What's the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you?

[skeffer]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. When I saw this question
about the most traumatic thing that ever happened to us, I had
to tell you mine. How about having one of your breast cut off
and having to leave the hospital the next day. I absolutely
went thru hell for 2 weeks. My doctor said I would have to go
or would have to pay for the extra day of two because that
is all our insurance would pay, 2 days. It nearly took an act
of congress to make the insurance companies change their
policies about paying only 2 days for certain surgeries.
I have enjoyed the Catholic Forums tremendously. Thank
you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. YSIC

That is terrible I work for a hospital and the way they let the insurance companies rule the roost so to speak is terrible… The hospital could give an extra day or even 2 free of charge. All we hear of late is that they are not making any money and that the censes is down and they are v a’ing staff and working short handed. If we don’t get a handle on this insurance problem there won’t be any drs or hospital to give care. I think that less and less people have medical coverage every year. We did get a 3 percent raise then we get notice in the mail that our insurance is going up the hospital is self insured so they really didn’t give us anything . We are told to be thankful we have job and are also told it’s all about the patient, but it seems to me it’s all about the money…I live in Ohio and I know that sometime they do give a free day but that is very rare I guess my point is if the censes is down no one will be using that room anyway…

 

[Kay_Cee]

Most traumatic thing that happened to me:

Helping clean up the “mess” left in a room after someone I loved committed suicide. He put a gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. He had left the closet door open (it’s where he got the gun) and I had to sort through the clothing in there to see what was “stained” and what wasn’t.

 

[skeffer]

Most traumatic thing that happened to me:

Helping clean up the “mess” left in a room after someone I loved committed suicide. He put a gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. He had left the closet door open (it’s where he got the gun) and I had to sort through the clothing in there to see what was “stained” and what wasn’t.

God Bless you I couldn’t even fatham such a thing…

 

[levi86]

I few years ago I was attacked by a White Shark off South Africa. It crushed my pelvis and nearly took my leg. While in hospital I decided that as soon as I able to walk I was able to surf, and I did just that. Get right back on the horse, as they say.

When we are affected by tragedy we must accept that certain things are out of our control (as hard as it may be sometimes). There is ABSOLUTELY NO sense in dwelling on things that are out of our control.

“For myself I am an optimist–it does not seem to be much use being anything else.” --Winston Churchill.

 

[Curious]

This is not the most traumatic thing, but what I’m about to post is part of the reason I’m here.

I won’t go into long drawn-out details, but to make a long story short, the charismatic, non-denom, rather fundamentalist church I attended (and absolutely loved) for a few years, got a little crazy. Cultish. Completely unscriptural. Kind of psycho, actually. I found out things I couldn’t believe about people - the way it affected me is probably my fault because you shouldn’t put much faith in people, but I was young and starry eyed with Christianity anyway. I didn’t really know any better.

Like one other poster said, things like that change you. In a way, I feel like my eyes have been opened to a lot of things that go on in churches similar to that, and that’s a good thing, but sometimes I still wish I were in blissful ignorance. Ahhhh!
I am much cooler with people, even on first introduction. Where I used to be a pretty warm and outgoing “people person” I’m more standoffish and distrusting. I don’t go out much anymore…I just stay holed up in the house with my husband, who went through the same thing at the same church. It led me to question what truth I was being taught and even if it was the truth at all.

Sometimes I feel like I keep dwelling on it. I don’t mean to. I’ve forgiven those people and have spoken very nicely with them since all that. I keep waiting to feel all normal and “like before” again, and it just may never happen.

 

[leonie]

When I was 20, my fiance’s little brother died suddenly and violently (though accidently). He was 13.

I became a deist because of it. I couldn’t reconcile a loving God who personally intervenes in our lives with the death of a 13 year old. My MIL and FIL left their church, and 17 years later, are still estranged from a church.

I came back into the Church at age 26 and through God’s grace have come to understand better the role of suffering in redemption. My first Mass back was on Divine Mercy Sunday.

I think if I had had a any sort of formation in Catholicism and had developed a deeper prayer life, I would have better handled my first confrontation with the death of a child. But, nothing in my (lack of) formation had prepared me to to see God working even in the death of a child.

It’s only by God’s merciful Grace that I am Catholic today after rejecting my faith at that point in my life.

Pray for my in-laws that they will find God in their Grief–still strong after almost 2 decades.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Wow, you guys. Just wow. God bless you all for your bravery in carrying your crosses…

My “most traumatic event” is that shortly after marrying a man I thought I loved, I found out that he was a sociopath. I’m not speaking in hyperbole… I am talking about a literal sociopath–the kind of guy who tortures and kills animals for perverse amusement and is slowly working his way up the scale of violent acts, toward murder. The kind of guy who masturbates to news articles about pretty American tourists who have been “vanished”, raped, and killed. (Even more disturbing, considering we met on a Catholic volunteer project in Central America.)

We lived as husband and wife for only a month–that was over two years ago now. Over the next year I gradually learned that all of the things I had loved and admired about him were lies. His Catholicism was a lie, his sense of morality was a lie, his political persuasions were lies, his fidelity was a lie, his family history was entrenched in lies, his purported life goals were lies, everything I thought we had in common was a lie. And they weren’t just lies to me–he lied to everybody else he knew, about all sorts of things. I spent the remainder of our legal marriage uncovering lie after lie after lie … and after our separation, living in terror that he would make good on his threats to come kill me and our son.

Then when he was tried in court for the violent acts he committed against us, the judge made a clerical error in a vital document, resulting in an unprecidented legal mess. As a consequence of this judge’s error, this man had to be tried under a lesser charge and was set free after only 3 months in jail. The night he was set free was one of the scariest nights of my life.

Fortunately he left the country and is legally restrained from returning. There are several more warrants out for his arrest, also. Part of me suspects that he may have met his maker, as the police were helping to document harrassing communication coming from him, and this ever-present communication abruptly ended several months ago.

Sounds like a bad movie… I can’t even believe this was my life, it seems so far away now. One of the most traumatic aspects of this mess was finding out that I was dumb enough to fall for an amateur con artist. That’ll do wonders for your ego.

Insights? Well… here are some things I’ve learned.

I should first explain that I never had problems with feeling anger toward this man for more than a minute. He has only my sympathy and prayers, for he is clearly a very ill man. I didn’t have much difficulty adjusting to losing him either, for obvious reasons.

What has been a challenge for me is to see my heartfelt dreams dashed. For that loss, I’m still in mourning. That mourning has been renewed over the past couple months, as I have learned that my beloved son may have autism. Another dream, redirected to a very different course.

Have you ever read the little inspirational story “Welcome to Holland”? Click and go read it, if you haven’t. It was written for parents of children with disabilities, but it’s what everybody feels when they had a certain vision for the future and God had something else in mind.

As I’m sure you all have found of yourselves… I can meditate much better on the scourging at the pillar, now, as well as the carrying of the cross and the sorrow of Our Blessed Mother as she looked upon her son, broken on the cross. Daily I still have moments when I am ever so sorry for myself… but with the grace of God those pitiful and selfish feelings can be taken away and replaced with something good: wisdom and love. No, we will never be the same again. But that’s good.

The most important thing I’ve learned is that God greatly desires to see in His children a spirit of humility and detachment. I am sure He has a lot of work to do in me yet, but I have seen that the more I detach myself from specific hopes and dreams, the more contented I am, and the more I am able to say, “let thy will be done.”

Smolderingwick, God is doing so much work in your soul! Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, when you have a really bad day and are grieving and feel or act rotten… but look back at what you used to be like a year ago. Or two. Or five. Would you really want to be back there again? For me the answer is a resounding no! Looking back, I have renewed hope for the future. I just don’t try to predict it anymore.

Thanks so much to all who posted their stories. Made me cry, too… but it’s so helpful to feel that we are not alone in our struggles.

 

[skeffer]

This is not the most traumatic thing, but what I’m about to post is part of the reason I’m here.

I won’t go into long drawn-out details, but to make a long story short, the charismatic, non-denom, rather fundamentalist church I attended (and absolutely loved) for a few years, got a little crazy. Cultish. Completely unscriptural. Kind of psycho, actually. I found out things I couldn’t believe about people - the way it affected me is probably my fault because you shouldn’t put much faith in people, but I was young and starry eyed with Christianity anyway. I didn’t really know any better.

Like one other poster said, things like that change you. In a way, I feel like my eyes have been opened to a lot of things that go on in churches similar to that, and that’s a good thing, but sometimes I still wish I were in blissful ignorance. Ahhhh!
I am much cooler with people, even on first introduction. Where I used to be a pretty warm and outgoing “people person” I’m more standoffish and distrusting. I don’t go out much anymore…I just stay holed up in the house with my husband, who went through the same thing at the same church. It led me to question what truth I was being taught and even if it was the truth at all.

Sometimes I feel like I keep dwelling on it. I don’t mean to. I’ve forgiven those people and have spoken very nicely with them since all that. I keep waiting to feel all normal and “like before” again, and it just may never happen.

You are blessed that your husband came to the same understanding you did at the same time you did. I would have been terrible if he wouldn't have seen the light( so to speak )at the same time. It could have been very bad for the marriage. Turn the whole experience over to god he will transform you by bringing you peace:thumbsup:

 

[dranzal]

Most traumatic experience…

Seeing in real life what I had only imagined in my overactive brain…my precious little boy at the bottom of our pool.

trying unsuccessfully to revive him while seeing in his eyes the impossibility of my efforts

calling friends and relatives to say what was impossible to say

gabrielanzalone.tributeforyou.com

God is good indeed. I am greatly blessed. I am honored to be Gabriel’s mommy.

 

[jmcrae]

Most traumatic thing that happened to me:

Helping clean up the “mess” left in a room after someone I loved committed suicide. He put a gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. He had left the closet door open (it’s where he got the gun) and I had to sort through the clothing in there to see what was “stained” and what wasn’t.

Oh, yikes, you poor thing.

I remember one time my husband had to go into one of our properties and cut down a man who had hanged himself - it was just awful. Afterwards, he had to arrange to replace the carpets and all the flooring in that room. He said it was the worst job he’s ever had to do.

 

[Maryam]

There are several events that I consider the most traumatic in my life…but here is one of them.

As a child I lived for about 5 years in a neighborhood where my family was the only ethnic family living in that area. The discrimination my family and I suffered during this time was horrible.

Anyway, right across the street from my house was where I went to grammar school (a Catholic one) and often after classes were finished for the day my cousin and I would play in the school yard.

On this particular day it was just my cousin and I playing in the school yard…suddenly a bunch of older neighborhood boys surrounded us (my cousin and I were 10 and 11…the older boys about 16 and 17). They grabbed my cousin and I from behind holding our arms…then they started threatening us by saying they were going to burn us with cigarettes which they held in front of our faces…on top of this they insulted us with many ethnic slurs.

Being that I was younger and smaller I was able to wiggle out of the grip of one of the boys and went running to my house for help. I told my father and uncle what was happening and they both got baseball bats and ran like heck to the school yard.

When the older boys saw my dad and uncle coming with baseball bats they ran like the cowards they were… My cousin was crying hysterically and so my uncle (who is her father) carried her home.

For many years I held alot of anger inside of me concerning the discrimination I suffered as a young child… and just like I was discriminated against I then felt prejudiced towards people of a particular ethnic group as well…

Its ironic that today in this same neighborhood the majority living there are Dominican and Jamaican immigrants. In my early twenties I finally let go of the anger and prejudice but it was not easy.

Well, that is my story.

God bless

 

[TOP]

gabrielanzalone.tributeforyou.com

dranzal, what a beautiful little boy. I’m sorry for your loss.Tim

I spent the last hour writing my story, but deleted it all. It was healing to just write it down, but I couldn’t share it and cause any burden. Tim

 

[smolderingwick]

Being hit from behind by another pick-up which has been hit by an 18 wheeler and then, the next thing you know, you are hurtling down the railing of an interstate bridge is pretty traumatic.

i am wondering how long ago this happened and if you suffer any ill effects from the incident today - like, did you fear driving for awhile after this happened… &/or had (have) nightmares, etc.?

Thanks.

 

[smolderingwick]

. Since then, I have joined a Catholic Bible study at my parish, volunteered at an ecumenical mission meal for the poor, joined my parish’s evangelization committee and become an EMHC. I recently found out about another Catholic Bible study held at the home of a fellow parishoner while volunteering on 26 April. So I will be starting another Church activity very soon.

So, was the traumatic event the reason you were open to reading the Bible?

 

[Eireann]

The departing of my dear mother in 1977, at age 47, I’m now older than she was at her passing, a very bad period in my life.
Having half my thumb torn off at near age six, but the above is the worst.
My whole childhood has been traumatic, I could write a book.

 

[smolderingwick]

I’ve been through times like that when it seemed that I must have offended God terribly because my prayers just were not being answered. People would try to comfort me by saying it was just “testing” and that God had big things in store for me but none of their explanations made any sense, especially since my experiences made me feel so different from anyone else I’d known.

Yes, that is how i feel a lot - lately and 4 the last few years… like i have offended God (even though i really haven’t… other than just being a sinner, but that’s something i’ll be 4-ever… ). I don’t know if u have had this happen 2 u, but i’ve had it revealed to me that the reason this orthat prayer doesn’t get answered is because i have to learn something or another… like trust. I don’t trust God and the Holy Spirit revealed to me long ago that the reason is because i never learned trust as a child (very long story). but nonetheless. God wants me to trust him anyway… It is hard to do/be something you can’t do or be… and yet, we are called 2b overcomers… “He who overcomes will inherit all things.” (Revelation)
Anyway, thank you for sharing. At least now i know i’m not the only one who feels this way… (I mean i knew that in my head, but not my heart).
The rosary helps me an awful lot also… I wouldn’t have made it through my traumatic expeirnces without the rosary (not very well anyway. I probably would have fallen away from the Lord if it weren’t 4 the rosary).
Peace in the midst of the storm… Yes, i know that one… i know about experiencing peace while my whole life is falling apart around me… This one Protestant guy said to me once (something 2 the effect that) if i was such a Christian, why do i not have peace? I thought it was odd because i DO have peace… but i had just told him about some of my problems. Its not always easy talking about negative (seemingly negative) things w/o coming across as though you have no peace…

Things don’t necessarily get noticeably better in the real world and past hurts may still resurface, but you get to where God’s grace strengthens you against any and all things.

So true… When i came back to Jesus years ago, through the rosary, my circumstances actually got WORSE even as, spiritually, I began to get better… I didn’t always appreciate this and had moments when i got furious with God, shook my fist at Him and all that… But then i figured something out: God cares more about my soul than my circumstances… he cares more about me being in good with His Son than being in good with the world and the flesh… and whomever…

God bless you.

 

[RWMorris]

Being betrayed by someone who (I thought) loved me, which sent me into a nervous breakdown.
Another incident was when my daughter’s stalker intruded into our home, I was arrested for beating him with a baseball bat. The police said I used “unnecessary force” although I didn’t hurt him. I spent three days in jail. That was pretty scary.

 

[smolderingwick]

Traumatic events, no matter what they are, do take a long time to go away. They frequently shake our lives to the very core, and make us question the goodness in others, who we are and even our own faith in God. But if we are really lucky, they teach us something. About others, about ourselves, and about God and his plan for us.

I started 2 cry as i read this Post because it affected me deeply. The weird thing is, i virtually could have written it myself… This line particularly hit home:

You may not yet know the reason why you went through what you did, but for me it has helped to think about how it has changed me, and in that, I have to wonder if those changes are at least in part why it occurred.

I strongly believe (finally) that what i went through was more or less meant to happen. I say “more or less” because i know that God doesn’t deliberately try to make our lives miserable… Yet he uses circumstances, etc… to accomplish things for us… And he is “for us”… though i sometimes just don’t see that…

My latest traumatic experience taught me the value of not letting others get the best of me in anger, as my defending myself with words of anger resulted in another’s retaliation in a far worse way.

I could have written this, verbatim

…small verbal reaction to someone so inwardly vengeful brought about a major chain of events I could have never predicted under normal circumstances.

The story of my life (my past life, that is).

It made me realize that not all who are accused are guilty, and in my suffering has opened up a compassion for others

Definitely BEEN There!!

I see others differently, and it has taught me that you can never truly know what another person is living with inside, regardless of how the appear on the outside.

I have learned this valuable lesson also…

It broke me in so many ways, and humbled me in so many others. I cried, I pleaded, begged for His Mercy, and it brought to my knees.

Same thing… And when we are so broken, God can teach usthings. Its too bad we have 2 go through so much in order to become more Christ-like, but rather than being an occassion 4 beating up on ourselves, we should just humbly realize how very weak and human we are… I had a hard t ime, t here 4 awhile, accepting my human-ness. I would look @ my past and beat the crud out of myself 4 makingthis mistake or that one… and yet, now, i have resignedly accepted that I am human and that it is OK… perfectly OK to be human. God understands being human… He was human 2000 yrs ago… (I’ve been told he still is “human” even while in Heaven. I believe that, because i believe Jesus always wants to be like us…).

What I had to learn, and still need to learn, is patience.

I was praying the other day & heard that word in my head, a word i have heard a 1000 times b4, it seems: “patience”… That wasn’t the answer i had wanted I got very impatient with God when i heard that… couldn’t figure out why he would say THAT of all things…

I know it is hard, living so long and not feeling as if you have healed at all,

Actually i have experienced a lot of healing… but then, no one in this world is every completely healed… Sometimes we don’t even realize (fully) in what ways we are wounded…
I do - usually - feel that i am heard in my prayers, I just don’t always beleive that God loves me enough to… well, to answer them the way i want… But i also realize that not all pryaers r answered exactly the way we want (which is a good thing, actually)…

… know he has not* abandoned you.

I do feel abandoned. That is one thing i still feel - and i feel that way 24/7, evn though in my head, i know that God abandons no one…
My head and my heart are miles apart.
I think one of the things i was supposed to learn thorugh everything was that God doesn’t like there being such a big distance between those 2 parts of me… or of anyone…
God bless you. I’m glad i’ve found someone who can understand what i have been through… (virtually exactly…).
Thank you so much for saying you are here for me. Right now in my life, i feel i have NO human being in my corner, to speak of. Of course, that is partly because i don’t let anyone into my corner… (PTSD). But then, i have learned, it is dangerous to do that…
God bless you for your understanding, empathetic words… If you need any support from someone who has walked at least a half a mile in your shoes, don’t hesitate to contact me…

 

[Light_Seeker]

Its hard to determine the *most *traumatic. They are all equally traumatic -

• Being falsely accused of rape by a stranger until she recanted after the authorities found out she had a long history of mental instability, & questioned her, rather than assuming she was the victim.
• Finding the body of my college roommate who committed suicide.
• Then having to tell his mother about it.
• Being involved in a very serious motorcycle accident, and having an actual ‘out of body’ experience during it.
• Then coming very very close to dying in the hospital.
• Finding out my ex-wife was having an affair while I was at work. * Then losing all trust, confidence, and, well, everything, I thought we had.
• Losing all my savings, investments, and almost my house because I couldn’t find employment for a very long time.
• Losing my second child in a miscarriage, then watching & caring for my wife as she was (temporarily) blind from related health complications.

Everyone of these was a learning experience on my journey, each teaching a different lesson. The hard way. But on a much much happier & brighter side, I have 2 beautiful daughters and a loving, caring wife, & the Holy Spirit recently led me to God and his beautiful Church!

 

[LSK]

I realize that many people have suffered greatly compared to me. But I’ll share a little of my experience and hope it helps you.

The most traumatic thing that ever happened to me was being kicked out of my Protestant church.

I was born and raised evangelical Protestant, and learned to serve in church at an early age. I was playing the piano for church by the time I was twelve.

For most of my life (along with my husband and children), I was in church at least 5-6 days/nights a week. I was a super-involved Christian, mainly in children’s and youth ministries.

A Protestant minister once extolled me to the church as “the most loyal Christian he’s ever known.”

My whole life was my faith, and most of it was lived in the church. My friends were church friends. If I wasn’t in church, I was preparing a lesson or a song for one of my ministries. I loved it all.

We had been members of an Evangelical Free church for several years, and I was very active with children’s ministries.

I’m still not sure how everything fell apart, but as near as we can figure it out, a woman pastor in the church started spreading lies about me. Her lies led to a “tribunal,” headed by several pastors and deacons that I had never even met. They ended up asking us to leave the church.

From then on, we were shunned by the church, except for a few people.

A year later, that woman pastor was fired from the church after she was caught in a lie. Apparently she was a pathological liar.

The ousting and shunning was traumatic, to say the least. I couldn’t stop crying for days. I just cried constantly, even at work. My hands shook. I had terrible persecution nightmares in which me or my family was getting pursued, condemned, and executed by the people in that church. I actually dreamed that they cut my husband’s legs off.

I didn’t open a Bible for a year. I was afraid of it. After all, those people had used the Bible to justify their treatment of me and my family.

What got me through it? Trusting Jesus only. My life verse became John 2:24-25–“But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man for He Himself know what was in man.”

I just hung onto Jesus. I knew He cared. There was no one else that I trusted, except for my husband and two daughters. Everyone else was not trustworthy. Only Jesus.

I also tried to obey Jesus. I didn’t read the Bible, but I did attend mass at the Catholic Church, even though I didn’t trust the people. But I knew that the Word of God said that we shouldn’t forsake assembling ourselves with other believers. So I went to mass, purely out of obedience to Jesus.

So basically how I got through it was the old song, “Trust and Obey.”

It worked. My husband and I were led into the Catholic Church and we’re happy. I have forgiven those who hurt me, although I still tell the story because I know others are being hurt by their churches. (There are entire websites of people hurt by churches, and not just the sexually-abused.)

You say you will never be the same. I agree. To this day, even though I have forgiven those people, I don’t trust people. I prefer to be alone. I spend hours writing (fiction). I used to step up and volunteer to do various children’s theater projects in my city, but I no longer have the confidence. I’ll play piano for children’s groups and choirs, but I won’t lead a children’s group anymore. I get the shakes thinking about it.

Jesus is there for you. Even if you can’t see, feel, hear, touch Him. He’s there. Even if your prayers aren’t answered. Actually, they are answered, you just can’t see the answers right now.

Corrie Ten Boom used to talk about the weaving–the back side of the weaving is a tangled mess of yarn and knots. That’s what we see on this earth. But the other side of the weaving is a beautiful picture, and that’s what we will see when we get to heaven.

Just keep trusting Him. Don’t give up on Jesus, because He doesn’t give up on you.

:crying: :extrahappy: :tiphat: