When will it all end?

[dulcissima]

Good advice from Liberanosamalo. I do think, as hard as this is, what your sister is going through is for the best. What her ex has been doing all of this time to his son is finally coming to the surface. Hoping and praying that your nephew will be able to deal with all of his feelings and sort through all of the lies to find the truth and the peace that comes with it.

 

[nana3]

Thank you both for your great advice and I do agree that my niece does need girl time with her mom for she feels unloved by her dad and this whole situation has her stressed out. My sister had to go pick her up again from school on Monday with severe stomach pains. When she got home, they had a long mother to daughter talk and she opened up how much the whole situation bothered her and how upseting it was to see her brother so angry and the stuff he was saying. She told her mom she is so angry at her dad. She blames her dad. She is angry because her dad blames her when her brother gets upset and she is only trying to help. Her dad did that Saturday and apparently, that was still bothering her on Monday.

In the discharge session it came out that my sister’s ex said he didn’t care if his daughter, my niece, came over on his visitation or not for “she is a trouble maker with her brother.” How sad huh? My sister is not going to tell this to her daughter.

Well, it won’t end yet for child services is coming out to the house to talk to my sister and my niece on Thursday who witnessed the whole thing on Saturday, but mostly they want to talk to my sister. They already talked to my nephew today at his school when they talked to his psychiatrist and the other school employees who are making the report. He went today to visit my other sister in the hospital and I happened to be there also with my daughter and he was so happy to see us all and was cheerful and back to his old self. I heard him tell my daughter that he had to be put in a “lock” today and demonstrated it because he lost control of his temper. My sister said the school called her and told her that he got angry for 45 minutes and they did put him in a lock to control him, but they said they still have to talk to the psychiatrist if they will put him in the partial hospitalization program. I think it is too much money for my sister. When she put him in the Baker act her insurance will not cover it and she now owes $1200.00 and to put him in the partial hospitalization program, her deductible is $3000.00. She is still paying on her credit cards that last time he was put in which was in November. I paid for him to be put in twice, but I don’t know if I can continue. It is expensive, but he needs it. Her ex is suppose to be helping, but that is why she is taking him to court for he is not paying any medical bills. I feel so bad for her. He is my Godson too. I was so happy to see him so happy. He does visit with his dad tomorrow and I hope he comes back okay for he usually comes back very angry after visitation with his dad.

I am sure now his dad has had a call too from child services and is blaming my sister and he will tell his son about it, which is an adult issue and not be told to the child, but he doesn’t care. He will say anything to turn his son against his own mother.

Thanks again for the great advice and this weekend, my husband and I have decided to take both my nephew and niece to play miniture golf. I told my nephew today and he was so excited. They need some fun time, especially my niece. If my sister doesn’t need to study, I will take my nephew and she can spend time with her daughter. I don’t think she has money, but I can give her money to do something with her daughter. That should help decrease the stress level in my niece.

 

[nana3]

I have to ask this question from the Libera and Dulcissima who have been in this situation.

My sister called her attorney today and told her that child services was called by the school. She was surprised by her reaction. She was disappointed and thought it would hurt her case. My sister said it was out of her hands and it was the school who did the reporting.

Why would the attorney be upset that child services is now involved or was called? What do you think? I don’t understand why they would be upset.

 

[dulcissima]

It’s hard to say from the distance. Maybe the attorney is concerned that the school might be a problem and is too rough on the child. If that is the case, your sister’s ex might have a valid reason to want to keep his son from there.

Is this school a private facility?

 

[nana3]

It’s hard to say from the distance. Maybe the attorney is concerned that the school might be a problem and is too rough on the child. If that is the case, your sister’s ex might have a valid reason to want to keep his son from there.

Is this school a private facility?

No, this is considered a public school, but for special needs children with behavioral problems. This school is not rough at all with the kids. My nephew loves this school, or did until his dad kept repeating to him that he should hate the school. The school will use force with the child loose his control and is out of control, but the are within in the law and not using excessive force. But I did want to clarify that school is the one that reported to child services that this dad did not give his son the medical medications his son needed and neglected to give him the proper education he needed just because the kid said he didn’t want to go to school.

I think the school was just doing what they were suppose to legally, but the attorney just mentioned something about if they had to go to DCF court, it would tie them up in that court versus the family court system. I just remembered that. That could be it. I don’t know.

 

[dulcissima]

No, this is considered a public school, but for special needs children with behavioral problems. This school is not rough at all with the kids. My nephew loves this school, or did until his dad kept repeating to him that he should hate the school. The school will use force with the child loose his control and is out of control, but the are within in the law and not using excessive force. But I did want to clarify that school is the one that reported to child services that this dad did not give his son the medical medications his son needed and neglected to give him the proper education he needed just because the kid said he didn’t want to go to school.

I think the school was just doing what they were suppose to legally, but the attorney just mentioned something about if they had to go to DCF court, it would tie them up in that court versus the family court system. I just remembered that. That could be it. I don’t know.

Nana, I don’t know. This gets into a whole area I am totally unfamiliar with. I’m sure her attorney knows the Florida court system much better than I do.

 

[nana3]

Her attorney is not concerned about the child service report as the other attorney in the office was. So no problem.

The settlement or mediation date has been moved up from Feb. 26 to the 3rd as a result of it though. Please pray for my sister to get all she needs to protect her kids.

There has been some new development. My nephew went on visitation with his dad on Wednesday the 27th and came back angry. On Thursday morning at school, it exploded and was out of control. My sister was called in to pick him up. She was crying and wanted to yell at her ex to see what did they do to him the night before for she said he came home very quiet and than got angry and would not obey her to brush his teeth. She just let it go. The school said he was throwing chairs. My sister called his psychiatist and he again told her that he really needs to be (name removed by moderator)atient for 30 days, but she said she didn’t have $13,000.00. So he told her to take him to the ER, but they would just sedate him and sent him home. I was on my way to Holy Hour and she called me crying. She didn’t now what to do. She felt her ex was messing with her son’s mind. I agreed. I told her to put him in the (name removed by moderator)atient program when she go to the school and not worry about the money that I would talk to my sisters and parents. She felt relieved. She admited him and the boy wanted to be admited. In the time he was angry, he told the principal that he
“Wished to God his dad would go to counseling.” He also said that the last two weeks were horrible for him. He has been mostly with his dad who has been claiming his son has been having fun. Anyway, my sister missed her appointment with child services due to this emergency. I was going to help pay and so was two other sisters for this hospitalization. He is my Godson. One of my sister who is a broker and earns six figures told me that I had to think of my future and save and that the economy was bad. I told her that I trusted in God to provide for me in the future and that I can’t sit by and watch my nephew get worse and worse and not do anything. She didn’t say anything, but then agreed to pay half. I had to call her back to tell her that the entire amount was needed that day. She went and got a cashiers check and went to the hospital and paid the amount and called me. I told her that I would pay her what I said I would pay. She said that she was going to take care of it all. I asked why and she said because she felt like it. Out of all of us, she could afford it the most. I hope my sister’s attorney can get this money back and my sister gets paid back and if not that the Lord blesses her for it. I will be paying the bill of the other center.

So as it stands my nephew is not in the hospital and goes to school in the same place. He had another episode of anger today and was out of control throwing chairs and the doctor ordered an mild sedative to calm him down. He called my sister to see what happened for her son was improving. She told him what happened with her ex and he was angry. He said that “this man can’t get away with this and he should not be allow to see his son.” He asked my sister if he could write a letter to the judge to stop visitations of for the dad. My sister told him that he needed to speak to her attorney. He said he would have his psychologist write the letter first and put her on the line. My sister is familiar with her for she has seen them in family counseling for over 9 months. She got the info on the attorney. She told my sister that her ex called ehr three times today until he finally got a hold of her and when he did, all he did was complain about my sister and how bad of a mother she was and that she was harming her son. He asked her if it would not be better for the child to live with him for two months instead of living in a “mental institution.” She told him no that his son needed this so much and that he needs to come to family therapy. She told him of how his son acted in school that morning and needed to be sedated. He told her that in his house he doesn’t act that way and doesn’t need the medication. Than he asked her, “What caused all this?” She got upset at that question and said, “What caused all this? You not taking him to school for stability. You not taking him home to his mother after your visitation was over and especially, you not giving him the medications that he needed.” She said he was quiet after that and said," It this was me, I would walk away from all this." She said this reveal what kind of man he was.

So we hope and pray that the psychiatrist is serious and will write the letter and will want to go to court and get on the stand and say that visitations with the father are dangerous to this little boy. It sounds like he is willing to do this. So far this is all working out for my sister. Visitation to see my nephew is only on the weekends.

Please, pray and pray on Feb. 3rd at 1:30 p.m. central time is then they are meeting to hash out their divorce paperwork. If any of you can think of what my sister should put in the paperwork let me know. So far we are going to put in the times of pick up and drop off specifically. We will put that if he keeps the children after his visitation time that the police have the right to remove the kids from his house. We will put that he has to take the kids to Mass on the weekend he has them and if he doesn’t want to, he has to return them early so my sister can take them. She is going to put down that he has to give them their house phone number and allow the kids to call her on his visitations in privacy without them being on speaker phone. She is also going to put down that the children need adult supervision when he is at work and outside when they are playing. If you think of important things, please let me know.

 

[dulcissima]

Praying for you and your family, Nana. My heart breaks reading this because I have seen myself how terrible emotional abuse can be, the stress it causes. I don’t understand how his dad can repeatedly put his son through this. And as awful as it is for everyone to witness, maybe it is for the best that he is having these outbursts rather than holding it all in. Now everyone knows what is going on.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

The truth always comes out. It sounds like the doctors will have a lot of credibility with a judge. The father’s overreaching has backfired. I think even he sees what a hassle it is and narcissists don’t like relationships that cause them personal trouble. Once a person or thing becomes inconvenient and doesn’t reflect their own glory, out they go.

I would suggest your sister not talk to him any more. Anything she says can be used against her. He needs to talk to the doctor. Let the doctor get a gander at what he is like.

 

[nana3]

Thanks guys, you two have been great and there for me. I don’t now if this is part of a narcissists behavior, but now the dad is going to the daughter, my niece. He called her late last night and we don’t know what he told her. He texted her and this is what he wrote," I know it’s been hard for you lately. I wanted to say that I love you." This is from a man who knew his daughter had a cell phone long before he gave one to his son and never texted her or called her. He always texted his son. Now he is calling her and texting her. My sister is really to take off that feature from her cell anyway for her daughter abused it and texted friends and her bill is way to high now. So her dad won’t be able to text he during school hours like he has been doing. He should not be bothering her during her during school time anyway.

Another strange twist is that my niece is really angry, I mean really angry at her brother. My sister told me she blames her brother for this “whole mess.” My sister tried to explain her brother’s condition but she is like her father in a way, in denial of her brother’s condition because she is jealous of all the attention he gets from both parents. She is not talking to anyone. She is not opening up and telling anyone her feelings. She is holding it all in. She is rude to her mother, and her mom doesn’t need this now. My sister is trying to study and she has failed every test she has taken and her daughter is not helping, but I can see her point of view too. She wanted to go to a store today with her mom, but her mom didn’t want to go for her daughter is very materialistic and wants or demands her to buy things that my sister can’t afford. My sister has lost control of her kid and she knows it, but I think it is because of the many years of abuse of her ex. She is in denial that she is suffering from depression. I just listen to her cry for I get tired of telling her to discipline her daughter. But today her and her daughter did spend time together when her daughter had her horse riding lesson and my sister really had to study. She also had to go visit her son at the hospital. While there at the end, she gave her son a kiss good-bye and he asked for a kiss from his sister and she refused and told him she was angry at him. He asked why and she would not answer him. My sister doesn’t know why either. They do have family therapy on Thursday. I told her to wait and see if the therapist can get it out of her. My niece did tell me that she was angry at her brother for putting their mother through the whole ordeal, the first day he returned. The Monday she was so sick to her stomach, she told her mom that she was upset at him for what he wrote in his text messages that said that they, her and my sister (his mother), were causing his heart to break. My sister explained that maybe her dad wrote the message and not her brother, but she refused to believe that. She also told her that her brother has a chemical imbalance and was off his medications, but she didn’t care about that. She is 13 years old with an attitude. My poor sister, I don’t know how much more she can handle. She is not listening to me about joining a prayer group or going to Holy Hour or using the Sacraments more. She is going to have a nervous breakdown if she doesn’t take care of herself due to what this man has put her through and continues to.

Liberanosamalo, I hope you are right of what you said about narcissists, I really hope your right. My sister doesn’t know what mediation will accomplish for she thinks her ex will fight her on everything and I believe he will too. I think it is pointless, but the lawyers wanted to try it.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I went through mediation with a narcissist.

They’re all about their own image in the world and doing damage control. hence the texting to the niece.

She’s an immature 13 year old girl who is having adult problems and issues shoved in her face. She doesn’t know how to process it. So she gets stomach aches. She’s sick of the bad problem kid getting all the attention and money paid out for his problems. That money can go to her and her college or something. I’m sure she thinks about stuff like that.

I will say it again… she needs time away from that garbage… with aunts, grandparents… anything where she isn’t dealing with all the drama all the time.

And if people don’t spend valuable time with her, she will begin to equate love with money and possessions. Teenage girls are notorious for being all about the shopping. But she really needs time and attention that isn’t all about discussing her brother. She has every right to be mad at him, and he needs to recognize and be sorry for the drama he played a part in. A good therapist will have to help them sort it out.

Your sister… depression is anger turned inward. She is angry. She needs to deal with it with a professional. And I know at times she feels paralyzed about prayer. So you all need to get a prayer group together and lift her up in prayer when she can’t do it herself. I only made it through my debacle from the prayers of better people than myself.

Now the ex is calling the daughter because he’s worried what she might say about him in any court dealings. It’s all damage control. There must not be much going on in his life with his new wife that he feels the need to reach back in his old family right now and get attention.

The best thing you can do (sometimes the most dangerous) with a narcissist is to either ignore them or laugh at them.

As you recognize what you are dealing with, you can have a betting pool with your sister, predicting what they will do next. Once you break the code, you can foresee most of what they’re going to do.

 

[nana3]

Reminder: Pray please today is the settlement hearing or mediation. My sister met with her attorney yesterday and they are going to ask for a parent coordinator and a psychiartrist that will look into this whole mess from the beginning. There is one major problem. My parents have been financing my sister’s attorneys throughout the years and my mom just called me to say they are running out of their money that was for retirement. They wanted to know if the parent coordinator is going to cost money. My sister should have asked her attorney in yesterday’s meeting. I just called her and she said she would ask, but I did a search on google in our area and they are $100.00 an hour and if you call them to testify, $300.00 to come in and $100.00 an hour too. This is going to be expensive. My sister is in denial and says she will take care of it, but she is a single mom that doesn’t earn much and my parents have to pay her car payments at time and gas. She needs to face the reality that she may not be able to do this. I realize it is very much needed and when she asked for it in 2007 and the judge denied it the funds were more available, but since her son needed so much treatment and my parents have paid for it all and her ex has not paid any medical bills yet, it is a hardship on them. They need to get the dad to pay for this entire bill since he has not paid any medical bills at all as of yet. That is a thought that just came to me, I have to go and call her and see if her attorney will get this to happen. Let us pray so, it is only fair after all.

Well, pray for her, the settlement is at 1:30 p.m. Oh, the psychiatrist that they are agreeing upon is also $400.00/hour. That one, my parents agree is needed. They just don’t think that a coordinator will matter with a man like this man in court. He doesn’t listen to anyone and thinks he is above the law. All we can do is pray.

Oh, I was also wrong about the judge. She still has the same old judge that she had before, the one who favors the dad and loves her ex. He has always made all his rulings in favor of the dad, even in the child abuse and was lenient on the dad when he didn’t pay child support. My sister’s new attorney has said that she knows this judge and once he has decided to “black ball” you, he will and you won’t win, well he has done that with my sister at the expense of the children too. We don’t know if we can ask for another judge. Let us pray, we get another judge. This judge will not give her a fair ruling, we are waiting time and money with him. We had three psychologist go on the stand already before this judge and tell him that this dad is unfit and needs supervised visitation or suspension of visitation and he won’t do it. He says he has not heard any “evidence to convince” of that, even though he has heard it from three different counselors. We will never get a fair ruling with this judge.

 

[dulcissima]

Praying for your sister. I am hoping the outcome is better than it seem like it will be. Attorneys always seem to clearly see what should happen, but then fail to deliver what they say they will when it comes down to it. You still end up paying. As far as I have ever seen, the court is not in any position where it will step in when a child is being emotionally abused, even when it seems clear how harmful the abuse is. It’s sad. Counseling is the most realistic method of helping this family have any sort of way of dealing with this situation.

I haven’t purchased it yet, but what has been strongly recommended to me is a book called The Batterer as Parent. It details how the abusive ex uses custody to further abuse his ex spouse. From looking at the book description, it sounds like counseling is recommended strongly for the victimized spouse, so they can be strong enough to be a refuge for their child.

amazon.com/Batterer-Parent-Addressing-Domestic-Violence/dp/0761922776/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265216875&sr=8-1

 

[dulcissima]

Just adding this… you can view much of the book online at Amazon. It is written more for professionals who are working with the family than it is for the families themselves.

 

[horselvr]

I have just now come across this thread and have to say that I will definately be praying for your whole family. I have to ask a few questions though:

Why has he been allowed to not pay for half of the medical bills for his son?

With all the abuse why was he allowed joint custody?

It seems to me that your sisters lawyer has not been very proactive. He/she needs to put the screws to this guy and fast. Allowing him to keep his son past visitation, keep him out of school and not give him his meds is proving him to be irresponsible and frankly, a whack job and the more he is allowed to get away with this stuff the more entitled he feels he is.

I’m not sure which of you said this but damage control is very high on a narcissists list. They do not like to be exposed for the scum they are. They appear to the whole world as the stand up guy and then once the front door is closed it’s a different world. They don’t do well as parents because all the attention is to be on them. They ARE the very center of the universe.

He LOVES it dearly when your sister is upset and if he has to get to the kids to accomplish this—so be it. They mean very little if anything to the narcissist. They are NOT the average husband/father. As a matter of fact, they will use the ability to abuse the kids if you refuse to give them their way and try to stop them from controlling everything and everyone in the houshold. They have NO conscience, they only care for themselves they lack the ability to sympathize.

I will pray that your sister stays strong through this terrible ordeal. Stay strong.

 

[nana3]

Just adding this… you can view much of the book online at Amazon. It is written more for professionals who are working with the family than it is for the families themselves.

Thanks and I will forward the information to my sister. The mediation went well. The ex’s main objective was to get his son out of the (name removed by moderator)atient hospital he is in now. At first he was for the parent coordinator, but my parents called me this morning concerned for their retirement money is running out and they knew they would be paying for it. I called my sister and had a brilliant itea. I told her to tell her attorney that before the meeting she needed to talk to her. I told her to tell her that seeing that her ex has not been paying half of the medical bills for 6 years now and is it way over $20,000.00, that he can start paying some of that back now by paying for the parent coordinator totally by himself. She should not need to pay for half of that. Her attorney loved the idea and mentioned it to the ex’s attorney and he found it fair. He mentioned it to his client, the ex and during the mediation, the ex’s new wife, had a change of heart and said that a parent coordinator is not needed that she has raised four children and knows how to raise children. My sister told her that this was not up to her and that it was between her and her ex who are the biological parents of their children who are having parenting issues with their children. The new wife interfered and said more the ex and I believe she is more of a problem than the ex. They were passing notes to one another, the ex and his wife, as my sister spoke and it was just rude. After the entire things was over, both attorneys saw who the real problem was, the wife of the ex. She was more of a narcissist than the ex. They both are, but she is worse. Whenever the ex wanted to compromise, she would not allow it. The good news is that they do have a reasonable attorney who seems fair for when the ex wanted his son out of the (name removed by moderator)atient unit, his own attorney said that he read the psychological evaluation of the little boy and he is very sick and needs to be there. He said he would not take him out until a psychiatrist says it is okay. So what they have to do is now get copies of all the records of all his doctors of his past to provide it to a new psychiatrist and see what this person says. They took down all the names of the doctors and therapist my sister gave them. It is going to cost them a lot of money to get all the copies. They think his son will be out before next weekend and this new psychiatrist will have time to read years and years of records in less than a week. They also tried to prevent my sister from seeing her son this weekend at the hospital for “it was their weekend.” His own attorney said that was petty and it was terrible to prevent the son from seeing his mother. So my sister gets to see him for one hour. They are forcing my niece to see them for two hours on Saturday. My niece is not too happy about that. She is already deeply hurt and depressed over all this. I think she is ready to break.

At the end of the whole thing, my sister’s attorney told her that she was proud of her and how she handled herself. She said the ones that looked bad was them. The ex looked terrible when he said he didn’t like the psychologist my nephew is now seeing. On Thursday, the psychologist was talking to my nephew and trying to get him to see that what his dad did by taking him out of school for a week and not giving him his medication for a week was irresponsible and illegal, the school part. My nephew got angry and wanted to talk to his dad and she called him and they all talked on speaker phone. He mentioned that call today and said the woman is unprofessional for she told him he was irresponsible in front of his child and that what he did was illegal so he doesn’t like her and wants another family therapist. My sister told him that she didn’t have a problem with that, but it was sad for their son loves this woman. He didn’t care. He didn’t like, but then he has not liked any therapist for he doesn’t like what they tell him.

So overall the mediation went well. Thanks for your prayers. I know they helped.

 

[nana3]

I have just now come across this thread and have to say that I will definately be praying for your whole family. I have to ask a few questions though:

Why has he been allowed to not pay for half of the medical bills for his son?

With all the abuse why was he allowed joint custody?

It seems to me that your sisters lawyer has not been very proactive. He/she needs to put the screws to this guy and fast. Allowing him to keep his son past visitation, keep him out of school and not give him his meds is proving him to be irresponsible and frankly, a whack job and the more he is allowed to get away with this stuff the more entitled he feels he is.

I’m not sure which of you said this but damage control is very high on a narcissists list. They do not like to be exposed for the scum they are. They appear to the whole world as the stand up guy and then once the front door is closed it’s a different world. They don’t do well as parents because all the attention is to be on them. They ARE the very center of the universe.

He LOVES it dearly when your sister is upset and if he has to get to the kids to accomplish this—so be it. They mean very little if anything to the narcissist. They are NOT the average husband/father. As a matter of fact, they will use the ability to abuse the kids if you refuse to give them their way and try to stop them from controlling everything and everyone in the houshold. They have NO conscience, they only care for themselves they lack the ability to sympathize.

I will pray that your sister stays strong through this terrible ordeal. Stay strong.

I can tell your frustrated, can you imagine my sisters and our frustration? How can this man get away not paying the medical bills and get away with the abuse? Simple, the judge we had allowed it. The judge we had and still have assigned to this case is in favor of men. The judge we have and still have if he doesn’t like you will black ball you, and he has done so with my sister and doesn’t care about the kids. The judge is the one I blame more than anyone else.

What can I tell you? We went to court with all the certified letters that were returned. What was in these letter? All the medical bills. The ex would not accept them. The judge would not open them to see that they were medical bills. He did nothing about it. Instead he just talked to the two attorneys and said, “I hope you two are up to helping these two immature adults and help them grow up.” As far as the abuse. Two to three counselors went on the stand before this same judge and told him that this father is unfit and needs supervision. My sisters’ attorney at the time, asked for suspension of visitation. The judge denied that. My sister and her attorney asked for Guardian ad Litem for the children and a parent coordinator since the parents were not getting along and the judge refused that. On the physical abuse, he would not even listen to any of it and said to allow child services to handled it. When he was told that they wanted him to deal with it, he laughed and said he wasn’t. We were at a lost as to what to do for we could not protect the kids with this judge. If we go up again to this judge, we will loose unless this new attorney, which so far she sounds it, is much better. Today while waiting to see her new attorney, my sister was talking to another client in the room and found out that her attorney has yet to loose a case. I know that she feels that she can get my sister full and sole custody of her children. All of her other attorneys just said no that it can’t happen in the state of Florida and that it is unheard of. So this attorney has seen what this man is like in person and his wife and knows that he is harming these kids mentally. The physical abuse may have stopped, but the emotional abuse is there. He use to scream right into their faces and that is why they fear him so. All I know is my niece fears going over there so much that we once thought she must have been sexually molested. She is so tight lipped now and was then too, that we don’t know. She won’t talk. She just keep getting stomach aches.

Thanks for your prayers. Just keep them coming. God Bless you.
So yes, we have tried everything humanly possible to help but the justice system is not always fair. We pray and pray and someday a miracle will happen and my sister will get her kids for herself and then and only then will they begin to heal. They can’t heal with the going to dad’s and coming back angry because of how they were treated. The little boy still wants and dreams of his parents getting remarried.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

This is what you can hope for:

Ex’s attorney now has seen how bad his client and the wife are and how it looks. Attorneys do NOT like to be on the losing end of cases. He will talk to ex about his wife and how she is hurting him.

Hope that this causes ex to turn on his wife and for problems to occur between them. The more drama he has there, the less he can create in your sister’s life.

 

[nana3]

This is what you can hope for:

Ex’s attorney now has seen how bad his client and the wife are and how it looks. Attorneys do NOT like to be on the losing end of cases. He will talk to ex about his wife and how she is hurting him.

Hope that this causes ex to turn on his wife and for problems to occur between them. The more drama he has there, the less he can create in your sister’s life.

I hope you are right but this man can’t think for himself and listens to everything this woman, his wife tells him. After his conversation with the psychologist and because he now doesn’t like her, he calls his son every night in the unit. The very next day, my nephew was rude and mean to this same psychologist. He even got a little physical with her. They were playing basketball and he got so angry at her and would not say why and went up to her with the basketball and was pushing the ball into her abdomin. Another worker had to intervene and pull him off her. Then he asked why was in that place. Now, who does that sound like? I don’t think the dad should be allowed to talk to him at night and he may get better. He told her that he didn’t like her and wanted someone else. Again who does that sound like? He has always loved this therapist.

I think the whole situation is just sad and that the psychiatrist can’t see that the dad is actually hurting the son. Well, they do see it, but they can’t do anything about it yet. I will say that because the dad has shown up at the school and has had anger outburst when he doesn’t get what he wants, when he goes to visit this weekend, security is tight. They will be watching him and his wife. That is what they told my sister. They consider them a flight risk with the boy since they have made it clear that they want him out of there. They want the boy off of the medications and out of the “mental institution.”

Today my nephew had family therapy with my sister only for the dad could not make it, but I think his plans are to have the kid out of there by next Thursday so he doesn’t have to be there for it next Thursday. Anyway, at first the boy was very tight lipped. Then he asked my sister why she divorced his dad. My sister asked the psychologist if she could be honest with her son and she said yes. She told him that his dad chose another woman and left her for that woman and he is married to her now. He got really angry at this news. He almost didn’t want to believe this of his dad. I am sure his dad will tell him this is a lie and he will believe his dad over his mother and I don’t know why. After that, he asked why can’t he go into a regular school and she told him that he was in three of them and he was not able to be in them. Then he asked her if she was trying to take him away from his dad and she told him no, but that she was protecting him and looking out for his best interest. He asked her if she was coming to visit him this weekend and she told him yes on Saturday, but not on Sunday. He told her that his stepmom told him on the phone that she is bringing him a “surprise.” This is what they do, buy his love. I hope he realizes this some day soon.

I do know that the ex and his wife are gathering all the information so that they can give it to this psychiatrist before next week so that this new psychiatrist, who is impartial, can get their son out of there by Wednesday of next week. My sister wants this psychiatrist to read her contact logs. I have them and told her that I would have them printed out at office max for it is log. She emailed them to me. It is four years worth and will cost over one hundred to print them. I told her I would pay for it. I just hope I can get it all done before the psychiatrist makes his decision. There is in these all the things this man has done to her in the past and all the comments the kids have said and their behaviors. I think it is crucial. My sister’s attorney goes on vacation starting on Monday for a week and I just hope nothing happens during next week. She left another attorney who is familiar with the case, but the last time this happened, my sister was not well represented by the best attorney and it was not fair to her. Please pray that nothing happens next week.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I think his counselor can see how the father is trying to turn him against her and impede treatment.

She is making notes, I am sure.

It may take them running off with him and keeping him off his meds and him having an uncontrollable meltdown with them that scares them and maybe he’ll hurt stepmom in his fury before they finally get the message.

That may be what it takes.

Once he becomes a big problem to THEM, they won’t want him anymore. I’m sure they’re not planning to have kids together or they wouldn’t want him around a baby. If she has other kids and he lashes out at them, that will be the last time he’s allowed in HER house.

If the kid can’t even grasp the extent of his own problems and why he’s been institutionalized for periods of time, that needs to be explained to a judge.

I’m sure your lawyer is on this. And the other lawyer does not want to be the lawyer of record in a case where a kid goes berserk and does something horrible and it comes out that THAT lawyer got him out of treatment or his client did something bad that sparked it. Lawyers are about their own reputations too.