What's wrong with marrying a non-virgin?

  • Thread starter Thread starter DlandFan06
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
sweetpetunia said:
Guys, I think we can find it in our hearts to cut Norseman a little slack.
Click to expand...
Can he find it in his heart to cut those who struggle with sins other than those of spiritual pride and pharasaical self-righteousness (the “lesser” sins in which he indulges) a little slack?
 
RyanBlack said:
Can he find it in his heart to cut those who struggle with sins other than those of spiritual pride and pharasaical self-righteousness (the “lesser” sins in which he indulges) a little slack?
Click to expand...
Now I’m gonna answer a question with a question 🙂 If someone struggles with empathy, should we also respond without empathy? Or do you think perhaps a reminder based on Christian charity and a prayer would be in the best interest of that person’s spiritual growth?
 
The unChristian attitudes being used here to judge unChristian attitudes is a bit strange.

As I think TimeEntrance said, people who have repented from sin are sometimes on an upward trajectory; they’ve rebounded. People end up dating them on their rebound without acknowledgment of the laws of “spiritual physics”. For everyone who’s gone to a religious retreat can attest to, that trajectory can reverse. So it is with repentant sinners. There was a newspaper article a month or so ago that said that people who lose large amounts of weight almost invariably gain it back again, even if keeping it off for a time. Human nature strikes again.
 
sweetpetunia said:
+1. Thanks, Marie. I think this thread needs to de-escalate in light of the unfortunate comments that were made, and your comment reminded me of 1 Peter 3:9: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” Kudos for your kindness and gentle reminder. I am pretty sure that we can all benefit from it. I know I can.
Click to expand...
Thanks Petunia for your kindness 🙂 I’ve been told before that my kindness stems from naivety so it’s nice to know that someone else understands that being kind, loving, and forgiving is not a naive characteristic, but rather a sign of maturity , compassion, and Christianity. I know that it is much easier to judge someone or hold a grudge against them or insult them than it is to forgive. Forgiveness, love, kindness and trust can be very very difficult, but it’s worth it. God is worth it; people are worth it. So worth it 🙂
 
David_Thorne said:
The unChristian attitudes being used here to judge unChristian attitudes is a bit strange.

As I think TimeEntrance said, people who have repented from sin are sometimes on an upward trajectory; they’ve rebounded. People end up dating them on their rebound without acknowledgment of the laws of “spiritual physics”. For everyone who’s gone to a religious retreat can attest to, that trajectory can reverse. So it is with repentant sinners. There was a newspaper article a month or so ago that said that people who lose large amounts of weight almost invariably gain it back again, even if keeping it off for a time. Human nature strikes again.
Click to expand...
You make it sound like it’s impossible for a sinner to turn their life around and follow God. I know that this is not true. I’ve seen it. I guy I went to highschool with used to be very promiscuous and not religious in the least. But he changed, saw the error of his ways and sought God. Today, he’s a very good man and is studying to be a priest 🙂
 
Marie1234 said:
You make it sound like it’s impossible for a sinner to turn their life around and follow God. I know that this is not true. I’ve seen it. I guy I went to highschool with used to be very promiscuous and not religious in the least. But he changed, saw the error of his ways and sought God. Today, he’s a very good man and is studying to be a priest 🙂
Click to expand...
No, it’s not impossible. But as you yourself said above, it is “much easier to judge someone or hold a grudge against them or insult them than it is to forgive”; so it is also with sinning than not sinning. Of course someone can turn their lives around and stay turned around, but others struggle with it. Your mentioning of your priest friend sort of reminds me of Fr. Corapi who had the same promiscuous past and managed to turn his life around in a great way. So yes, it can be done.
 
David_Thorne said:
No, it’s not impossible. But as you yourself said above, it is “much easier to judge someone or hold a grudge against them or insult them than it is to forgive”; so it is also with sinning than not sinning. Of course someone can turn their lives around and stay turned around, but others struggle with it. Your mentioning of your priest friend sort of reminds me of Fr. Corapi who had the same promiscuous past and managed to turn his life around in a great way. So yes, it can be done.
Click to expand...
I see what you’re saying. At first, when one decides to change and follow God, it can be really difficult and very easy to be lead astray by temptations. But after a while, it does get easier. Temptations aren’t as strong and you begin to see how bad your sins really were in the past. God helps you. No one can turn their lives around on their own. That’s where God comes in. Our first step is to want to change; to try to change and ask God for the graces to help us come closer to Him.

If one** truly** wants to repent, God will help and will change that person’s heart. He won’t abandon you. It may take a long time to change, but one will, if their intent is true and their trust in God is strong.

This is what I see in people when they try to change for the better. I try not to be wary to trust or help them because I know what a difficult time they are going through. I also believe God helps people through the works of other people. My love can be a reflection of God’s love for that person.
 
thewanderer said:
Don’t worry, I have just as many problems with offensive overgeneralizations about men as I do about women.
Click to expand...
Well… if that is true then at least you’re not being hypocritical.
I just hae a more positive outlook of humanity in general, probably because I have knowwn more people who are genuinely trying to be good people rather than following the superficial trend in society today. 🤷
Click to expand...
🙂 For good or ill I have a more negative outlook of humanity in general.

One reason I don’t mind generalizing is because it saves time. And as they say, “Time is money.”

There are costs and benefits to being cynical. However, there are costs and benefits to not being cynical. I don’t know… you can never escape the cost/benefit ratio in life.

There was a time I was not cynical. Had it’s cost and benefits. The costs where heavy too. The sum of the costs eventually purchased my cynicism. And the costs meant I wasted much precious time.
 
sweetpetunia said:
Now I’m gonna answer a question with a question 🙂 If someone struggles with empathy, should we also respond without empathy? Or do you think perhaps a reminder based on Christian charity and a prayer would be in the best interest of that person’s spiritual growth?
Click to expand...
That’s a fair question, but so far, and not only in this thread, but in other similar threads, the only responses I’ve ever seen him give to reminders about Christian charity is for him to continue on in his hyper-judgmental attitudes towards those whose sins he considers to be far worse than his own. Furthernore, he fails to emathize with–and continues to condemn–even those who have repented. On the other hand, his prideful, self-righteous, pharasaical actions are ongoing.
 
RyanBlack said:
That’s a fair question, but so far, and not only in this thread, but in other similar threads, the only responses I’ve ever seen him give to reminders about Christian charity is for him to continue on in his hyper-judgmental attitudes towards those whose sins he considers to be far worse than his own.
Click to expand...
To be fair, some sins are worse than others. What exactly is “hyper-judgmental”?
 
Norseman82 said:
I never said that non-virgins should not marry. There are plenty of fellow non-virgins for them to choose from - in fact, the pool there is probably bigger - so they should not have to steal from the pool of virgins. It reminds me of the parable that Nathan told David of the rich man who had a whole flock to choose from but instead robbed a lamb from the poor family and left the poor family with nothing.
Click to expand...
@ bold: :rotfl: I’m sorry… but that was soooooooooooooooooo funny! “Non-virgins stealing
virgins!” You crack me up man! 😃

I guess with humans being social creatures (I’ve wondered sometimes what it must be like being a spider hanging on a spider web all day and every day - no friends, chats, ect.) are very inclined to feel a part of a certain group, and with that identity, feel that as individuals they are owed certain things from members within X group.

Take for example the never-end hoopla over what black men supposed “owe” black women. White men and women jump on this band wagon hold televised public court on this occasionally. “Why are there educated, unmarried, black women?” Et cetera.

Apparently, we conceive of a social and moral ordering to society. Presently, few are opposed or offended by public inquiry into why X black male does not date or marry Y black female but instead dates or marries Z white woman. This is a discussion Americans (note: not Brazilians, Colombians, Dominicans, or Venezuelans) are fascinated with. Their so-called “Cousins across the pond” like to weigh in on the discussion too. Therefore, I have to read some young, white, British woman upbraiding me over “Not understanding ‘your women’” :rolleyes:

Yeah… I’d like to know what “my women” are? Certainly not the women rejecting me or having had rejected me, especially over superficial, ignoramus “logic.”

But yeah… I’ll concede the inquiry into virginic promotion and the dangers and injustices wrought by virgin men being less often chosen to date or wed is as worthy for American public concern and forum as the never-ending discussion into non-married, educated, black women.

Example: youtube.com/watch?v=_i1bqLZZX4M

Society promotes mores all the time through various methods. One of the most popular methods to instill conformity is through shunning. Public upbraiding too. The more severe is probably long term incarceration and perhaps the most severe is either extra-judicial lynching or publicly, state sanctioned execution.

The Western world wishes to keep lowering the moral bar though. That makes it easier to jump over. Like a boxing gym that produces many champions or a champion football program… they usually have the bars of expected standards and training held fairly high. That’s why atheists and many other hate the the Holy See and Catholic Church because champion proven saint program has traditionally held a high bar. Like the U.S. Army Rangers.
 
My recommendation to Norseman is that he not marry for a long time. Not until he has a better understanding of what marriage is, what it means, and what you do and do not “deserve” in a marriage.

You talk about people as though they are objects. “How dare a tainted person “steal” a pure one from my dating pool!” You are dehumanizing everyone and taking away what a marriage is. It is two people giving themselves completely to each other and has absolutely nothing to do with how a third party feels about one or both member’s virginal status.

No one, virgin or otherwise is owed a spouse, much less a virginal spouse. If the only reason that you are refraining from sex is so that you can feel entitled to a “better” spouse than you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
 
David_Thorne said:
To be fair, some sins are worse than others. What exactly is “hyper-judgmental”?
Click to expand...
Yeah… I doubt many people would empathize - even try to - with a 30 year old guy that loses his virginity to a 13 year old girl.

One difference I notice with mainstream white culture in the U.S. as opposed to Hip Hop culture is that selling drugs, robbing, and murdering are not usually promoted as the good “bad boy” stuff where it is in Hip Hop culture.

It’s one thing when the “good” are so far to the good end that two 18 year old teenagers having sex with each other is “scandalous” enough to constitute “living wild.” It’s another thing when the “good” are so far towards the bad end that it takes increasingly more mortal sin to shock anyone or to constitute “living a wild” life.
(I’m not saying all this to bash Hip Hop culture - I’m a product of it and love some things about Hip Hop culture, but it arguably has its darker aspects to it too) *
 
BlueEyedLady said:
My recommendation to Norseman is that he not marry for a long time. Not until he has a better understanding of what marriage is, what it means, and what you do and do not “deserve” in a marriage.

You talk about people as though they are objects. “How dare a tainted person “steal” a pure one from my dating pool!” You are dehumanizing everyone and taking away what a marriage is. It is two people giving themselves completely to each other and has absolutely nothing to do with how a third party feels about one or both member’s virginal status.

No one, virgin or otherwise is owed a spouse, much less a virginal spouse. If the only reason that you are refraining from sex is so that you can feel entitled to a “better” spouse than you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
Click to expand...
I agree with this whole heartedly. Excellent post BlueEyedLady.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
My recommendation to Norseman is that he not marry for a long time. Not until he has a better understanding of what marriage is, what it means, and what you do and do not “deserve” in a marriage.

You talk about people as though they are objects. “How dare a tainted person “steal” a pure one from my dating pool!” You are dehumanizing everyone and taking away what a marriage is. It is two people giving themselves completely to each other and has absolutely nothing to do with how a third party feels about one or both member’s virginal status.

No one, virgin or otherwise is owed a spouse, much less a virginal spouse. If the only reason that you are refraining from sex is so that you can feel entitled to a “better” spouse than you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
Click to expand...
This coming from an atheist who has admitted in other threads that she is herself a non-virgin and who has admitted that she would against her children waiting?

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9831898&postcount=241

I find this laughable and insulting at the same time!
 
Norseman82 said:
This coming from an atheist who has admitted in other threads that she is herself a non-virgin and who has admitted that she would against her children waiting?

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9831898&postcount=241

I find this laughable and insulting at the same time!
Click to expand...
All of that is true. But it doesn’t change the fact that you have a warped view of marriage and that you a treating people as objects that you do and do not “deserve”.

Oh, and for all the disagreements austenbosten and I have had, what you said to him earlier was low. Even more so than posting that link about me. I don’t regard that as a mistake. But throwing his in his face is wrong.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top