P
Polluted
Guest
Yes. Multiple times! Weeks ago! Until I finally told her “today is the day”.
- Status
Did you discuss it in the sense that it was a mutually agreed upon solution or in the sense that you said: This is what’s happening? Generally, if looking for the opportunity to change jobs, the done thing is to get a job offer before you hand in your notice with your current employer.
That avoids awkward questions at interviews and it means you have no gap in your employment history.
P
Polluted
Guest
I told her a while ago.
“I’m breaking down, I need a new job…I rreally need your support on this”
She said
“No, you have changed jobs too many times, just stay in this one for a couple years”
Then 2 weeks later
“Hun I REALLY need to leave this job and find another. I could really use your support on this”
She said
“No”
2 weeks later
“Todays the day, I’m quitting this job, sorry”
C
ConfusedLucy
Guest
Honestly how well do you communicate because it sounds like you are both bottling a lot. One of you are going to blow up one day. It isn’t unreasonable to not want to enter a relationship where you will have a poorer life than what you grew up with but it’s wrong of her to string you along. You may be civil on the surface but it sounds like a serious discussion is long overdue.
P
Polluted
Guest
So staying in the job would be her decision? Where’s my middle ground in that scenario. You do realize REAL life doesn’t always work out so clean cut right. I understand it looks good on paper the whole “ok everyone gets an equal slice of pie” attitude but it doesn’t always work like that.
And keep in mind here folks I’m not married to this girl. She made sure of that. So you know what I owe her in regards to a day in my life decision? JACK!
Just like I got ZERO say with her plans for our wedding date
And
Her deciding to use birth control.
No, I didn’t say that staying in the job was the solution. But it would have been better to stay in the job while searching for a new job. It’s always better to be employed while looking for work.
Life is full of those kinds of decisions and generally engaged couples have to work this stuff out as that is part of preparation for marriage.
It sounds like she was concerned about your employment prospects should you quit and you dismissed her (probably valid) concerns and quit your job anyway.
Middle ground might have been, I’m leaving this job as soon as I secure a suitable position in a different company.
You keep saying she made sure you weren’t married? Are you referring to her notions for your wedding? You claimed that various people have money invested in the wedding? Why are you so worried about the cost if family members are making contributions? How much does she want to spend on a wedding 5k or 20k? 5k is reasonable enough to spend on wedding plus honeymoon, 20k is a deposit in a home. Which is closer to the figure?
H
heidi_storage
Guest
Why, exactly, are you getting married? This sounds like a disaster.
P
Polluted
Guest
5k
But keep in mind I’m broke as heck. Just like the story if the Lady in the good book who gave all she had. We are all footing the bill for the wedding. All I have to do is be patient, cohabit for a few years, swallow my pride, and meet her at the alter when it’s up to her standards.
But keep in mind I’m broke as heck. Just like the story if the Lady in the good book who gave all she had. We are all footing the bill for the wedding. All I have to do is be patient, cohabit for a few years, swallow my pride, and meet her at the alter when it’s up to her standards.
P
Polluted
Guest
Why does God keep calling me back to his way of life! I waited 2 years living in sin trying to just do what normal rational people do in 2016! Live like your married, just have sex AND use birth control. Stay silent and just wait for a nice big wedding and phat party. But I’m about to destroy all that “progress”’. The wedding is in 1 month!
Why do you want me to do the right thing Lord!!!
I was about to enter a Holy life (kind of) Lord! Why wouldn’t you just let me spit on your commandments a little while longer to get there!!! So what I had to metaphorically rob a bank to get the money! I was going to donate it to the homeless!
C
ConfusedLucy
Guest
Are you having pre-cana? I would really recommend couples counselling.
P
Polluted
Guest
We already had that. And counseling?? We aren’t even married yet and we are gonna go to counseling? For crying out loud at least let me develop an alcohol addiction or a mild brush with adultery before we need counseling to save our marriage. I wait! We aren’t married!
C
ConfusedLucy
Guest
You seem to be using the fact that you aren’t yet married as an excuse for a lot of things, it isn’t, as soon as you make the decision to get married you should start approaching life decisions as a unit rather than 2 people. The problems you are having aren’t going to magically disappear after the wedding.
P
Polluted
Guest
I did ya one better. As soon as we decided to get married I moved in with her like she demanded and had a child and started acting like she was my wife!
See how crazy it looks when I type out the exact same essence of what you are preaching to me?
C
ConfusedLucy
Guest
You can say no though, honestly you need to take some time out and really think this through.
P
Polluted
Guest
It’s done. I’m not getting married to this girl. It would be insanity to do so and me quitting this job was the first time in these 2 years where I have seen her sober up for a brief moment and seriously look at the man she is marrying and what type of life she might be in for. It may had been crazy but this is a good thing. I finally found a way to snap her out of la la land…Her and her family and open them up to what I have been arguing with her about for the last year. That we should not be getting married.
My priorities in life are
GOD
Children
Happiness
Wealth.
Her priorities are
Family
Wealth
Children
God
M
mommy_k
Guest
Instead of focusing on all the wrong things here, why not sit down at your computer and apply for jobs that match your major in college? This should be your new full time job until the wedding…
From what I have inferred from this thread, you were working in retail management…that requires very long hours.
If u are in the usa, you really should have taken a family leave, so you still would have had a job, but live and learn.
You can fix this, so start fixing, and stop thinking.
From what I have inferred from this thread, you were working in retail management…that requires very long hours.
If u are in the usa, you really should have taken a family leave, so you still would have had a job, but live and learn.
You can fix this, so start fixing, and stop thinking.
M
mommy_k
Guest
Also work is a prayer when done out of sacrifice for the family.
X
Xantippe
Guest
Why these extremes?
I’m starting to think that there may be some mental health stuff going on that is affecting how you view this situation. It’s like you’ve got a lens in your head that splits things into two different black and white extreme options, whereas in real life, there is a huge continuum of different possibilities.
I think you may need to accept the possibility that (while you may be a very bright guy–I really think you are), your decision-making apparatus is broken–if you don’t believe me, look at all the messes it has gotten you into. I encourage you going forward to not make major decisions without a green light from somebody who knows you and your situation well.
- Status