I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to share a bit of my own journey in these matters…I’ll be brief.
In so far as “healing” and “miracles” is concerned, it really all began when my dear wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. This was not altogether unexpected as her father had died from it and indeed my own father was on that journey as well at that time.
I had not yet formally returned to the Church (I still needed and annulment) but that did not prevent me from hoping, praying and beginning to look into the matter of healing. I read some on the subject, I tried to increase my prayer, I made promises, blessed her with holy water and even acquired an “oil” from
Little Audrey Santo and anointed her with that. I tried not to place this before God as a selfish request, but one through which we could and would bring souls to Him.
Anyway - as time went on and no healing occurred, I had to wonder why and ask many questions. I looked in the Gospels and found no limits placed on requests…Jesus says “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith” (Mt 21:22) and this is repeated in similar ways in Mk 11:24, John 11:22, John 14:13, John 15:7, John 15:16.
Then of course there is the statement that we can move mountains with faith the size of mustard seed, as well as the promise that those who trust and believe will do the works of Christ and even greater works.
Yet - Try as I might in prayer, in desire, in hope, God did not grant my petition that my Dear Wife be healed - At least not yet…
So - What was I to do with this disappointment? What am I to draw from it? Where was the problem? Where lies the fault?
Do I place the fault on Faith, on Christ, on Scripture??? Do I lose my faith and deny Christ? - No I could not do that…I simply could not…
What then?
If I accept that Scripture does not lie, and if I accept that miracles and healings DO still, occur then the answer must lie somewhere else…
What did Scripture say?? Faith - the size of a mustard seed…Trust…Do not doubt…Faith…But the faith must be the “right kind”… More than mere belief…these issues of trust and confidence and acceptance etc all began to spin around in my mind.
That Was the answer…I cannot accuse God in this matter therefore I must accuse myself. It is me who is at fault. It is my lack of faith - a proper, full and trusting faith. It is my lack of conformity to God’s will, and desire to see my will completely in union with His. It is my lack of allowing, as St Paul expresses it, Christ to live in and through me.
With this new perspective I began to study more on faith and spirituality. I began to try to let go more, to trust God, to praise God, to Love God and worry less about whether DW was cured or not. That would be up to Him, though certainly I still asked…
Through this, the Holy Spirit was able to teach me many things. Mostly just how patient God had been with me, and how little I can be trusted with gifts, since I had so often abused them in the past.
I still struggle with this journey - my DW has not been healed, but I mostly accept that as God’s will for us. His miracle in many ways has been to bring us back into the Church just before DW lost her capacity to understand sin. She was able to make confession, and to receive the Holy Eucharist. She still does take communion when we are able to go…but thank God she is unable to sin.
As for myself, I still struggle for I am a poor and inconstant servant of my God. I take too much for granted in my own abilities. I am easily angered and short tempered. I am slothful, and I struggle with other vices as well.
Ah - well I find that I am getting “wordy” here…
In summary…my study on this matter has shown me that, far from being incapable of such healing, we - as a group and tending not to want to question our own faith - instead look outside ourselves for some explanation. Scripture does not support such a view.
When we fail to manifest the gifts of the spirit, we need to accuse ourselves. We need to look inside and find out where the fault lies in us. We may never manifest great spiritual gifts. We may never heal, or prophecy or levitate or “move a mountain”, but I DO guarantee one thing. We will learn a tremendous amount about what is holding us back from being all that we can be.
Peace
James