Who wears the pants in your family?

  • Thread starter Thread starter AlanFromWichita
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
In my family, there is absolutely no question that I am the boss, king, and lord of my house. That said, my house is run by Jesus’s rule about those in a position of leadership, “The greatest leader must be the greatest server”, which is why the Pope has the title The Servant of the Servants of the Church.
 
40.png
AlanFromWichita:
Every happily married old man I’ve discussed it in grocery checkout lines says the key to a long lasting marriage is to do what you’re told. Therefore happily married men report the key to success if to let the woman be the boss.
Click to expand...
The key here is understanding the distinction between “wearing the pants” and “being boss”. Its not the same thing, and if one person in a realtionship assumes both roles there is going to be resentment.

The man, generally speaking, should be the one providing the overall sense of direction to the family while considering his wife’s (name removed by moderator)ut, while he should be generally deferring to his wife’s preferences on how to accomplish the individual steps so long as her decisions are not holding the family back.
 
Since my husband travels A LOT for business and is rarely home before 7 p.m. when he is not on the road, I am, de facto, the head of the house. I raise the children and take care of all the househood duties. I pay the bills, keep track of birthdays, send out all cards and gifts, do all the housework & gardening (other than the chores the kids have), care for the dogs, take the kids to medical appts., help with homework, etc., etc. My husband does yardwork and some repairs in the house.

I work part time at home as a med. transcriptionist as well. So I have a lot on my plate and I would probably resent it more than i can say if my husband tried to lord his authority over me when he does not even know where the mustard is half the time. Several yrs ago I read a book by a very popular Protestant Christian author who stated that she takes submission very seriously and when her husband made decisions or wanted something, then darn it, she went his way, even when she KNEW it meant financial or emotional problems would result. This idea repulsed me and I decided i would never do such a foolish thing. I have seen too many examples of men taking submission to mean that they are the King of the Family and the woman has no more say than a child or a pet. I especially see this in Fundamental Christian and Mormon homes and the women are often depressed over their lot.

i would say that when it comes to large decisions - getting a new pet, moving, where to vacation, how to spend the money, etc,. then we act in tandem, but as for day-to-day operations, the buck stops here.
Jennifer
 
40.png
jungefrau:
i would say that when it comes to large decisions - getting a new pet, moving, where to vacation, how to spend the money, etc,. then we act in tandem, but as for day-to-day operations, the buck stops here.
Jennifer
Click to expand...
That sounds sensible to me, because if you have responsibility while he is gone, then you must have the authority as well. When he’s home, if he’s anything like me, he would rather you tell him what his schedule is than try to figure one out for himself.

Alan
 
everyone wears pants in my family, otherwise they would be in thier underwear 😃 😃

however, I am the Boss 😉
 
40.png
TheGarg:
everyone wears pants in my family, otherwise they would be in thier underwear 😃 😃

however, I am the Boss 😉
Click to expand...
So sorry about having to conjure that image. That goes double if you’re family has members as old as ours! 😛

I thought that invoking a tired old stereotype in the thread title would give it “flavor.”

Alan
 
To quote Bill Cosby:

"I don’t know when I lost the job of being boss. I don’t how or why I lost it.

But I’ve SEEN the boss’s job, and I DON’T WANT IT!!!"

😛
 
We’re a union so we make decisions together and if we don’t agree, we put it off till we do.
 
I do, when she is not around! LOL We run our house as one team. We never make desicions without the other knowing. I may do something like buy a computer program with out asking but we nver make big decisions alone.
 
hold on a second,… i will ask my wife… well, she gave me an answer, but i will have to get back to you what it was…
 
my wife and i made our own decisions. now we are trying to get out of the trouble. I am letting her make all decisions for awhile. she is better at that than i am. but doewn’t matter on who makes the money. this is where she is stronger than i. took long time to realize. but i am there now
 
You didn’t have an answer that fit us. We make joint decisions about all major purchases, and discuss investing, saving, dining out, etc. together. My husband makes the money. I only have a part-time job. I can’t imagine if he was the only one to make decisions.

I have learned to be much more frugal because of him. We have no debt except for our mortgage. He believes in only paying cash for cars. Thus, in some ways, my husband has led the way with the finances but only with my (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
We both wear the pants in the family. My husband would never veto my decision and I would never veto his. We make decisions together. We value each other’s opinions and ideas and find that the decisions we make together are our best decisions. If we disagree about a particular issue, we have an unspoken rule that the person who cares most about that issue will win – the other person will give in. It works, because rarely are we equally as vested in an issue.

I have areas I’m more savvy in and I tend to carry more weight in those areas. He has his areas. I can’t imagine being married to someone who felt he had the sole right to lead our family and my husband wouldn’t want to have to carry all the responsibility himself. After 19 years of marriage and 3 kids, it works very well for us.
 
In my house: The one who makes the lesser amount of money, namely me. If my salary suddenly changed to where I made more money than my wife, the answer would also change.

IOW, authority, in those rare instances where it must be exercised, isn’t based on earning power. It is based on the fact that I’m the husband and father.

– Mark L. Chance.
 
40.png
mlchance:
In my house: The one who makes the lesser amount of money, namely me. If my salary suddenly changed to where I made more money than my wife, the answer would also change.

IOW, authority, in those rare instances where it must be exercised, isn’t based on earning power. It is based on the fact that I’m the husband and father.

– Mark L. Chance.
Click to expand...
Interesting…but why would leadership/authority be determined primarily by earning power–no matter which partner held the higher wage? I can see dividing tasks by skill, aptitude, knowledge, experience, time, etc., but by dollars? Help me understand this logic.
 
Island Oak:
Interesting…but why would leadership/authority be determined primarily by earning power–no matter which partner held the higher wage? I can see dividing tasks by skill, aptitude, knowledge, experience, time, etc., but by dollars? Help me understand this logic.
Click to expand...
Ya know, that was my question. In some areas, I reign supreme, because I do these well. In others, my spouse is the expert. Who earns more has never has never entered into it.
 
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter.”

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”
 
40.png
dwc:
If we disagree about a particular issue, we have an unspoken rule that the person who cares most about that issue will win – the other person will give in. It works, because rarely are we equally as vested in an issue.
Click to expand...
I agree with this logic. Before I had learned of this concept, I was constantly given the advice “agree to disagree”. I still don’t know how that’s supposed to work, lol. Can you imagine trying to make a decision?

“Honey, I think the kids should go to the school down the street for xyz reasons. But honey* I* think they should go the the other school down the street for xyz reasons. OK, let’s just agree to disagree and let them run wild all year…who needs school anyway?” LOL

Another way hubby and I try to make important decisions is a rule we learned from Dr.Laura… " both people say yes and it happens. One person says no and it doesn’t."

Of course the couple needs to understand that this is an equal right and shouldn’t use a “no” to control the other because then the other will just say no all the time and you’ll have a real mess, lol.

Malia
 
Leadership/authority is whoever makes the decisions nobody wants to make. Everyone thinks of the privileges that go with authority, or the abuses of authority. In America we don’t often find ourselves in damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situations.

Do you have the guts to choose martyrdom for you and your family?

Saint Eustace was martyred. He was killed along with his family. Burned in a bronze bull.

I guess I would say that I wear the pants. I haven’t been put in the situation like St. Eustace, but it is fairly often that my spouse does not want to make a decision on something as simple as what’s for supper? Frequently, she will ask me what’s for supper when I walk in the door. Not that I am the one who cooks regularly, but that she doesn’t want to make the decision, just can’t think of anything appetizing. I, being the mean guy that I am, usually answer, “Peanutbutter & Jelly”. She then usually finds the courage to make something else - although I honestly think the kids and I would be just as satisfied with PBJ’s.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top