"What's on your list?" OR "Why are you still single?"

[Havard]

I happen to live in a very liberal area, where the local Catholics resemble Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden. There’s plenty of single churchgoers, but not many with whom I “click”.

 

[Gertabelle]

I happen to live in a very liberal area, where the local Catholics resemble Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden. There’s plenty of single churchgoers, but not many with whom I “click”.

That is a real problem in many areas. My son’s godparents met at a singles group event at the archdiocese cathedral, which is** not **known for its liberal tendencies Sometimes knowing the events frequented by conservative singles is very helpful. Theology on Tap is another “hangout” for the conservative crowds around here, though I’ve never attended one myself.

To avoid confusion: my handle is Norwegian, it’s not Harvard spelled incorrectly.

I figured you were just pronouncing “Harvard” as the natives of that area (Boston). Wait, I guess that would be “haw-vawd”

Gertie

 

[Galnextdoor]

If I made a list of characteristics, these things would be on it:

• He must be a Catholic man who loves God above all things.
• He must be willing to pray with me and read the bible.
• He must be compassionate, considerate and gentle.
• He must be blindly in love with me.
• He must enjoy talking about politics, religion, and his thoughts about things.
• And the last thing is that I prefer men who have gray in their hair.

I also don’t like pretty men. I think that the guy on Extreme Home Makeover who has the gray hair and the horned rim glasses is the most attractive man on the show.

I think a jagged scar or wrinkles make a man seem more masculine and mature. He must also have a welcoming smile and not be addicted to anything. Other than that, I think of anything else I would want or object to.

 

[rpp]

If I made a list of characteristics, these things would be on it:

• He must be a Catholic man who loves God above all things.
• He must be willing to pray with me and read the bible.
• He must be compassionate, considerate and gentle.
• He must be blindly in love with me.
• He must enjoy talking about politics, religion, and his thoughts about things.
• And the last thing is that I prefer men who have gray in their hair.

I also don’t like pretty men. I think that the guy on Extreme Home Makeover who has the gray hair and the horned rim glasses is the most attractive man on the show.

I think a jagged scar or wrinkles make a man seem more masculine and mature. He must also have a welcoming smile and not be addicted to anything. Other than that, I think of anything else I would want or object to.

My hair is salt and pepper and I win all the locker room scar contests, except for the men who have had open-heart surgery. I have an especially cool scar on my left wrist where I cut off my left hand when I was two and doctors were able to reattach it. (True story!) But my collection of scars includes all my limbs and a few other places.

 

[dakotagirl]

I voted that the list is long and non-negotiable. Sheesh…Why can’t guys just make a little extra effort? It wouldn’t be THAT hard! It is so frustrating, waiting on them.

 

[dakotagirl]

My hair is salt and pepper and I win all the locker room scar contests, except for the men who have had open-heart surgery. I have an especially cool scar on my left wrist where I cut off my left hand when I was two and doctors were able to reattach it. (True story!) But my collection of scars includes all my limbs and a few other places.

 

[Belgarion]

I don’t know how to explain anything.

LOL

My lists, or reasons.

God dictates all of it. And He enjoys messing with me…

 

[The_Catechumen]

I voted that the list is long and non-negotiable. Sheesh…Why can’t guys just make a little extra effort? It wouldn’t be THAT hard! It is so frustrating, waiting on them.

To be fair, men often have cause to ask women the same thing. Lots of good and charitable men get taken advantage of by women who take a great deal and give very little in return. And of course there are plenty of men who are pretty worthless to begin with.

It just goes both ways, I suppose.

 

[dakotagirl]

To be fair, men often have cause to ask women the same thing. Lots of good and charitable men get taken advantage of by women who take a great deal and give very little in return. And of course there are plenty of men who are pretty worthless to begin with.

It just goes both ways, I suppose.

I have to say I adore CAF members, who always are so charitable. Perchance I should look around more closely…

 

[Magickman]

Gal Next Door wrote, “I also don’t like pretty men.”

There I go again. I’m off her list.

In fact, I am off many women’s lists, for the same reason. No, I’m not really pretty, but not traditionally masculine enough for many women.

Probably, I was dropped on my head as an infant, because despite my Catholic upbringing, it never entered my thick head to get married or have children. Maybe I have not yet found the right woman for me.

Here was my introductory line for women I was interested in:

“Hi. My name is Jake and I never want to get married nor have any kids.”

Worked like a charm. Chased the gals away better than a pit bull.

My list. Yes, my list.

1. She must be female and heterosexual.
2. She must be single. No married women.
3. No kids.
4. She should not want to get married.
5. We should have compatible values and goals.
6. She should be mentally and physically healthy.
7. We must share a puissant mental and sexual attraction.

OK. OK. Now you know why I am so persistently single.

 

[chevalier]

I voted that the list is long and non-negotiable. Sheesh…Why can’t guys just make a little extra effort? It wouldn’t be THAT hard! It is so frustrating, waiting on them.

Whenever I make extra effort, I end up not getting any to match. I can go on for a while, even a long one, but in the end this causes dissatisfaction, as I have a strong concept of even-handedness. I’m definitely not into keeping tabs, or into mechanical reciprocation, but a lack of mutuality wounds my sense of justice.

Despite that, I still do make the effort - when the time is right and when I care. But people these days generally do not appreciate effort and are not willing to pay it back. Not all, but many.

If you want to help a guy, give him feedback. A simple, “thank you, that is kind of you,” or, “I appreciate that you remember / would think of it,” or any such. That’s not just guys, that’s generally the necessary feedback for all kind people to know that kindness is not frowned upon these days.

 

[dakotagirl]

Oh chevalier. Enough already. In fact, I would marry you, if small practical reasons weren’t in the way.

Now on to more, well other things. I think people appreciate effort, but people’s love languages can be totally different, and flowers for one person don’t do the trick for another. I KNOW that’s been the case in my life, sadly, when I recognize effort as effort but I couldn’t make myself care. Hence the occupations we call “finding” a spouse…

 

[Belgarion]

Oh chevalier. Enough already. In fact, I would marry you, if small practical reasons weren’t in the way.

Now on to more, well other things. I think people appreciate effort, but people’s love languages can be totally different, and flowers for one person don’t do the trick for another. I KNOW that’s been the case in my life, sadly, when I recognize effort as effort but I couldn’t make myself care. Hence the occupations we call “finding” a spouse…

I think that people’s love languages are as important of a factor as someone’s beliefs or ideals. You can have as much chemistry as you want, but without similar ideals and beliefs…you’ll have problems.
Likewise, if you love giving her flowers, and she absolutely hates GETTING flowers…you’re going to have a problem.

You obviously get that.

But its up to God to give us (And its up to us to recognize) the person who appreciates and reciprocates.

I don’t know if I can properly explain this matter…since I seem to have it easy in terms of finding a spouse (Though not as easy as my older sister…darn her…lol) I don’t have a whole lot of experience in having personal and emotional conflicts in relationships.

One thing I DO know, is the Chevalier is like Han Solo.
Don’t ask why. He just is.

 

[dakotagirl]

QUOTE//But its up to God to give us (And its up to us to recognize) the person who appreciates and reciprocates.

I don’t know if I can properly explain this matter…since I seem to have it easy in terms of finding a spouse (Though not as easy as my older sister…darn her…lol) I don’t have a whole lot of experience in having personal and emotional conflicts in relationships.

One thing I DO know, is the Chevalier is like Han Solo.
Don’t ask why. He just is.

Haha. This is all good information.

 

[Belgarion]

Haha. This is all good information.

lol
Is it really?

 

[Gertabelle]

Whenever I make extra effort, I end up not getting any to match. I can go on for a while, even a long one, but in the end this causes dissatisfaction, as I have a strong concept of even-handedness. I’m definitely not into keeping tabs, or into mechanical reciprocation, but a lack of mutuality wounds my sense of justice.

Despite that, I still do make the effort - when the time is right and when I care. But people these days generally do not appreciate effort and are not willing to pay it back. Not all, but many.

If you want to help a guy, give him feedback. A simple, “thank you, that is kind of you,” or, “I appreciate that you remember / would think of it,” or any such. That’s not just guys, that’s generally the necessary feedback for all kind people to know that kindness is not frowned upon these days.

I have experienced this on both sides. That is, I have wanted more, and I have been told I’m not kind enough or generous enough. I don’t think the truth was there on either side, they were just really bad matches with regard to what was perceived as kindness, generosity, openness, etc.

Like you, I willingly and joyfully make the effort – “when the time is right and when I care.” Whether or not it’s appreciated, well, that’s a different matter…

Gertie

 

[chevalier]

Thank you, Dakotagirl. That was very generous of you.

Belgarion, there is some truth in what you say.

Gertie, we sometimes want different levels of affection from different people. Obviously, the timing matters too. So all in all, it probably comes down to the fact we just aren’t pleased with that kind of affection from that person at that time. Or we would like more.

 

[OLHope]

Is it me, or are some people getting their flirt on, in here? Hope so!! More Catholic relationships are a treasure!

 

[jmcrae]

Is it me, or are some people getting their flirt on, in here? Hope so!! More Catholic relationships are a treasure!

It would be fun to have our very own CAF love story, wouldn’t it? :flowers:

 

[Belgarion]

chevalier:

Belgarion:

One thing I DO know, is the Chevalier is like Han Solo.
Don’t ask why. He just is.

Belgarion, there is some truth in what you say.

Yep, I know