Why Am I Single? Where to Find Catholic Men?

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bostonsportsforever

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Hi, everyone. I’m a new user on here. Thanks for reading and responding in advanced. A little bit about me - I’ve been Catholic my whole life and single my whole life. I think it’s because I’m ugly but I never had one man complement me or ask me out, thus never having been in a relationship or had a boyfriend. I often think why am I single and then look in the mirror and see the reason but I have a lot to offer.

I try to express my feelings to my parents but my father doesn’t listen and my mother says “God’s plan is for you to be single” which is the last thing I want to hear. Ever since I was young, I knew that I want to have my own family one day. I have been praying to the Lord for a nice man but nothing yet. Why am I single?

I’m almost 27 so it’s kinda discouraging on my self-esteem because other people I know have had some experience unlike me. Where can I find Catholic men? I live in a small town that’s far from a major city and there’s mostly families or old people in my area. I am not in on online dating and I won’t approach as I’ve tried that before and I got turned down. Any feedback/advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you!
 
Welcome to CAF!

My advice - develop your self-esteem first. You are NOT ugly. You need to be kind to yourself and you need to like yourself.

Don’t put so much pressure to be in a relationship. Focus on finding a good group of Catholic friends first - you can volunteer with Catholic charities etc. If you’re not meeting Catholic men in your every day life, try and broaden your activities. But be relaxed, and enjoy yourself.
 
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Welcome to the forums! 🙂
bostonsportsforever said:
I’ve been Catholic my whole life and single my whole life. I think it’s because I’m ugly but I never had one man complement me or ask me out, thus never having been in a relationship or had a boyfriend.
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As you may or may not have noticed in the “complimenting women” thread, many guys are hesitant to ask women out nowadays, so that could certainly be why. For what it’s worth, the last place I’d feel comfortable asking a Catholic woman out at is Mass, so if there’s any Catholic events near you, I’d definitely check them out if you haven’t already. I haven’t been in a relationship at all in my life either, so I can relate to that feeling.

I know you don’t want to approach, but if there’s any guys you are interested in, I’d definitely go up to them and say hello, ask them how their day is, etc. and repeat until they get the hint you are interested in them. Rejection is a fear of mine as well, so I wouldn’t ask someone out unless I am confident the feeling is mutual.

By the way, I think you look very pretty, and I’m not just saying that to be polite!
 
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I am so sorry that your mom said that to you. It is very unfair and not very helpful to hear from one’s mom. You are a pretty girl, please do not say you are ugly, because you are not!

If you are doing all you can to meet people, such as volunteering at church, or attending Theology on Tap or anything else like that, you might want to consider a Catholic dating site. There are guys out there looking for women to marry. You just have to find each other.
 
Dear OP,
Have you read the book “the rules”?
Something to consider.
It’s written from a secular viewpoint, so there are things that may not agree with Catholicism 100%, but I think you might find it interesting.
 
That book should have been called The Game. It is all about playing games and not being your true self in order to get the guy. I would not recommend this book for someone that is having a problem getting dates. It is a manipulative way of controlling relationships, and could backfire.
 
Hi. Thanks for your response. If I am not ugly, then what am I? I can only like myself if I get plastic surgery but that’s against my beliefs. Ever since I was young, I’ve always felt ugly and it doesn’t help when your friends get complemented or asked out in front of you. Like I think, what’s wrong with me?

I have pressure to be in a relationship as I’m an only child with no relatives here (USA) besides my parents and my parents are really old so not only that but I want a family one day.
 
Thanks for your response. I will see if there’s any events. I feel like the people I will be interested in are in major cities especially those my age? My area is small far from the city filled with either families (young) or old people. I think the millenials are in the major cities but don’t know that for sure.

I don’t like to make the first move for anything because of too many past experiences. Even when I was trying to make the first move in making friends, no one would be interested so why bother wasting my time? For the feeling to be mutual, does that mean someone has to give a hint? And thank you for your kind words.
 
OP, if that is you in your avatar, you are a pretty girl! Perhaps you would benefit from some therapy. Maybe all the years of your mother telling you that you are meant to be single have affected your self esteem. Perhaps if your parents are older, she says this because she wants you free to take care of them down the road.

You might want to consider moving to an area that is more populated too.
 
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Thank you for your sympathy. It hurts when my mother tells me that and don’t understand it. I wish I was pretty but thank you for your kind words!

I’m not sure about online dating. People can be anyone on there and could be scammers. I read some things online about CM that there are inactive profiles or even scammers so I’d rather find someone in person. Plus, I feel like online is like a catalog and kinda focused on solely looks and making a person an item but that’s my opinion only. Thank you for your reply!
 
bostonsportsforever said:
I think it’s because I’m ugly
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Why do you think you are ugly?
bostonsportsforever said:
but my father doesn’t listen and my mother says “God’s plan is for you to be single”
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Do their attitudes impact on your self-image? I think it sounds like they might. Why would a mother say that to her daughter?
bostonsportsforever said:
Where can I find Catholic men? I live in a small town that’s far from a major city and there’s mostly families or old people in my area. I am not in on online dating and I won’t approach as I’ve tried that before and I got turned down.
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While online dating can be tough, it is possible to find a match online. You could try a few sites and put up some detail about your interests and what you want in a spouse. There are many Catholic men who would be interested. It’s just a matter of persistence. You can’t let one bad experience turn you off.

Alternatively you could get involved in some Catholic organisations but there’s no guarantees there. In my opinion you need to be actively taking steps to find someone or else your chances are not as good as they could be.

It strikes me that you have a very bad image of yourself. You should probably work on this as I honestly don’t think you are ugly and I’m sure you do have a lot to offer in a relationship.
 
Hi, that’s me in my avatar. Thank you so much for your kind words! I’ve had therapy before to discuss my feelings since my parents don’t understand. It’s nice to talk to someone but there has been no real progress in what I want to achieve (not only in dating but in life) so I’m taking a break first while I go back to school and busy with other things. What’s affected my self esteem is that my friends in school all my life has had some experience (men complemented them or asked out in front of me) and I’m sure you know how what’s supposed to make me feel. I never got anything and I’m almost 27. I really pray to the Lord every day to find someone but I have nothing and it’s so discouraging. I think she also wants that as she told me to take care of her when she’s old and now that she’s old I am also busy taking care of her.

I want to def. move but I can’t move without a job offer (according to my parents) so I’m actually back in school to learn more stuff to see if I can find a job and go from there but I’m not getting younger and I want something now. I’m almost 27 and with all the things in the news and stuff, I feel we deserve to be happy and live life to the fullest every day so I want to be happy.
 
What your parents are asking of you is unfair. You have to live your own life, just like they did. Do you still live at home, and are you currently working?
 
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I think I am ugly because truly when I look at my face, it’s ugly. I’ve always seen myself as ugly and think about it - if I’ve never gotten a complement or been asked out my entire life, it must be because I’m ugly. No one would do that to an ugly person. My friends in school my whole life has had some experience (complement, relationship, or asked out in front of me) and I haven’t had any and I’m almost 27 so that’s kinda pathetic. I always wonder why God made me look like this but plastic surgery goes against my beliefs.

I have no idea why my mother would say that to me but it doesn’t affect my self image. The reasons above affects my self image.

My parents are very old school and traditional and not sure how they would feel if I found someone online. Do you believe in the saying “everything happens for a reason” or “if it’s meant to be will be” or the idea of luck? Those go into the fact that me I’m waiting for something to happen. There are some things that they fall into people’s laps and I want that. Like, I want God to give me a clear sign or send someone.

If I’m not ugly, then what am I? Someone needs to explain why I never had anything before and yes, I do have a lot to offer. I am sure of that. I could work on my self-esteem but I truly have a lot to offer. And for the scammers, yes I agree in real life there could be scammers; we have to be careful but I’m still not sure about online.
 
I agree. I still live at home. I’m going back to school (community college) to learn new skills to see if I can find a job but besides that, I’m doing odd jobs online and service/gig jobs in the meantime. I really don’t know where to go from here but each day when I see couples or families outside, I feel jealous and get kinda lonely. PS thank you so much for your replies. They mean a lot as my parents don’t understand and come from a different time and culture but thank you again!
 
Please know, you are not ugly and there is nothing wrong with you ❤️

Before you are able to see and sustain contentment in a relationship, you need to be happy with yourself. Everyday, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you’re beautiful. It sounds cheesy and cliched, but it will encourage you to think positively about yourself. I agree with the others that resuming counseling will be a good idea.

And remember - you are more than your looks. Your personality shines through here, and if there is no-one offline who can see it, then it’s their loss. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.
 
First off, 26 is the age where many men start to seriously think about marriage and serious dating…it’s not the end point so you’re just getting into the age of serious dating.

Furthering your studies to get a good job is an excellent plan. As soon as you are near graduating, start looking for employment in a larger city. You may find your mother starts giving resistance to your moving but be strong. Small towns aren’t the best place to find a match…larger cities are.

Stop with the ugly talk (in my mom voice) as you definitely aren’t. Everyone thinks they are ugly…or goes through a phase where they think they are! When you meet people and assume that no one is asking you out because you’re ugly, it’s more likely you are giving off a protective vibe instead of a welcoming one. Work on that! There are going to be men that find you beautiful, I promise!

You may just have to continue in your current situation until you can move. Start looking at cities you’re interested in. Visit them on a weekend and find the churches there. Look at the job postings for those cities and start making definite plans! Mr. Right is waiting for you…you just have to find each other.
 
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