It’s hard to meet people, I go to work and come home. Go to work and come home. Go to work and come home. Go to church and come home. I don’t like talking to people unless I need to get information from them or provide information they request from me, so meeting people is hard.
- Status
A
agapewolf
Guest
Why would you want to meet people if you don’t like talking to them?
V
VivienneJ
Guest
Trying to strike the balance between protecting yourself from hurt (real or just perceived) and letting down the defences and risking being hurt is a difficult balancing act. Getting into a relationship is opening yourself to possible joy and possible hurt. Is the risk worth it? But unless you give it a try you may deny yourself a very joyful, fulfilling relationship.
I have the same knack of not acting on the message, and then when things go really pear-shaped, reminding myself of all the red flags I chose to ignore.
V
VivienneJ
Guest
I hear you, sister, I hear you. I wish I had more of an answer for you. Second time round we all come with so much more baggage and I don’t mean just the children, sigh.It’s not exactly “on my list,” but in order to be able to accept me, this man would have to be both protective of me and my son, yet free of jealously or worry about my ex. And that would just be the start. There’s so much more to combining families than just two adults getting married… I really hadn’t thought this through from someone else’s perspective…
Well, I guess it’s celibacy and single parenting for me. (Still, I so totally wanted to be married.) But this life is barely a “blip” in the scheme of eternity.
Gertie
G
Gertabelle
Guest
I thank God constantly for this “sisterhood” – I don’t know where I’d be without the love and support of my girlfriendsI hear you, sister, I hear you. I wish I had more of an answer for you. Second time round we all come with so much more baggage and I don’t mean just the children, sigh.
C
chevalier
Guest
I like to meet people that share my interests. That way there is something interesting to talk about.
A
agapewolf
Guest
You said:
Why would you want to meet people if you don’t like talking to them?
To which I said:
Why would you want to meet people if you don’t like talking to them?
I like knowing people who I already know share common interests. I dislike the process of meeting new people. Unfortunately, you have to do that sometimes to get to the next part since most conversation works backward, IMO.
V
VivienneJ
Guest
I hear what you’re saying Bataar (and Agapewolf’s comments too). It does sound a little contradictory because getting out there and making chit-chat with new people can be very difficult for shy people, who have no difficult communicating once some common ground has been established.
Keep pushing yourself, Bataar, backward though it seems, it is worth the effort in the end.
I’m not shy. I’m not afraid or nervous about meeting people, I just find it excruciatingly boring. For me talking is used for the exchange of relevant information where the answer to the question is the most important part. Why ask a question if the answer is meaningless? I know it’s my Asperger’s, but that’s just how I am. The whole idea of talking just to talk is absolutely alien to me. I’m an activities person, not a social person.
V
VivienneJ
Guest
Ok, I partially understand now. I say partially, because I just did a very surface reading on what Asperger’s is. But, I would still say, if you do not wish always to be singe, that it may be necessary to force yourself to make some meaningless conversation, to get to the point of exchanging information. That, though, is for you to know and decide.
C
chevalier
Guest
Meaningless small talk is not as bad as talking for a longer while about stuff that really doesn’t interest you. And the added bonus is that if you get someone to marry you by enduring that, guess what the conversation subjects will be when you’re married.
Small talk, yeah. But if you can’t establish a shared interest, it’s probably better to move on. Don’t get me started on this one. I talk about random stuff from high-tech to dead civilisations and no one understands me.
But the feeling’s kinda mutual when it comes to it.
Small talk, yeah. But if you can’t establish a shared interest, it’s probably better to move on. Don’t get me started on this one. I talk about random stuff from high-tech to dead civilisations and no one understands me.
But the feeling’s kinda mutual when it comes to it.I’m just the kind of person, that, when forced to go to various social functions like wedding receptions I usually just sit at my table and long for the time when I’ll be back at my home while people come to talk to me about meaningless junk. I don’t get mad at people or look down on them or anything, I just wonder why they do it. Are they so compelled by what society deems normal that they feel they have no other choice? For example, I have out of state cousins that come to some of the family events. I see them every 3 - 5 years or so. If I went the rest of my life without seeing them, I wouldn’t bat an eye. It’s not that I don’t like them, but due to the distance, it’s pointless to even try to have any kind of relationship with them.
Anyways, I’ll be at my table and one will come up to me and ask me where I’m working now. To most people, that’s a perfectly reasonable if not expected question. Of course, I politely answer it and make some semblance of conversation with them, but what I’d really like to do is ask them why they care? I mean, if it was something they were genuinely interested in and wanted to know about, they could have called or emailed anytime during the 3 - 5 years it’s been since I last saw them. This tells me that the information about my place of employment is not a real interest to them and that they are only asking due to social norms which makes me wish they wouldn’t bother me over issues/subjects that are meaningless to both parties.
Anyways, I’ll be at my table and one will come up to me and ask me where I’m working now. To most people, that’s a perfectly reasonable if not expected question. Of course, I politely answer it and make some semblance of conversation with them, but what I’d really like to do is ask them why they care? I mean, if it was something they were genuinely interested in and wanted to know about, they could have called or emailed anytime during the 3 - 5 years it’s been since I last saw them. This tells me that the information about my place of employment is not a real interest to them and that they are only asking due to social norms which makes me wish they wouldn’t bother me over issues/subjects that are meaningless to both parties.
C
chevalier
Guest
I’m sure it’s not only about social norms. People get away with ignoring those they don’t care much for. Asking about your job and other things is neither about your job or some other thing, nor necessarily about social compliance, but it may simply be a way of catching up. Few people actually obey social norms for their own sake. Obviously, they aren’t immediately interested in your job. But they want to learn something about you and swap some details. Possibly they want you to ask something like that too so that you know a bit about each other and what goes on in your respective lives.
G
Gertabelle
Guest
[SIGN]Blessed Easter, y’all![/SIGN]
I had a (sort of) funny conversation with my mom, who has a difficult time understanding why her former son-in-law didn’t recognize her daughter as being the most beautiful and brilliant woman God ever made :curtsey:
I said to my mom, “I think I was just too much woman for [ex husband].”
She said, quite seriously, “I think you’re right. You probably were.”
So now the reason I’m still single, or at least not still civilly married, is because I’m “too much woman.” I’m not really sure what my mom meant by that comment. I was actually joking, as if to say, “He couldn’t recognize the magnitude of a treasure such as myself.” But mom had a completely different meaning in mind, perhaps that my full-of-life personality is a bit large. Or perhaps she was referring to the general intensity with which I live and experience life? Or perhaps she simply recognized in my ex his complete lack of desire for the marital embrace (in sharp contrast to myself
)?
Do any of you have any thoughts on this idea of being “too much woman,” or “too much man” for that matter? Can you imagine saying that about someone?
Gertie (a whole lot of woman, apparently)
I had a (sort of) funny conversation with my mom, who has a difficult time understanding why her former son-in-law didn’t recognize her daughter as being the most beautiful and brilliant woman God ever made :curtsey:
I said to my mom, “I think I was just too much woman for [ex husband].”
She said, quite seriously, “I think you’re right. You probably were.”
So now the reason I’m still single, or at least not still civilly married, is because I’m “too much woman.” I’m not really sure what my mom meant by that comment. I was actually joking, as if to say, “He couldn’t recognize the magnitude of a treasure such as myself.” But mom had a completely different meaning in mind, perhaps that my full-of-life personality is a bit large. Or perhaps she was referring to the general intensity with which I live and experience life? Or perhaps she simply recognized in my ex his complete lack of desire for the marital embrace (in sharp contrast to myself
)?Do any of you have any thoughts on this idea of being “too much woman,” or “too much man” for that matter? Can you imagine saying that about someone?
Gertie (a whole lot of woman, apparently)
C
chevalier
Guest
Who knows. The first thing that comes to my mind, although I’m thinking about people in general, not you, Gertie, is ways of thinking.
Both women and men can be logical and when not entirely logical-logical, both genders can be logal each in its way and gentle about it and that’s part of how the world is made. It’s quite a lovely experience, actually. On the other hand, if you’re a cultivated socialite married to a barbarian or if you’re a cold academic sold off to a woman who won’t stop and count to 10 when making an inference, then you’re rather blasted. Except for those people who actually make it.
Both women and men can be logical and when not entirely logical-logical, both genders can be logal each in its way and gentle about it and that’s part of how the world is made. It’s quite a lovely experience, actually. On the other hand, if you’re a cultivated socialite married to a barbarian or if you’re a cold academic sold off to a woman who won’t stop and count to 10 when making an inference, then you’re rather blasted. Except for those people who actually make it.
I
IrishYanksFan
Guest
I am not very picky when it comes to who may be my future wife, but I have a few non-negotiables which are probably mostly the same as everyone else’s, with a few exceptions (these are in no particular order):
Well, I guess the last one would be negotiable if she was absolutely perfect otherwise.
Code:
* She must like men.
* She has to be attractive. I mean, she doesn't have to look like Megan Fox, but she's gotta be at least a 6, preferably a 7 or higher.
* She must have a beautiful smile :)
* She must be able to express herself with reasonable intelligence. She doesn't need a PhD, or even a Bachelor's, but she has to be at least fairly intelligent and sound like it.
* She must be either Christian or agnostic. Can't belong to any non-Christian religion. Also, if not Catholic, can't be hardcore Protestant/Eastern Orthodox to the point where she'd never consider converting.
* She must be eligible for a sacramental marriage.
* She must agree to raise our kids Catholic.
* She must be white. I'm not a racist, but a) I tend to be more attracted to white girls, and b) I personally don't want my kids to be biracial.
* She must be honest and trustworthy.
* She must be responsible. Can't have some kind of addiction (e.g. drugs, pornography, gambling) Gotta have a good credit score :thumbsup:
* She ***CANNOT*** be a fan of any of the following teams: the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots, or the Dallas Cowboys.
G
Gertabelle
Guest
Yes, it either works or it doesn’t work
. And I think my civil marriage, initiated while I was far outside the Church, was a textbook example of a total mismatch. Incidentally, I don’t either of us (my ex or me) is “bad” or “wrong,” and neither of us was “worse” or “better” than the other. My ex’s personality is a perfect match for the sort of work he does, and through God’s grace and mercy, may he someday use his personality and work for God’s will alone. And my high energy and exuberant and expressive personality are a perfect match for the work to which God has called me.If we had both been practicing the faith in which we had been raised and educated, I doubt that we would have discerned that God was calling the two of us to marry. This is what happens when people choose to follow their own will rather than asking God what He desires.
Thanks for your thoughts, chevalier.
Gertie
R
rpp
Guest
You know, you might have better luck with my criteria. See post number 9.
- Status