"What's on your list?" OR "Why are you still single?"

[beckers]

Frankly, this thread is like a needle in my heart. My mom sometimes wonders if she’ll ever have grandchildren. My guy friends tease me about ‘being gay’ (I’m not). I often wonder especially in these times why I hang onto a large house when it’s just me, my little brother and my dog. I’m decent looking, I dress well, and I’m well-mannered. I’m employed, never married, and have no children. I used to be really good at the whole dating thing.

Who would have known that becoming a funeral director would change all that?

“Oh, is that like a mortician? That’s creepy. How can you do that for a living?” More often than not, that’s the reaction I get when I introduce myself to a woman. No matter how charming I try to be, this is something that’s difficult to shake. Last weekend while at a dinner party, I overheard two women talking in the kitchen. One asked the other why she had blown me off. “What am I supposed to do, become the undertaker’s wife? I don’t think so.”

Welp.

I guess I need to try something different. I’m not sure what that something is just yet, but I suppose I’ll find it soon. Lord knows I’m looking.

Thats so sad that people reject you because of you profession. Being a funeral director is something we need as a society. We need people to help lead us through the grieving processing. Its a wonderful profession.

I understand it a little bit because when people hear that i am in law school they freak out. I’ve actaully had people say extermely rude things. I am like my profession doesn’t define me as a person!

Hang on to the house. There is a women out there who will love you for your stability. Don’t give up hope.

 

[chevalier]

I understand it a little bit because when people hear that i am in law school they freak out. I’ve actaully had people say extermely rude things. I am like my profession doesn’t define me as a person!

I have a theory that it takes one to marry one, but my acquaintances claim one is already too many lawyers in a couple. It’s difficult to say, really. Communicating with non-lawyers is difficult on the one hand and on the other hand lawyers are annoying by definition.

 

[rpp]

Who would have known that becoming a funeral director would change all that?

I understand it a little bit because when people hear that i am in law school they freak out. I’ve actaully had people say extermely rude things. I am like my profession doesn’t define me as a person!

For my part, being a mortician or funeral director is not a problem for me for a potential spouse. But a lawyer (or a psychologist), well, I think that would be too much for me.

 

[Bataar]

I’m single because my Asperger’s makes it very hard to meet and socialize with people

 

[Gertabelle]

Frankly, this thread is like a needle in my heart. My mom sometimes wonders if she’ll ever have grandchildren. My guy friends tease me about ‘being gay’ (I’m not). I often wonder especially in these times why I hang onto a large house when it’s just me, my little brother and my dog. I’m decent looking, I dress well, and I’m well-mannered. I’m employed, never married, and have no children. I used to be really good at the whole dating thing.

Who would have known that becoming a funeral director would change all that?

Hey, Catechumen, welcome to the forums!

For what it’s worth, this thread is like a needle in my heart as well, and I was the one who started it! Remember, a needle can draw blood, but used the right way, it can mend not only cloth but human tissue, even the heart :hug3:

You sure don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who’s so shallow that she can only see you for the title you give her. How old are you? Where do you live? I have an absolutely lovely, faithful Catholic girlfriend who just turned 32 and wouldn’t blink at the mention of your profession.

Gertie

 

[agapewolf]

Hey, Catechumen, welcome to the forums!

For what it’s worth, this thread is like a needle in my heart as well, and I was the one who started it! Remember, a needle can draw blood, but used the right way, it can mend not only cloth but human tissue, even the heart :hug3:

You sure don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who’s so shallow that she can only see you for the title you give her. How old are you? Where do you live? I have an absolutely lovely, faithful Catholic girlfriend who just turned 32 and wouldn’t blink at the mention of your profession.

Gertie

Hey now, wait a minute. I’m single female too…I am a music director at a church. Which means part of my living is by playing music for funerals.

Isn’t it interesting how someone who makes a living working for the church…a youth minister, or a music person, police, etc makes their living on the fact that people sin, or commit crimes, is considered “better” than a person who earns a living by burying the dead and comforting the grieving… something that is a natural part of our life.

Just interesting.

 

[Rose71]

:thumbsup:Thanks Gertie!

I am convinced my job puts men offAcademically, I was always a high achiever, but I realised I didn’t just want to train for a well-paid professional career and then dream of retiring to the countryside: I wanted to roll my sleeves up, get mucky and become part of how the land is managed and a real part of the rural community, not just someone with a nice house who put on her wellies at the weekend and lead some kind of Arcadian fantasy life.

I don’t regret my decision at all, apart from the fact that most of the really academically bright men I meet seem to be looking for trophy wives who look the part of the professional high-achieving partner. After so many years of building a career and a life out in the sticks, the thought of being part of a world where appearance seems to be everything and success is measured by the size of the pay cheque just leaves me cold. It’s not as though I am financially ignorant, or a bit of a hippy: I own my own business.

On the other hand, because I do tend to understand situations quickly and have a near photographic memory for detail, I’ve had a few male colleagues and even close friends pointing out that I’ll never meet anybody who will be able to appreciate my mind and keep me on my toes mentally out here and that I would quickly become bored. At least that is the male perception and it just puts them off even trying.

The men I meet through work / hobbies look at me as if I am totally mad if I start talking about writers, or art, or politics and the urbane, high-flyers who work in offices regard me with suspicion because I am not part of their usual crowd.

So, a Neanderthal with a Phd is, sadly, the only answer I was quite hopeful about my divorced friend until a lawyer (who shall remain nameless - see several posts above) kindly shared his experiences!)

If anyone notices an educated Neanderthal at their local church, please grab him after Mass and tell him to PM me:thumbsup:

 

[Sierrah]

Frankly, this thread is like a needle in my heart. My mom sometimes wonders if she’ll ever have grandchildren. My guy friends tease me about ‘being gay’ (I’m not). I often wonder especially in these times why I hang onto a large house when it’s just me, my little brother and my dog. I’m decent looking, I dress well, and I’m well-mannered. I’m employed, never married, and have no children. I used to be really good at the whole dating thing.

Who would have known that becoming a funeral director would change all that?

“Oh, is that like a mortician? That’s creepy. How can you do that for a living?” More often than not, that’s the reaction I get when I introduce myself to a woman. No matter how charming I try to be, this is something that’s difficult to shake. Last weekend while at a dinner party, I overheard two women talking in the kitchen. One asked the other why she had blown me off. “What am I supposed to do, become the undertaker’s wife? I don’t think so.”

Welp.

I guess I need to try something different. I’m not sure what that something is just yet, but I suppose I’ll find it soon. Lord knows I’m looking.

I wouldn’t think being involved with funerals would be a problem unless you talked about the process a great deal. I admit the whole embalming thing freaks me out too but as long as I didn’t have to see it…it wouldn’t bother me. Keep looking there’s a lady out there for you somewhere.

 

[rpp]

:thumbsup:Thanks Gertie!

I am convinced my job puts men offAcademically, I was always a high achiever, but I realised I didn’t just want to train for a well-paid professional career and then dream of retiring to the countryside: I wanted to roll my sleeves up, get mucky and become part of how the land is managed and a real part of the rural community, not just someone with a nice house who put on her wellies at the weekend and lead some kind of Arcadian fantasy life.

I don’t regret my decision at all, apart from the fact that most of the really academically bright men I meet seem to be looking for trophy wives who look the part of the professional high-achieving partner. After so many years of building a career and a life out in the sticks, the thought of being part of a world where appearance seems to be everything and success is measured by the size of the pay cheque just leaves me cold. It’s not as though I am financially ignorant, or a bit of a hippy: I own my own business.

On the other hand, because I do tend to understand situations quickly and have a near photographic memory for detail, I’ve had a few male colleagues and even close friends pointing out that I’ll never meet anybody who will be able to appreciate my mind and keep me on my toes mentally out here and that I would quickly become bored. At least that is the male perception and it just puts them off even trying.

The men I meet through work / hobbies look at me as if I am totally mad if I start talking about writers, or art, or politics and the urbane, high-flyers who work in offices regard me with suspicion because I am not part of their usual crowd.

So, a Neanderthal with a Phd is, sadly, the only answer I was quite hopeful about my divorced friend until a lawyer (who shall remain nameless - see several posts above) kindly shared his experiences!)

If anyone notices an educated Neanderthal at their local church, please grab him after Mass and tell him to PM me

 

[_wifey]

So kind of an odd thought (at least for me)…

DH and I were friends first. In fact, I recall that I once called him “undateable”.

Once our relationship snuck up on us (yes, we were oblivious for about 2 years even when everyone around us KNEW.), it didn’t take long before we became engaged (~2 weeks).

During our engagement and even now, I’m discovering all the ways that he is the “perfect guy” that I dreamed up as a young girl but just knew never existed…

Amazing how God answers those prayers we forgot we ever had!

 

[chevalier]

 

[Gertabelle]

Dear one, maybe you should just PM her? Some of us women really want the man to make the first move, you know?

 

[Gertabelle]

Something on your mind, chevalier?

 

[dulcissima]

Here is my “list” from your thread “What are your top five qualities for potential spouse?” last year, Gertabelle.

Strong in their Catholic Faith and spiritually deep
Truly kind person
Intelligent
A good father
Open
Strong
Able to be introspective
Not afraid to lead
Not afraid to listen
Appreciates the things I do for him
Physically affectionate
Likes to have fun, joke around
Likes to do some of the things I like to do (cooking, gardening, camping, hiking, music, etc.)
Will trust me with his true feelings, and is safe to share mine with
Interesting, not run of the mill
Someone that I can count on, forever, no matter how hard things are
Calm, laid back, takes things in stride
Takes the time to know, understand, and appreciate who I am

In May I met someone who is a slam dunk for all of the above, with the exception of one item. He is not a father. I’m now rethinking that one. It is complicated enough remarrying when you already have children. I think if I was in a relationship with someone who already had children, it would be even more complicated.

As to why I am still single…Well, we think it is important to take your time. Plus that, I think when you have kids it is a good idea to give them plenty of time to adjust. We are really enjoying every minute we have together in the meantime.

 

[Gertabelle]

Here is my “list” from your thread “What are your top five qualities for potential spouse?” last year, Gertabelle.

Strong in their Catholic Faith and spiritually deep
Truly kind person
Intelligent
A good father
Open
Strong
Able to be introspective
Not afraid to lead
Not afraid to listen
Appreciates the things I do for him
Physically affectionate
Likes to have fun, joke around
Likes to do some of the things I like to do (cooking, gardening, camping, hiking, music, etc.)
Will trust me with his true feelings, and is safe to share mine with
Interesting, not run of the mill
Someone that I can count on, forever, no matter how hard things are
Calm, laid back, takes things in stride
Takes the time to know, understand, and appreciate who I am

In May I met someone who is a slam dunk for all of the above, with the exception of one item. He is not a father. I’m now rethinking that one. It is complicated enough remarrying when you already have children. I think if I was in a relationship with someone who already had children, it would be even more complicated.

As to why I am still single…Well, we think it is important to take your time. Plus that, I think when you have kids it is a good idea to give them plenty of time to adjust. We are really enjoying every minute we have together in the meantime.

Thanks for reminding me of your previous list! What did you decide about the “slam dunk” you met last May?

Gertie

 

[dulcissima]

Thanks for reminding me of your previous list! What did you decide about the “slam dunk” you met last May?

Gertie

We are still dating. He lives 3 hours away, but we see each other every weekend and talk every night.

 

[chevalier]

Something on your mind, chevalier?

I’m just watching. :tanning:

 

[Gertabelle]

We are still dating. He lives 3 hours away, but we see each other every weekend and talk every night.

WooHoo!!! God bless you both in this process of building a relationship and discernment.

Gertie

 

[The_Catechumen]

Hey, Catechumen, welcome to the forums!

For what it’s worth, this thread is like a needle in my heart as well, and I was the one who started it! Remember, a needle can draw blood, but used the right way, it can mend not only cloth but human tissue, even the heart :hug3:

You’re tempting me to make an embalming joke aren’t you? heh

You sure don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who’s so shallow that she can only see you for the title you give her. How old are you? Where do you live? I have an absolutely lovely, faithful Catholic girlfriend who just turned 32 and wouldn’t blink at the mention of your profession.

Gertie

And out of the blue you’re matchmaking for me? How thoughtful… :blushing:
(29/m/California)

agapewolf:

Hey now, wait a minute. I’m single female too…I am a music director at a church. Which means part of my living is by playing music for funerals.

Isn’t it interesting how someone who makes a living working for the church…a youth minister, or a music person, police, etc makes their living on the fact that people sin, or commit crimes, is considered “better” than a person who earns a living by burying the dead and comforting the grieving… something that is a natural part of our life.

Just interesting.

I don’t think one is better than the other. Given that sin comes as naturally to people as death does, consoling those affected by either could be regarded as noble, if projected with the humility necessary to be effective. But I see what you’re getting at, though; a value judgment is made where no basis for one really exists. Oh well.

Rose71:

So, a Neanderthal with a Phd is, sadly, the only answer

Would an idiot with a BA be too narrow of a horizon then?

Sierrah:

I wouldn’t think being involved with funerals would be a problem unless you talked about the process a great deal. I admit the whole embalming thing freaks me out too but as long as I didn’t have to see it…it wouldn’t bother me

Ah, but here’s the hard part. Just like any other person, a funeral director needs to have enough confidence in the intentions of his partner as anyone else does. What I mean is simply that we deserve to have someone listen to us from time to time, if only to report the issues of the day. After all, I spend a great deal of my working time being a cried-upon shoulder for bereaved families; it’s only natural that I’d like someone to turn to and relieve my own emotional faucet in a reasonably orderly manner. Let me illustrate what would happen to a funeral director who chooses a spouse with the mannerisms that you described:

“Hi honey, I’m home! I had a pretty complicated case this evening, would you like to hear about it?”
“No, not really.”

See what I mean? It’s no wonder so many people in this business turn to alcoholism…

…the rest of us just turn to God.

 

[FickleFreckled]

I was married but have been single for 23 years, long enough not to be 100% sure I would want to marry again. I’m open to it, and do think “what if?” every now and then but I don’t go looking for men. I figure if God really wants me to marry again, the guy will show up.

In any case, even among Catholics, single celibacy is rare. If you won’t have sex unless you’re married, that sort of cuts down on your dating opportunities!

I have some non-negotiables: observant Catholic, conservative but not Traditionalist. Won’t have a stroke at a Mass with guitars or contemporary liturgical music. Must have a peculiar sense of humor and laugh A LOT. Must be smarter than me, know more stuff. Must be a reader and a music lover. An individualist, probably. Appreciate nature. Franciscan in outlook. Probably somewhat reserved. Rich wouldn’t be bad, either…(kidding…)