Why are Traditional leaning guys so weird (insecure?) around women!

[CaliLobo]

Yeah, I have noticed how regular schooled guys are not weird at all.

Is that directed toward me? Merry Christmas.

 

[Hobbes42]

Because they’re home schooled.

As someone who was homeschooled, I got a good laugh out of that one!

 

[nocoastlayman]

Okay, these are not effective ways of communicating romance. I’m talking about a bar fly who comes up to girl, raises his eyebrows a few times and says “come here often?”.

As I said, a lot of men have difficultly because they may think that being a good, devoted Catholic will attract a good Catholic woman and that is all they need to do. There needs to be more than that.

Sadly, I also think there’s decent Catholic who still live at home and are told consistently by their moms, favorite sister, or aunt that “there’s someone out there for you, you’re such a good catch…yada yada yada.” Men need to take initiative and risks, or most of them will be perpetually single.

Otherwise, I’m not quite sure what the women who are complaining about traditional Catholic men are talking about. Are they saying they want a cafeteria Catholic who they’re going to have to drag out of bed every Sunday morning to come to Mass and blows with the wind of societal changes? :ehh:

That would sound like settling to me.

I totally agree with this, but what is meant by take risks and show initiative. Not to complain but at times it feels like most Catholic women want Catholic superman who has a great job, prays 5 times daily, wants to have a lot of kids (definitely not a problem but some guys might be put off by this) and is super macho and likes to ski and be a handyman at home.

I know this isn’t true but sometimes I feel like some of the more nerdy type guys get stereotyped as these immature types who live at home and get told “oh your such a catch”
Some guys are just shy and insecure. I know at times I am because i feel i’m not good enough to be of interest to women i’m interested in.

 

[Xantippe]

I totally agree with this, but what is meant by take risks and show initiative. Not to complain but at times it feels like most Catholic women want Catholic superman who has a great job, prays 5 times daily, wants to have a lot of kids (definitely not a problem but some guys might be put off by this) and is super macho and likes to ski and be a handyman at home.

**Yeah, I’m pretty sure that most Catholic single women would be thrilled with just 2 or 3 of those. Single CAF ladies, am I right?

Also, super macho can be annoying, skiing can be as expensive as a drug habit, and if you make a good enough income, handyman skills are unnecessary. Also, handyman skills tend to come after home ownership, not before. (My husband is 40-something, has three kids, and just snaked out his first two drains this weekend.) **

I know this isn’t true but sometimes I feel like some of the more nerdy type guys get stereotyped as these immature types who live at home and get told “oh your such a catch”
Some guys are just shy and insecure. I know at times I am because i feel i’m not good enough to be of interest to women i’m interested in.

It’s possible to neutralize a lot of concerns by having a home (even a very small apartment home) of one’s own. Now, granted, having one’s own apartment is more expensive, but I think it’s very much worth it (especially if you have a reasonable income and are getting to the marrying age). Having a small apartment and living by oneself demonstrates that one is reasonably financially solvent, self-sufficient and that one can cook (to bachelor standards), do your own laundry and perform basic housekeeping tasks by yourself. That is easily 10X as important to a prospective wife as having a shelf of rugby trophies or being able to swoosh down black diamond ski runs. It is not unreasonable for a woman to be concerned that if she marries a guy straight out of his mother’s home, that he will not actually be housebroken, he won’t know or want to know how to do home stuff, he won’t understand how much effort goes into basic housekeeping, he won’t understand what the basic cost of living is, and he won’t understand that he can’t just spend his entire paycheck on himself anymore, and he will be both ungrateful and critical of his wife’s domestic efforts, rather than pleased to have somebody to split chores with. (And there are similar concerns about marrying a woman straight out of the parental nest.) Plus, it is rather awkward to be entertaining adult lady friends in the parental home.

 

[Xantippe]

I have to add, wives eventually find expensive, time-consuming, dangerous macho hobbies annoying. Example: motorcycles, boats, skiing, flying lessons, sky diving, golf, etc.

From a wife’s point of view, the ideal hobbies for husbands are 1) inexpensive 2) can be done with her and/or older kids 3) involve home improvement 4) and are not ridiculously dangerous.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have to add, wives eventually find expensive, time-consuming, dangerous macho hobbies annoying. Example: motorcycles, boats, skiing, flying lessons, sky diving, golf, etc.

From a wife’s point of view, the ideal hobbies for husbands are 1) inexpensive 2) can be done with her and/or older kids 3) involve home improvement 4) and are not ridiculously dangerous.

Yes, however your list is a little off. Boating is one of my families favorite things to do. As is skiing.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes, however your list is a little off. Boating is one of my families favorite things to do. As is skiing.

It makes a big difference if it’s a family activity rather than a husband-all-by-himself activity.

Family income also makes a big difference. When money is tight and real sacrifices are being made to cover basics for the whole family, the expensive macho hobbies get really irritating. My mom’s best friends ex-husband (before he was the ex) was capable of doing stuff like buying motorcycles while the family had $20 left in their checking account.

 

[pensmama87]

It makes a big difference if it’s a family activity rather than a husband-all-by-himself activity.

Family income also makes a big difference. When money is tight and real sacrifices are being made to cover basics for the whole family, the expensive macho hobbies get really irritating. My mom’s best friends ex-husband (before he was the ex) was capable of doing stuff like buying motorcycles while the family had $20 left in their checking account.

:sad_yes:

My dad’s is buying expensive cars and model cars or other car paraphernalia.

My husband’s isn’t a super macho hobby, but an annoying one: we “have to” have cable so he can watch sports (and we had to upgrade to a new package so we could get one channel so he doesn’t have to miss the two or three games per year that are only broadcast on that channel - over a year that’s another $100 on top of the $100/month that costs.) He also has season tickets for the local pro football team (with his dad, who so far has paid for them every year, but that deal could change at any time). If we were out of debt, sure, no problem. But it gets reaaaaaaal old when I’ve adapted my hobbies to our state in life: couponing, gardening, cooking and baking from scratch. I gave up book buying, sold almost all of my books, and now only use the library. I took up running as a form of exercising because it’s cheaper than joining a gym and/or taking classes.

I have mentioned once that when he is responsible for paying for either his ticket or both tickets, we might consider selling a few games out of the year. I’ve also suggested decluttering our basement of some of the sports paraphernalia we have, which could probably fetch a fair bit of money. You’d have thought with either suggestion I had shot him right through the heart.

Again, if we really had the means, it’d be fine. But we don’t, and it stinks that so much of his identity is wrapped up in the hobbies he developed growing up in a dual-income home as an only child, later in their parents’ life when there was more disposable income. (It also boggles the mind because his hobby is observing, not doing, but that’s another issue.) He wants to live like he did when his parents were in their 40s, and we’re still in the starting out phase, with more kids, in our 20s. It’s hard and a marital minefield.

So yeah, please be aware and willing to adjust favorite activities to the needs of family life.

I’ll step off the soapbox now…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

:sad_yes:

My dad’s is buying expensive cars and model cars or other car paraphernalia.

My husband’s isn’t a super macho hobby, but an annoying one: we “have to” have cable so he can watch sports (and we had to upgrade to a new package so we could get one channel so he doesn’t have to miss the two or three games per year that are only broadcast on that channel - over a year that’s another $100 on top of the $100/month that costs.) He also has season tickets for the local pro football team (with his dad, who so far has paid for them every year, but that deal could change at any time). If we were out of debt, sure, no problem. But it gets reaaaaaaal old when I’ve adapted my hobbies to our state in life: couponing, gardening, cooking and baking from scratch. I gave up book buying, sold almost all of my books, and now only use the library. I took up running as a form of exercising because it’s cheaper than joining a gym and/or taking classes.

I have mentioned once that when he is responsible for paying for either his ticket or both tickets, we might consider selling a few games out of the year. I’ve also suggested decluttering our basement of some of the sports paraphernalia we have, which could probably fetch a fair bit of money. You’d have thought with either suggestion I had shot him right through the heart.

Again, if we really had the means, it’d be fine. But we don’t, and it stinks that so much of his identity is wrapped up in the hobbies he developed growing up in a dual-income home as an only child, later in their parents’ life when there was more disposable income. (It also boggles the mind because his hobby is observing, not doing, but that’s another issue.) He wants to live like he did when his parents were in their 40s, and we’re still in the starting out phase, with more kids, in our 20s. It’s hard and a marital minefield.

So yeah, please be aware and willing to adjust favorite activities to the needs of family life.

I’ll step off the soapbox now…

Sometimes I need to be reminded of how blessed my family is. Thank you.

I will say this however. If it is football, it is as much of a necessity as water or food for my family… Faith Family football food. In that order.

 

[nocoastlayman]

I have to add, wives eventually find expensive, time-consuming, dangerous macho hobbies annoying. Example: motorcycles, boats, skiing, flying lessons, sky diving, golf, etc.

From a wife’s point of view, the ideal hobbies for husbands are 1) inexpensive 2) can be done with her and/or older kids 3) involve home improvement 4) and are not ridiculously dangerous.

Not to pick on you but I think you mistook my point. I only mentioned skiing because it is a manly and athletic hobby. Nothing to do with being expensive or anything like that. I probably should have said something like play rugby or likes to hunt or was an eagle scout or something similar.

You are right about hobbies though. I guess where I fail is that sometimes I feel like I have no passions or hobbies. Like a lot of young men today I just grew up playing video games and hanging out and didn’t have a real interest in anything. I do kind of like to cook and love sports but cooking is the only thing I kind of consider a hobby. Traveling could be one I guess but I feel lame compared to guys who make their own beer or are able to build a swingset for their kids or what have you.

I guess a guy like me feels like i’m in the Catholic chess club while their are the jocky guys who follow the example of Frassati or JPII and are the most desirable because they are varsity catholics LOL

 

[Xantippe]

Not to pick on you but I think you mistook my point. I only mentioned skiing because it is a manly and athletic hobby. Nothing to do with being expensive or anything like that. I probably should have said something like play rugby or likes to hunt or was an eagle scout or something similar.

**Hunting is kind of a time and money suck too, isn’t it?

I don’t think the average single Catholic woman cares if a guy was an Eagle scout.
**

You are right about hobbies though. I guess where I fail is that sometimes I feel like I have no passions or hobbies. Like a lot of young men today I just grew up playing video games and hanging out and didn’t have a real interest in anything. I do kind of like to cook and love sports but cooking is the only thing I kind of consider a hobby. Traveling could be one I guess but I feel lame compared to guys who make their own beer or are able to build a swingset for their kids or what have you.

**Cooking is a great start.

I think the really advanced woodworking stuff comes with age. My husband is currently working on a bat’leth for one of our kids who asked for one. He didn’t really take off with woodworking and hobbies until we had a garage to work in. I suspect that’s not unusual.**

I guess a guy like me feels like i’m in the Catholic chess club while their are the jocky guys who follow the example of Frassati or JPII and are the most desirable because they are varsity catholics LOL

Nah.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I only mentioned skiing because it is a manly and athletic hobby. )

You must not know much about skiing. All three of my girls ski from age 3 on. My son is still to young and my 68 year old mother skis about 70 times a season.

Athletic or manly is not how I would describe any of them.

This thread is dangerously close to a nit pick fest from women about men’s hobbies. I think puddles of ink could be spilled on the irony of that particular gripe…

 

[Xantippe]

You must not know much about skiing. All three of my girls ski from age 3 on. My son is still to young and my 68 year old mother skis about 70 times a season.

Athletic or manly is not how I would describe any of them.

**Good point. I was downhill skiing from 5 on at places like Sun Valley and Whistler and as a 5-year-old girl, I really wasn’t very manly.

We’ve done 1.5 ski trips for our kids now that we’re parents, and I still like it as an activity for the kids, but it’s just astonishingly expensive once you count in travel, hotel, clothes, gear rental, lift ticket, ski lessons, etc and compare and contrast what we could do instead with the money. I did the calculations of dollars per hour of skiing on our last trip and it was PAINFUL. **

This thread is dangerously close to a nit pick fest from women about men’s hobbies. I think puddles of ink could be spilled on the irony of that particular gripe…

Well, I think the subject of hobbies and marriage is a very fair one.

There’s both the time and the money aspect. I believe that there ought to be rough parity for husband and wife, rather than either getting to go hog wild with their entertainment because they “work hard for their money.” Spending large sums without agreement from a spouse is always BAD. (I have a friend whose husband consoled himself for a speeding ticket by going out and getting himself a new gun without talking to her first, which there has to be some sort of prize for.)

On the bright side, there are actually lots of fairly inexpensive activities for men. My husband does a little archery, he does a little astronomy (less lately), he does a little woodworking, he does a little programming (less lately), etc. The “good” hobbies cost practically nothing while the best hobbies are actually a net economic plus to the family (for instance handyman stuff or the programming–there was a time that my husband’s hobby programming was consistently bringing home $800 and $900 a month and it still brings in several hundred dollars a month).

And yes, there are expensive ladies’ hobbies.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Well, I think the subject of hobbies and marriage is a very fair one.

There’s both the time and the money aspect. I believe that there ought to be rough parity for husband and wife, rather than either getting to go hog wild with their entertainment because they “work hard for their money.” Spending large sums without agreement from a spouse is always BAD. (I have a friend whose husband consoled himself for a speeding ticket by going out and getting himself a new gun without talking to her first, which there has to be some sort of prize for.)

On the bright side, there are actually lots of fairly inexpensive activities for men. My husband does a little archery, he does a little astronomy (less lately), he does a little woodworking, he does a little programming (less lately), etc. The “good” hobbies cost practically nothing while the best hobbies are actually a net economic plus to the family (for instance handyman stuff or the programming–there was a time that my husband’s hobby programming was consistently bringing home $800 and $900 a month and it still brings in several hundred dollars a month).

And yes, there are expensive ladies’ hobbies.

That is funny! I was a ski instructor at Sun Valley in the mid 90s…

Skiing as a family is not very expensive if you live in the right places. Most people identify skiing as Vale or Sun Valley, or Mt Hood etc. But the reality is that many many small inexpensive ski resorts lie outside many places in the west. Take Boise for example. 16 miles from town is Bogus Basin. adult season passes are 199. Ski swap sells make it relatively cheap to outfit a family. It is no sun valley but has 7 chairs and a long season. Many ski shops offer lease packages that make sense for kids who grow fast. It is not as cheap as say, soccer, but it is not necessarily a sport that is wealth exclusive. In fact the best skiers I have known have been quite poor. It is the rich who usually ski once a year and fall all the way down the mountain…