What's the worst thing about Christmas?

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Cup_o_Joe said:
Give me a chance to respond. This isnt skype.
Your point is valid.

I am thinking about the audience at all times.
Say a potential revert comes on this website for the first time and this is the first thread they read. If they don’t see encouraging words it might form a **bad first impression **for them of the site like: “I came here to learn and people are whining instead of encouraging and teaching.” I’m out of here."

I always think of how to prevent that from happening. Passer bys want an inviting place where they can find hope. Lets all think of them when we post a message.
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“Whining?”

Dang!

Feelings are feelings. I believe we have a right to our feelings. I take that almost as a given.

If they can’t feel comfortable enough to open up to us here, on CAF, who can they talk to these feelings about?

To me…to those on CAF…if you need to vent…go right ahead. I’m here for you. I may, or may not, always understand, but I will try to listen, whether your feelings are “negative” or not.

If you are upset, I’ll try to respond empathically, because that’s what I believe is most helpful and then try to take it from there.

I do not consider your problems, even if you’re complaining, to be “whining”.
 
If a revert comes on CAF, can’t handle that, CAF is probably not the place for him/her, because we get that and much more.

We even get people, on occasion, who are suicidal!

However, I see it differently. People come on suicidal, and in the ideal, someone offers to pray for that person, suggests they get some help, talks in such a way that the person, though “whining” feels understood, affirmed, and supported.

THAT, to me, is hope!

Once, I had a supervisor, when I was in a social work internship, and she was telling me about a time she had a suicidal client. I asked her how she handled it. She said she just told the person not to talk about that!

Imagine! A professional counselor not wanting a suicidal client to talk about his/her feeling!

Statistics actually show that, with a suicidal client, if he JUST has the chance to talk about wanting to commit suicide, he is LESS likely to follow through than if he doesn’t talk about his feeling. It’s a fact.

There is just something about being able to express our feelings that is most helpful, even if we can do absolutely nothing to change the circumstances. I don’t know how to really describe it, except to say it helps in some way, isn’t what it seems.

It can seem “negative”, but it’s absolutely not. It’s VERY positive.
 
Youre right about affirming. I thought that using the quote had served that purpose. I guess not.

Here’s a better one: I understand.I have a friend who has been in the same situation you speak of for 17 years now, his family moved to Germany. He gets through it by volunteering throughout the region, staying at his house as little as possible. By getting out into the community he made a lot of friends. Many members of different Catholic Churches now invite him to their family get togethers yearly. Maybe that can work for you.
 
Cup_o_Joe said:
Youre right about affirming. I thought that using the quote had served that purpose. I guess not.

Here’s a better one: I understand.I have a friend who has been in the same situation you speak of for 17 years now, his family moved to Germany. He gets through it by volunteering throughout the region, staying at his house as little as possible. By getting out into the community he made a lot of friends. Many members of different Catholic Churches now invite him to their family get togethers yearly. Maybe that can work for you.
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That´s better.

For the record, I DO feel better for the most part, and I volunteer at a Blind Association and at San Felipe de Jesús, though both more or less shut down at Christmas.

I’m in Mexico, and volunteering isn’t the same here as in the US. I went to the hospital, asked if they needed volunteers, was told they don’t have any, won’t use any.

I took 2 buses out to juvenile detention, wanted to teach literacy out there, was told they didn’t need any help.

I went to my parish at the time, asked if they needed any help, was told they were okay, didn’t need any.

I went, 6 times, to a home for children, never did connect over there.

I went…I think more times than that, with INEA…for months. Finally, I found these 2 placements and am glad to finally have them.

Oh yeah, and I tried, I think 3 times, at least, to volunteer at the prison, but I wasn’t allowed, was told it was “too dangerous”.

I didn’t make any friends at the Blind Association, though I’ve been there a year this month.

However, at San Felipe, right away, I connected with a lady who “adopts” people without family for the holidays. So, I plan to spend some time with her and will NOT be alone for the holidays this year.
 
Cup_o_Joe said:
Youre right about affirming. I thought that using the quote had served that purpose. I guess not.

Here’s a better one: I understand.I have a friend who has been in the same situation you speak of for 17 years now, his family moved to Germany. He gets through it by volunteering throughout the region, staying at his house as little as possible. By getting out into the community he made a lot of friends. Many members of different Catholic Churches now invite him to their family get togethers yearly. Maybe that can work for you.
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The quote would need to affirm the feeling, first. It didn’t affirm the feeling. It more or less did the opposite.

You could…affirm the feeling first…“Wow…sounds frustrating…” “Sounds sad”…etc.

THEN, move to whatever it is you want to say, in that order.

That quote would need to say something affirming the feeling…sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness…whatever. It didn’t. Affirming the feeling is to say, first, what the feeling is, and then say that feeling is okay to have.
 
Wow! It’s late. It reminds me of “Romeo & Juliet” where someone says that it’s so late that, by and by, we may say it’s “early”! lol

I should try to get some sleep.

Nice to make your acquaintance! 🙂

Good night, all!
 
I hope that other people will continue to respond to this thread.

I agree that we should rejoice over Christmas no matter what. There’s a line in Dicken’s Christmas Carol–“The very lamplighter, who ran on before, dotting the dusky street with specks of light, and who was dressed to spend the evening somewhere, laughed out loudly as the Spirit passed, though little kenned the lamplighter that he had any company but Christmas.”

My answer to the OP is that I hate getting SICK at Christmas! Being exposed to so many people in stores, at church, and in family gatherings, and shorting my sleep, along with eating a strange diet with lots of sweets, means that almost without fail, I will get sick. I’m hoping I’ll avoid it this year, since I got sick before Thanksgiving this year–maybe I have some antibodies against all the viruses out there!

And my answer to Clearwater is that yes, of course our feelings are valid and we should not try to suppress them, but we also have to consider the occasion and the people. An online forum is an appropriate place to “vent.” But a family gathering, a workplace huddle, a line in a store, a dinner party with friends and family–these are not really the best places to discuss our woes. Ever see the skit “Debbie Downer” on Saturday Night Live? Expressing our feelings at an inappropriate time and place will probably not help us at all, and will only make others feel sad and helpless.

Certainly it is unhealthy mentally and emotionally to suppress our feelings and “pretend” to be happy and cheerful. But it is also unhealthy to analyze our feelings and to constantly find opportunities to “vent.” Sometimes, the best way to handle our feelings is to acknowledge to ourselves that yes, we feel a certain way, but we will choose to rise above ourselves and our feelings, and instead, concentrate on celebrating the birth of Jesus and bringing good will to a needy world.

Note–I am NOT talking about “rising above” a true clinical depression, which requires clinical intervention, often from both a psychologist/counselor and a psychiatrist/doctor. My husband suffers from clinical depression, and last Christmas was going through a bout with this. It was pretty glum. But this year, he is on a new med and working with a counselor, and he’s doing very well (and so am I!).
 
It was nice to speak with you too.

I agree with Cat, also on forums it would be best to give a chance for people to reply before adding a post directly after your own post. Several times last night i was responding to one post and then i saw several new ones added while i was writing. It’s overwhelming.

Out of respect to other forum members what i do when i have an other thought for a post but noone replied to the most recent one yet is I think “someone might be writing now, best to wait”.
So I write my other thoughts in a word program like notepad and save it for a later reply. This way the other people in the thread don’t get drained trying to respond to every thought all at once. The average wait is about 2 to 6 hours in most forums, so i’ve learned to be patient.
 
I don’t think I have that kind of time. If it’s 2-6 hours for each response, when would the conversation end?
 
Cat said:
I hope that other people will continue to respond to this thread.

I agree that we should rejoice over Christmas no matter what. There’s a line in Dicken’s Christmas Carol–“The very lamplighter, who ran on before, dotting the dusky street with specks of light, and who was dressed to spend the evening somewhere, laughed out loudly as the Spirit passed, though little kenned the lamplighter that he had any company but Christmas.”

My answer to the OP is that I hate getting SICK at Christmas! Being exposed to so many people in stores, at church, and in family gatherings, and shorting my sleep, along with eating a strange diet with lots of sweets, means that almost without fail, I will get sick. I’m hoping I’ll avoid it this year, since I got sick before Thanksgiving this year–maybe I have some antibodies against all the viruses out there!

And my answer to Clearwater is that yes, of course our feelings are valid and we should not try to suppress them, but we also have to consider the occasion and the people. An online forum is an appropriate place to “vent.” But a family gathering, a workplace huddle, a line in a store, a dinner party with friends and family–these are not really the best places to discuss our woes. Ever see the skit “Debbie Downer” on Saturday Night Live? Expressing our feelings at an inappropriate time and place will probably not help us at all, and will only make others feel sad and helpless.

Certainly it is unhealthy mentally and emotionally to suppress our feelings and “pretend” to be happy and cheerful. But it is also unhealthy to analyze our feelings and to constantly find opportunities to “vent.” Sometimes, the best way to handle our feelings is to acknowledge to ourselves that yes, we feel a certain way, **but we will choose to rise above ourselves and our feelings, and instead, concentrate on celebrating the birth of Jesus and bringing good will to a needy world. **

Note–I am NOT talking about “rising above” a true clinical depression, which requires clinical intervention, often from both a psychologist/counselor and a psychiatrist/doctor. My husband suffers from clinical depression, and last Christmas was going through a bout with this. It was pretty glum. But this year, he is on a new med and working with a counselor, and he’s doing very well (and so am I!).
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Yes and no.

To suggest someone should be able to rise above life without love is hard. Even Mother Teresa said it’s harder to live without love than to go without food!
 
EasterJoy said:
Is this poll for real? It seems on the surface to be an exercise in ingratitude. Why would we want to gather to discuss all the things we like the least about one of the two great feast days of the Church year? 🤷
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I see nothing wrong with this thread. A person can put what he wants as long as it’s not in some way offensive.

I think it was initially done in the spirit of fun but ended up turning serious. Such is life.
 
ClearWater said:
I don’t think I have that kind of time. If it’s 2-6 hours for each response, when would the conversation end?
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Writing in social media is like writing letters, it requires patience. You talk a lot about empathy but sounds like you don’t want to wait for others’ letters.

Would you send 10 letters one day after an other to get everything out to one family member and expect them to reply to each one on the same day you send it to them? I dont think you would. Out of respect for the person’s time you would probably write one letter and revise it so everything you want to say is in that one letter. It should be the same respect here so that the recipient doesn’t send a letter while some of your other letters are still in the carrier service.

To be truly empathetic to other members, we have to respect their time by being patient and planning our response like a letter because it can be a while before you get a response. That’s why i write on notepad in the mean time.
 
What I don’t like about the Christmas season is the “Christmas” songs they play which by the way is just about the celebration of Winter rather than the celebration of Christ’s birth.
 
ClearWater said:
The worst thing about Christmas is that many years I’ve spent it alone, making it one of the most difficult times of the entire year.

Many people are with family and friends, and if one doesn’t have family or friends, it’s easy to see people around who all look happy. Then, one goes home, all alone.

Everything shuts down, work and everything, and it gets boring. It doesn’t lift till into January.

In the north, the darkness and cold doesn’t help. It’s depressing.

Time can move VERY slowly, as if it were in slow motion, where a short time feels like an absolute eternity. I can want things to get back to normal.

I can wish we could simply fast-forward over the holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years.
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That’s it! The most difficult thing about Christmas is that it has become a time of year when things are supposed to be at least a little idyllic for a change. It is meant to be a time that puts light into the darkness, but has become a time when burdens are increased, rather than lifted, because people feel as if they are expected to magically be happier than they are, to have a better sense of style than they have, more empathy than they have, better interpersonal relations than they have, and an easier time than they are having.

That is an oppressive and pervasive cultural myth. Yes, I can buy that as the reason that the difficult things in life seem harder at Christmas, rather than easier. It is hard to be thankful, when a season relentlessly “promises” so much that it cannot possibly deliver.

Look what is in the Holy Scriptures, surrounding the 1st Christmas: Scandal, poverty, intrigue, danger. A vulnerable young woman, barely more than a girl, at risk for her life for her fiat to God, subjected to an arduous journey, a heartless populace, an oppressive government, bewildering and difficult circumstances, her miracle one that could be attested to only by foreigners and outcasts, her support being a husband who was running on trust in a vision seen in a dream. Even at the Presentation, amid the joy of those very select few in the community of Israel who recognized the unique and utter dignity of her Son, a promise of pain and heartbreak.

Yet amid all of this: Glory. The promise of joy. That is what Christmas is all about, as Linus put it. Yet as Charles Schultz recognized, the season can seem to be stacked entirely against that message becoming the light to us in this vale of tears that it ought to be. Yes, that is the most difficult thing about Christmas; it is the root of all these trials that we perceive as being particularly associated with what ought to be a great and joyous start to our liturgical year, even situated as it is in the darkest time the Northern Hemisphere has.

BTW, remember that “You need involvement. You’ll need to get involved in some real Christmas project” was Lucy’s answer, and Lucy did not get it at all. Even Linus did not get it, at first: “Charlie Brown, you’re the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy’s right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”

Charlie Brown knew what he was talking about–a sensitive boy, that one. Something was very wrong, and even though he could not put his finger on it, he knew it. He is the one who woke everyone else up to where their Christmas attentions really ought to go.
 
ClearWater said:
In 2-6 hours, this conversation will be OVER!

BUT, point taken.
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Thank you. This is a forum, which means the conversation can be revived at any time, unlike an instant messenger. People come on at certain times of the day.

If its been 3 days or more since someone responded, then you shoule add our saved thought to revive it. But the point is please give others a chance to respond.
 
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