"What's on your list?" OR "Why are you still single?"

[jmcrae]

You’re tempting me to make an embalming joke aren’t you? heh

And out of the blue you’re matchmaking for me? How thoughtful… :blushing:
(29/m/California)

I don’t think one is better than the other. Given that sin comes as naturally to people as death does, consoling those affected by either could be regarded as noble, if projected with the humility necessary to be effective. But I see what you’re getting at, though; a value judgment is made where no basis for one really exists. Oh well.

Would an idiot with a BA be too narrow of a horizon then?

Ah, but here’s the hard part. Just like any other person, a funeral director needs to have enough confidence in the intentions of his partner as anyone else does. What I mean is simply that we deserve to have someone listen to us from time to time, if only to report the issues of the day. After all, I spend a great deal of my working time being a cried-upon shoulder for bereaved families; it’s only natural that I’d like someone to turn to and relieve my own emotional faucet in a reasonably orderly manner. Let me illustrate what would happen to a funeral director who chooses a spouse with the mannerisms that you described:

“Hi honey, I’m home! I had a pretty complicated case this evening, would you like to hear about it?”
“No, not really.”

My husband is a landlord’s agent. He doesn’t ask me whether I want to hear about his day - he just tells me. Yesterday it was all about the life, death, and resurrection of a dryer in which for some reason lint had gotten into the little slot where they put the coins, and it had done something to the springs, causing the dryer to not do anything when people put the money in.

I am sure you would have the ability to make any story you had to tell into just as much of a grand adventure and mystical journey, as the story of this dryer was.

 

[mommybug47]

• The person must be female.
• She need to be the same species. (no more canines or felines!) The same as me, that is.
• She should have either a pulse or a body temperature above room temperature.
• She must like men.
• She should have a rudimentary ability to speak (any language) and express herself. My ability to understand her notwithstanding (she is a woman after all).
• She must be Catholic.
• She must be eligible for a sacramental marriage.
• Ideally, she was born in the same century I was.
• She should be old enough that me simply being alone with her does not constitute a crime.
• Oh, and since I have no sense of humor, neither should she.

.

If I laugh any louder I will wake the kids!

 

[chevalier]

In any case, even among Catholics, single celibacy is rare. If you won’t have sex unless you’re married, that sort of cuts down on your dating opportunities!

It does but one’s willing to take the gamble. It’s not true that the lost opportunities are all meaningless, but they all pale before the question whether to go against the commandment or not. None of them are worth doing that.

I once went to a priest, who was a law professor, to ask about a supposedly academic canon law problem (I was concerned whether marriage would be valid in a given situation). Know what he said? “Perhaps that woman is not for you.” That was a seven word solution to months of problems, although I didn’t realise that back then.

 

[Rose71]

this has turned out to be a very entertaining 5-min break from report-writing!

I have never been to the US, but over here, there are so many cradle Catholics who actually make their own rules up as they go along, that it can get really confusing dating anyone and it is equally baffling for the non-Catholic people too.

There was an article in the national press recently, following the Pope’s comments on condoms, by a GP who wrote about a female colleague who is, in his words, ‘a fine example of a devout Catholic’ who lives with her boyfriend and is quite open about using contraception. The argument was that while such laws were made out of love for mankind and to keep people safe; smart, educated, modern people are capable of making their own decisions.

I’d rather meet someone who wholeheartedly accepts my beliefs than a man who was Christened a Catholic, but is constantly offering up reasons to ignore the bits he finds unacceptable; or who is slavishly devout on matters of doctrine, but has never actually put himself out there in the real world and done anything remotely like helping his fellow human beings, regardless of their beliefs. Both types give Catholics a bad name and the media here love a good Catholic-bashing session!

The problem when getting to know someone is how do you bring up the subject without sounding like you are already planning the wedding and even if you do - how do you know how much they actually understand?

Perhaps all single, genuine Catholic men should walk around with ‘Nil Obstat’ tatoos on their foreheadsand then I could just look out for the freshly killed rabbits and the healthy, outdoor glow:thumbsup: Oh and they should also carry a card in their wallet that says ‘happy to discuss anything from 16th C Eurpoean politics to gardening’.

Men - you just don’t THINK, do you?!!!

 

[rpp]

this has turned out to be a very entertaining 5-min break from report-writing!

I have never been to the US, but over here, there are so many cradle Catholics who actually make their own rules up as they go along, that it can get really confusing dating anyone and it is equally baffling for the non-Catholic people too.

There was an article in the national press recently, following the Pope’s comments on condoms, by a GP who wrote about a female colleague who is, in his words, ‘a fine example of a devout Catholic’ who lives with her boyfriend and is quite open about using contraception. The argument was that while such laws were made out of love for mankind and to keep people safe; smart, educated, modern people are capable of making their own decisions.

I’d rather meet someone who wholeheartedly accepts my beliefs than a man who was Christened a Catholic, but is constantly offering up reasons to ignore the bits he finds unacceptable; or who is slavishly devout on matters of doctrine, but has never actually put himself out there in the real world and done anything remotely like helping his fellow human beings, regardless of their beliefs. Both types give Catholics a bad name and the media here love a good Catholic-bashing session!

The problem when getting to know someone is how do you bring up the subject without sounding like you are already planning the wedding and even if you do - how do you know how much they actually understand?

Perhaps all single, genuine Catholic men should walk around with ‘Nil Obstat’ tatoos on their foreheadsand then I could just look out for the freshly killed rabbits and the healthy, outdoor glow:thumbsup: Oh and they should also carry a card in their wallet that says ‘happy to discuss anything from 16th C Eurpoean politics to gardening’.

Men - you just don’t THINK, do you?!!!

Well, I quite studying after 15th century politics and I am a rotten gardener, so I guess that leaves me out.

Oh, can you tell me what this “thinking” thing is? I have never heard of it. Sounds kind of boring, though.

 

[jmcrae]

Well, I quite studying after 15th century politics and I am a rotten gardener, so I guess that leaves me out.

Oh, can you tell me what this “thinking” thing is? I have never heard of it. Sounds kind of boring, though.

If you sit very, very still, and are very, very quiet, you will hear this tiny little voice in your mind. It is telling you your thoughts. This is called “thinking.”

You can actually direct the little voice, by focusing it on various problems in your life, deciding what you would like the outcome to be, and then making and following a plan.

 

[Gertabelle]

If you sit very, very still, and are very, very quiet, you will hear this tiny little voice in your mind. It is telling you your thoughts. This is called “thinking.”

You can actually direct the little voice, by focusing it on various problems in your life, deciding what you would like the outcome to be, and then making and following a plan.

jmcrae, it’s so sweet the way you try to help the “XY challenged”. Don’t you know – to a man that sitting still and being quiet thing is called sleep. And when they wake up, they go back to killing something for dinner, or taking something apart, or endlessly arguing the statistics of some sports team or other…



Gertie

 

[rpp]

If you sit very, very still, and are very, very quiet, you will hear this tiny little voice in your mind. It is telling you your thoughts. This is called “thinking.”

You can actually direct the little voice, by focusing it on various problems in your life, deciding what you would like the outcome to be, and then making and following a plan.

But I hear lots of voices in my head. All the time. They tell me do things, but they do not really listen to me. Is that thinking?

They only stop talking when I put on my tin foil hat.

 

[rpp]

jmcrae, it’s so sweet the way you try to help the “XY challenged”. Don’t you know – to a man that sitting still and being quiet thing is called sleep. And when they wake up, they go back to killing something for dinner, or taking something apart, or endlessly arguing the statistics of some sports team or other…



Gertie

Hey watch it! I resemble those remarks!

 

[Gertabelle]

But I hear lots of voices in my head. All the time. They tell me do things. Is that thinking?

Depends. Are the voices telling you to do something that would be beneficial to a woman? That would definitely qualify as “thinking”

Gertie

 

[chevalier]

The problem when getting to know someone is how do you bring up the subject without sounding like you are already planning the wedding and even if you do - how do you know how much they actually understand?

I do it by way of cormudgeon comments. You don’t need to make it a personal reference. You can mention the thing in abstract.

Men - you just don’t THINK, do you?!!!

Of course we do not THINK. We actually SOLVE problems.

How about 26C BC Mesopotamian politics? (Told you law is boring.)

 

[Gertabelle]

Of course we do not THINK. We actually SOLVE problems.

uch:Ouch, maybe you’d better borrow rpp’s tinfoil hat.for awhile uch:


Gert

 

[chevalier]

Ouch, maybe you’d better borrow rpp’s tinfoil hat.

I think my sword is a better lightning catcher than his tinfoil hat. No offence.

 

[Gertabelle]

I think my sword is a better lightning catcher than his tinfoil hat. No offence.

 

[rpp]

I think my sword is a better lightning catcher than his tinfoil hat. No offence.

I don’t know. I am pretty tall.

 

[mommybug47]

Well, if it takes swords…
I just spent the last three hours with all the neighborhood kids Sword fighting and the only two men I attracted were married! However, the neighborhood boys are significantly frieghtened of my daughters! Well this might not be fair…20 kids with swords would scare any one!
Someone suggested real blades, but all the docs I have met in the ER lately are married, too!

I would although apreciate the killing supper part, and if they could put back together, that is a great skill! ( without spare parts! ) Sports statistics, that is really not a marketable skill around here, however, playing those sports in the back yard is!

 

[Jay82]

I personally find a big obstacle in still being single is the lack of women near my age (late twenties) that are remaining abstinent until marriage. Over the last ten years I have heard of many friends or people I know that once wanted to be abstinent until marriage, not be able to do so. It is very disappointing. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one left so to speak. I know some guys around my age still waiting, but I do not know any women that are ‘waiting until marriage.’ I know I will practice abstinence as long as necessary, but I view my situation realistically, and as I get older, the chances of finding women close to my age also abstaining until marriage get slimmer and slimmer.

Another challenge I am facing is that I grew up in a community that was almost entirely Italian/Irish Catholic. You could safely assume every girl was Catholic. However, upon graduating college I relocated to a new city for a job and there are far fewer Catholics in the area, so meeting Catholic women is much more difficult.

Anyway…some of the qualities I am looking for (in no particular order):

-Very strong common values
-Similar interests
-Somewhat attractive
-Physically fit (I like to do numerous things outdoors such as sports, hiking, skiing, running, etc and I know I could not be with a girl that wouldn’t be able to or want to do any of the aforementioned things).
-Non smoker
-Well educated/smart.
-‘An equal’ – someone who challenges me/challenged by me. Not too passive or dominant relative to my personality.

 

[Gertabelle]

I personally find a big obstacle in still being single is the lack of women near my age (late twenties) that are remaining abstinent until marriage. Over the last ten years I have heard of many friends or people I know that once wanted to be abstinent until marriage, not be able to do so. It is very disappointing. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one left so to speak. I know some guys around my age still waiting, but I do not know any women that are ‘waiting until marriage.’ I know I will practice abstinence as long as necessary, but I view my situation realistically, and as I get older, the chances of finding women close to my age also abstaining until marriage get slimmer and slimmer.

Another challenge I am facing is that I grew up in a community that was almost entirely Italian/Irish Catholic. You could safely assume every girl was Catholic. However, upon graduating college I relocated to a new city for a job and there are far fewer Catholics in the area, so meeting Catholic women is much more difficult.

Anyway…some of the qualities I am looking for (in no particular order):

-Very strong common values
-Similar interests
-Somewhat attractive
-Physically fit (I like to do numerous things outdoors such as sports, hiking, skiing, running, etc and I know I could not be with a girl that wouldn’t be able to or want to do any of the aforementioned things).
-Non smoker
-Well educated/smart.
-‘An equal’ – someone who challenges me/challenged by me. Not too passive or dominant relative to my personality.

Hi, Jay, and welcome to the forums!

I agree it is hard for those who are committed to abstinence until marriage. A friend of mine (and coworker at my school) just turned 32 and has remained abstinent. Although she is not holding out for a man who has done the same, she would at least like a man who can remain chaste throughout dating, courtship, and engagement. Apparently that is just asking too much of most men

I just try to remind her how beautiful her soul is for her commitment, but I know it’s hard on her to feel so isolated an unappreciated. It’s difficult to constantly have people tell you that you need to lower your standards and just be like everyone else – and this goes for those of us who are parents and single, and for those of us who have kept God’s commandment to remain chaste.

Keep breathing and keep the faith, Jay. There’s some beautiful woman out there who will cherish the gift of yourself that you will be able to share with her on your wedding night.

Gertie

 

[Jay82]

Hi, Jay, and welcome to the forums!

I agree it is hard for those who are committed to abstinence until marriage. A friend of mine (and coworker at my school) just turned 32 and has remained abstinent. Although she is not holding out for a man who has done the same, she would at least like a man who can remain chaste throughout dating, courtship, and engagement. Apparently that is just asking too much of most men

Keep breathing and keep the faith, Jay. There’s some beautiful woman out there who will cherish the gift of yourself that you will be able to share with her on your wedding night.

Gertie

Thanks. I didn’t even know this site existed until about a week ago, and I decided to officially join this evening after reading through the forums for a while. Their seem to be some very nice people on here and I like a lot of the topics that are discussed. I am hoping I can add value to the ‘community’ here.

It’s difficult to constantly have people tell you that you need to lower your standards and just be like everyone else – and this goes for those of us who are parents and single, and for those of us who have kept God’s commandment to remain chaste.

I agree, it sure is, not to mention inquiries from friends and family who can’t figure out why I am still single. It doesn’t help I am the oldest grandchild that is single/not married in my family (on both sides).

My view point is that people shouldn’t lower their standards. In the end only one person has to meet them, not everyone, and the wait for that one person will be worth it.

 

[rpp]

Thanks. I didn’t even know this site existed until about a week ago, and I decided to officially join this evening after reading through the forums for a while. Their seem to be some very nice people on here and I like a lot of the topics that are discussed. I am hoping I can add value to the ‘community’ here.

I agree, it sure is, not to mention inquiries from friends and family who can’t figure out why I am still single. It doesn’t help I am the oldest grandchild that is single/not married in my family (on both sides).

My view point is that people shouldn’t lower their standards. In the end only one person has to meet them, not everyone, and the wait for that one person will be worth it.

Jay, I would also like to welcome you here. There is another part of this site called “Catholic Answers Groups”. There is a group there for Single people in the USA. You are welcome to join. Just follow this link forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=9

Better yet, I will send you an invitation. You can see this invitation in your profile.