Where is she?

[chevalier]

To be honest, I’ve forgotten as well. This system doesn’t do nested quotes, and that’s probably a good thing! Some posts are long and unwieldy enough as it is. Enough of this tangent regarding looks, I say!

'Kay!

I can go for that. It’s like talking to a guy, except she’s a girl whom you find attractive. If it turns out that she’s attractive in the appropriate non-physical ways, so be it – you may or may not pursue later. If not, then no harm, no foul.

Exactly. Besides, the same if she’s attractive physically but you just don’t have enough information. For example, at this day and age wide acceptance of contraception, even premarital sex, some other typical secular ideas, makes for a poor likelihood that it won’t be the case with a random person even in a Catholic country or specifically Catholic environment.

Again, I’d still proceed with caution in these circumstances. I think it would be more appropriate if you had something in common outside of the fact that you’re on transit. For example, 80%+ of the students where I went to university took transit. You could always talk about school. In fact, you might have a totally innocent, legitimate and interesting conversation!

Of course. On the other hand, sometimes you just need an ice-breaker. Or a spark. Something to start with.

Not in this instance, thankfully. I never pursued her. It was my fault for not taking the initiative. But then again, now that I think about it, I couldn’t really marry her even if she wanted to. She lives on the other side of the world. Since my family is 5000 km away, I decided that I want to marry a woman with family nearby. It would be better for children if they have grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. Two rootless transplants would not work.

I see. Good thing you guys didn’t get involved in a way that would be hard to get over if needed, and actually being needed.

Hmmm… I understand your point, and agree in principle. However, where I live you don’t even call a CEO or president “Sir”. The culture is much more informal. If you get too formal, people might think you’re not being sincere or are trying to trick them.

Yes, that’s a likely case with being too formal for the situation. Then again, it usually clears up fast enough! I tend to address people in life more formally than they’re used to and it works after a moment of awkwardness. I suppose at least in English it’s a good idea to have some knowledge of the customs of the place you write to because some corporations are like ‘hi, buddy!’ when addressing the CEO, while others are such that full traditional courtesies are exchanged across all levels. With many millions of users of the language across the world, this is no wonder. But anywhere in the world nowadays there are such differences.

Awesome. Yeah, that’s actually the culture of most workplaces here.

You do live in a laid-back place! Still doubt you could get away with calling your boss the femme fatale of the bar or picking up intercoms from her in French in the typical law firm where you live. I did. Well, up to a point I stopped having the opportunity. But I was a bit of a special case. And they should have phoned me about the slippers. I could report them for criminal mischief and sue them for emotional suffering. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t have been ablet to get a specific performance order to make them find me an exact same pair. But it wouldn’t have been the same anyway. That new pair would’ve been shiny new and wouldn’t have been so comfortably worn-in by me. Travesty.

I thank God that I’ve never had a physical type and have been attracted to the gamut (tall, short, athletic, stout, black, white, etc). I have always been attracted to character or personality traits and even though I know the kind of man I’m looking for, I realize my husband might not be into traveling abroad or going to the opera or going to black tie events or taking long walks like I am. But I am open to that if we connect on deeper spiritual levels.

Women tend to be less visual and also less static in their attraction. It tends to be more dynamic, interactional with women, while men concentrate more on static impressions. Sort of like picture vs video.

As for connecting, for a ‘perfect’ connection, I’d need to find a computer nerd coming in one package with a history buff and keen linguist (including dead languages), with a dash of some other things interesting or important to me, none of them non-negotiable per se but all of them important, so a bunch of them would need to be there. It’s basically likelier and easier to find person knowing both Latin and PHP than to find a woman I can connect with on a more personal level than most friends (and I wouldn’t really want to marry someone who’d otherwise not be in the closest circle of friends). But I’ve eventually realised this and come to accept it. Basically, each of us has a story and there’s no other way. What we live through shapes us for the future and affects the subsequent pages of our tale. Mine’s already worth reading without an overarching heroine in it.

Horrible advice to give to a male.

Not necessarily. It’s only that some people would need additional advice. At any rate an important point being not blaming a person for natural desires but rather showing a way to deal with them, perhaps also the right proportion and priorities.

Also, desires and vocations don’t always strictly correspond to each other. For example, where I am, the lack of this special companionship along with the knowledge I’m not getting any younger get to the point of ‘killing me’ (typical dramatic exaggeration by an impatient young male) unless I get occupied with some work, while I realise that in a rational perspective I should busy myself in the financial assets and realty area before I have a solid material base for a family, which is probably going to require 2-3 years of near-exclusive attention. Some other guy may have this stage behind him (especially older than 35) but there may be other things. And at any rate dissecting and reliving one’s frustrations is not worth it, it will only amplify the subjective pain without doing anything constructive (and, in fact, without contributing in any way towards the elimination of the source of the pain). Another quotation that could be given is ‘Seek ye first the Kingdom of God…’ Much easier said than done, of course. In fact, awfully hard. But so is life in general. Not much difference here.

 

[twoangels]

I agree. I think part of the problem is more men are not pursuing and they need to hear that when they get the green light from God, PURSUE! I am so tired of the whole “singleness is a vocation” (or the Protestant version that “singleness is a gift”). It is NOT true! Many people are single by circumstances and choice to an extent (ie choosing not to date an atheist or have premarital sex to keep a man). It is a state that we are in but it is not a vocation.

The only way you know you have the green light from God is by your circumstances. Gut feelings can be easily influenced by other factors. You may in fact discern out of religious life or priesthood but that doesn’t mean God is necessarily calling you to marriage, or if He is, it could be in His own good time. It doesn’t mean that you can’t go on Catholic dating sites or be set up. But you should strive to dedicate each day with God and look to doing the will of God within the current moment you are in. You have a vocation within each moment. It is not merely whether or not you’re single or consecrated.

 

[SgtSchultz]

Exactly. Besides, the same if she’s attractive physically but you just don’t have enough information. For example, at this day and age wide acceptance of contraception, even premarital sex, some other typical secular ideas, makes for a poor likelihood that it won’t be the case with a random person even in a Catholic country or specifically Catholic environment.

Indeed. And because of this, I would determine who you try this approach with based somewhat on looks. If she is dressed very sexually, or way too immodest, it’s a safe bet she won’t connect with you on the personal level. Also, if she looks like she is a punk or some weirdo (blue hair, weird piercings, freak clothes, nasty thuggish or trashy tattoos, occult symbols and shirts, etc., you’re probably not going to click on the deeper levels either. Ditto someone who acts like a twit or whose vocabulary consists almost entirely of the word “like”.

You do live in a laid-back place! Still doubt you could get away with calling your boss the femme fatale of the bar or picking up intercoms from her in French in the typical law firm where you live.

I think law firms and banks (at least in the higher levels) are the few places that still follow those customs somewhat and still have people actually wearing suits to work. At the branch I go to though, they wear casual clothes and refer to each other by given name.

 

[Norseman82]

if the only thing keeping you from the collar is how intidated you feel about lifelong celibacy, perhaps you need to discern your vocation better and consider priesthood or life in a monastery.

Excuse me???

Are you questioning/criticizing my discernment history?

 

[holyrood]

I feel like I’m coming late to the party with many pages already on this thread, lol, but I do struggle with that question of sticking to looking only for Catholic men (not that I’m in any position to do so, as I have not yet petitioned for annulment.)

However, the fact is, I’m in the arts, and those men with whom there is a mutual attraction, meeting of minds, and interest are often in artistic fields, which, sadly, tend to be anything but Catholic.

Also, I have to agree with a much earlier post saying someone’s Protestant father was the most faithful man they’d ever known. I’m currently in the position of knowing someone who is not Christian at all, follows his own ‘faith’ taken from eastern religions and martial arts, who has led a lifestyle that is almost as opposed to Catholicism as can be–you get the idea. But sadly (for the Catholics), I have seen in his behavior honesty, humility, kindness, concern for others, thought about his impact on others, a desire to leave good behind him, generosity…the list of good qualities…Christian qualities…reflected in his behavior goes on.

By contrast, my ‘Catholic’ (ex) husband lied to and about me, cheated, and was an emotional abuser. I have ‘Catholic’ family members who are bitter, spiteful, resentful, who gossip and spread ugly, untrue stories about people, and make snotty comments about complete strangers who walk by, who threaten and bully and rage and will never admit they’re wrong about anything…again, the list goes on.

Ideally, when it’s the right time, my dream is to find a devout Catholic man. But then I think of the people I know who behave in genuine Christ-like ways but do not call themselves Catholic, and think I could be overlooking the right person by insisting on the name Catholic.

**I do want to add that I have also known many good and kind Catholics who have inspired me greatly to live a better life…my mention of all the negatives above is only to say that calling oneself Catholic or Protestant or anything else doesn’t necessarily tell us anything about them.

 

[hwriggles4]

Ladies and Gentlemen:

There were several good points made here by both men and women. Here’s a few observations:

1. Many years ago, I belonged to a Catholic group that would do Happy Hours. I quit going because I felt it was much like the bar scene, where you were sized up and people made a decision within a few minutes whether or not to continue a conversation. I found events that involved community service, bible study, or something like a bowling night attended by a smaller group were more conducive for meeting others. I also felt at the smaller group events people were more willing to get to know you.
2. Over the years, I find that some older men need to move on, and some men need to learn some social graces. I’ve heard complaints at singles’ events like dances where 45 year old men show up and they just want to pay attention to the ladies who are 15-20 years younger than they are. The majority of the younger women find this “creepy”.
3. I’ll comment about the “spinsterhood”. In my opinion, I have found at some singles’ events like dances the girls just want to hang out with their girlfriends. Ladies, it is hard for a man to come over and say hello if you and five other girls are sitting around a table. I’ve also seen this at wedding receptions too. Ladies, if you are at an event like this, I suggest that during some part of the evening to separate for 10-15 minutes. Maybe a guy will come ask you to dance.

A case in point: I’ve met a few girls at wedding receptions and parties because I was able to find a way to approach them. I remember at one wedding where I was a good friend of the bride and that was such a fun wedding because I was able to meet a few of her college friends and her sister, while a few of our mutual friends just hung out together by themselves.

1. I’ve made comments on other threads about approaching people at church, and yes, this is a good idea. Just be subtle, you could say “Excuse me” in the narthex after Mass (hold a door - that often works) and find a way to introduce yourself with some small talk. You may find that you have a friend in common.

Example: A younger guy can notice a college ring, particularly if he went to the same school. That’s a way of saying hello, like “Oh, I noticed your an (insert mascot here).”

What Not To Do: Don’t try to break the world’s record for the 100 yard dash to find a certain girl - and don’t say “hi, what’s your number?”

1. Be proactive. Don’t expect a man or a woman to drop out of the sky. On an online dating site you are putting yourself out there. If you are part of a young adult group, give some positive encouragement to others in the group. A socially awkward man or a shy man may need some help to take a step.
2. Get involved in something at your parish or diocese, and spend some time in prayer.
3. I know several interfaith marriages that are successful. The successful ones that I know of is where each spouse is respectful with a similar value system. I even know of some where the non-Catholic is active in his or her denomination, and I do know some non-Catholic spouses who enthusiastically attend Mass weekly with their spouse.

The mixed marriages that I’ve seen or heard which ended in divorce were oftentimes a non-Catholic (who didn’t attend any denomination at all) who wasn’t interested at all in the faith of his spouse, and on many occasions spoke in a negative way about Catholicism.

1. Building on to #7, I find that many people who marry after college often meet a spouse through work or work related events. While this scenario can have some issues, my observation is that these relationships can work because 1) a comfort zone has been established like a friendship; 2) you have seen each other at their best and worst; 3) you have probably experienced some disagreements and worked them out; 4) you have some common interests.

That’s my memo today.

 

[chevalier]

1. I’ll comment about the “spinsterhood”. In my opinion, I have found at some singles’ events like dances the girls just want to hang out with their girlfriends. Ladies, it is hard for a man to come over and say hello if you and five other girls are sitting around a table. I’ve also seen this at wedding receptions too. Ladies, if you are at an event like this, I suggest that during some part of the evening to separate for 10-15 minutes. Maybe a guy will come ask you to dance.

Yeah, you can’t really approach a woman who’s busy with her lady friends or on the phone (another typical case). Men who have what it takes to “break up a pack” aren’t necessarily the most valuable men around. It can be courage or having a lot of social graces but it can also be all sorts of other things. If you want to be approached, you need to be approachable. As a minimum, you shouldn’t be creating barriers. I also recommend budging a little from expecting the right moment/timing (which tends to be when you actually feel like being approached, which may all well be never really because there’s always something wrong with the day, you may already know what I’m talking about). Be open to timings that aren’t of your choosing and that will increase your chances of success greatly.

1. I’ve made comments on other threads about approaching people at church, and yes, this is a good idea. Just be subtle, you could say “Excuse me” in the narthex after Mass (hold a door - that often works) and find a way to introduce yourself with some small talk. You may find that you have a friend in common.

“Excuse me! Will you please wait a couple of minutes while I’m coming up with a valid reason to approach you? I don’t have much experience, you know. They say it improves with time!”

Example: A younger guy can notice a college ring, particularly if he went to the same school. That’s a way of saying hello, like “Oh, I noticed your an (insert mascot here).”

Yeah, anything that you can comment on is good. Heck, even her haircut.

What Not To Do: Don’t try to break the world’s record for the 100 yard dash to find a certain girl - and don’t say “hi, what’s your number?”

I prefer to ask if she’d like to keep in touch or if she wouldn’t mind swapping numbers. But I’m at the age where “what’s your number?” would be at least slightly indecorous.

1. Be proactive. Don’t expect a man or a woman to drop out of the sky.

Yeah. But you can always ask if it didn’t hurt much when she hit the ground after falling from there.

On an online dating site you are putting yourself out there. If you are part of a young adult group, give some positive encouragement to others in the group. A socially awkward man or a shy man may need some help to take a step.

Actually, making a lot of concentrated effort by that person would be recommended. If you don’t have natural social skills, just learn them. It’ll still be awkward but it’ll be better. Way better. Trust me, that’s how I did it.

1. Building on to #7, I find that many people who marry after college often meet a spouse through work or work related events. While this scenario can have some issues, my observation is that these relationships can work because 1) a comfort zone has been established like a friendship; 2) you have seen each other at their best and worst; 3) you have probably experienced some disagreements and worked them out; 4) you have some common interests.

That’s my memo today.

Meeting people naturally is a lot less awkward than using online dating sites and the like. Which is very awkward. I think I’m gonna give up and go back to relying on chance encounters with great people.

 

[SgtSchultz]

1. Building on to #7, I find that many people who marry after college often meet a spouse through work or work related events. While this scenario can have some issues, my observation is that these relationships can work because 1) a comfort zone has been established like a friendship; 2) you have seen each other at their best and worst; 3) you have probably experienced some disagreements and worked them out; 4) you have some common interests.

Couldn’t this potentially lead to some difficulties if things don’t work out? Maybe you shouldn’t try to date someone in your own department at least. I’ve known people who met an married someone from the same company, but on the other hand I know a guy who asked a girl out and was then accused of sexual harassment. The girl doing the accusing was not the girl he asked out. In fact, the girl he asked out, who was the alleged victim, even told the inquiry board that nothing wrong had happened! This other girl, apparently feeling the need to hate on a good man for no reason at all, took it upon herself to make some innocent third woman into a victim to feed her man-hate. Stories like this make me frown on workplace relationships.

 

[JeraldW]

Just something positive for other young un attached fellows out there. I have a girlfirend but still have my valid (but of course dormant) AMS account. … i logged on there to scout out for my brothers here…
There are some BEAUTIFUL, devout, faithfull nice young ladies on there right now! Wowzas. I’d be joining and contacting these girls if I were you guys…

 

[chevalier]

Just something positive for other young un attached fellows out there. I have a girlfirend but still have my valid (but of course dormant) AMS account. … i logged on there to scout out for my brothers here…
There are some BEAUTIFUL, devout, faithfull nice young ladies on there right now! Wowzas. I’d be joining and contacting these girls if I were you guys…

Yeah, do that. Good luck! For some people it does actually work. Especially for those less picky or those knowing what exactly they know or those who are ready to fetch the best candidate they can right now and marry right away. (As, after all, marriage is more about working than it is about finding.)

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

Ladies and Gentlemen:

There were several good points made here by both men and women. Here’s a few observations:

1. Many years ago, I belonged to a Catholic group that would do Happy Hours. I quit going because I felt it was much like the bar scene, where you were sized up and people made a decision within a few minutes whether or not to continue a conversation. I found events that involved community service, bible study, or something like a bowling night attended by a smaller group were more conducive for meeting others. I also felt at the smaller group events people were more willing to get to know you.
2. Over the years, I find that some older men need to move on, and some men need to learn some social graces. I’ve heard complaints at singles’ events like dances where 45 year old men show up and they just want to pay attention to the ladies who are 15-20 years younger than they are. The majority of the younger women find this “creepy”.
3. I’ll comment about the “spinsterhood”. In my opinion, I have found at some singles’ events like dances the girls just want to hang out with their girlfriends. Ladies, it is hard for a man to come over and say hello if you and five other girls are sitting around a table. I’ve also seen this at wedding receptions too. Ladies, if you are at an event like this, I suggest that during some part of the evening to separate for 10-15 minutes. Maybe a guy will come ask you to dance.

A case in point: I’ve met a few girls at wedding receptions and parties because I was able to find a way to approach them. I remember at one wedding where I was a good friend of the bride and that was such a fun wedding because I was able to meet a few of her college friends and her sister, while a few of our mutual friends just hung out together by themselves.

1. I’ve made comments on other threads about approaching people at church, and yes, this is a good idea. Just be subtle, you could say “Excuse me” in the narthex after Mass (hold a door - that often works) and find a way to introduce yourself with some small talk. You may find that you have a friend in common.

Example: A younger guy can notice a college ring, particularly if he went to the same school. That’s a way of saying hello, like “Oh, I noticed your an (insert mascot here).”

What Not To Do: Don’t try to break the world’s record for the 100 yard dash to find a certain girl - and don’t say “hi, what’s your number?”

1. Be proactive. Don’t expect a man or a woman to drop out of the sky. On an online dating site you are putting yourself out there. If you are part of a young adult group, give some positive encouragement to others in the group. A socially awkward man or a shy man may need some help to take a step.
2. Get involved in something at your parish or diocese, and spend some time in prayer.

You took the words right out of my mouth. As a male in his late-20’s, this sums up the current dating scene.

I get all the emails from my local archdiocese about myriad “happy hour young adult Catholic socials” from parishes in trendy neighborhoods. It’s people who already know each other, don’t branch out, and if they do, size you up and judge you in 5 minutes. The “I love to drink and show off my new clothes and, oh hey, I’m Catholic” crowd.

Volunteer groups are the best; little faith-sharing groups aren’t the best for meeting new people. Sorry, but from my experience, I’ve met people who have one foot in the cloister in these, or are clingy zealots. Those who are doing something and not sitting in a room bemoaning everyone else are much more easy-going to speak with.

And yes, a bunch of girls, even for two guys, is not the easiest thing to approach in 2012.

 

[chevalier]

I get all the emails from my local archdiocese about myriad “happy hour young adult Catholic socials” from parishes in trendy neighborhoods. It’s people who already know each other, don’t branch out, and if they do, size you up and judge you in 5 minutes. The “I love to drink and show off my new clothes and, oh hey, I’m Catholic” crowd.

Yeah, everybody knowing each other is a problem. On the other hand, sizing you up in 5 minutes isn’t really a problem unless you get a negative.

And yes, a bunch of girls, even for two guys, is not the easiest thing to approach in 2012.

It’s like stage freight. You just need to do it. If you don’t do it because you think you’ll fail and if you do try and fail, the reason is basically the same: you don’t gain the objective. But if you try and fail, you at least learn something, get a bit more experience, a bit more confidence, and there’s always that odd chance that it will work. But you obviously can’t talk about the fact that you’re going to pick one of them for further proceedings. You need some conversation opener. Openers don’t need to win you the game, they just need to carry you to the next phase. So anything other than, “so which of you girls am I going to ask out one on one…” If it’s two or three, I guess you can actually offer to have a coffee with all them and just converse and delay your picking. Come to think of it, it isn’t a bad idea to make two or three friends in one go, and if they balance each other out, the charm effect they have on you individually (as well as the 1-on-1 seclusion-accelaration effection) will be smaller, allowing you to keep a level head while choosing one, if any. Problem starts when you develop a crush on all three. That’s kinda painful.

 

[ack]

I get all the emails from my local archdiocese about myriad “happy hour young adult Catholic socials” from parishes in trendy neighborhoods. It’s people who already know each other, don’t branch out, and if they do, size you up and judge you in 5 minutes. The “I love to drink and show off my new clothes and, oh hey, I’m Catholic” crowd.

Volunteer groups are the best; little faith-sharing groups aren’t the best for meeting new people. Sorry, but from my experience, I’ve met people who have one foot in the cloister in these, or are clingy zealots. Those who are doing something and not sitting in a room bemoaning everyone else are much more easy-going to speak with.

I’ve definitely encountered this “happy hour scene” in various cities. I think it’s common to encounter this in the big cities in the US with many young adults (which happen to be the very cities that will have the happy hours in the first place.)

I think it’s best to meet people through the parishes, in groups that get a good cross-section of the young, single population of the parish. I’ve had good luck with “little faith-sharing groups” that were spearheaded by parishioners, because they’re better at sucking in the sane, healthy individuals around the parish.

Yeah, everybody knowing each other is a problem. On the other hand, sizing you up in 5 minutes isn’t really a problem unless you get a negative.

chev: I can guarantee you that both you and I would “get a negative” with these girls, every single time.

 

[cmscms]

I didn’t bother reading all the post, but I will point out what I think your problem is

So here’s my problem… I can find and date plenty of great ladies in my large city, but a good Catholic girl has eluded me so far. My archdiocese places less than zero emphasis on matchmaking (and singles in general). The women I meet through Church young adults groups are good people, but they fall into three groups I don’t want to get involved with: 1) those who have been totally mistreated and hurt by jerks and are somewhat damaged/broken emotionally, 2) those who have extreme temperaments (either towards passivity or control), and 3) those who seem to be straight and interested in men but just don’t make romance a priority (future spinsters?). I’m less picky than this sounds… these are traits that will sabotage any relationship.

1-) You don’t like a woman’s past of being mistreated, yet you want a Catholic woman to understand your past of having fallen away from the church? Quite the double standard, especially since you admit to ‘not having been Catholic in your previous dating attempts’. With all due respect, I have to wonder if you are not one of those jerks.

2-) Sounds like you are quit to pass judgement

3-) Future spinters??? what a lack of respect to women

Occasionally I’ve found a gem who’s emotionally healthy, moderate in her temperament, and also romantic/affectionate. Basically a really cool girl who happens to be Catholic. I’ve only met a couple of these girls, but as is often the case when you’re dealing with small numbers, I haven’t found the right one. .

Wow are you ever busy analysing! Dating is not a numbers game, it is learning to get to know the heart of another human being

I’m frustrated that I’m looking in all the right places and I’m still single. I could date some very committed Protestants tomorrow.

To a single Catholic woman, that statement could easily be interpreted as ‘Wow this guy is in love with himself’

Any thoughts?

Yup, now that you are back in the church try learning some virtues of charity.

I realize I am coming across as harsh, but honestly, I think your whole attitude towards woman is a turn off. Praying for a spouse is only one aspect. Praying to be a better person is another

CM

 

[chevalier]

chev: I can guarantee you that both you and I would “get a negative” with these girls, every single time.

That, too is not a problem. It would be a problem if we didn’t!

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

Yeah, everybody knowing each other is a problem. On the other hand, sizing you up in 5 minutes isn’t really a problem unless you get a negative.

It’s like stage freight. You just need to do it. If you don’t do it because you think you’ll fail and if you do try and fail, the reason is basically the same: you don’t gain the objective. But if you try and fail, you at least learn something, get a bit more experience, a bit more confidence, and there’s always that odd chance that it will work. But you obviously can’t talk about the fact that you’re going to pick one of them for further proceedings. You need some conversation opener. Openers don’t need to win you the game, they just need to carry you to the next phase. So anything other than, “so which of you girls am I going to ask out one on one…” If it’s two or three, I guess you can actually offer to have a coffee with all them and just converse and delay your picking. Come to think of it, it isn’t a bad idea to make two or three friends in one go, and if they balance each other out, the charm effect they have on you individually (as well as the 1-on-1 seclusion-accelaration effection) will be smaller, allowing you to keep a level head while choosing one, if any. Problem starts when you develop a crush on all three. That’s kinda painful.

^That’s just wishful thinking for me. I’m lucky if I get women telling me the time of day.

The art of engaging (interesting) conversation with strangers is sort of like learning manual transmission or riding a bicycle; both were things that took me awhile to learn.

I will say, the most fun girlfriend I ever had was one that pursed me. That was a big confidence booster.

 

[chevalier]

^That’s just wishful thinking for me. I’m lucky if I get women telling me the time of day.

I’ve once been turned down by every single woman I asked to dance at a given party and that probably wasn’t the most epic fail of all. Don’t worry about that. The surest way to fail is to decide on your own, preemptively, that you have failed.

The art of engaging (interesting) conversation with strangers is sort of like learning manual transmission or riding a bicycle; both were things that took me awhile to learn.

Yeah, I remember reading books to help it. Guess what, I still struggle. Not everybody is good at small talk about nothing, then again, small talk isn’t all there is! I guess if you found someone you shared some hobbies with, you and that person could talk a lot together. Or if you simply were interested a lot in each other (not impressed, interested), you would probably talk for hours despite the awkwardness.

I will say, the most fun girlfriend I ever had was one that pursed me. That was a big confidence booster.

That can be misleading, actually, but everybody works differently. One thing you need to know is that you don’t need to pursue a woman to prove yourself or prove a point. If you stop being interested, you stop pursuing. Especially if you realise that she’s not a nice person (where also, ‘not nice to the waiter means not nice at all’). I suspect being half-hearted (e.g. being doubtful because while you’re interested in a girl, you can’t approve of how she’s treating you or acting in general) is a staple reason for not being confident, which leads to “failure”. But that kind of “failure” is probably better than “winning” would be because if you “won” that, you’d end up with a not particularly agreeable person you weren’t really approving of. Which is not a great perspective. I think men sometimes get impatient and “pursue” without fully believing in what they are doing. Personally, I haven’t yet met a woman in whose case I’d fully believe in what I’m doing. There’ve always been reservations, so no wonder it’s never worked. Even if the direct cause was different.

 

[S_Elizabeth]

I would recommend staying true to what you believe and searching for a Catholic girl. I married a wonderful, Christian (Lutheran) man, but I am sad every Sunday when I bring my children to mass and my husband isn’t there. I wish more than anything that we shared the same faith.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I would recommend staying true to what you believe and searching for a Catholic girl. I married a wonderful, Christian (Lutheran) man, but I am sad every Sunday when I bring my children to mass and my husband isn’t there. I wish more than anything that we shared the same faith.

But what do we men do when those women reject us constantly because they don’t deem us to be good enough? I’m not saying that men should go with Protestants instead, but we can’t seem to get the single Catholics to even look at us.

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

But what do we men do when those women reject us constantly because they don’t deem us to be good enough? I’m not saying that men should go with Protestants instead, but we can’t seem to get the single Catholics to even look at us.

Yup!

I’ve met the types that say “I want a Catholic guy, but not that Catholic,” and I’ve been rejected by quite a few because I practice my faith without compromising any of its tenets.

I’m not in-your-face and stopping to pray a rosary every five minutes or taking dates on church tours. In fact, I don’t really speak about my faith until you really get to know me in person.

Yet, I’m “too Catholic” for some Catholic girls.
I guess these want a man who won’t make fun of them for being Catholic, looks good sitting next to her in a pew on a Sunday morning she’s not hungover, and will want to get married in a church for family’s sake.