What's the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you?

[TOP]

Amaris, I have a multitude of problems along with ptsd and anziety. I know how hard it is to go to confession. I sweat and tremble at the drop of a hat. But the Lord wants you to trust Him and take that leap of faith. It may take many times. That may be your test. He might just save the reward for you in heaven and only give you what you need to get by in this life. That I don’t know what the Lord intends for you. But I can and will tell you that He is much bigger then are sins and is full of mercy and love. He loves you, Tim

 

[blessedtoo]

My regular pastor, who is a truly amazin priest, has warned me that I have a problem with scrupulousity. It relates to my OCD tendencies. Sometimes I can rationally think about it and I come close to deciding to go to confession, telling myself that the bad experiences were exceptions to the rule, that the priests were mistaken and did not know what they’re talking about, I am forgiven by Christ and the church, and I have nothing to fear. And then I wind up telling myself that that’s the devil talking, and priest #2 was correct - there is no salvation for my grievious offense to the Eucharist, and because of that sin, God has abandoned me in my illness

Your story is heartbreaking. But I agree with TOP. It is so important to listen to the priests whose words most clearly echo those of Christ. Someone wise once told me that Christ conivcts, but does not condemn. The priest who told you there would be no salvation was wrong, just plain wrong. My heavens, who among us has not received the Eucharist unworthily? When I returned to the Church I impudently presented my unrepentent self for Communion time and time again until the Holy Spirit intervened and revealed the extent of my sinful past. Once I understood what I had been doing, I took the steps necessary to prepare myself properly for this great gift of Eucharist. If we believed for even a moment that our sins were too great for forgiveness, what would be the point of Confession?

You said your pastor is an amazing priest. I would suggest you stick with confessing to him alone. I have found this most edifying as you can establish a continuity with someone whom you trust and who will offer counsel and guidance, as well as patience.

 

[distracted]

I’ve been through times like that when it seemed that I must have offended God terribly because my prayers just were not being answered. People would try to comfort me by saying it was just “testing” and that God had big things in store for me but none of their explanations made any sense, especially since my experiences made me feel so different from anyone else I’d known.

I could have written this myself Also, the part about praying the rosary daily and how that helps. I don’t pray w/ a group but i used to have a friend i prayed the rosary with… very powerful.

Things don’t necessarily get noticeably better in the real world and past hurts may still resurface, but you get to where God’s grace strengthens you against any and all things. In a spiritual kind of way that’s difficult to explain, you truly learn the meaning of “when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Again, i could have written this myself. I went through things years ago that still affect me and i know they always will. In fact, actually, things got worse in my circumstances when i started praying the rosary… but spiritually, i got WAY better… and my circumstances eventually got better also… Anyway, even when things are unbearable, we can think of what Jesus went through… talk about unbearable…
God bless…

 

[the_phoenix]

Dear Amaris,

As someone who can get very nervous in Confession too, here are a couple of things I do to help:

1. Pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me to the right priest.
2. Bring half of Heaven with me so I don’t have to walk into that Confessional alone. So I ask my Guardian Angel, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Faustina, St. John Vianney Cure of Ars, St. Padre Pio … and any other angel or saint I can think of who I feel can help at the particular time. With the ones I’ve already named, I have an angel who knows me intensely well, two saints who have written about their experiences in going to Confession, and two priestly saints who were famous for being wonderful at administering Absolution!

~~ the phoenix

 

[Tweety]

But I do not think I can ever go to confession again and it destroys me to hear people be so casual and flip about the reasons others do not go - this is not pride, it is not knowing better than God, it is not being embarrassed. It is terror and pain on a level where suicide is a very real alternative option to partaking in the sacrament. If it means hell in the next life, then I accept that. But I cannot willingly destroy more of my psyche in this life.

Dearest Amaris

I am still wiping the tears away… You MUST forgive yourself firstly. I have been in a similar situation, please do not take to heart what those priests have told you. Oh how i wish i had lots of money, i would fly you to my parish priest who would only have admiration for you and for what you have endured. God KNOWS everything, he knows your heart, he made you!

I actually let a person go in front of me for reconciliation last time as i do not like having it with one certain priest. (God forgive me!) He is so old fashioned and i do respect him, but our parish priest is so understanding! The other one was in Vietnam and he truly is a beautiful priest, but they are SO different in reconciliation. At our Eucharistic Centre in Canberra (Capital of Australia) there are a group of priests called The Missionaries of God’s Love (MGL’s). They are the MOST sympathetic, empathetic, spiritual, loving, forgiving, understanding order i have EVER come across. I have never seen such humility in how they live, dress and eat. They truly live a poor, humble life. They are a true inspiration and i am sure are very pleasing to our Lord. No judgements at St Benedicts in Narrabundah! IF you ever come to Australia, you just have to go there. You FEEL Jesus as you enter the Church. I do not feel that in other churches, not even in my parish. (God forgive me)

When i went for the preparation to become Godmother, i genuflected before we went in the pew and did the sign of the cross only to be told very abruptly by the parish priest that Jesus was NOT there so no need to genuflect. HUH? Isn’t he there in the Blessed Sacrament? Mind you this priest is of the material world. Has an expensive car, smokes etc… Whereas the MGL’s drive a beaten up 30 yr old bomb or borrow cars when needed. A priest once told my mother that you can’t like everyone, and i think that goes for priests too and anyone.

My father in law put me down for being Catholic for so long as he is Scottish from a Protestant background, but he has no beliefs himself. (and his family may have been involved with the Masons, but i have confessed all that, so hopefully it doesn’t go against me!) He has also put me down for being of European background as my parents are Croatian. He told my husband that when his mother died (my hubby was 15) that he would never see his mother again, and she is dead and that’s that! . Needless to say we (as in my husband and i and his father and i) have had many an argument over my faith and i left my hubby for 9 months when we were going out together as if he couldn’t accept the Catholic Church in my life, that was his bad luck! but we reconciled and he has accepted my faith now, was happy to marry me in my Church, happy for our son to be Baptised Catholic and wants our son to go Catholic school - much to my father in laws dismay! My husband realises now that he was ‘brainwashed’ by his father. He knows there is something out there, but won’t claim as yet to be a believer as he has a problem with evolution and the bible, but he KNOWS there is something up there he said…All in God’s time!

Sometimes i have to remind myself that Priests are also human! and so is my hubby!

I am 41, and my beloved dad committed suicide in June of 2005 and the police couldn’t (they never tried) to find me for 3 months and it was 2 days before Father’s day and my son’s 2nd birthday. I am still not coping. Have been to a christian grief counsellor, psychologist and i still have my days. My father was sick and i know that is why he did it. The saddest part is that he left so many notes saying sorry to so many people and thank you. He had a conscience but could not live with the pain and not being able to move his body or work anymore. He had too much stubborn pride to ring me! He rang my aunty and told her to tell me that he loved me and that blood is thicker than water! I have forgiven but he did it that way to protect me as he knew i would take this badly. I am extremely emotional and i take things to heart. The worst thing is that i had a horrid dream in June '05 and knew something was wrong… I know he is forgiven and is in heaven, i have felt his presence here and i love it!
Please do not take that path… for your beloved families sake, if not for anything else.

 

[Light_Seeker]

Dear **Amaris,**Pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me to the right priest.

whoa, did this ever strike a chord …

Last week, in a brief period of anger & frustration, I thought & mumbled a very racist, hateful, & prejudiced rant to myself about the person who was offending me. It bothered me afterward, I knew I had to confess.

Instead of seeing my usual confessor face to face the next day, I decided to try the ‘box’ later in the afternoon. My Church is blessed with 3 wonderful Priests.

You guessed it. As soon as I entered, I realized it was the Priest who shared the same ethnic heritage as the person I was racially slurring.

Talk about being humbled…

No, I didn’t pray for the Holy Spirit to lead me to the right Priest. I didn’t need to - He made sure it happened.

 

[smolderingwick]

Dear Amaris,

As someone who can get very nervous in Confession too, here are a couple of things I do to help:

1. Pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me to the right priest.
2. Bring half of Heaven with me so I don’t have to walk into that Confessional alone. So I ask my Guardian Angel, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Faustina, St. John Vianney Cure of Ars, St. Padre Pio … and any other angel or saint I can think of who I feel can help at the particular time. With the ones I’ve already named, I have an angel who knows me intensely well, two saints who have written about their experiences in going to Confession, and two priestly saints who were famous for being wonderful at administering Absolution!

~~ the phoenix

Excellent advice…
You talk of finding the right priest. i know this one priest who annoys me in his homilies (sometimes) and in other ways (very long story) but he is pretty good in confession. Then i know priests who are the opposite… very good homilies, but not so good at confession.
I went to this priest some time ago who was incredibly cold and un-caring-sounding…
I guess i need to know how to find a good confessor. The 1st priest i talked about isn’t available much… (long distance to drive…)
God bless…

 

[smolderingwick]

whoa, did this ever strike a chord …

Last week, in a brief period of anger & frustration, I thought & mumbled a very racist, hateful, & prejudiced rant to myself about the person who was offending me. It bothered me afterward, I knew I had to confess.

Instead of seeing my usual confessor face to face the next day, I decided to try the ‘box’ later in the afternoon. My Church is blessed with 3 wonderful Priests.

You guessed it. As soon as I entered, I realized it was the Priest who shared the same ethnic heritage as the person I was racially slurring.

Talk about being humbled…

No, I didn’t pray for the Holy Spirit to lead me to the right Priest. I didn’t need to - He made sure it happened.

Thank you for that inspirational story. I just wrote a Post about needing to find the right priest… should have come here first, maybe??

 

[smolderingwick]

When i went for the preparation to become Godmother, i genuflected before we went in the pew and did the sign of the cross only to be told very abruptly by the parish priest that Jesus was NOT there so no need to genuflect. HUH? Isn’t he there in the Blessed Sacrament? Mind you this priest is of the material world. Has an expensive car, smokes etc… Whereas the MGL’s drive a beaten up 30 yr old bomb or borrow cars when needed. A priest once told my mother that you can’t like everyone, and i think that goes for priests too and anyone.

This is weird. I almost didn’t start this thread and yet this one has probably been the most helpful to me of all of them… Thank you, Lord…
I wish i knew where there were priests like the ones you speak of (not the one in the quote, the ones @ the… well, those other ones u mention ). I have had good priests for confession, but for some reason, not lately. I moved and things are different where i am at…
Anyway, i thought it was just me priests said “weird” things to… You are the 2nd person today who has “told me” a “bad priest story” (as it were)
I am so sorry about your father, even though he is probably in a much better place. (He probably feels sorry for me, having to still live on EArth ). When i see how awful this world is, its a wonder we humans try so hard to hang onto our lives here… But i guess we need to until we are called…
Anyway, seeing the awful things others go through has helped me to not feel so alone.
I can’t thank you all enough for responding and sharing these stories, painful as i know they were to talk about…
God bless you. You have helped me and others…

 

[smolderingwick]

IBut what has been the most traumatic thing to me in my life are experiences in confession. Confession experience #1 - a priest telling me that child molestation was a good thing.

If you had told me this story a few years ago, i may not have believed it - it is still very hard to believe… and yet, i have had many “bad priest” experiences myself- just wrote about it to another Poster. But my horror stories are mild in comparison to yours.

Confession experience #2 The priest asked me if I had been to communion after masturbating. I said yes - at this point I was not aware of the sin of receiving in mortal sin. The priest began literally screaming at me to get out, that I had committed the unforgivable sin, the church could never forgive me, God would never forgive me, and there was no salvation for me.

This is unfathomable… :hypno:
But one good thing has come from you telling me this: I now don’t have to feel there is something wrong with me for feeling the way i do about priests in general… I know thye are not all bad, but lately, i have had nothing but “bad” experiences… (except for this one time the other day)… The Holy Spirit has enlightened me as to why i always take things personally, like when i think something is wrong with me when a priest treats me poorly. Well, part of the reason is my mother never liked me much and so, i grew up feeling like a big nothing… However, Jesus tells me (at the Blessed Sacrament) that i am everything to him. So my self-esteem isn’t so bad anymore and when a priest acts “bad” i can now tell myself it’s his problem. Even so, i am like you in that i tell myself that but somewhere deep inside don’t fully (always) believe it (i think that’s pretty much what you said??).
I said something in another Post (forum??) that i felt “guilty” about later… I said that it takes a “strange kind of man” to choose the priesthood… Maybe that wasn’t the best way to say it, but i do believe those who seek the priesthood are very different… i guess they have to be… But the ones in your story are, obviously, far beyond “different”…
Anyway, sometimes it is hard to see that the Church and God are not always on the same page… meaning the people in the Church. The Church’s teachings are infallible… but the people, well, that’s obviously a different story…
Anyway, it is very interesting that you say this trauma was worse than being molested… That is a very sad commentary on our Church today…
If you don’t already, spend a lot of time with Jesus at the Blessed Sacrament, especially the Exposed Sacrament… He can and will heal you. I find i have to stay a long time before i feel “completely” healed… but once i am there, all the things i thought were important before going there are not important at all…
God bless.

PS: Your a miracle: You stayed Catholic… (or did you??)

 

[Chovy]

My traumatic experience is almost nothing compared to what so many of you have been through but I still want to share.

4 years ago, my husband and I were told we couldn’t get pregnant. Then we did get pregnant, and lost the baby (the doctor’s office left us a voicemail telling us that we were miscarrying.) Unhappy with their methods and approaches, we started the adoption process, but were told DH was too old for domestic adoption through the agencies in our hometown.

Then we started going to Pope Paul VI institute, and are still patients there. We started classes to become foster parents/to adopt through that program, had a baby placed with us, and loved her with all of our hearts.

I had more surgery on Nov 7th and was told that the scar tissue causing my infertility had returned to a degree requiring further surgeries, on Nov. 10th I was told that our foster baby was being returned to her parents who had been sober for 6 months (heavy addicts for 10 years, 4 addicted babies by mom, 6 babies by dad), 1 parent had a part time job, and they had just secured housing together for the first time in years (lots of domestic abuse and homelessness).

DH accepted a new job and had moved across the country (I had to stay to keep our foster care placement in hopes of adopting), he flew home for the hearing, and we had to return our darling baby the same day. We had 2 hours to write them a schedule (they had never cared for her all day or overnight), pack up all of her clothes and toys and to say goodbye. I have never felt so abandoned and alone as I did the day we waved goodbye, shut the garage door and hoped that our sweetie would be safe.

I moved here with DH, and began the adoption process here only to find that we are again moving and will have to start from scratch on adoption once we get settled. I had my two surgeries in April and they were mostly a success despite complications, but each day I grieve for the child I lost 3 years ago Apr. 22nd, the child I loved as my own who is now living in poverty and surrounded by less than desirable surroundings, and the child I may never have but built my life around raising.

We still see our dear foster baby any time we can and her parents have been gracious enough to treat us kindly. I can only hope/guess/pray that the Lord put us in her life to give her a good start and to be a model of parenting and marriage for her parents.

As you can tell I am not done dealing with my trauma, but I am hoping that there is sunshine on the horizon.

 

[Margaret33]

Dear Amaris,

As someone who can get very nervous in Confession too, here are a couple of things I do to help:

1. Pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me to the right priest.
2. Bring half of Heaven with me so I don’t have to walk into that Confessional alone. So I ask my Guardian Angel, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Faustina, St. John Vianney Cure of Ars, St. Padre Pio … and any other angel or saint I can think of who I feel can help at the particular time. With the ones I’ve already named, I have an angel who knows me intensely well, two saints who have written about their experiences in going to Confession, and two priestly saints who were famous for being wonderful at administering Absolution!

~~ the phoenix

phoenix, thank you for posting this… I’m sure you’ve helped more than one with this, you have definitely helped me with these ideas!

 

[Chovy]

My traumatic experience is almost nothing compared to what so many of you have been through but I still want to share.

4 years ago, my husband and I were told we couldn’t get pregnant. Then we did get pregnant, and lost the baby (the doctor’s office left us a voicemail telling us that we were miscarrying.) Unhappy with their methods and approaches, we started the adoption process, but were told DH was too old for domestic adoption through the agencies in our hometown.

Then we started going to Pope Paul VI institute, and are still patients there. We started classes to become foster parents/to adopt through that program, had a baby placed with us, and loved her with all of our hearts.

I had more surgery on Nov 7th and was told that the scar tissue causing my infertility had returned to a degree requiring further surgeries, on Nov. 10th I was told that our foster baby was being returned to her parents who had been sober for 6 months (heavy addicts for 10 years, 4 addicted babies by mom, 6 babies by dad), 1 parent had a part time job, and they had just secured housing together for the first time in years (lots of domestic abuse and homelessness).

DH accepted a new job and had moved across the country (I had to stay to keep our foster care placement in hopes of adopting), he flew home for the hearing, and we had to return our darling baby the same day. We had 2 hours to write them a schedule (they had never cared for her all day or overnight), pack up all of her clothes and toys and to say goodbye. I have never felt so abandoned and alone as I did the day we waved goodbye, shut the garage door and hoped that our sweetie would be safe.

I moved here with DH, and began the adoption process here only to find that we are again moving and will have to start from scratch on adoption once we get settled. I had my two surgeries in April and they were mostly a success despite complications, but each day I grieve for the child I lost 3 years ago Apr. 22nd, the child I loved as my own who is now living in poverty and surrounded by less than desirable surroundings, and the child I may never have but built my life around raising.

We still see our dear foster baby any time we can and her parents have been gracious enough to treat us kindly. I can only hope/guess/pray that the Lord put us in her life to give her a good start and to be a model of parenting and marriage for her parents.

As you can tell I am not done dealing with my trauma, but I am hoping that there is sunshine on the horizon.

 

[mommyof4]

Is there any programs through the Church to help with trauma? I’m going to see a secular therapist this week for the first time, but I don’t think she will understand. Tim

Maybe call Catholic Social Services? Or call your diocesan office?

 

[Margaret33]

Although it is not the thread for prayer I hope it is ok that I feel strongly I need to.

God bless you all in your sorrows, for not giving up, for your strength, for your fortitude, your example to others and your unwavering faith in the Lord to guide you through.

I am humbled and honored to amongst you and tearfully ask Our Father to bless you with all the healing and grace he can provide.



*Grant that we may lovingly accept your will, and place ourselves each day in your merciful hands.
~Pope John Paul II
*

 

[tamccrackine]

Wow, lots of stories on here made me want to cry and rejoice at the same time!

My trauma was in 1995 then again in 1997. In 1995 I got pregnant by a man my parents absolutely hated. I was over the moon with the pregnancy and just so dang excited I was literally glowing and grinning from ear to ear. Imagine being able to hear the tinkle of glass shards shattering around you when your supposedly devout Catholic parents threaten you that they won’t accept a grandchild “of this sort” and my only choice is to abort (yep, you got it, I didn’t have a choice in the matter). That abortion lead to two years of mass confusion, self hatred and this dense fog that I drowned myself in drugs, alcohol and promiscuous behavior. Well, as life would have it, I find myself pregnant again. Knowing the response of what everyone would tell me, I saved them the worry and aborted anyway. Totally ignored my own conscious and reasoning and focused on what others would say/think.

Ten years later, it finally dawned on me that my depression (severely depressed in March, the month the two abortions took place) was directly linked to the vast lost trust in my own parents, the loss of life, the wound of my soul and the self hatred I heaped upon my self. I finally went onto a Rachel Vineyards retreat after much gentle urging from my best friend and I realized I was my own worst critic and enemy.

To some people, abortion is nothing more than a minor surgery resulting from a “bad choice” or “bad timing”. To me, it crushed me. It crushed my soul so badly it still makes me want to die, although I’m not at a risk to try anymore. I was always the good girl for my parents, especially with a horrid, very promiscuous older sister that caused them alot of pain and grief. So for them to tell me to do this and give me the impression I had no choice, I was so heartbroken.

Now, my heart breaks for my unrepentant parents. My mother still insists I did the right thing although she’ll tell others that she’d never lead her children to abortion. It hurts so bad when I hear her tell her own sisters this or tell other women in her Church group, yet she did lead me to abortion. Made me believe I had no choice.

 

[Maryam]

Is there any programs through the Church to help with trauma? I’m going to see a secular therapist this week for the first time, but I don’t think she will understand. Tim

I got the info below from the Archdiocese of Wheeling-Charleston website for West Virginia…You can find the .pdf file I got the info from by clicking on “Services” at the link below.

dwc.org/directory/

Maybe they can advise you on where to find Catholic counselors…

HEALTH MINISTRY, OFFICE OF Tel: 233-0880 (Ext. 369)
Director: Ms. Alma L. Cunningham E-mail: acunningham@dwc.org
11-13th St., Wheeling, WV 26003-0010
Secretary: Mrs. Heather Bise (Ext. 311) E-Mail: hbise@dwc.org

BEHAVIORAL COUNSELING AND MINISTRY
Tel: 233-0880 (Ext. 472)
Director: Rev. Robert G. Park E-mail: rpark@dwc.org
7-13th St., Wheeling, WV 26003 Fax: 233-9293

God bless

Edited to add: I don’t know if this Archdiocese is close to you… so I apologize beforehand if it’s not…

 

[TOP]

Mommyof4 and Maryam,
Thanks for the leads. I’ll have to look into them. My biggest problem is that God was so close to me during my trauma’s it has sapped my own will power. The change has been so drastic, I wake up in the morning and struggle with if I’m still alive or not and is this world some kind of purgatorive state. I started to panic once because I thought I was going to "wake up " and find myself hanging on the cross at calvery. Maybe this is how the Lord is uniting my suffering with His. I don’t know if that is what it is or just maddness. All I know is that I can’t handle it by myself and secular therepist may not understand this type of suffering. Thanks,Tim

 

[contramundum7]

Is there any programs through the Church to help with trauma? I’m going to see a secular therapist this week for the first time, but I don’t think she will understand. Tim

She won’t…

If i sound over-confident, its only because i know what i am talking about. Secular and Catholic are 2 opposing things…
If you are devout in your faith (I don’t even know if you are Catholic??) you will be… well, more than likely be… (how do i say this??) Well, only God knows, but i know that those in the secular world don’t have a clue about Catholicism.

The sad thing is, some Catholic counselors wouldn’t be of much help either… Although, i know there are good ones out there.
I don’t say everyone should do this, but i try to just get my counseling from Jesus (and Mary and the saints, etc.). I would love to talk 2 a human being about what i am going through, but only one who, well, who cares and has walked a mile in my shoes… (very hard to find ). I’m just happier keeping things to myself, but that’s just me… I have PTSD. Maybe you don’t??

Anyway, i am not sure this helps… for all i know, it makes things worse . Please 4-give me if it does…
God bless… PM me if you want.

 

[contramundum7]

Now, my heart breaks for my unrepentant parents. My mother still insists I did the right thing although she’ll tell others that she’d never lead her children to abortion. It hurts so bad when I hear her tell her own sisters this or tell other women in her Church group, yet she did lead me to abortion. Made me believe I had no choice.

This is a VERY tragic story. I can’t imagine what you must be going through… My own mother was… well, let’s just say she wasn’t a saint by a long shot… but at least, i didn’t get that kind of hypocracy (religion-wise)… My parents would never counsel anyone, much less their own children, to do such a thing…

It really angers me when people claim to be Catholic (Christian) and yet do these kinds of things… but then i tell myself that instead of anger, i should pity them…

If they do not repent, they could pay for their sins eternally… So as hard as it is, i choose to turn off my anger and feel pity instead…
Praying for you. God bless… uch: