What's wrong with marrying a non-virgin?

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I ran this by my fiance who was a virgin when we met. The idea that I stole him from more deserving girls and that he was slapping more pure girls in the face by marrying me was pretty nuts to him too.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
All of that is true. But it doesn’t change the fact that you have a warped view of marriage and that you a treating people as objects that you do and do not “deserve”.

Oh, and for all the disagreements austenbosten and I have had, what you said to him earlier was low. Even more so than posting that link about me. I don’t regard that as a mistake. But throwing his in his face is wrong.
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What’s wrong is the disrespect accorded to those who play by the rules by those who don’t.
 
Norseman82 said:
What’s wrong is the disrespect accorded to those who play by the rules by those who don’t.
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Marriage is not a reward or punishment. A lifetime commitment should never be used as such. That demeans it and the people involved. Marriage is so much more than that, so much bigger, and so much more meaningful.

I don’t know if you’re young or have just dealt with a lot of rejection. But you do seem as though you don’t have a very high regard for marriage and the reasons that people choose to enter in to it.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I ran this by my fiance who was a virgin when we met. The idea that I stole him from more deserving girls and that he was slapping more pure girls in the face by marrying me was pretty nuts to him too.
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Does he know that you are against your kids waiting until marriage? Is he OK with that? Remember that in a Catholic marriage, you are supposed to agree to raise your children Catholic, and that includes instilling a sense of Catholic morality, which includes waiting until marriage. If you lie about that to your fiancee or to the priest, I forsee grounds for an annulment.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Marriage is not a reward or punishment. A lifetime commitment should never be used as such. That demeans it and the people involved. Marriage is so much more than that, so much bigger, and so much more meaningful.

I don’t know if you’re young or have just dealt with a lot of rejection. But you do seem as though you don’t have a very high regard for marriage and the reasons that people choose to enter in to it.
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Every decision we make in life, when we break it down, consists of a reward and a non-reward/punishment aspect to it.
 
Norseman82 said:
Does he know that you are against your kids waiting until marriage? Is he OK with that? Remember that in a Catholic marriage, you are supposed to agree to raise your children Catholic, and that includes instilling a sense of Catholic morality, which includes waiting until marriage. If you lie about that to your fiancee or to the priest, I forsee grounds for an annulment.
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He knows, and he agrees completely. We have the same beliefs and values, and we aren’t having a catholic wedding. But our shared values, beliefs, hobbies, interests, passions, goals, dreams, jokes, laugher, everything is so much more important than our sexual histories.
 
Patavium said:
[BIBLEDRB]Luke 15:27-32[/BIBLEDRB]
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And where did the father scold his obedient son for seeking the kid goat, or accuse him of an entitlement menality for seeking a “kid goat”, or call him self-righteous, or he should wait because he has a “warped” view (based on some of the views expressed here)? By saying “All that I have is yours” he actually validated the obedient son’s concerns, especially since that he did not redivide the estate again to give the disobedient son half of the obedient son’s.
 
Norseman82 said:
What’s wrong is the disrespect accorded to those who play by the rules by those who don’t.
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Hi sweetie,

Speaking as one of those who “plays by the rules,” I can understand where you’re coming from. But I think you need to step outside yourself and take a good look at those who “don’t follow the rules.” Many have had dealt with a lot of adversity and may not have been guided as well as you have in faith. I hold no resentment toward any of them. Why? Because even though I’ve had my fair share of adversity, I’ve had people to help me, to guide me, to love me. I believe I have a God-given grace to see truth and love in the world, I was born this way, and I wouldn’t dream of judging those who aren’t as fortunate to have been blessed as I have been. I know that I just have easily could have been born without the strength to fight back; the ability to “follow the rules” from a young age.

Most people don’t find God until later in life. Perhaps you have found Him already as I have at such a young age (I’m not sure how old you are, you sound rather young? correct me if I’m wrong.). Rather than judging people who are still searching for that all-encompassing love and forgiveness but tend to fall in the process, why not try to help them on their journey? Don’t you want them to find God too? To be happy too?
I know I sure do. 🙂
 
BlueEyedLady said:
He knows, and he agrees completely. We have the same beliefs and values, and we aren’t having a catholic wedding. But our shared values, beliefs, hobbies, interests, passions, goals, dreams, jokes, laugher, everything is so much more important than our sexual histories.
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I don’t know if you ever mentioned if he were Catholic or not, but if he is, there are even bigger problems here.
 
Norseman82 said:
Every decision we make in life, when we break it down, consistes of a reward and a non-reward/punishment aspect to it.
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Then explain how the most perfect man Jesus Christ who was not rich in material wealth (he was a poor rabbi and carpenter) who saw all of his disciples abandon him and deny him and received the most painful torture and death of any man. Explain how come he was not rewarded during his life, but was in fact persecuted, tortured and crucified?

How can someone who never did wrong could be so unjustly punished during his lifetime?

What you speak of Norseman is heresy! We are not saved purely by our actions, we are saved by Jesus Christ. To think that Salvation can be obtained by just “following the rules” and God rewards or punishes people based on their actions, is an insult to our Lord Jesus Christ who took away the sins of the world.

I think you need to re-read the Book of Job, because it clearly states out that God does not love only the righteous men, but God loves all of His children.
 
austenbosten said:
I don’t see here anyone disrespecting people who preserve their virginity until marriage. :confused:
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The entire premise of someone who didn’t play by the rules lecturing someone who did certainly qualifues in my book.

Sorry, son, but the minute one’s pants come off, one loses the right to lecture a virgin.
 
Norseman82 said:
The entire premise of someone who didn’t play by the rules lecturing someone who did certainly qualifues in my book.

Sorry, son, but the minute one’s pants come off, one loses the right to lecture a virgin.
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Might I see where a non-virgin has lectured you on your virginity? :hmmm:
 
austenbosten said:
Then explain how the most perfect man Jesus Christ who was not rich in material wealth (he was a poor rabbi and carpenter) who saw all of his disciples abandon him and deny him and received the most painful torture and death of any man. Explain how come he was not rewarded during his life, but was in fact persecuted, tortured and crucified?

How can someone who never did wrong could be so unjustly punished during his lifetime?
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That was necessary for the salvation of the world. Virgins losing out to non-virgins is not.
austenbosten said:
What you speak of Norseman is heresy! We are not saved purely by our actions, we are saved by Jesus Christ. To think that Salvation can be obtained by just “following the rules” and God rewards or punishes people based on their actions, is an insult to our Lord Jesus Christ who took away the sins of the world.

I think you need to re-read the Book of Job, because it clearly states out that God does not love only the righteous men, but God loves all of His children.
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Heresy? Baloney! Maybe as you go through RCIA (if it is at an orthodox parish) you will learn that actions do indeed play a part. After all, we are not “once-saved-always saved”.
 
austenbosten said:
Then explain how the most perfect man Jesus Christ who was not rich in material wealth (he was a poor rabbi and carpenter) who saw all of his disciples abandon him and deny him and received the most painful torture and death of any man. Explain how come he was not rewarded during his life, but was in fact persecuted, tortured and crucified?

How can someone who never did wrong could be so unjustly punished during his lifetime?

…We are not saved purely by our actions, we are saved by Jesus Christ…
I think you need to re-read the Book of Job, because it clearly states out that God does not love only the righteous men, but God loves all of His children.
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Exactly 😉

We are not saved by our actions alone, but by the Love of God. His Mercy.
It is impossible for us to save ourselves just by “following the rules”. That attitude in itself is counter-Christian.
We are weak. We are mere mortals. Our only salvation is in the reciprocation of God’s love. Letting Him love us and loving Him back. Whole-heartedly. And in loving Him, you love others He created. You help them. You forgive them.

You help them on their journey to Heaven as well.
 
Norseman82 said:
The entire premise of someone who didn’t play by the rules lecturing someone who did certainly qualifues in my book.

Sorry, son, but the minute one’s pants come off, one loses the right to lecture a virgin.
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So as long as you’re a virgin you can be as entitled and dehumanizing as you want and no one can say anything?
 
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