What's It Like Being the Only Catholic in Your Family

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I will officially be Catholic in about five or six months, but I will be the only one in my family. (I actually do have a few Catholic aunts and uncles and cousins, but I hardly ever see them.) My family is not really religious. My parents are “Christian,” but only nominally. When I was growing up religion was not something we talked about and seemed to make things awkward if it ever came up. I am sure some people here have similar backgrounds. If you do, how did you and your family handle your becoming Catholic?

I actually have not told anyone in my family that I am going to be Catholic soon. They don’t even know that I have been exploring religion for quite some time. How could I tell them in the least awkward and most subtle way possible?
 
I think we could be related, LOL! Your family sounds a lot like mine. 😜

When I first decided to become Catholic and told my family, the initial reaction was, “WHY do you want to become CATHOLIC of all things?! We don’t have any Catholics in our family!” Once I began attending Mass regularly and then began RCIA classes, they all took it a lot more seriously. As I learned, they also learned because I would share my knowledge of the faith with them. They understood it better and became very encouraging and were quite proud when I’d finished my RCIA classes and was baptized and confirmed into the Church.

When I decided to tell them about my plans to become Catholic, I didn’t bother to go into all of the reasons why at that point unless they asked specific questions because I didn’t want to get into any religious debates right from the beginning. I did tell them that it felt right in my heart, that there are many things in Mass that are supported by Scripture, that I loved the solemnity and sacredness of the Mass (as opposed to the super-loud Christian rock music at the Protestant churches I’d attended) and that I firmly believed it was the One True Church established by Christ, so why would I bother with anything other than the truth? Seemed to work pretty well. 😉 My prayers are with you! 🙂
 
Hello and God Bless,

I am the only Catholic in my family as well. Most of my family would consider themselves Baptist but non-practicing - more along the lines of a “personal relationship” with Christ with no need for organized religion.

Slowly but surely they are being exposed to the Truth of the Catholic faith. One of my Brothers is considering entering RCIA after months of discussion and reading apologetic books. My younger Sister would be open to Catholicism except for her staunchly Anti-Catholic Husband’s family (Baptist), although her Husband isn’t especially attached to the Baptist Church, just won’t consider Catholicism because of his family. I have had multiple discussions with them both and at least have planted the seed that they need to have the family baptized and start attending Church (hopefully in the future they will convert).

I would state that ALL of the resistance to the Catholic Church is based upon misconceptions of Catholic Teachings. All of the standard objections that aren’t actual teachings regarding the Pope, confession, Mary, too formalistic, not “getting” anything out of the message, etc. etc.

I have found that charitable corrections/explanations and giving good orthodox books has worked best. Hope that helps…
 
andyklein said:
I will officially be Catholic in about five or six months, but I will be the only one in my family. (I actually do have a few Catholic aunts and uncles and cousins, but I hardly ever see them.) My family is not really religious. My parents are “Christian,” but only nominally. When I was growing up religion was not something we talked about and seemed to make things awkward if it ever came up. I am sure some people here have similar backgrounds. If you do, how did you and your family handle your becoming Catholic?

I actually have not told anyone in my family that I am going to be Catholic soon. They don’t even know that I have been exploring religion for quite some time. How could I tell them in the least awkward and most subtle way possible?
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Yeah that sounds pretty much like my family 😛
Well when I told my mom, I just sat her down and told her. No other way to really do it haha.
My dad doesn’t live with us, though.
It really isn’t awkward(the only exception would be when my mom tried to make me promise to “use protection”)
They never really comment on my religion actually, things aren’t too much different than they were before. I wouldn’t stress too much about it, if they’re indifferent to their own religion, I doubt they’ll be offended or something because you’re converting.
 
Delaine75 said:
I think we could be related, LOL! Your family sounds a lot like mine. 😜

When I first decided to become Catholic and told my family, the initial reaction was, “WHY do you want to become CATHOLIC of all things?! We don’t have any Catholics in our family!” Once I began attending Mass regularly and then began RCIA classes, they all took it a lot more seriously. As I learned, they also learned because I would share my knowledge of the faith with them. They understood it better and became very encouraging and were quite proud when I’d finished my RCIA classes and was baptized and confirmed into the Church.

When I decided to tell them about my plans to become Catholic, I didn’t bother to go into all of the reasons why at that point unless they asked specific questions because I didn’t want to get into any religious debates right from the beginning. I did tell them that it felt right in my heart, that there are many things in Mass that are supported by Scripture, that I loved the solemnity and sacredness of the Mass (as opposed to the super-loud Christian rock music at the Protestant churches I’d attended) and that I firmly believed it was the One True Church established by Christ, so why would I bother with anything other than the truth? Seemed to work pretty well. 😉 My prayers are with you! 🙂
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Great Advice! Noone in my family knows that I have been attending Mass in the past year off/on. Most of my extended family grew up Mormon/Baptist, and I’m terrified of letting them know my decision. I actually let it slip to a co-worker about my choices and i was surprised to hear her reaction. It made me feel like my family may react the same way, or they may not care what i do!
 
My family are all Protestants from a variety of denominations. We didn’t attend Church as I was growing up as my Father wasn’t a religious person. Since his death, my Mother has rejoined the Methodist faith of her youth, and my siblings have started attending services since becoming adults. One is a Methodist like Mom, one is an Evangelical Free, and the other belongs to a non-denominational community of believers.
Thankfully they didn’t have any objections to my choosing the Catholic Faith - but they didn’t outwardly support me either. Faith & religion aren’t talked about much 😦 We’ve agreed to disagree and live & let live.

My husband’s family are long time Catholics - so thankfully I have their support.

It helped me, that I was already an adult before I chose to become Catholic, so I really didn’t require my own family’s support - and even if they HAD disapproved - it wouldn’t have changed my mind.

However, as you are a young person - I can see where you’d be happier if you had your family’s support - as when we are younger we look for approval of our choices.

I’m praying for you that you find strength in the Catholic Faith and that your love for Jesus and the Church will overcome any obstacles that may come your way 🙂

((HUGS))
~~Prairie Rose
 
Hi, I went through RCIA in 2000 and became the only Catholic in the family. In some ways, my situation is less awkward because there isn’t much family. No parents to tell or worry about what they will say. I do have 3 siblings who are very averse to religion. One thought I must have been brainwashed.

It has been tougher with colleagues, friends, and new acquaintances. I had hoped that some people would be happy for my huge, joyous awakening and events of conversion. Instead, people stopped speaking to me or new acquaintances would act like they were fine and open about Catholicism but the conversation would be a laundry list of every issue addressed by apologists. For example “Oh, I don’t know much about Catholics and I have nothing against anybody, but… why do you have to confess to a man? well, how about only men becoming priests?? Well, how about the history of wrongdoing of the church?”

I felt assaulted with questions where I had investigated, felt satisfied with the information, but in no way was prepared to engage in verbal defense. Mostly I was disappointed that there was no one who saw my change as a positive.

It would be an easier transition if I were good at making friends, so maybe you can find friends and “family” in the Church. All I can say about existing family is that you can let them know and then just deal with their reactions. Many times people soften over time, especially when they get to know what you are like as a Catholic.

People I’ve known thought I would suddenly judge their choices, lifestyles, and beliefs. Sure, my opinion or judgement about many things has changed, but I believe it’s wrong to criticize other people. I know judgement is a controversial topic – I’ve just been living to improve my life at this point and figured everyone is on a journey, not yet at their destination.

I hope that helps some. Congratulations on your conversion!!
 
My husband and I converted on our own accord.

We actually both come from long lines of Catholic families that just do not practice the faith at all.

My in-laws both come from cultural Catholic families. FIL never practiced the faith and won’t take us seriously. MIL is a serious non-denominational who raised my husband Christian but she has a disdain for the Catholic church (she has changed a bit over the past year).

My family were also raised Catholic. Mom came from a strict Catholic background that included daily Mass and family prayer…yet she was poorly Catechized (go figure) and left the faith promptly after her Catholic marriage. My dad was raised methodist but never really practiced. My parents raised us “Catholic” to appease the Grandparents but my sister and I were taught nothing.

Honestly? Everyone thinks we’re nuts. They humor us with Mass attendance if we ask. I think my MIL was mildly horrified when she found out my husband was converting and he’d be raising his children, her grandchildren, Catholic…but she has since calmed down.
 
Hmm. Is anybody on here the only Catholic in their family who are active Protestants? That would be my situation if I decide to enter the Church.
 
Taestron said:
Hmm. Is anybody on here the only Catholic in their family who are active Protestants? That would be my situation if I decide to enter the Church.
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My family is “active Protestant” but we manage to get along. I had a disagreement with my uncle on the Minnesota Marriage Amendment but otherwise they’ve just been quiet or curious, not antagonistic. I just hope to live in such a way that I don’t give them a bad or false impression of what it means to be Catholic.
 
I am the only practicing Catholic in my family. I am single and consider my family to be my siblings, nephews, nieces, great nephews, and great nieces. My two sisters, my only brother in law, and myself are all cradle Catholics. I have four nephews and two nieces who were cradle Catholics, most of whom are confirmed.

What it’s like for me being the only practicing Catholic in my family is lonely. It is especially during Christmas and Easter when I go to Mass alone. I can remember special times when we were all together at Mass. I think the last time was Easter about four years ago.

Now one of my sister’s is Rastifarian (although last Christmas she did want me to go to midnight mass with her). My other sister (whom I live with now) told me she doesn’t consider herself to really be Catholic anymore (she is divorced and remarried, but I don’t think that plays a big part in her feelings). I have gotten the sense over the years that sister and her husband have a other priorities on Sunday mornings - and even on Christmas and Easter - than going to church, regardless or what denomination it would be. I think it is very easy for people working full time Mon thru Fri jobs to fall into the habit of taking care of other things on Sundays, but a habit that you need to pull yourself out of in order to get back into making spending time with God a priority.

I live in Southern California and don’t own a car. I go to the same parish that I started to attend many years ago with my sister and her children (the sister who doesn’t consider herself a Catholic anymore). I take two public buses to get to Mass, which takes me about an hour and a half one way. (But much of the commute is beautiful as I live in the foothills and coming down into town I travel through nice scenery.) There is a Catholic Church in my town, but it is actually not accessible by public transportation (at least from what I have figured since I have moved here). I think it is sad that my sister and brother in law have a vehicle and could get to Mass here in town within about 10 minutes, yet don’t make it a priority. Apparently, they did go there once, so maybe that was Easter. They have told me it is beautiful inside and that I should go there at least once to see it, yet they have never offered to take me.

All my nephews and nieces did not have Catholic weddings. One is yet unmarried and planning to get married on the beach. Two of them used female officiants who called themselves ministers or reverand, but did not seem to even be from a recognized Protestant church. One was married by the brother of the groom, who was a minister of a small grass roots type church that focused on missonary work. That did not bother me so much because at least his entire family was involved in this little church and Christian. I recently discovered the wife of one of my nephews is not baptized - they are having their first baby soon.

I have a deep faith and am very grateful the past generations in my family who made it possible for me to become Catholic. My mother was not Catholic, but was Episcopol (spelling is bad, but too tired to look up the correct spelling). She was full of faith as well. I remember feeling closest to my father when we were at Mass together. That is part of the reason I feel sad and lonely to be the “last of the line” of Catholics in my family. I feel as if they have all “died out” and I am the only one hanging in there.

All that being said, I have found, happily, that by getting involved in ministries at your local parish you can have a church family even if you are the only Catholic in your family. I am in a choir. Even if you are not in a ministry, it is helpful to attend whatever breakfasts there are after Mass or Donut Sunday, things like that, and be a little outgoing. Of course, if you have been in RCIA, then you already have some connections that help you make friends in your parish. It is so nice to be able to share a meal or go out for the day with a friend from the parish and naturally chat about being Catholic or God.

I know most of the thread has been about those who have converted, but I just wanted to add that even when someone grows up Catholic they can end up being the only Catholic in their family.
 
I’m in a similar situation to you CarolOfTheBells. Although I converted through RCIA, I have no contacts with them. Even when I continued to attend in that parish, I never saw the other people in church again. I did make friends with a few young women but they weren’t going to church. Since then, I’ve moved and have tried 3 or 5 other churches.

People have recommended choir or other ministries to me. I had a disastrous experience attempting to do the readings. No practice; some info on the phone by a man who was upset that he was still being used as a contact led to my speaking on no mic (until someone came up mid-reading and connected it) then my not realizing I was to move on and read more, so I sat down and no one said I wasn’t finished, then the worst when i realized I was unfinished, I exclaimed Oh ****!! …audibly. It was awful, but I know, just one experience.

I can sing, but the church I attend now has very few musicians/singers. I think they’re all professional – or at least very advanced. I’ve tried doughnut Sundays – just going to them but I’m in so much pain that i can’t handle the standing in line. Usually some kind person ends up praying over me…it’s not exactly like casual acquaintance-making. I guess I get so distraught seeing most of the people enter in groups - families, couples, or people grabbing a cup of coffee and heading to the parking lot.

Anyway, I do experience the loneliness of attending mass alone. I have no other plans on holidays, then I go to mass as my one thing. I would very much like to share it with my siblings or new found church acquaintances, but it hasn’t happened yet.

I feel for you living in So Cal with no car. That’s almost impossible.

I have terrible problems with anxiety and deprssion and figure, well, as long as I have issues, I guess I won’t be a friend-magnet.

Re the original question here, I figure instead of being able to show & share what I love about church, mass, hymns, etc, that I’ll need to write down what I like most in the event that any family members have to plan my funeral. And I should also discuss with the pastor my situation and needs, so someone will be aware of who I am if I’m ever too ill to advocate for myself.
 
I think we have the same family! I converted in 2009 when I was a junior in college. My family is Baptist (in name only). We never went to church except for funerals. When I started college, I went to Campus Crusade and joined a Bible study. That was contentious enough when I went home. After two and a half years I seriously started contemplating Catholicism. I read the entire Catechism from cover to cover and was convinced. Long story short, I was put into a corner during Thanksgiving that year that forced me to share my secret with them: that I was seriously considering becoming Catholic. My mom’s reaction was: THEY PRAY TO MARY! Luckily I was educated enough to explain the difference between worshipful pray and intercessory prayer. Her response: THEY BELIEVE IN PURGATORY. It was a long Thanksgiving weekend.

For awhile I wish I hadn’t told them, wished I could have kept it all a secret, but I’m glad I told them because they came to my Baptism, and even though they were unable to understand that this wasn’t just a “personal choice” but an “obligation to the truth”, they were generally supportive. I’d be lying to say that there weren’t more than a few big “fights” in that time over dogma, doctrine, and my ability to be condescending from my throne of “fullness of truth”. I tried to convert them every chance I got. Eventually things calmed down. It was tough being the only Catholic in my family, but I stopped harassing them and began to pray for their conversion.

In 2012, my sister entered the Church on the Easter Vigil. Today my parents are more open to Catholicism than I ever imagined they would. My mother asked me to help her choose a patron saint and though she is not Catholic, I think that with patience, caution, and prayer, the rest of my family will become Catholic.

The point is that being the only Catholic can be tough and trying. You just have to be patient with them and with yourself and remember that you are abundantly blessed to have been lead to the Church, but that only God can grant your family that same blessing.
 
I’m the only Catholic in my family. I converted a year and a half ago. My wife and kids still go to an Evangelical Charismatic Protestant church.

The grace I receive now has resulted in a greater love for the Bible and prayer which has also influenced my wife’s devotional habits for the good. There is very little tension and my family has come with me to Mass a few times, especially during the holiday season when they apparently want to experience something different from the usual rock music, hand clapping and very long sermon they get at their church.

Last year my wife finally read my detailed and long conversion testimony on my web site and said she thought I was right and would probably become a Catholic some day. But later when I invited her to come to my Church with me on a Sunday when the kids couldn’t go to church because of school commitments (ah Japan…) my wife looked at me coldly and said “Why?” So it may be a long while…

There is a book called “When Only One Converts” that has a collection of testimonies from happy to tragic.
 
Not everyone in my immediate family is Christian (alternative is practice no religion) and not everyone who is Catholic is practicing. It’s kind of a messy situation and I definitely can relate to you. My family knows I practice, but I don’t think they know just how deeply rooted I am in Catholicism, if that makes sense? This is something I am trying to change in the future because I want to share my faith with them.

Since they don’t know you have been exploring religion, I recommend maybe writing them a nice letter and giving them a book explaining the basics of Catholicism. I wish I had some good book recommendations. Maybe meet them in perosn and tell them of your recent coming home to the Church, but leave yourself an out…for instance, meet them at 3:30 knowing you have to be somewhere at 5. This is not to disrespect them, but just so if the conversation turns negative that it will eventually be broken off and they will be left with a kind letter and book from you. I hope that makes sense. I definitely will be praying for you and all those struggling with similar situations especially during this upcoming Easter season. Christ calls us to bring Him home to our families. This is probably my biggest faith struggle but we must trust in Him! It will be ok.
 
My situation is similar to the OP’s. God willing, I will be confirmed Catholic this Easter (something I am looking forward to 🙂 :extrahappy: ). I was baptised Catholic at the request of my mother, who was herself a convert; and she later died. My dad strongly dislikes Catholics and has negative things to say about them, and as yet he doesn’t know I am attending a Catholic church. I have not told him even that I have become a Christian, although he probably knows from the Christmas posters I put up in my windows ‘Keep Christ in Christmas’.

I am sure he will disapprove and try to change my mind when he finds out (and I have not yet decided when to tell him - soon, so he gets used to the idea before the Easter vigil? Or will he use the time to hassle me to change my mind? Or nearer the time when he won’t be able to interfere but his anger might damage my experience of Confirmation and the events afterwards?)

But I have made up my mind. It will be a cross for me to bear. I will be the only Catholic on both sides of my family.
 
Thanks for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I still have not told my family since I made this thread a few months ago. I am probably concerned about nothing, and it will come out eventually, even if it takes a few months to a few years. If it does not come out until I am getting ready to be married (not that I am right now and that will probably be a while), then it would be a lot less of an issue, assuming it’s a Catholic that I marry. I actually have an uncle that switched to the Catholic Church when he was engaged to a Catholic woman many years ago. Nobody in my family seems to have had an issue with that. They probably just thought that he had to do that in order to get married to her.
 
I guess I can’t say what you should do, but generally speaking, keeping a big secret like this for a long time doesn’t make it any easier for others to accept, if anything it can cause contention when they find out that you’ve been lying (by omission) for x number of years about the most important thing in your life. As followers of Christ aren’t we supposed to be like a city on a hill and not hide our lamp from others? I think that if the people who are closest to us that we love the most don’t know that we are Catholic, that the Eucharist and the Sacraments are central to our lives we do a huge disservice to them, to ourselves, and to the Gospel.

This is just my two cents but I think that you should tell your family. It doesn’t have to be today, but definitely before the Easter Vigil.
 
It’s lonely. My mother’s family is Holiness and they sort of fear (?) Catholics. I’m a catachumen, and have shared this with two beloved aunts and one cousin. Once, when I visited my aunts, one looked at the other and said, “You’re still having a hard time coming to grips with it, aren’t you?” If the Holiness denomination is good enough for everyone else, why not me? My aunts have no religious affiliation.

I saw my other relatives 2 months ago at my brother’s funeral and I didn’t talk about it. When we talk about the Lord, we discuss his goodness and how we should all go to church. We never talk denomination, so I’ll just hold my tongue awhile.

I might never tell them. It will, however, come out at my death because I want a funeral mass. 😉
 
I’m not (yet) Catholic, but this is sort of in line with the theme of the thread! 🙂

I am the only Christian in my family! My parents and brother are all “no nonsense” atheists! 😃 I have tried talking to them about God but I cant even begin to convince them that He even exists! Fortunately they dont have much of a problem with me going to church - they just think I’m a bit crazy :hypno:

God bless,
Eva
 
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