Where is she?

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“I can find and date plenty of great ladies in my large city, but a good Catholic girl has eluded me so far.”
She might be in another city. She might be in your city, but busy with volunteering and not “in the group”. Or shy, so she doesn’t grab a donut after Mass.

My thoughts are that you have a lot of questions to pray over, that only you can give the answers to:
  1. How open are you to online dating?
  2. How open are you to beginning something long-distance?
  3. Do you have the temperament and will to make a life with a woman who doesn’t share your spirituality?
I’m being pressured by family to give up my criteria of “Catholic” on my intentional boyfriend wishlist. But I’ve discerned, that for me personally, I can’t commit to share a life with a guy who might come to at best “put up with” my expression of the faith - talking about work projects (I work for a Catholic organization), living out Church teachings on sex and family, and being a co-partner in leading the family in growing up Catholic. The other issue I have is I know myself and don’t feel like God is calling me to actively try to convert someone or to bear the cross of disappointment when I can’t.

So if you discern either of the above is something you’re comfortable trying, by all means uncheck the box… but if not, start getting creative with you search. We single, fun but faithful gals do exist!
 
I’m not sure if I agree with this sentiment. While God is involved to a certain degree, we’re ultimately responsible for actually doing the legwork. If we’re not putting ourselves out there then we’ll never find a spouse. I’m personally skeptical about the “don’t worry/God will take care of the spouse” mentality that is popular amongst Catholics; while God will give men like me multiple options for women, I am still the final determinant (on my end of things) in the situation. At the end of the day I either acted or I didn’t. God won’t simply deliver me a wife in a nice box.
I fall into the camp of God plays a role in our spouse selection and marriage is a mysterious trinity like relationship (God-man-woman) This is why I think marriages are under a serious attack these days.

But how much can we *really *do? Besides going to Church, going to work, living life, breathing, and consider joining an onlnie dating site, seems like all the bases are covered. The only thing I would add is I firmly believe that the man pursues so he has to play a more active role in asking out girls that he sees. I agree with staying away from missionary dating and completely secular girls. Good luck. There are a lot of us in this boat, but I know that I’m as “out there” as I can be LOL so short of asking a man out, which I will never do, I’m waiting on God. 👍
 
I think online dating is the new go to for marriage minded Catholics who are in smaller populated areas.

I’d consider Ave Maria Singles if I were you or CatholicMatch.com.

BUT be active in your parish. You never know who is out there and who you might meet.

Also. Don’t be so judgmental. Don’t look for the perfect mate. Look for the one God wants for you.
 
Focus on finding the right girl, don’t worry about her religion. I didn’t find out the woman I love was raised Catholic and is non-practicing until we’d been together for months.
 
Focus on finding the right girl, don’t worry about her religion. I didn’t find out the woman I love was raised Catholic and is non-practicing until we’d been together for months.
Yeah, this is just unwise. What if he found an atheist who disrespects his religion?

Religion isn’t a frivolous thing. It should be taken seriously and as a result how our partners approach religion is a very important factor when we’re considering a future mate. ESPECIALLY if people are considering having children.
 
Yeah, this is just unwise. What if he found an atheist who disrespects his religion?

Religion isn’t a frivolous thing. It should be taken seriously and as a result how our partners approach religion is a very important factor when we’re considering a future mate. ESPECIALLY if people are considering having children.
I agree. We are told to not be unequally yolked. If the girl is at least Christian, that is a good starting point but I don’t believe in trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
 
Yeah, this is just unwise. What if he found an atheist who disrespects his religion?

Religion isn’t a frivolous thing. It should be taken seriously and as a result how our partners approach religion is a very important factor when we’re considering a future mate. ESPECIALLY if people are considering having children.
Agreed. If you want to make a serious commitment like marriage, religion is a HUGE factor in the selection of a mate. Don’t believe me? Look at the endless threads in this forum alone on problems people are having being married to a non-Catholic spouse. Just recently a woman was seeking advice on a husband (non-Catholic) who contracepts against her will. And this is only the tip of the iceberg.

As for me, I’ve been very worried lately that (through no fault of my own, just pure timing and scheduling issues) I may have missed out on a wonderful lady (from a prayer request I posted a few days ago). I know I’m being paranoid, but I can’t help despairing. I just ask for prayers that I didn’t lose her.
 
I’m in a similar situation. But I live in a supposedly Catholic country.

So, we have here lots of Catholic women, but most of them aren’t practicing ones. And, I’m a Traditional Catholic, while in some forums and sites I feel like a standard Trad, in my Diocese I feel like a hardline Traditionalist (people in my Diocese doesn’t seem to be very Orthodox or Orthopractic, is difficult to find people with the two qualities), so when speaking with some Catholics (even in Youth Groups) I’ve been in some moments that are like talking with people of another religion. That discourages me, because I suspect that if I find someone, that would involve some missionary dating. People in my family have suggested me to settle with that, or to search in groups like Opus Dei, but I don’t like some aspects of these type of organizations.

And to add to the situation, I’m a bit of a introvert and very interested in art, culture, history, etc. Not exactly the popular stuff with people of my age (23).

Blessings!

🙂
 
I believe this to be half true. God helps those who help themselves, no? If he’s not out making an effort, he’ll never meet anyone. A wife won’t just show up in a box on his doorstep one day. I believe there is action on both sides.
Haha, that happens in the twilight zone ( The Lonely), too bad only robot wives come in boxes.:p:D
 
Yeah, this is just unwise. What if he found an atheist who disrespects his religion?

Religion isn’t a frivolous thing. It should be taken seriously and as a result how our partners approach religion is a very important factor when we’re considering a future mate. ESPECIALLY if people are considering having children.
What if he found an atheist who was considering converting to Catholism but hadn’t made a decision yet? There is a difference between different faiths and disrespecting faith.

In the past one of the first things I’d tell potential dates was that I am Catholic and ask if they had religious beliefs. Regardless of what they answered I’d invite them to come to mass with me. Many told me they had never been to a Catholic church before but would go anyway. After church they always told me they were glad they had gone. They found it interesting the Catholic church was not like all the stereotypes the media reports.

They knew going into dating me that I would always be Catholic and this would always be a part of my life. They also knew I’d like to share it with them as much as possible, but it was ultimately their choice whether to go to mass(pray, convert, etc.) or not. If they were the type of people who’d try to change me, I’d break up and move on. Most of the time though, they would be respectful and attend mass with me every Sunday of our relationship. They also asked lots of questions about the church so I got to live and teach my faith to others. I wasn’t dating to try to convert or anything, I was just trying to make it clear that a life with me met a life heavily influenced by the Catholic faith. Even some Catholics decided that was just too Catholic for them and ended the relationship!

You have to be on the same page religiously with how you will live your life as a couple but you don’t have to have the same religion.
 
What if he found an atheist who was considering converting to Catholism but hadn’t made a decision yet? There is a difference between different faiths and disrespecting faith.

In the past one of the first things I’d tell potential dates was that I am Catholic and ask if they had religious beliefs. Regardless of what they answered I’d invite them to come to mass with me. Many told me they had never been to a Catholic church before but would go anyway. After church they always told me they were glad they had gone. They found it interesting the Catholic church was not like all the stereotypes the media reports.

They knew going into dating me that I would always be Catholic and this would always be a part of my life. They also knew I’d like to share it with them as much as possible, but it was ultimately their choice whether to go to mass(pray, convert, etc.) or not. If they were the type of people who’d try to change me, I’d break up and move on. Most of the time though, they would be respectful and attend mass with me every Sunday of our relationship. They also asked lots of questions about the church so I got to live and teach my faith to others. I wasn’t dating to try to convert or anything, I was just trying to make it clear that a life with me met a life heavily influenced by the Catholic faith. Even some Catholics decided that was just too Catholic for them and ended the relationship!

You have to be on the same page religiously with how you will live your life as a couple but you don’t have to have the same religion.
Please note my wording. 🙂

I said how we APPROACH religion is important.

There are respectful atheists, true, but when children get thrown into the mix will they still be respectful? Will they allow their child to be baptized, confirmed, raised in the faith? Or will they insist the child be given the right to ‘choose’?

That would be my concern, even with a respectful atheist.
 
Yeah, this is just unwise. What if he found an atheist who disrespects his religion?

Religion isn’t a frivolous thing. It should be taken seriously and as a result how our partners approach religion is a very important factor when we’re considering a future mate. ESPECIALLY if people are considering having children.
If she disrespects his religion, she’s probably not the right woman for him anyway.

You limit yourself to Catholics only, you possibly miss your soul mate. Your choice.
 
If she disrespects his religion, she’s probably not the right woman for him anyway.

You limit yourself to Catholics only, you possibly miss your soul mate. Your choice.
🙂 Nope and nope. You’re wrong.

I’m not limiting myself. I’m choosing better. I’m choosing not to settle out of desperation.

PS: I thought it was important to add that we each have our own path. I just know my path is to be with a Catholic. My faith is not strong enough to last the fire of a non-matched partnership. 🙂
 
If she disrespects his religion, she’s probably not the right woman for him anyway.

You limit yourself to Catholics only, you possibly miss your soul mate. Your choice.
I agree. While it is noble to want to marry within ones faith and quite often the simplest thing to do, one is limiting themselves and possibly completely by passing the chance of finding their one true mate. I heard a joke once that this thread reminds me of but for the life of me I cannot remember it or find it, but at the end of it The man asks God “Lord why didn’t you save me?” and God replies “Didn’t you see the life boats, the national guard and air rescue?”
 
I agree. While it is noble to want to marry within ones faith and quite often the simplest thing to do, one is limiting themselves and possibly completely by passing the chance of finding their one true mate. I heard a joke once that this thread reminds me of but for the life of me I cannot remember it or find it, but at the end of it The man asks God “Lord why didn’t you save me?” and God replies “Didn’t you see the life boats, the national guard and air rescue?”
There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man. He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.
A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, “It’s alright! The Lord will save me!”
So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, “No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!” and, once again, the boat sped off.
The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, “I don’t need saving! My Lord will come” Reluctantly, the helicopter left.
The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.
At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, “Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?”
St. Peter replied, “For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!”
-Author Unknown
-Byrnwiga

P.S. You can add one more vote for the “marrying a Catholic” group 🙂
 
🙂 Nope and nope. You’re wrong.

I’m not limiting myself. I’m choosing better. I’m choosing not to settle out of desperation.

PS: I thought it was important to add that we each have our own path. I just know my path is to be with a Catholic. My faith is not strong enough to last the fire of a non-matched partnership. 🙂
If we each have our own path, then I can’t be wrong. For me, it would be limiting myself and choosing to settle. I found the perfect woman for me. Doesn’t matter that she doesn’t practice my religion, she’s absolutely perfect.
 
If we each have our own path, then I can’t be wrong. For me, it would be limiting myself and choosing to settle. I found the perfect woman for me. Doesn’t matter that she doesn’t practice my religion, she’s absolutely perfect.
Sure enough. All the best to you. I really hope it works out. 👍
 
Stay open. I was in the same boat as you, 3 years ago. And then, I started chatting with a fascinating man, right here on the CAF. We ended up married last month - I moved halfway across the country. I never imagined that I’d be living in KY. 😛

You never know when you’ll meet the right one. You just gotta keep looking, and putting yourself out there!! 😃
 
I am trusting in God to help me find a spouse. The thing that scares me is that I know a fair number of Catholic men and women a few years older then me and they are single because they’re still “waiting” for God to deliver a spouse. They don’t go out and meet people or do the work required to find a date, let alone a spouse. I don’t think that will be my lot, but I also see for a fact that the Protestant dating pool is much better in depth and compatibility than the Catholic one.

I’ve prayed about this and I’m no closer to finding an answer. I don’t have to be single right now and it doesn’t feel right to intentionally stall my movement towards family life, which I know is my vocation. As I get older, it is getting harder to justify passing up really good women for the single reason that they’re of a different Christian tradition. If they’re willing to be tolerant of my faith (and some are very supportive), it seems somewhat un-Christian of me to turn them down based on their beliefs.

Every day I feel a little closer to dating non-Catholics. I know that’s not sinful in any way, but it is a bit of a letdown.
I strongly reccommend that you read the following catechism on vocations (particularly the part on married life).

lxoa.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/a-catechism-on-vocations/

There are basically two types of marriages that a person can enter into. The first is when you are called to marriage and you marry the spouse that God has chosen for you. This type of marriage would serve to make you a better Catholic… This type of marriage would bring you closer to heaven and strengthen the bond that you have with God. It is important to note that, in this type of marriage, God would never lead you to marry a spouse who wasn’t already a practicing Catholic who accepts all the teachings of the church. In this type of marriage, you would also never take your spouse for lustful reasons (you would enter into this type of marriage primarly because you want to do God’s will… the same reason why a priest would enter into the priesthood). Remember what Sara said in the book of Tobias:

Tobit 3:16-18 - Source: biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Tobit+3&version=DRA
Thou knowest, O Lord, that I never coveted a husband, and have kept my soul clean from all lust… But a husband I consented to take, with thy fear, not with my lust.
So, when we consider this, what purpose would we have to actively seek a spouse? Our purpose for taking a spouse is to follow God’s will… why would we ever want to fast-track such a thing? That’s not to say that one shouldn’t go on dates and be personable with others… But to specifically search for a spouse on your own with your own timeline is akin to saying to God “I want to do things my way, not yours”.

The second type of marriage is when two people get married who have not been called to marriage. This would include a Catholic dating a non-Catholic (or a non-practicing Catholic). As mentioned in the catechism, these types of marriages are extremely dangerous to one’s soul and can greatly inhibit one’s path to salvation (for example, one spouse might expect the other to commit mortal sin by using contraception or using natural family planning without having a truly serious reason). To enter into such a marriage one would have to actively reject God from their lives and decide to do things their own way.

I hope this helps. 🙂
 
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