N
nana3
Guest
What is the PDF on narcissists? Sorry, if you have already told me. I have forgotten. I want to look it up now.
- Status
D
dulcissima
Guest
Nana, just letting you know that I continue to hold you and your family up in prayer. All of this is just too familiar to me.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
escapeabuse.com/npd.pdf
It sounds like your sister’s new attorney is worth her weight in gold.
The funny thing about narcissists is that they love to use the legal system as a means to mess with people. But sometimes they become their attorney’s worst nightmare because they take their outlandish behavior and continue it against all legal advice. Eventually their attorneys hate them as much as the other side. I’ll bet by now his attorney is ready to drop him. Don’t be surprised if in the next few weeks he comes up with some story about getting a better attorney to cover up for the fact they had a big falling out.
It sounds like your sister’s new attorney is worth her weight in gold.
The funny thing about narcissists is that they love to use the legal system as a means to mess with people. But sometimes they become their attorney’s worst nightmare because they take their outlandish behavior and continue it against all legal advice. Eventually their attorneys hate them as much as the other side. I’ll bet by now his attorney is ready to drop him. Don’t be surprised if in the next few weeks he comes up with some story about getting a better attorney to cover up for the fact they had a big falling out.
N
nana3
Guest
Actually, it has happened in the past two times already. Both of those attorneys were good attorneys and saw what he was really up to, revenge and dropped him. One of them was a good Christian man and ran into my sister’s attorney and told her how he could not wait to tell him to go find another attorney when he was not getting paid, he used that as a way out of that relationship. The other one was a free attorney and she kept trying to tell him that a parent coordinator was needed and he kept saying no to that and to every thing else she suggested that could improve the situation and she left too for she was not getting paid to put up with his behavior. The only time he loved his attorneys was when he found a group of rotten attorneys that were written up by many different people because of the way they practiced law to the bar, those he loved. That group is the one that won him many cases and were nasty and didn’t care about the law, just like their clients, but then they were not getting paid and that they cared about, so they dropped them too. He still owes about three sets of lawyers money.
So I agree, it won’t surprise me if this attorney will drop them as clients for he seems like a fair family man.
E
embertx3
Guest
N
nana3
Guest
Thank you embertx3 for sharing. It is sad, my niece and nephew are learning to manipulate as well. They play one parent with the other as well, at least the 13 yr old is starting to do that. She had a school dance she wanted to go to and my sister, her mom, told her no and she went to her dad next. My sister found that out today in family therapy. She has done this in other things she has wanted in the past even though she said she can’t stand her dad, but daddy is the one who will allow her to be wild and allow her go around the mall unsupervised since the age of 9 years old and etc. She likes that freedom and doesn’t see the danger in it. There are two cops too who should know better too. Oh well, they are stupid!!
Sorry, what else do you call people who allow a small child to go around the mall alone and then tell them to meet back in two hours at a certain place. Thank God, nothing has never happened to my niece or nephew under their care. I always and had always ask their guardian angel to watch over them when they were visiting their dad.
Sorry, what else do you call people who allow a small child to go around the mall alone and then tell them to meet back in two hours at a certain place. Thank God, nothing has never happened to my niece or nephew under their care. I always and had always ask their guardian angel to watch over them when they were visiting their dad.
N
nana3
Guest
My sister really needs some major prayers tonight. I might ask for it also in the prayer intentions. She had the first family counseling today and they did not bring out my nephew for it was too heated. My ex BIL got too angry and looked like a mad man and his wife was writing down everything. They both just told lie after lie and that sister went on the defense immediately. She got angry herself. The counselor got them at some lies and basically told them that she doubted what they said is true. The worse one being said what that this past weekend when they had my niece that when my sister supposed called one of her “thousand” times, she only called two times, my niece got so “trembled with fear” that her mother was calling that she went up to her stepmom and asked her what should she do answer or not. The counselor said she met my niece and she shows no fear at all towards her mother and if anything has fear towards her dad and her stepmom and pointed to them. They didn’t like that. The counselor even told them that they were attacking my sister today in the session. Of course, the stepmom, was writing everything down and saying that she has all this experience and expertise with children for she works for child services now. She kept calling the past child services reports on her and her husband, the ex, “alleged abuse.” The counsel just that the children said the abuse happened and they remember it as if happened yesterday and therefore it happened in “real life” and whether child services wishes to acknowledge it not, it happened.
My sister couldn’t even see her son at the end of the session and she promised him for they made such a big ordeal that this weekend they had to work and would not be able to see him and my sister would. My sister said she could not look at their faces and just wanted to attack them and hit them. That is how angry she got at them. They lied about her, our family, her daughter and her son. I tried to calm her down and she was so upset and said she can’t do this anymore, meaning the family counseling. I really don’t think she can. If it is going to be a she said, he said thing, I don’t see how it is going to be of any good. The counselor did reprimand the dad for keeping his daughter past the two hours and he said that according to his divorce papers he can have his children from Friday until Monday morning and he is correct and she told me, “That may be so, but you made an agreement and you went over the boundaries and do you see why there is so much anger and animosity?” He didn’t answer that one except to say what his court papers said again. My sister saw her son and kissed him and said she will see him on Saturday and left there and cried in the car and called me.
Please, I don’t know what the Lord has plan for all this, but I think that going to court is the only solution for now. My sister is really depressed. She is really to just give up. I feel so helpless except to pray. Please, pray for her. I appreciate it. God Bless you all.
My sister couldn’t even see her son at the end of the session and she promised him for they made such a big ordeal that this weekend they had to work and would not be able to see him and my sister would. My sister said she could not look at their faces and just wanted to attack them and hit them. That is how angry she got at them. They lied about her, our family, her daughter and her son. I tried to calm her down and she was so upset and said she can’t do this anymore, meaning the family counseling. I really don’t think she can. If it is going to be a she said, he said thing, I don’t see how it is going to be of any good. The counselor did reprimand the dad for keeping his daughter past the two hours and he said that according to his divorce papers he can have his children from Friday until Monday morning and he is correct and she told me, “That may be so, but you made an agreement and you went over the boundaries and do you see why there is so much anger and animosity?” He didn’t answer that one except to say what his court papers said again. My sister saw her son and kissed him and said she will see him on Saturday and left there and cried in the car and called me.
Please, I don’t know what the Lord has plan for all this, but I think that going to court is the only solution for now. My sister is really depressed. She is really to just give up. I feel so helpless except to pray. Please, pray for her. I appreciate it. God Bless you all.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Well, when ex’s lawyer gets a transcript of the counselor’s notes, he’ll realize how bad it all looks for a judge.
Your sister needs to understand that she THINKs the kids are on her side and they aren’t. They’re on their own side and they’ll kiss whoever gives them what they want and the older the girl gets the worse it will get.
And the father doesn’t care if his kids are safe, as long as they’re NOT with their mother.
It’s all about lies. You can’t fight them. They’ll lie on the stand. That’s why a bad mediation and settlement is better than a good trial. You never know what mood the judge is in and he has complete say over it all.
I’ve lived this. It’s really hard to read about it. Make sure your sister has a life that does NOT include the kids. Because in a few years daddy will figure how to be popular and will stop the abuse games. Then your sister will become the bad guy. Mine used to claim my kids were afraid of me. It was the other way around. That kind says something, a smart person assumes the opposite to be true.
Your sister needs to quit playing into his hands. He showed his violent angry loud side to the counselor. Hopefully her testimony will indicate that.
Your sister needs to understand that she THINKs the kids are on her side and they aren’t. They’re on their own side and they’ll kiss whoever gives them what they want and the older the girl gets the worse it will get.
And the father doesn’t care if his kids are safe, as long as they’re NOT with their mother.
It’s all about lies. You can’t fight them. They’ll lie on the stand. That’s why a bad mediation and settlement is better than a good trial. You never know what mood the judge is in and he has complete say over it all.
I’ve lived this. It’s really hard to read about it. Make sure your sister has a life that does NOT include the kids. Because in a few years daddy will figure how to be popular and will stop the abuse games. Then your sister will become the bad guy. Mine used to claim my kids were afraid of me. It was the other way around. That kind says something, a smart person assumes the opposite to be true.
Your sister needs to quit playing into his hands. He showed his violent angry loud side to the counselor. Hopefully her testimony will indicate that.
N
nana3
Guest
I hope and pray what what you say doesn’t come true, but I do agree what you say about the kids. I think my sister is realizing this too. That is what is so depressing about it all. She has done everything to protect these kids. She even didn’t allow the dad to see them on whole summer and was found in comtempt, but she was following her attorney’s advice and filed a restraining order as well to protect herself and her kids. He was a madman at her door and I don’t blame her for being afraid. The kids were terrified. This was after the two child abuse incidence too. She just got in trouble by the judge for protecting them. The kids have forgotten that. My niece just wants freedom and she willl get that at her dads and not her moms. She doesn’t want to go to Mass, she will get that at her dad’s on the weekend and not at her moms.
Everyone tells me that God has some good that will come out of all this, and that may be true, but I think first the kids will lose their souls into darkness first. My nephew has a false since of what holiness is. He told me his dad and his wife are holy because they say a quick prayer before meals. I asked him if they kept holy the Lord’s day by going to Mass on Sundays and he said no. I hope that makes him think. It is terrible that he thinks that just saying a prayer before meals makes you “holy.” I think what he misses is the family unit. The mom and dad and all that all sitting together for dinner. That doesn’t happen with my sister who is single. He eats dinner at my mom’s before my sister gets home from work, so he misses that. They eat together on the weekends she has them, but I guess that is not enough for him.
I think I will advise my sister to tell her kids that she won’t fight them anymore if they wish to spend a lot of time at their dads even spending night more. There is a problem with her son though for the public bus system makes a special trip just for him and if she cancels that it makes life for difficult for her to bring him to and from school bec. of her job. It is easier for her ex, but not her, and that is why she is not for overnight stay on the weekdays. I don’t know what to tell her there. Maybe, if her son sees that their is no discipline, no structure, no one telling him to brush his teeth and all that he will see who really loves him. But my sister will not give her primary custody status. Once you give that up, forget it, it will be hard to get it back.
Our only hope is that the psychiatric community see the harm these too are doing to these kids and the manipulation, but who knows how long that will take.
It has been six years and no one has come to say anything as of yet.Sorry, if I sound negative, but I am so upset myself this morning. I love my sister and these two kids grew up side by side with my daughter and they are like my children too. It saddens by heart that this whole situation is going on. Yes, I am like that kids and my sister and get angry at God for allowing it too yet I know what suffering can do to a person for I suffer from chronic pain and have for 23 years and suffer in my marriage and have for 11 years. So my life is not an easy one and I thank God for my suffering for it has drawn me closer to Him, but I guess when I see children involve I don’t understand. I use to tell my niece that God is making a Saint out of her, but she was so angry and said, “Well, He can stop for I don’t want to be one.” She is so angry at Him. That is why she doesn’t want to go to Mass and is drawn to the world and worldly things.
I found out last night that my niece’s dad has turned her now against her cousin, the one who called her out of concern when she was at her dad’s. She has not been to their house since returning. That is heartbreaking. He loves her and so does my other niece who is 23 years old. She said my niece will go up to her and ask her download questionable music and she won’t. She is being a good 23 yr old cousin and for that my 13 yr old niece is not speaking to either of her cousins. She is staying clear of the house. I know it was her dad for he mentioned it in counseling yesterday to my sister. He said that my niece hates to go to her aunt’s house for they question her about him and so do her cousins. Of course this is not true, but she must has said something else to him. I just think the dad was angry bec. my 18 yr. old nephew called and cussed him out when he could not talk to my niece. By the way, my niece was hiding in the bathroom when she took his call the first time. She had to hide to take his call. Why, bec. she was afraid of her dad and her stepmom.
I better stop and am starting to cry. Pray for me too. These kids are like my own. One is my Godson. I feel that the devil and the world is winning their souls. God, I hope I am wrong. I offer up all my suffering up for them and the conversion of their dad and his wife.
D
dulcissima
Guest
The most important thing your sister can do in caring for her kids is to take care of herself and get stronger. Counseling really helps and is very important. She is going to have to learn to not get sucked into the nonsense by her ex, his wife, and even by her own kids. She is also going to have to decide to trust God and be willing to let go of it all. That’s the only way that there will be anything left of her to be there when her kids need her. She needs to pray and really put her trust, with full abandonment, into God. She needs to be firm and unmoving in standing for what is right, caring but in a way that is not desperate, if that makes any sense. It’s really an impossible situation, one which the courts are not going to be prepared to handle adequately. That is why we have to turn to God. His perspective is different than ours though. So, even when it seems like everything is terrible, it really might be okay. I am still waiting for the day that I can see why things happened like they did, how it was terrible to go through but ultimately for the best.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Your sister was right to fight for them when they were little and didn’t have a voice. Eventually the fight changes more to a spiritual one. As they get older they can see situations more clearly, perceive danger, manipulate and defend themselves. Your neice is getting to that age.
This will go round and round for years. The ex is predictable. Once he “gets them” he won’t want them anymore. That marriage will get stressful, it won’t be so much fun being there. Daddy will feel the need to cheat and get a new girlfriend and won’t have time or money for the kids. They’ll get disenchanted and call mommy crying to be rescued.
It will repeat in various forms and fashions.
I’m still in the middle of it. I have found posters who are older and on the other side of this childhood debacle have been helpful to me when they have come back and said how they now recognize who cared and who didn’t. It’s amazing what kids forget. After a while it really isn’t all that bad to them.
This is why your sister needs to start building a “safe place” inside herself with room for her own friends, a social life, hobbies, interests and rebuilding. Because in a few short years the kids will be gone and living entirely for them is a mistake. The little buzzards aren’t the least bit grateful if you throw your life down a septic tank to “save them” from an abusive parent. They’ll crown that parent King of the Mardi Gras and you become the bad guy. Until they grow up and see life as an adult.
The problem with narcissists is they know exactly how to use someone’s innate selfishness for their own useful purposes. So kids are putty in their hands.
Might be time for the cousins to step back. Stop talking about the dad. Leave the kids to step-mom’s monster resentful kids (who you KNOW just LOVE to share time and money with the “interlopers” from mom’s husband’s old family.)
Don’t make announcements to the kids. Nothing dramatic that can be quoted. Just become quieter. Let the courts do the work. If you and your sister are processing all the emotions for the kids, they dont’ have to process their own. Don’t react for them. Don’t be saddened or outraged for them. You’re suffering for them, which leaves them to have a rollicking good time with ol’ dad. Or you force them to have to defend their other parent.
Please get that book on the Dance of Anger.
This will go round and round for years. The ex is predictable. Once he “gets them” he won’t want them anymore. That marriage will get stressful, it won’t be so much fun being there. Daddy will feel the need to cheat and get a new girlfriend and won’t have time or money for the kids. They’ll get disenchanted and call mommy crying to be rescued.
It will repeat in various forms and fashions.
I’m still in the middle of it. I have found posters who are older and on the other side of this childhood debacle have been helpful to me when they have come back and said how they now recognize who cared and who didn’t. It’s amazing what kids forget. After a while it really isn’t all that bad to them.
This is why your sister needs to start building a “safe place” inside herself with room for her own friends, a social life, hobbies, interests and rebuilding. Because in a few short years the kids will be gone and living entirely for them is a mistake. The little buzzards aren’t the least bit grateful if you throw your life down a septic tank to “save them” from an abusive parent. They’ll crown that parent King of the Mardi Gras and you become the bad guy. Until they grow up and see life as an adult.
The problem with narcissists is they know exactly how to use someone’s innate selfishness for their own useful purposes. So kids are putty in their hands.
Might be time for the cousins to step back. Stop talking about the dad. Leave the kids to step-mom’s monster resentful kids (who you KNOW just LOVE to share time and money with the “interlopers” from mom’s husband’s old family.)
Don’t make announcements to the kids. Nothing dramatic that can be quoted. Just become quieter. Let the courts do the work. If you and your sister are processing all the emotions for the kids, they dont’ have to process their own. Don’t react for them. Don’t be saddened or outraged for them. You’re suffering for them, which leaves them to have a rollicking good time with ol’ dad. Or you force them to have to defend their other parent.
Please get that book on the Dance of Anger.
N
nana3
Guest
Thanks to you both. I know for a fact that the kids don’t know that we are suffering for them or at least not me. I have not seen them in months. When I did homeschool my niece, I only spoke positive about her dad and in fact one day when she was talking to him disrespectfully to him, I reminded her to honor her father. She was talking to him so loud on the phone and we were in a store, a public place. She was just being rude and mean to him, not that he didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t let her know that, I just told her that she should not talk to her father that way. So I have never spoke ill of him and just reminded her to pray for him, but she would say he is hopeless. She was the negative one towards him and then I would just change the subject. That was when I taught religion and would be teaching on the Commandments and all that.
I will check into that book.
By the way, I did want to get both of your opinions on something. My sister talked to the counselor this morning. She told my sister that she noted the anger of the ex in her notes and that she noticed something about his wife. In her opinion she said that the reason she was “writing everything down” was because she is ignorant. She said to her she came across as not too intelligent. She feels that the one who wears the pants in the house is the ex and not her. She did tell my sister that the reason they are wanting now to start as they say with a “clean slate” is because my sister holds all the power now bec. they have messed up in major ways. She told my sister what you both have said, that she has to learn to get a control of her emotions and move pass the past. Her children have and she needs too.
Now, I think this counselor under estimates this wife. She is the one who wrote all the emails for years that went back and worth between my sister and it was suppose to be her ex, but it was the wife. Trust me, I have read them. This is not a stupid person. (My sister knows it was not her ex bec. his spelling is really bad and so is his grammar for she use to write some of his police reports.) This is a very intelligent, well thought out woman. I think she was taking notes because she is also keeping a log as we are and she wanted to make sure she got every word down correctly. I don’t think she is stupid like the counselor believes or a ***** cat. She is in more control in that marriage than he is. She is the one who manipulated my nephew into thinking the police were coming to arrest his dad the day his dad returned him. There is so much more. All the punishments towards the kids, were all given out by her not their dad.
The therapist did tell my sister that she knows that they lied in many, many things that they said and she told my sister not to worry about it for all they are doing is digging themselves a bigger hole.
I will check into that book.
By the way, I did want to get both of your opinions on something. My sister talked to the counselor this morning. She told my sister that she noted the anger of the ex in her notes and that she noticed something about his wife. In her opinion she said that the reason she was “writing everything down” was because she is ignorant. She said to her she came across as not too intelligent. She feels that the one who wears the pants in the house is the ex and not her. She did tell my sister that the reason they are wanting now to start as they say with a “clean slate” is because my sister holds all the power now bec. they have messed up in major ways. She told my sister what you both have said, that she has to learn to get a control of her emotions and move pass the past. Her children have and she needs too.
Now, I think this counselor under estimates this wife. She is the one who wrote all the emails for years that went back and worth between my sister and it was suppose to be her ex, but it was the wife. Trust me, I have read them. This is not a stupid person. (My sister knows it was not her ex bec. his spelling is really bad and so is his grammar for she use to write some of his police reports.) This is a very intelligent, well thought out woman. I think she was taking notes because she is also keeping a log as we are and she wanted to make sure she got every word down correctly. I don’t think she is stupid like the counselor believes or a ***** cat. She is in more control in that marriage than he is. She is the one who manipulated my nephew into thinking the police were coming to arrest his dad the day his dad returned him. There is so much more. All the punishments towards the kids, were all given out by her not their dad.
The therapist did tell my sister that she knows that they lied in many, many things that they said and she told my sister not to worry about it for all they are doing is digging themselves a bigger hole.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Just sit back and let the new wife dig the hole.
Ex has her as the designated bad guy and punisher in that house. It will cause problems. You don’t need to do anything.
Just sit back and let it all unspool. It’s very predictable. I’ve seen it too many times before.
Ex has her as the designated bad guy and punisher in that house. It will cause problems. You don’t need to do anything.
Just sit back and let it all unspool. It’s very predictable. I’ve seen it too many times before.
D
dulcissima
Guest
Nana, I would seriously be surprised if a control freak like your sister’s ex married another control freak. Those types seriously hate each other. More than likely her ex is letting the new wife be the bad cop, so to speak. She is probably just the willing assistant.
N
nana3
Guest
You know, it is interesting that you mentioned this. My sister just called and told me of her once a week call with them tonight, the ex and the wife, and it surprised both of us. It makes us wonder if the therapist is right and what you said here too. I don’t understand it really. When my ex BIL first married my sister, he was not really a bad man. He was not controlling with my sister. There biggest problems were finances and no communication. They did not fight for they never talked about their problems in their marriage. Of course, sex was a huge problem too. He never lifted a finger to help my sister around the house. She was husband, wife, father, and mother in her marriage. At first he went to Mass but after he became a cop, that stopped. In fact, after he became a cop is when he did start to become more demanding and would raise his voice and treat her as one of his prisoners, according to my sister. When he left the second time, he did so for his second wife. The kids said he did everything for her, cleaned the house, did the dishes, mowed the lawn, put the laundry away and etc. The kids said their dad’s girlfriend was lazy and didn’t do anything. They called her mean and rude. She was mean to my sister too. When I first met her I thought she was nice. That is how she came across to me until she had to pull the kids out of my car and I saw how she can be. She told her husband, my ex-BIL, what to do and that was to pull the kids out of my car. They had gotten in my car for they thought in their minds if they got into my car, they did not have to go with their dad. This was in the school car line. Of course, I had to call the dad. They were mad at me for that, but I had to. With all that said and the beating she gave my poor nephew and punishing my niece and all that, this woman may be different today.
You see about two years ago on February 2nd, this woman went back to work as a sheriff after being on medical leave and on her first day back a man she was questioning punched her and knocked her down to the ground and continued to punch her. He broke her jaws. She needed about five jaw surgeries that I know of. Maybe, something changed in how she sees life now or they are just fooling my sister. I don’t know anymore. All I know is that my sister called them and did as the counselor said and talked about the things they needed to. The first was safety and in everything the ex fought her and disagreed with her on everything. He was harsh on the punishment for the kids and she would tell him and than his wife would agree with my sister which would cause her and the ex to argue. They were on speaker phone. They moved on to the next topic, disrespect, and how to handle that. The wife is the one that came up with the best idea of punishment and again my sister’s ex didn’t even agree with his own wife. My sister said she liked the idea and the two of them tried to reason with him. So it went on and on like that with every issue. He disagreed with my sister on everything, but the wife agreed with my sister. So we don’t know if they were acting or she really is ready to make things work. But the woman we knew is not this same woman my sister saw today or in mediation on Feb. 3rd. We do know that the kids have said that she is much nicer. They have been saying this for about a year now. They said she is not the mean person she use to be. So maybe the accident she had caused something, but then why is the kid’s dad, my sister’s ex, worse in his anger. If they are not fighting anymore and things are suppose to be better, why is he so angry? We don’t know what to believe.
I do agree that two control freaks would not have lasted this long. Before they were at each others throat fighting all the time for that was the kids number one complaint. What changed? Why is he so angry and she more passive now? I don’t know what to think of these two anymore, but I know that she at least, the wife, knows they messed up big time. I don’t think the ex has figured that out yet and has not even apologized for putting his son’s life in danger. I think my sister may be better off calling the wife instead of the ex if he is going to disagree with everything she says on the phone.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
I wouldn’t say she’s a control freak. I would say this is fun. Watching two narcissists together. 
I’ve seen it before. They go in cycles. Always jockeying for first place.
Understand about the man: he’s always angry. Just when he doesn’t get his way it surfaces. Your sister is in a triangle between them. Who is in the middle will shift constantly. Right now she’s aligned with the other woman over child care. You’d think safety would be important? No. My ex tried to resist buying a CAR SEAT for a 3 year old baby saying it wasn’t required by the state at that point.
Too cheap to dish out $30 to keep the baby safe in his car.
The other woman is a woman and a mother. I had the same thing with my MIL. I could at least talk to her about health things for the kids. She’s probaby figured out that the ex is a jerk too and maybe she’s sick of fighting over stuff. She might also see that if the household has “issues” and CPS comes in, she could lose her kids. So she has to toe the line or she’s in big trouble.
I’ve seen it before. They go in cycles. Always jockeying for first place.
Understand about the man: he’s always angry. Just when he doesn’t get his way it surfaces. Your sister is in a triangle between them. Who is in the middle will shift constantly. Right now she’s aligned with the other woman over child care. You’d think safety would be important? No. My ex tried to resist buying a CAR SEAT for a 3 year old baby saying it wasn’t required by the state at that point.
Too cheap to dish out $30 to keep the baby safe in his car.
The other woman is a woman and a mother. I had the same thing with my MIL. I could at least talk to her about health things for the kids. She’s probaby figured out that the ex is a jerk too and maybe she’s sick of fighting over stuff. She might also see that if the household has “issues” and CPS comes in, she could lose her kids. So she has to toe the line or she’s in big trouble.
N
nana3
Guest
Wow, Liberano, you have really suffered a lot haven’t you? I guess this problem is more common with woman than I thought. It is very sad. The children suffer, the woman suffer and even the man suffers too, whether he realizes it or not.
Today, my daughter, who is 10, and I were standing in the return line at Walmart to return some objects. There was a woman behind me and you could not help but hear her for she was talking loud. She was very upset and it was obvious. My daughter told me later that the woman looked like she was crying for she had mascara down her eyes. I knew she had been crying for she said so in her conversation with whoever it was that she was there with. She was telling this person how she was tired of crying over this man and what he was doing to her and the children. She was saying how she never in her life was ever treated this way by a man. She said he confused her for he would buy her things and than treat her bad the next moment and keep the kids as long as he wanted. I could tell she was having the same problems as my sister. I don’t think though, unless she had children with this man too, that this was the father of her children for she spoke of an ex-husband and how he treated her always with kindness and respect and that their problem was that he gave her too much freedom and she “hung herself” in that marriage. She started to cry right there in Walmart. I can tell the lady with her was trying to get her mind off the man, but she would end up talking about him again. I was in line for about 20 minutes. Her situation was and is sad and I guess uncommon.
I just pray for all women like you and dulcisima and my sister who have to go through or have done through what you have. It really saddens my heart and there should be a support system out there for women.
You are in my prayers Liberano and Dulcisima and I am in fact on my way now going to pray the Rosary and will remember you both and your situations.
I forgot to mention that I did go visit my nephew today and he was in good spirts. He had a stomach ache, but he gave my daughter such a long hug. He really missed her. It was nice to see him get along also with his sister. They were usually at each other throats so maybe this separation has helped them appreciate each other. My niece even told him at the end, she missed him. She gave him a hug too no her own. So this is all great.
Today, my daughter, who is 10, and I were standing in the return line at Walmart to return some objects. There was a woman behind me and you could not help but hear her for she was talking loud. She was very upset and it was obvious. My daughter told me later that the woman looked like she was crying for she had mascara down her eyes. I knew she had been crying for she said so in her conversation with whoever it was that she was there with. She was telling this person how she was tired of crying over this man and what he was doing to her and the children. She was saying how she never in her life was ever treated this way by a man. She said he confused her for he would buy her things and than treat her bad the next moment and keep the kids as long as he wanted. I could tell she was having the same problems as my sister. I don’t think though, unless she had children with this man too, that this was the father of her children for she spoke of an ex-husband and how he treated her always with kindness and respect and that their problem was that he gave her too much freedom and she “hung herself” in that marriage. She started to cry right there in Walmart. I can tell the lady with her was trying to get her mind off the man, but she would end up talking about him again. I was in line for about 20 minutes. Her situation was and is sad and I guess uncommon.
I just pray for all women like you and dulcisima and my sister who have to go through or have done through what you have. It really saddens my heart and there should be a support system out there for women.
You are in my prayers Liberano and Dulcisima and I am in fact on my way now going to pray the Rosary and will remember you both and your situations.
I forgot to mention that I did go visit my nephew today and he was in good spirts. He had a stomach ache, but he gave my daughter such a long hug. He really missed her. It was nice to see him get along also with his sister. They were usually at each other throats so maybe this separation has helped them appreciate each other. My niece even told him at the end, she missed him. She gave him a hug too no her own. So this is all great.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Thank you for your prayers.
I need them.
I’m beyond the daily drama over his behavior. Now I’m dealing with the long-term effects on kids growing up with that kind of insanity all the time. In some ways it’s harder now.
I need them.
I’m beyond the daily drama over his behavior. Now I’m dealing with the long-term effects on kids growing up with that kind of insanity all the time. In some ways it’s harder now.
D
dulcissima
Guest
I’m in the same place with my two older kids. My younger kids got out of the situation early enough it seems, and weekend visits to their dad’s place are not their world.
Thanks for your prayers, Nana, and you are right that too many have to go through this.
N
nana3
Guest
Update:
My nephews comes out of (name removed by moderator)atient this Friday. My sister received a progress report from his teacher today and she wrote that the old nice little boy is back since he has been (name removed by moderator)atient.
So far, my sister’s ex is behaving better but not always. His wife is nicer though. My sister did get an 11 page email from them on the kid’s visitation schedule for the rest of year until Dec. 2010. My sister thinks that is too far off and will tell them that they should just work month to month. For now Spring Break. Again they are taking control of when they want or how they want the break of the days to go. So they still are acting as their old self-- control freaks.
My sister is just trying to hang on and concentrate on passing her online class which so far she has a F average due to all this stress. She just thinks she is stupid. I am going to help her this weekend and see if I remember any of my physiology, but I took it when I was in my early 20’s. I am 44 now.
Child services called me yesterday and I spoke with the lady for almost an hour. She asked me to tell her in my words what happened the day the dad brought my nephew home until the time my sister had to take him to the behavioral center. She asked me what kind of mom my sister is and we got into talking about my ex-BIL and some of the issues he has against my sister and his anger. I don’t know if I talked to much and hurt her case or not, but I was honest with her and told her that I didn’t think they would do anything about this case for they didn’t with the last ones. There were 6 to 7 reports made and not all made by our family, many by professional, like this one. Sure enough today, they called my sister and told her that they were closing the case and doing nothing. They asked her what was going to be her plan to make sure her son gets his medications. She said that she will continue what she always has done and that is to give it to him, but could not speak for her ex. She asked my sister what is going to be her plan if her ex takes him again for a week. My sister just flat out asked her if they thought this was her fault and she said that my sister should have brought her ex the medications to his house. She told her that he was the one who took her son out of his visitation time and out of school and kept him prisoner in his home and was hostile to her and she had to bring him the medications? She reminded her again that she told him many times to come and pick it up. I think what made him more believable is an email he sent to my sister on day five of when he had my nephew. He wrote in there how she should get past her anger for the sake of their son and that they should meet to talk and when they meet she can bring the medications. So it made it sound like he has asked for the medications.
I tell you these are two smart cops. The lies will catch up with them. It is too bad my sister doesn’t have a nice, good Catholic man in her life for my nephew to see how a real father figure should act and behave. My niece had to go to dinner with her father today and she was angry. She didn’t want to go and had to go. She returned and said her dad is still the same, full of anger. She said her stepmom is nice but she doesn’t trust her yet. Smart girl!!
I think tomorrow they have family counseling and I hope this time it goes better than the last time where they ganged up on my sister. I know that family will cease once he is discharged and that is too bad. Last week, my sister was to go to family counseling with the stepmom for she asked to be there since my sister’s ex could not make it and my sister was fine with it. She told my sister that she had to work, but that she made her own schedule. The day of the session, she was late and so the counselor went to check her messages and sure enough, the ex called and left a message that his wife had to work and would not be there. The counselor and my sister thinks he would not allow her come without him. She talked to my sister alone the day before about attending and called the counselor too and probably didn’t check it with her hubby. So maybe the counselor is correct and he does wear the pants in the family. Who knows?
We pray now that my nephew will continue to improve and not regress again. There was a parent day this past weekend and the ex got up and talked and said he finally accepts that his son has a problem and needs medication. We hope he meant it and it was not for show. Time will tell. My nephew did reveal in therapy that he feels that his parents are in a battle and he is in the middle of the battle. How sad huh?
It is strange how he feels this way and his sister doesn’t.
My nephews comes out of (name removed by moderator)atient this Friday. My sister received a progress report from his teacher today and she wrote that the old nice little boy is back since he has been (name removed by moderator)atient.
So far, my sister’s ex is behaving better but not always. His wife is nicer though. My sister did get an 11 page email from them on the kid’s visitation schedule for the rest of year until Dec. 2010. My sister thinks that is too far off and will tell them that they should just work month to month. For now Spring Break. Again they are taking control of when they want or how they want the break of the days to go. So they still are acting as their old self-- control freaks.
My sister is just trying to hang on and concentrate on passing her online class which so far she has a F average due to all this stress. She just thinks she is stupid. I am going to help her this weekend and see if I remember any of my physiology, but I took it when I was in my early 20’s. I am 44 now.
Child services called me yesterday and I spoke with the lady for almost an hour. She asked me to tell her in my words what happened the day the dad brought my nephew home until the time my sister had to take him to the behavioral center. She asked me what kind of mom my sister is and we got into talking about my ex-BIL and some of the issues he has against my sister and his anger. I don’t know if I talked to much and hurt her case or not, but I was honest with her and told her that I didn’t think they would do anything about this case for they didn’t with the last ones. There were 6 to 7 reports made and not all made by our family, many by professional, like this one. Sure enough today, they called my sister and told her that they were closing the case and doing nothing. They asked her what was going to be her plan to make sure her son gets his medications. She said that she will continue what she always has done and that is to give it to him, but could not speak for her ex. She asked my sister what is going to be her plan if her ex takes him again for a week. My sister just flat out asked her if they thought this was her fault and she said that my sister should have brought her ex the medications to his house. She told her that he was the one who took her son out of his visitation time and out of school and kept him prisoner in his home and was hostile to her and she had to bring him the medications? She reminded her again that she told him many times to come and pick it up. I think what made him more believable is an email he sent to my sister on day five of when he had my nephew. He wrote in there how she should get past her anger for the sake of their son and that they should meet to talk and when they meet she can bring the medications. So it made it sound like he has asked for the medications.
I tell you these are two smart cops. The lies will catch up with them. It is too bad my sister doesn’t have a nice, good Catholic man in her life for my nephew to see how a real father figure should act and behave. My niece had to go to dinner with her father today and she was angry. She didn’t want to go and had to go. She returned and said her dad is still the same, full of anger. She said her stepmom is nice but she doesn’t trust her yet. Smart girl!!
I think tomorrow they have family counseling and I hope this time it goes better than the last time where they ganged up on my sister. I know that family will cease once he is discharged and that is too bad. Last week, my sister was to go to family counseling with the stepmom for she asked to be there since my sister’s ex could not make it and my sister was fine with it. She told my sister that she had to work, but that she made her own schedule. The day of the session, she was late and so the counselor went to check her messages and sure enough, the ex called and left a message that his wife had to work and would not be there. The counselor and my sister thinks he would not allow her come without him. She talked to my sister alone the day before about attending and called the counselor too and probably didn’t check it with her hubby. So maybe the counselor is correct and he does wear the pants in the family. Who knows?
We pray now that my nephew will continue to improve and not regress again. There was a parent day this past weekend and the ex got up and talked and said he finally accepts that his son has a problem and needs medication. We hope he meant it and it was not for show. Time will tell. My nephew did reveal in therapy that he feels that his parents are in a battle and he is in the middle of the battle. How sad huh?
It is strange how he feels this way and his sister doesn’t.- Status