ask the parents for permission to do so?

I do not agree with a nurse just deciding to baptize a child without the parent’s permission. Unless its an unusual case of no parent there to give permission…such as an abandoned child.

Think about it…a baby is born and is given a very grave diagnosis and probably won’t survive. There is no Priest in the immediate area that can give a baptism…but the parents want one. A nurse or a doctor can safely access the patient being worked on and do a quick baptism.

Nurses don’t just go around baptizing children left and right based on their beliefs. That is ethically wrong.
 
Ever considered that the nurses and child care workers actually ask the parents for permission to do so?

I do not agree with a nurse just deciding to baptize a child without the parent’s permission. Unless its an unusual case of no parent there to give permission…such as an abandoned child.

Think about it…a baby is born and is given a very grave diagnosis and probably won’t survive. There is no Priest in the immediate area that can give a baptism…but the parents want one. A nurse or a doctor can safely access the patient being worked on and do a quick baptism.

Nurses don’t just go around baptizing children left and right based on their beliefs. That is ethically wrong.
The Code of Canon Law is quite clear on this:
Can. 867 §1. Parents are obliged to take care that infants are baptized in the first few weeks; as soon as possible after the birth or even before it, they are to go to the pastor to request the sacrament for their child and to be prepared properly for it.

§2. An infant in danger of death is to be baptized without delay.

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

§2. An infant of Catholic parents or even of non-Catholic parents is baptized licitly in danger of death even against the will of the parents.

The full text can be found here: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P2X.HTM
 
The Code of Canon Law is quite clear on this:
Can. 867 §1. Parents are obliged to take care that infants are baptized in the first few weeks; as soon as possible after the birth or even before it, they are to go to the pastor to request the sacrament for their child and to be prepared properly for it.

§2. An infant in danger of death is to be baptized without delay.

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

§2. An infant of Catholic parents or even of non-Catholic parents is baptized licitly in danger of death even against the will of the parents.

The full text can be found here: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P2X.HTM
There go, right there–whenever there is conflict or doubt, go right to the source. Some people might take issue with it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is there and binding. 👍
 
I think that the OP needs to realize that this is an Internet forum, that some of these harsh answers are from pious people who let the letter of the law take over when an action is seen by them as rigid and intolerant and are full of love and acceptance for much less understandable actions, and even downright sinful ones.
And that is what I see in the responses. It is hard to imagine that no one at least understands why you would perform such an action. You felt that the children were in danger of spiritual death, and acted drastically, perhaps inadvisably, but realize this torrent of nastiness is reserved for many a traditionalist on here, or for those of us, who, for whatever reason, cannot wrap ourselves around some of the questionable theology of Vatican II.

Yes, you overstepped your bounds, no, you are not satan incarnate. If you have a good relationship with your son and daughter in law otherwise, they may actually laugh this off as goofy old mom being superstitious. I am 51 but remember the days when a newborn wasn’t taken outside before being baptized because of the “evil eye”. If you have correctly assessed them this will be their reaction. If it isn’t, you still have to tell them, as ask humbly if they mind your involvement in the children’s religious education. If they agree, fine, if not you have to let go and pray.
Talk to a priest, not just Internet posters. You will be surprised. I doubt that you will encounter this kind of rage. At least a little sympathy will creep in. A lot of those catechism links just talk about removing original sin after all.
Also there is a form of conditional baptism. Our youngest was adopted from Guatemala as a five month old. We had no way of know if he had already been baptized as being from a peasant culture such practices are common. Our priest used a special formula for his baptism. They need to know in case they decide someday to become practicing Catholics, or have the children baptized in a different Chistian religion.

I also do not see where the original poster said that her children were bad parents. This was only about her fear of them being raised without religion.

The bulk of good grandparenting is done in prayer. So is a lot of good parenting but I just figured that out.
Thank you for answering in a charitable way. Sometimes I detest the internet. People jump in and put words in your mouth, motives in your actions, and intentions you never meant, then they turn around and lambast you for doing all three. I see it being done so often on all kinds of web sites. It can get to be evil.😦

I followed the Catechism of the Chruch on Baptising and I trusted what it said. I don’t think I can be chastized for that. Maybe the church needs to post the rules in the bullitin for grandparents of children who are lapsed Catholics or married out of the church. Baptizing is so easy I would bet many worried grandparents are doing this for their grandchildren. Many who live across the country and can’t very much influence but once or twice a year.

Children do get into accidents and die. It’s not a fantasy for many families, it’s reality. Why do you think the Church tells parents not to wait to baptise? When one is raised and taught this way, yes it can worry a person, and has nothing to do with superstitution or maybe some think the Church is superstitous, I don’t. I believe what it teaches.

I see other grandparents worry as well-----thanks for the link-----I see this grandmother had another issue to deal with than I but she did what she thought was the right thing as well. I guess we grandparents will have to follow our conscience and hope for the best.

9:11 pm
TigerKitty
Junior Member Join Date: December 29, 2007
Posts: 275
Religion: Catholic

Re: can a lay person baptize a child

So if following this story correctly, the parents did want to baptize the child, but they just hadn’t gotten around to it yet, yes? There was not threat of imminent death.

So the grandmother just got impatient and took things into her own hands.

Now here’s the question: What if the mother of the child wanted the child baptized, but the father absolutely did not? (Catholic mother, lapsed Methodist father who refuses to allow his wife/children to set foot in a catholic church again. In fact, father refuses any/all organized religion).

Now, if the grandmother baptized the child in this case, is it a sin for the grandmother? Of course, grandmother is hoping that the child’s father will come around one day and convert to catholicism, and is worried about the child’s soul in the mean time. However, I personally don’t see this happening (and no, it’s not my child. just a situation I’m aware of). Also, grandmother has opportunity to take child to church (behind father’s back), but does not, and doesn’t actively work toward educating child about catholic faith
 
I followed the Catechism of the Chruch on Baptising and I trusted what it said. I don’t think I can be chastized for that.
Actually the problem is that you didn’t. You in fact completely disregarded the catechism and disrespected your grandchildren’s parents. You behaved selfishly and you need to own up to it. The parents need to be told and you need to stop being smug about getting your way. And, if you really care about the rules of your church you will confess to the parents, because the baptism needs to be registered.
 
And as for your excuse that fearing a random accident constituted imminent danger of death, you know full well that doesn’t count. If it did parental consent would never matter because any infant could have an accident.

According to your faith you have put them in greater danger of hell by baptizing them when there is not a reasonable belief that they will be raised catholic. If you really did this for their souls instead of your pride, you will come clean.
 
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