What's a compassionate response to a non-remorseful, "Well, I had an abortion..."?

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whatevergirl said:
or if you want to continue the conversation…maybe ask…do you ever think about it much? That’s a pretty non threatening statement.
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Oh! That’s a good response! Non-threatening, and can open up the discussion a bit. Also, it would satisfy my natural curiousity as to how someone goes on with her life after an abortion–it must be that she does not think about it much. Or ever.
 
I think I’d have to say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

but, I wouldn’t say I’ll pray for you because it drives me nuts when people who disagree with me say that! I would pray, but I wouldn’t say it vocally.

I like the idea of asking questions. But, I think it would be okay to say a gentle “I’m sorry.”

I think it would be nice to ask them how old their baby would be if he had lived. Or, what they have named him or would have named him. I might tell them about my sister’s abortion. Or, I might tell them about my miscarriage and the grief I experienced.

I guess it would depend a lot on their responses and demeanor and our relationship.
 
I would make no comment on her position. I would just say: If you ever change your mind, we’ll keep the door open and the light on over at Rachel’s Vneyard. Any Catholic priest can tell you how to contact them.
 
PRmerger said:
How does one respond to a woman’s disclosure, “Well, I had an abortion” and “I have no regrets”.

Usually these women are acquaintances and the topic of conversation may be my opposition to abortion, or the Church’s teaching against abortion, or, really, any situation discussing our past lives.

I am at a loss as to how to respond. "I’m sorry!" is meaningless if the woman expresses no remorse. "Really?’ is too non-commital. *“You sinner!” *is…well…simply ghastly. :eek:

Suggestions?
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Tell her if time comes when she has regrets you can put her in touch with some people that can help her. If she seems surprised that women do have regrets tell her that in your experience having regrets it is the norm but that it often takes years for problems to arise.

It is important not to criticize-the deed is done and all you can do is asure her there will be people to help her pick up the pieces when the horror of what she has done sets in
 
PRmerger said:
Oh! That’s a good response! Non-threatening, and can open up the discussion a bit. Also, it would satisfy my natural curiousity as to how someone goes on with her life after an abortion–it must be that she does not think about it much. Or ever.
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I had many friends who had abortions…believe me…this person you speak of thinks about it…probably more than you know or she would like anyone to know. Again…to share it, she might not be at that point…but you might inspire her to speak about it–never know?🙂
 
leonie said:
but, I wouldn’t say I’ll pray for you because it drives me nuts when people who disagree with me say that! I would pray, but I wouldn’t say it vocally.
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Yes!! I had a PETA person tell me that, and it only served to irritate me and made me think the PETA rep was self-righteous!
 
**Originally Posted by leonie **
but, I wouldn’t say I’ll pray for you because it drives me nuts when people who disagree with me say that! I would pray, but I wouldn’t say it vocally.
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PRmerger said:
Yes!! I had a PETA person tell me that, and it only served to irritate me and made me think the PETA rep was self-righteous!
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LOL, that’s what I say when I am fed up with someone. Not very nice of me I know, but sometimes I get the urge to retaliate to some people’s “grrrr” annoying comments.
 
PRmerger said:
How does one respond to a woman’s disclosure, “Well, I had an abortion” and “I have no regrets”.

Usually these women are acquaintances and the topic of conversation may be my opposition to abortion, or the Church’s teaching against abortion, or, really, any situation discussing our past lives.

I am at a loss as to how to respond. "I’m sorry!" is meaningless if the woman expresses no remorse. "Really?’ is too non-commital. *“You sinner!” *is…well…simply ghastly. :eek:

Suggestions?
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How about sharing with her God’s mercy and compassion. Admitting that we are all sinners, and as we know from Adam and Eve, going against God’s will seperates us from God and leads to eternal damnation for any of us. “Big” sin and “little” sin do this, and sometimes Satan would want us to believe that our sins are beyond God’s mercy. Mentioning John 3:14-21 may be helpful “As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.”

Then perhaps mention Exodus 20:1-20 “1Then God spoke all these words, saying, I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day and made it holy. Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you. You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” All the people perceived the thunder and the lightning flashes and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood at a distance. Then they said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen; but let not God speak to us, or we will die.” Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin.”

However, if they know us and see us careless in our words and actions, our witness may be weakened. Gentleness and kindness, yet to the point. Never easy, though worth asking God for direction in how to witness and help others.

Michael
 
unfortunately this has happened more times than I care to remember, but I have to as I have added these women to my prayer list. the hard part is not to say too much. I usually say, I am so sorry to hear it, that must have been a very difficult time for you. I will be praying for you. Anybody that knows me also knows that is what I say to anyone who talks about a personal problem, illness or grief. They also know that I really do pray. I hope that even those who don’t have faith in prayer take it as an expression of good will. If they choose to be offended by good intentions toward them expressed by another person, they should probably not share such personal things. I have gone further with women I know better who seem to be expressing regret (even in a negatvive way) by saying that I have participated in a healing ministry from women who have had this experience, and know it to be an immense help for many women, and invite them to ask for more details if they want it, and give them the Rachel’s vineyard brochure.
 
Just because she’s not sorry doesn’t mean you can’t be. I’d say, “I’m sorry to hear that.” --KCT
 
PRmerger said:
How does one respond to a woman’s disclosure, “Well, I had an abortion” and “I have no regrets”.

Usually these women are acquaintances and the topic of conversation may be my opposition to abortion, or the Church’s teaching against abortion, or, really, any situation discussing our past lives.

I am at a loss as to how to respond. "I’m sorry!" is meaningless if the woman expresses no remorse. "Really?’ is too non-commital. *“You sinner!” *is…well…simply ghastly. :eek:

Suggestions?
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You have a duty to point out, with charity, her error. She is polluted by our culture, which tells her that anything legal is also moral. Might ask her if she ever wonders about the baby that died. Father Frank Pavone’s www.priestsforlife.org/ would probably have an excellent suggestion or ten.

May God bless you. She has no idea what she put her baby through, and the evil of abortion continues, as now you must respond as well.

Christ’s peace.
 
PRmerger said:
How does one respond to a woman’s disclosure, “Well, I had an abortion” and “I have no regrets”.

Usually these women are acquaintances and the topic of conversation may be my opposition to abortion, or the Church’s teaching against abortion, or, really, any situation discussing our past lives.

I am at a loss as to how to respond. "I’m sorry!" is meaningless if the woman expresses no remorse. "Really?’ is too non-commital. *“You sinner!” *is…well…simply ghastly. :eek:

Suggestions?
Click to expand...
 
…its like when one sees those rotten commercials on teevee where the man or hubby or daddy is portrayed as a moran etc…if one asked the ‘actor’ why did you do it,he would say.well it was for pay,havn’t you done stuff you didnt like …for pay? so instead I ask…'is there anything you would NOT do for any amount of money?..and thats what I say to such women who have murdered their developing baby and 'have no regrets"…what would you do in this world that would eventually cause you to have ‘regrets’…watch the squirming then…Nino
 
A dear friend of mine who has been a protester at clinics for years, just says it plain and simple when she is stanging there. ‘What? You want to kill your baby?’ Sometimes I am shocked when I hear it, but I mean is there really anyway to sugar coat it? Especially if there is no remorse.

But always reminding someone of God’s love for them, that he loves the sinner, but not the sin. God bless you!
 
I’ve been the director of a pro-life crisis pregnancy center for 10 years and have seen many women after they’ve had abortions when they come in for a free pregnancy test. When a woman tells me she is fine with her abortion, I ask her to tell me about her experience or I ask her if she’d do it again. The overwhelming majority will tell me no, they would never do it again. Then, I ask why not and most times the pain pours out. I find a simple, non-threatening question will draw them out. (When this happens, I always refer them to a local organization that conducts support groups, Rachel’s Vineyard, or mental health resources.) It is true that some women are in denial for a long time. Their denial can be impenetrable but, one day, most likely, they will suffer and they will continue to suffer. I have seen women 20 years after their abortions immediately break down in tears when I asked how did that experience go for you? The pain was that close to the surface. Based on my experience, I believe ALL women are traumatized by their abortions. How can they not be, given it is written on the hearts of women to protect their children, not have them murdered? My hypothesis is that, when a woman says she has no regret, she’s unwilling to share with you and/or she’s hiding her emotions from herself. I wouldn’t tell an unrepentant person I’ll pray for her but, in the situation you describe, I would offer help if she ever finds she needs it. Then, I would pray for her. I ask all of you to pray for post-abortive women, as well as for people like me who are working “in the trenches” and for our clients who face unplanned pregnancies and are now in crises. The work is a spiritual battle of a magnitude none of us can imagine and prayers help the most.
 
The cold, hard truth is that not all woman regret or will ever regret having abortions.

I read a thread on a message board about woman who had abortions and majority said that even though they regret being in the position, they would do it again. I also know people personally who had abotions and don’t regret, one of which was a strong prolife activist. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said, “you think you will know what you until you walk in others shoes”.

On the opposite side of the coin, you will have those that strongly regret…
 
PRmerger said:
How does one respond to a woman’s disclosure, “Well, I had an abortion” and “I have no regrets”.

Usually these women are acquaintances and the topic of conversation may be my opposition to abortion, or the Church’s teaching against abortion, or, really, any situation discussing our past lives.

I am at a loss as to how to respond. "I’m sorry!" is meaningless if the woman expresses no remorse. "Really?’ is too non-commital. *“You sinner!” *is…well…simply ghastly. :eek:

Suggestions?
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Also, bear in mind that the human psyche seeks comfort, even if that comfort is found in rationalization or denial. Which of us does not do each occasionally? The more serious the sin, the greater the coping mechanism used.

Christ’s peace be with you.
 
estesbob said:
Becuase we are Catholic.
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I had hoped my answer to be understood as rhetorical.

It’s not always compassionate to gloss over a horrible sin. If someone murdered someone in front of me in cold blood, should I say “you poor dear, having a bad day?”

For me, I believe correction is in order in a case as this. Compassion is for when sorrow begins.

I know for me that I need to go and say “I’m sorry” when I’ve sinned. I know God loves me whether I’m in the state of mortal sin or not, but like it said in one of the readings at Mass last week, a good Father will discipline His children.

The prodigal son had to turn around first to get back to his Father’s house.

I believe as a Catholic I’m supposed to love the sinner but hate the sin.

I don’t think compassion should get mixed up with approval.

Just my 2 cents.
 
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