When will it all end?

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that_name said:
For many people, admitting that they made a mistake is the first step in healing. You do not feel that way. That is your choice.

I will always advise women to own their choices, not to be owned by the circumstances!
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It occurs to me that since the OP’s sister is not involved in a new relationship, your remarks might be addressed to me, because otherwise I can not guess why it became an issue in this thread. If that is the case, a direct personal message either here or elsewhere if you are a CAF poster I communicate with elsewhere, would probably be more effective and to the point.

FWIW, if you are concerned, I have received extensive counseling to deal with my own issues and to reduce the chances that I fall into the common traps that so many of us who have been victims of domestic violence fall into, often again and again.
 
OP, I have hundreds of emails just like that in my inbox from my ex, dad of our 4 kids. I opened a new account just so I wouldn’t have to see them every day. Now to manage the stress, I only go that email account 1 or 2 times per day, and ONLY after praying to St. Michael for protection and asking Our Lady to put her mantle over me.

I would encourage your sister to continue clinging to God…that yes her son may be going through this phase of seeming to hate the Church, and only God knows how long it will continue. But God is faithful, patient, gentle, peaceful, solid, constant, a rock, a shelter…all of those things your sister can turn to and rely on. All of those things her ex is the opposite of. God won’t punish her for not “fixing” the unfixable. Maybe she is worried that she’s making mistakes because the legal system keeps backfiring on her? I have felt that way so many times. But God will never do that. She hasn’t failed. She’s done her best. God doesn’t expect her to be perfect.

Remind her that this precious boy is God’s first and foremost, even more than belonging to her. Your sister’s job is to do her best to raise him. And it sounds like she needs St. Michael’s shield, Mary’s mantle to block all of these diabolical panic-inducing hurts from her to the extent that she can at least have PEACE in her own home. She and her daughter are calling down so many graces by their prayers and bearing their crosses. Maybe she can find time to quietly allow God to bring her into a deep meditation on the Passion of Christ, and Jesus, all bloody and wounded, hated by all, loved by almost none, being lied about, being condemned unjustly, can look deep into your sister’s eyes and say, “I am with you. Follow me, cling to me, we will walk this path of Calvary together.” And maybe that will give her strength for one more day.

Make sure she has holy water and blessed objects around. This destruction, fear, anxiety she is being dealt with is not from God. Not at all. This man is nothing more than a puppet for Satan, as far as I’m concerned. The bigger battle is for our souls…faith, peace…and your sister can ask the daughter’s help to merit so many amazing graces from God that as soon as her son is able to accept them, God will pour them into his soul and someday he can have the peace and joy that comes from knowing he is God’s cherished child.

I would encourage her to also pray to her son’s guardian angel many times per day. That angel is with him constantly, Mary is too, during those times this mother is aching to be with him and protect him. It may take her a while, but she can find peace even when she has to deal with the very real sufferings in their lives.

Please let her know she is being prayed very hard for!
 
Update: Court time is 9 a.m. central time. My sister spoke with her son’s school principal who is a psychologist as well for he goes to a special school. She now has a copy of the divorce paperwork showing my sister has primary custody and residence of her son. She has an appt. tomorrow with the ex for he wants to know why he can’t withdraw his son from that school. He fails to see his son has real mental health problems. The principal really wants to help my sister and is upset at what this dad is doing to this kid they have grown to love. It is a small school. She told her to go to the local police department of her city and file a police report for he has kept the child from an education for three days. She told her to go to the other public school that is in another county, where the dad is trying to enroll her son, and tell them that her son is not a resident of that county and lives with her not his father and show the divorce decree and mention that she filed a police report for schools don’t like to get involve with police are involved.

She saw her attorney today and her attorney has told her to go to her ex’s internal affairs, after the court hearing, for he is a cop and file a complaint for he should know better and know the law. This attorney seems good and is wondering if this man is crazy. Well we know that, but she is wondering that. She also recommended emailing her ex back and telling him that he can come to her house to pick up the meds for their son and if he disagrees to meet him with someone else, but that there is nothing to discuss.

After the email he sent and saying he didn’t want my niece calling or texting, my nephew supposely text messaged this message to my niece while she was in school today and she sent it to her mother, “You have to come here. It is so wonderful here!” My sister showed this to the principal who said the same thing my sister said that her son doesn’t spell that well. The principal noted that her son would not note where to find the exclamation point on the phone. Hey, I am 44 and I don’t know where the exclamation point is on the phone but then I don’t text either. 🤷 This little just learned how to text when his dad gave him that phone on Christmas Day. The principal did say that they were going to help my sister anyway they could legally, so that is good. The psychiatrist my nephew saw in the summer full time and during the school year is a forensic psychiatrist. So he would be a great witness on the stand. She is not looking forward to her meeting tomorrow with this dad.
 
It sounds like the school is really on the ball and giving her good guidance. Keeping them in my prayers. This really sounds like it is headed in the right direction. As her sister, maybe you can help her remain calm and not have her emotions tied to him. This will really help her when she goes to court.
 
dulcissima said:
It sounds like the school is really on the ball and giving her good guidance. Keeping them in my prayers. This really sounds like it is headed in the right direction. As her sister, maybe you can help her remain calm and not have her emotions tied to him. This will really help her when she goes to court.
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Well, she was doing okay until just now. You won’t believe what the dad and step-mom made the little boy do, or maybe you will believe it. My nephew just called my sister and I was on her house phone when he called her cell. He voice was shaky and he was almost crying. She had him on speaker phone so I wrote down what he said. He told her that he had something to read to her. We now know the dad has been served the court papers. This is what he said to his mother and read, “Dear Judge, This is how I feel. I just want my family to stop fighting for me. I think I should be away from my mom for I am in harm. I need to stay away from the school too. Please, oh please judge, switch the weekends so that I can live with my dad and have weekends with my mom.” He hung up immediately after reading that.

Sorry, I have to go this is heartbreaking.:sad_yes:
 
nana3 said:
Well, she was doing okay until just now. You won’t believe what the dad and step-mom made the little boy do, or maybe you will believe it. My nephew just called my sister and I was on her house phone when he called her cell. He voice was shaky and he was almost crying. She had him on speaker phone so I wrote down what he said. He told her that he had something to read to her. We now know the dad has been served the court papers. This is what he said to his mother and read, “Dear Judge, This is how I feel. I just want my family to stop fighting for me. I think I should be away from my mom for I am in harm. I need to stay away from the school too. Please, oh please judge, switch the weekends so that I can live with my dad and have weekends with my mom.” He hung up immediately after reading that.

Sorry, I have to go this is heartbreaking.:sad_yes:
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It is heartbreaking. I am sorry that you and your sister and her children have to go through this.
 
A new development. Thanks for all your prayers and please continue to pray. My sister’s ex has hired an attorney who basically told him what he did was stupid. His attorney called my sister’s attorney and they are going to settle this first out of court. There is a lot to settle. It could go both ways with the judge because my sister’s ex is lying about knowing that his son needed to be at the special school he is at. He is denying knowing why his son needs medication. It is his word against my sisters in many areas and again it comes down to who will the judge believe, even though it doesn’t excuse what he did. He claims to have done what he did because my sister denied him visitation, but she has all visitation logged in a log book and has never denied him any visitation and in fact given him extra days like she did on MLK day. He is a liar, but a good one.

So for now, they are going to settle this out of court and I don’t know when they are going to sit down and talk about all this. I do know that he is to bring Luis home tomorrow before noon to his mother. Luis will be angry though so his mother will not have a fun weekend. The dad has been using this boy in ways that is unthinkable. Today my nephew called his mom again and asked her why is she taking his dad to court on Monday. This is the same dad who told his daughter to stay out of it for it was “adult business” is using his son to get his ex-wife, my sister, to cancel the court date. It is sick. The dad had called my sister early this morning to see if she would cancel the court date because it would save her money and him money and he could convince his son to come home on Sunday night.

If you can do one thing for us please. Please from now, as the Lord helps you remember us, please pray that my sister get sole and full custody of her kids. Her lawyer told her it is possible and has set a plan in motion. With God nothing is impossible!
 
Your sister won’t have to go to court unless they fail to reach a settlement. And remember the old adage “A bad settlement is always better than a good trial.” There is more control in a settlement. The lawyers will make offers and counter offers to each other and present an agreement to the judge to sign.

That could stretch out for a while. They’ve probably asked for a continuation for more time to settle.

It makes your sister’s ex look bad that he doesn’t even know why his own son is on meds. That kind of information doesn’t impress judges.

All your sister needs to tell the kid is that his father was in violation of several court orders and state schooling regulations. And that someday she will tell him about it.

My xh told my kids I divorced him. They lie because sometimes they honestly believe the stuff they’re saying.

At this point no explanation will work for the son. He’s complicit in the breaking the court order and anything she says to him can be used against her. I would treat the son like a hostile witness and be very careful around him. And get him into more counselling.

My xh also said don’t put the kids in the middle. And he proceeded to do that for years. Still does.

Again, can’t stress it enough. Don’t talk about it to the kid. She should just say “We missed you” and get back to his regular routine. He needs stability more than ever.

Document the inappropriate use of the daughter and ask through the lawyer that the children not be used as go-betweens. He can pay his lawyer to communicate with your sister.
 
Good advice, especially the not talking about it with her son. Also, she will need to make sure she keep the legal paperwork and anything else she doesn’t want relayed to her ex locked up and out of sight.

Nana, really praying.
 
Emergency has happened it been a really bad day since her son has come home. I can’t go into it right now. Please pray now. All I will say it that her son is at a (name removed by moderator)atient hospital place and my sister is crying. I will give more details later. I have to go pray for peace.
 
Nana, I am so sorry. I am just reading this now. Praying for your family.
 
dulcissima said:
Nana, I am so sorry. I am just reading this now. Praying for your family.
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Hi everyone and thanks for your prayers. I am sorry but this has been a very stressful weekend. The exchange of drop off of my sister’s son did not go well and my sister’s attorney thinks it was all planned to make my sister look bad. This is what happened.

Well the day was a nightmare. The boy has been totally brain washed, he didn’t want to be with his mother. As soon as his dad dropped him off, he ran out the front door and ran down the street to a bad and was going into a dangeous highway. I was across the street and witnessed the dad dropping him off and the boy entering the house and only about one minute later running out of the house. Apparently, his dad so call went to a Dunkin Donuts that was across this busy intercession and had time to pay this donut and see his son running and stopped to stop him. I didn’t by it for it was too fast to get a donut. He had to have planned this and my sister’s attorney things so too so that my sister would look like she had no control over her son. I was at my mom’s and my niece and my mom went after my nephew while my sister called her sons’ school who also has an (name removed by moderator)atient unit. They recommended she call the police and Baker Act him for he was out of control. When my niece called me on my dad’s cell to tell me her dad was waiting at the end of the street, I decided to confront him as to why. I took pictures as I walked up to his car and he turned his car to face away from me. I took pictures of that too. The police by the way did nothing for they were the same department that the dad’s wife works for. My sister asked for a police report, they said it didn’t merit a report. She wanted them to report that her ex kept her son for the days he did without taking him to school and without medications. They would not do that too. (She was told to do this by an ex cop who knows the law and worked at the school where Luis goes to.) Luis was out of control. He almost hit my face twice with his fist. He almost hit my mom with two empty beer glass bottles. It was a nightmare. The police and and the dad got my nephew to calm down and go home and I went with him. On the way there he admited his dad took his cell and was texting messages to his sister. He said his dad took him to a doctor to get a hepatitis shot which sister had already had done on him for he is in school. My nephew said his dad canceled the psychologist appt. because that psychologist is the one who was bad to him in court and he doesn’t want her. She was the one who testified that he needed supervised visitation. Anyway, while my nephew was calm, since we suspected drug involvment, his pediatrician had ordered a drug screening on him and it was waiting for him at the lab for illegal and legal drugs and we took him in for that. He thought he was going to see what his level of drug was in his system were from the ones he takes since he was without his medications for so long. During the day, he was like an off and on switch and anything would set him off. HE finally exploded and went crazy in sister’s car and she just drove to the Behavioral Center and Baker Acted him. Luis told her horrible things like she was not his real mother but her step mother and that the divorce was her fault for she is the problem and he can understand why his dad left her. My sister was crying and so was my niece. He was out of control. He said he was going to kill himself and open the door of the car. When they got there, my niece rang the doorbell and my nephew was kicking and hurting ny sister. The orderly saw it and ran to get him off her and he said to her, “**** you.” The guy who worked there told him that is not how to talk to your mother. My sister told him everything and her son went to the back to talk to the psychiatrist. Afterwards the nurse came out and said that he is volatile and that they needed intense family therapy, that is my sister and her ex and the kids. My sister agreed and said she has been trying for years but her ex will not. The nurse even asked her son if his dad would go in front to therapy and he said no and when she asked why he said, “My dad hates my mom, he really hates my mom.” My sister stayed a little longer doing paperwork and left. The next day the dad came by to visit with his wife and the nurse recognize his wife as a sheriff who use to bring patients there. The nurse changed in favor of them all of a sudden. She asked my sister if it was possible for her to communicate with her ex’s wife for the sake of her son. My sister explained her reasons why not, but this nurse was relentless. She gave them a name of a therapies, and said he was great. My sister told her that they have been going to family therapy with one at her son’'s school for years and her son likes her and is familiar with her and she didn’t see the need to change. Apparently, the ex and his wife agreed to family therapy, but I told my sister to have her therapist call them up and invite them to the sessions and see if he comes. That way is is documented and if he doesn’t come, they have no interest and are liars. I know they are liars for when her ex and his wife separated for about a year, my sister recommended marriage counseling to her ex and he said that his wife doesn’t believe in psychologist. So I would love to see how they would response. The dad also has been denying that his has any problem. The nurse did admit that she saw a little of that tonight.
 
continued:

For now, Norma’s attorney said she is trying to get full and sole custody. We all have to pray for that. It is a long process. In the meantime, they are going to sit down sometime soon for a settlement and redo her divorce paperworks. Her attorney felt this whole weekend thing was a set up to make my sister look bad and she is ordering for a forensic psychologist to see her son who doesn’t know my sister or her ex and is impartial. This person will decide if parent alienation has been going on by the dad and stepmom to this little boy for he almost hates his mom now and doesn’t want anything to do with her or our side of the family or his sister.

So that is the latest and to add to our stress, last night at midnight my sister, this same sister calls me to tell me my oldest sister who lives next to her was rushed to the hospital because she fell down and hit her head and had a seizure. While in the ER and giving a urine sample to the lab, she had another seizure. They admited her into the hospital. Her name is Lillian. Please pray for her too. My niece called today from school sick to her stomach and vomiting. She is literally sick from this whole weekends events and all that happened with her brother and the things her dad said. I could not write down everything, but I stayed by the dad’s side and my nephew and the dad said some things to his daughter who wanted to stay next to her brother and me. He is just an unfit father to choose one child over another. She won’t talk to anyone about it except her mom and us. She won’t open up to a counselor or a priest. She is so angry at God.
 
Nana, I am so sorry. That is so much for you to deal with right now. It must be very hard. I am and have been having many of the same issues with my oldest son, so I know how difficult and stressful it all is. It sounds like she is getting some good support from the school who not only has some experience with issues like these but who also has a long history with your nephew. That is the good news in all of this. I pray that your sister will receive the support needed to help your nephew and that your family will get the peace it really needs.
 
dulcissima said:
Nana, I am so sorry. That is so much for you to deal with right now. It must be very hard. I am and have been having many of the same issues with my oldest son, so I know how difficult and stressful it all is. It sounds like she is getting some good support from the school who not only has some experience with issues like these but who also has a long history with your nephew. That is the good news in all of this. I pray that your sister will receive the support needed to help your nephew and that your family will get the peace it really needs.
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Thanks Dulcissima,
I feel really bad right now and down. My sister has been calling me off and on all day about this whole mess and I have been there for her and been strong. I have been going on 4 hours a night of sleep and waking up the rest of the time and not being able to sleep so I pray about it all for about three nights night. It is like a drama unfolding today, one thing after another. The behavioral center called and wants a family session before they discharge her son,but the stepmom invited herself. My sister didn’t know what to do for she doesn’t want her in it. Her attorney said she has every legal right to say no but that the center can say they want her in it in the best interest of the child. My sister called me today and asked me if I could be there for her too and come even though they may not allow me in. I just broke down and started to cry. I am not handling all this right. I have not been able to pray today. She realized how much stress all this has been on me and said she is strong enough to go alone. My other sisters are at the hospital helping my other sister. I feel real bad. I want to be there, but I am emotionally and spiritually a mess. I feel physically drained as well. By the way, the settlement date is Feb. 26.

I feel like I let her down. :crying:
 
If stepmom is as bad as you say, it might help your case if she is evaluated and if things do come out in a counseling session.

For instance:

“We’re just confused. When you had divorce action pending against him, you alleged all kinds of conduct and now you pretend it didn’t happen? So is he as bad as you claim, or do you lie to authorities?”

That kind of thing…

😉
 
Please pray at 5 p.m. central time, the session is going on and the step mom is allowed in at this facility even though, legally she has no right to be in there.
 
Praying, and I agree with Liberanosamalo, it might just be for the best.
 
Thanks to you two for your prayers. The discharge session though was for just discharging my sister’s son from the behavioral center but we knew that her ex and his wife would use it as chance to say everything that they found wrong with my sister, which sure enough they did, but my sister and I told my sister that it was not a counseling session. It basically was a time when the therapist told the parents to get along for the sake of the child. So I told my sister not to go in and give to much information and if she ex and his wife wanted to go and use it as a time to complain to just simply say that an hour is not enough time to cover all the issues they have and they would need family therapy. Sure enough that is exactly what happened and the therapist agreed with my sister that they would not be able to solve all their problems in that one hour and the purpose was to let them know that they needed more parent counseling rather than family counseling. My sister told the therapist that her and her attorneys once asked for that and her ex and his attorney didn’t like that idea. She asked him if that was true and he said yes. My sister also told the therapist what upset her in all this is that he kept her son after visitation hours and kept her son from his medications because he has denied their son has mental issues and that he kept him out of school all of last week. The therapist asked him again if that was true and he said yes and she asked why and he said because his son said he needed a break to which my sister said that a 10 year old does not have the choice to say whether he skips school or gets off his meds. The therapist agreed there. My sister’s ex was getting angry and sure enough as we thought, the true reason his wife wanted to be there, was to control his temper. His wife would put her hand on his knee and tell him to allow the therapist to finish talking for he would interrupt. Anyway, over all the session went well, but my sister said that both the stepmom and her ex came in their police uniforms and the stepmom doesn’t work in her uniform anymore but in plain clothes. They lied twice and the biggest of all was that they visited the boy on Sunday with my niece who was under my sister’s care and she had her at another one of my sister’s house for she needed to study. They lied several other times too. My sister said that the therapist and the stepmom knew each other and talked about people they knew. They also continued to talk about the session was over and laughing. My sister just went to the unit to get her son.

Some great things happened today. First, the session did not go badly for her. Second, the nurse who had to open the doors to the unit did not like my sister’s ex and asked my sister if she was having trouble with him and her son. She did not take care of her son. My sister said yes. It happens this woman is also going through the same thing and her ex is a cop. She sympathezied with my sister and told her to log down everything and said she has four years of log books. My sister told her she was logging down everything. Then she told her of a great doctor, a psychiatrist in our area, who has written books and sees children especially for or affected by “parent alienation.” She gave my sister her name and email address and said she would send her this woman’s information. She said this woman helped her get full custody of her kids with her attorney for her ex did the same and turned her son against her. Third good thing, is that my sister received a call from the school where her son goes and they said that after the psychiatrist, the school board and counselors of her son all met, they have decided to call child services on her ex for keeping her son away from his medication and out of school was negligence. I know my sister’s ex will think my sister filed the report, for the person who files it is annoynous, but at this point it is out of her hand. She will have to let her attorney know tomorrow. Tomorrow her son is back in the partial hospitalizaton program. His dad will have visitation on Wednesday after 5 p.m. This weekend is my sisters.

For now she will have to wait until February to sit down with his attorney to iron out specific details on visitation, but in the meantime, I am sure the dad will continue to abuse the fact there is nothing in writing in the divorce papers saying that he needs to have the child home by a set time. So she will have to allow him control until then. If she says have him home by 6 p.m., he has him home by 7:30 p.m. so she can’t win with this man.

You Dulcissima and Libera are the only two who have responded to this thread. Thanks so much for your support and prayers. This was a very difficult day for me and I think I had a break down, but it help show my sister to fall and depend on God more than us, her family. I know in my heart that your prayers have helped and I know how much dulcissima and you Libera have suffered in the same situations and still do and that is why it means so much to me that you are here giving me advice to help my sister and praying for her. She has asked me to tell you both and all who have responded thanks from the bottom of her heart and to ask you to continue to pray for her. We will pray for you and your situations in our Family Rosaries. God Bless you. Remember, the settlement is Feb. 26. Hopefully, nothing more dramatic will happen. With these two people one never knows but this time, I really think the Lord will help us defend these two children from their father and this stepmother.

God Bless!!! I love you all.
 
The thing about liars… eventually they forget which version they told and they trip on their own lies.

And the thing about people like the ex and his wife… eventually they turn on each other. It will happen again. He’s got so many plates to keep spinning it’s a wonder he can do it all.

If one of them falls, all of them fall.

It’s just a matter of time.

And God allows things to happen so that a greater good can come of it. You have the names of some good new doctors. You have people who recognize some very easily seen patterns of behavior who are on your side. He pushed it too far and now he’s looking bad.

Right now is the time for your sister to take her daughter out for ice cream and talk to her about hair, movies, school, boys… anything but THE SUBJECT. The “good kid” often gets neglected in all this and that is not fair. She doesn’t deserve to lose her brother and both parents.

The mom needs to remember this.

Hang in there. Time wounds all heels.
 
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