Why Did You Have So Many Kids?

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Monicad said:
Ouch…

I know you meant to be encouraging to big families, God bless you for that! However, with all Christian charity I think we can do that without making critical statements about only children. You probably meant to be kind and maybe didn’t realize how your words came across, the internet can do that sometimes.

There have been wonderful only children, John the Baptist for one! I know of couples that have struggled PAINFULLY wanting to have large families and it was not part of God’s plan. I know some couples that have one or two children and are worried that people think they are even using artificial contraception. The sad fact I believe we are going to be subject to the cruel comments of others no matter what and need to bear that cross with the help of Jesus Christ. Whether we have a large family or small, whether we homeschool or send our children to public or Catholic school, whether we have family members that live the faith or whether many have fallen away…no matter what we will be faced with comments and criticism because that was the promise of Christ.
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AMEN and God Bless, Memaw
 
Memaw said:
Deus said “almost” God Bless, Memaw
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I’ve grown up around Catholic families large and small–not everyone open to children gets any children, let alone lots of them–and I never noticed that children from the larger families got in less trouble. Spoiled and ignored children get in more trouble, children whose parents get in trouble are even more at risk, but seeing a well-disciplined family of grade school children is not a guarantee that there won’t be problems later. God willing, it won’t, but there are no guarantees.

Parents can only control so much. We have to do our best, but we had better not tell ourselves that what we can do will guarantee our children won’t get themselves into trouble. We are not given that kind of control over them. The grief and worry when even one of many goes wrong is great enough; it is better we don’t spend years telling ourselves that “good kids from good families” don’t go wrong. That is pride, and if there is a fall that hidden case of pride will harm our families and our ability to cope with that fall in fidelity.
 
mommamaree said:
There are so many wrong and hurtful things about this statement that I do not even know where to begin.
Being an only child does not doom a person to become an enemy of the human race. What about Isaac, Jesus, Mary? All were only children!
Furthermore, I have personal experience with a severely-personality disordered person, likely a sociopath, who is a middle child. Birth order does not indicate mental illness.
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Thanks for saying this. Celebrating/Praising a large family does not require negative, uncharitable statements about others.
 
Deus_tecum said:
Children and big families are a blessing to all involved. I’m speaking of intact 2 parent (one man, one woman) families of course, not single moms who crank out 6 kids by 6 different men with the primary goal of increasing their welfare benefits. A child in a big intact family is never without a friend. He is never bullied at school beyond perhaps just one day. He always has prayer partners for spiritual matters, tutors for homework, and teammates for sand lot sports. You almost never hear of a child from an intact big family going bad.

By contrast an only child can be come so self absorbed he develops narcissistic, sociopathic traits. Several mass killers have been only-children. Our current president is an only child. He openly authorized the assassination of American citizens deemed to be terrorists.

God bless you for having a big family where the kids can all grow up in God’s love expressed through you and your husband, and each of his or her brothers and sisters.
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You are incorrect, uncharitable and making untrue statements to support your opinions. Just your would have been fine.
 
EasterJoy said:
I’ve grown up around Catholic families large and small–not everyone open to children gets any children, let alone lots of them–and I never noticed that children from the larger families got in less trouble. Spoiled and ignored children get in more trouble, children whose parents get in trouble are even more at risk, but seeing a well-disciplined family of grade school children is not a guarantee that there won’t be problems later. God willing, it won’t, but there are no guarantees.

Parents can only control so much. We have to do our best, but we had better not tell ourselves that what we can do will guarantee our children won’t get themselves into trouble. We are not given that kind of control over them. The grief and worry when even one of many goes wrong is great enough; it is better we don’t spend years telling ourselves that “good kids from good families” don’t go wrong. That is pride, and if there is a fall that hidden case of pride will harm our families and our ability to cope with that fall in fidelity.
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Well said as in your earlier post.
 
Memaw said:
I am a Mother of nine also. Two babies in Heaven and 7 living. I am thankful God picked me to be their Mother. They held me up during some very sad times in our lives. My first husband died very young, we had 5 sons, (one already in Heaven waiting for him.). My boys were my life, what kept me going. Later I remarried and had 4 more sons, (one in Heaven also) My second husband died at age 47. Again my kids kept me going. They were the reason I had to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. We are a very close family. They are all adults and doing very well. I have 9 grandchildren. One friend said to my oldest son awhile back, Is David your step brother? and he answered. Thanks to my Mom there is no such word in our family. We’re all brothers and that’s it.

I thank GOD for my Faith and for all those that helped me especially the priests. I was blessed to have wonderful priests in my life. Including Fr. Bill, my uncle. Both my husbands were converts. I had a wonderful Mother , a saint now I’m sure, and had 10 siblings. We grew up on a farm and. We always had someone to play with and had our own softball team. My father was an alcoholic and left our family when I was 14. My older brother took over the responsibility of providing for us, God Bless, him. In later years I met my father again and he had quit drinking. I got to know him as a much different person and I am thankful. He returned to the Faith and died with a priest by his side. I know my Mom had never stopped praying for him as she always told us to pray for our Dad. Families are precious. Cars rust, houses fall in but Love never dies. God Bless, Memaw
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Yes, families are precious and love is all important.
 
I have a large family (we have 7 + 1 who never made it into the world) but I was myself an only child.

I almost hate to ask this question, but I am curious. I am by nature and nurture a very quiet, reserved person. My large family, with it’s exuberance, enthusiasm, not to mention fighting screaming and other kid chaos - sometimes drives me nuts. I get really overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking because my temperament doesn’t match my responsibility. I feel really guilty about this because I guess I feel that, because He called me to this work, I must be a joyful witness - but sometimes I just wonder how I’ll make it through the day. Does anyone understand or has anyone experienced this? I wouldn’t trade a soul, of course, it has nothing to do with love - they are each and every one loved. I just sometimes think as a mother of a large family I have to put on a face for the sake of pro-life, or to please God, or to encourage other women, or other reasons when really I feel like I’m sinking some days. Sometimes I get a little envious of mothers of smaller families, because they don’t have to act so happy all the time!

I don’t get asked about why I had so many kids. I guess I’d say that it was God’s will for us, and I’d say it with a smile.
 
GloriaMaria I had one sister, got a headache if it was too noisy and I still ove nothing better than reading all day or drawing and painting. In a sense a large family “broke me” in the sense that I reached the end of my own strength and was forced to let go of pride and control… then, when I was desperate, God started to take charge and His mercy rained down on me. I write about this painful stuff but is an article like this one, I skipped the years of struggle and simply show the victory of God in my life
 
GloriaMaria said:
I have a large family (we have 7 + 1 who never made it into the world) but I was myself an only child.

I almost hate to ask this question, but I am curious. I am by nature and nurture a very quiet, reserved person. My large family, with it’s exuberance, enthusiasm, not to mention fighting screaming and other kid chaos - sometimes drives me nuts. I get really overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking because my temperament doesn’t match my responsibility. I feel really guilty about this because I guess I feel that, because He called me to this work, I must be a joyful witness - but sometimes I just wonder how I’ll make it through the day. Does anyone understand or has anyone experienced this? I wouldn’t trade a soul, of course, it has nothing to do with love - they are each and every one loved. I just sometimes think as a mother of a large family I have to put on a face for the sake of pro-life, or to please God, or to encourage other women, or other reasons when really I feel like I’m sinking some days. Sometimes I get a little envious of mothers of smaller families, because they don’t have to act so happy all the time!

I don’t get asked about why I had so many kids. I guess I’d say that it was God’s will for us, and I’d say it with a smile.
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I tried to have fun with my kids every day. Maybe just joking around or making cinnamon rolls together, dancing, singing with music tapes I made, (mostly Country Western music,) I never allowed Rock music in the house! The older ones always helped with the little ones and that was great. I even taught my boys how to cook, do laundry etc. they were all doing their own laundry by age 12. and they are pretty self sufficient today and their wives love it. The older ones “helped” me prepare my CCD lessons for the week and we discussed their view point. Helped both of us. After I had my 6th child, the Dr. told me I needed a hysterectomy, said he was sure I could not have anymore kids anyway. But I didn’t do it as I wanted to leave the "door " open. Three months later I was expecting my 7th baby and had two more after that!. At age 74, I finally had to have that hysterectomy, ha! God knows best. God Bless, Memaw
 
We have four. Some days they really drive us nuts but we love them all. The fourth was wholly unexpected and born premature but came out fine in the end. Large families are a norm here so we don’t get rude questions like you do.
 
GloriaMaria said:
I have a large family (we have 7 + 1 who never made it into the world) but I was myself an only child.

I almost hate to ask this question, but I am curious. I am by nature and nurture a very quiet, reserved person. My large family, with it’s exuberance, enthusiasm, not to mention fighting screaming and other kid chaos - sometimes drives me nuts. I get really overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking because my temperament doesn’t match my responsibility. I feel really guilty about this because I guess I feel that, because He called me to this work, I must be a joyful witness - but sometimes I just wonder how I’ll make it through the day. Does anyone understand or has anyone experienced this? I wouldn’t trade a soul, of course, it has nothing to do with love - they are each and every one loved. I just sometimes think as a mother of a large family I have to put on a face for the sake of pro-life, or to please God, or to encourage other women, or other reasons when really I feel like I’m sinking some days. Sometimes I get a little envious of mothers of smaller families, because they don’t have to act so happy all the time!

I don’t get asked about why I had so many kids. I guess I’d say that it was God’s will for us, and I’d say it with a smile.
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I’m an only child as well and feel the same way you do. My wife comes from a large family and takes the chaos in stride.
 
GloriaMaria said:
I have a large family (we have 7 + 1 who never made it into the world) but I was myself an only child.

I almost hate to ask this question, but I am curious. I am by nature and nurture a very quiet, reserved person. My large family, with it’s exuberance, enthusiasm, not to mention fighting screaming and other kid chaos - sometimes drives me nuts. I get really overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking because my temperament doesn’t match my responsibility. I feel really guilty about this because I guess I feel that, because He called me to this work, I must be a joyful witness - but sometimes I just wonder how I’ll make it through the day. Does anyone understand or has anyone experienced this? I wouldn’t trade a soul, of course, it has nothing to do with love - they are each and every one loved. I just sometimes think as a mother of a large family I have to put on a face for the sake of pro-life, or to please God, or to encourage other women, or other reasons when really I feel like I’m sinking some days. Sometimes I get a little envious of mothers of smaller families, because they don’t have to act so happy all the time!

I don’t get asked about why I had so many kids. I guess I’d say that it was God’s will for us, and I’d say it with a smile.
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Gloria, I’m like you in many ways. I was raised in a family with only girls–and really only two of us at a time, as the younger two came along much later. My mother was very antagonistic toward sports. It was QUIET. I’m a musician. I quite happily spent hours a day in a quiet, orderly practice room.

Yet here I have a house FULL of boys! Tumbling, wrestling, yelling, skidding into the dinner table!

I see it as God’s sense of humor. 😉

What do I do about it? Get in the middle of the fun. And I’m fairly good at just shutting it out and ignoring it when I need to get other things done.
 
holyrood said:
Gloria, I’m like you in many ways. I was raised in a family with only girls–and really only two of us at a time, as the younger two came along much later. My mother was very antagonistic toward sports. It was QUIET. I’m a musician. I quite happily spent hours a day in a quiet, orderly practice room.

Yet here I have a house FULL of boys! Tumbling, wrestling, yelling, skidding into the dinner table!

I see it as God’s sense of humor. 😉

What do I do about it? Get in the middle of the fun. And I’m fairly good at just shutting it out and ignoring it when I need to get other things done.
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My boys spent a lot of time outside, playing ball with the neighbor kids, going to the park, the swimming pool a 1/2 block away. etc. It was much safer then. They helped their dad in the big garden. Even helped me can by snapping beans etc. Helped elderly neighbors, mowing, shoveling snow. If they started horsing around to much in the house, I would just chase them outside. Winter or summer. Or they would go upstairs to their “bunk house” My Mom used to get the broom after my older brothers. ha. My Mom was a lot of fun too so I guess that’s where I got it. I never worked outside the home so I had plenty of time to spend with my kids and I loved it all. I am thankful for that. I babysit all my grandkids so they didn’t have to go to day care. Taught them to read before they started school. I have some old school books, (Dick and Jane, McGuffey Readers,and old Catholic school books about saints, with Nuns and Priests stories in them. Both of my oldest granddaughters are nurses. The time spent with you kids and grandkids is time very well spent!, God Bless, Memaw.
 
mommamaree said:
There are so many wrong and hurtful things about this statement that I do not even know where to begin.
Being an only child does not doom a person to become an enemy of the human race. What about Isaac, Jesus, Mary? All were only children!
Furthermore, I have personal experience with a severely-personality disordered person, likely a sociopath, who is a middle child. Birth order does not indicate mental illness.
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You obviously misread what I said. You spun “can be” into “doomed to be” in order to claim it was wrong and hurtful.
 
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