Why do old people talk so much before Mass?

[turtle18]

I’m sorry you feel it is uncharitable to point out such behavior. But you could easily meet in the church cafeteria before or after mass if you want to socialize. The other day after the priest gave his homily, one of the people in church said “Not bad” for the whole congregation to hear.
Alot of old people think they have freedom to do whatever they want & act however they want and they carry that attitude right into church. Just because you are old doesn’t mean you can’t practice some humility and charity toward your fellow parishioners.

 

[water]

Visiting Nursing Home helps me understand more about the elderly. Someday, I will be no different than they are now.

 

[Norseman82]

It’s one thing to ask “what did the priest just say” or “what song did they just announce” due to being hard of hearing - I can handle that as part of my responsibility to bear others’ burdens - but it is quite another to carry on a non-related conversation.

And OP, be glad it is before the Mass…I once got so frustrated that I got up and changed pews during the middle of the homily because I was having a hard time hearing the priest due to the squawk-boxes sitting behind me!

 

[Revert07]

Our parish is “fairly” quiet before Mass but after Mass is a different story. The priest barely makes it up the aisle before the conversations begin. I can’t figure out why they seem to understand that reverence is called for before Mass starts but isn’t at the end. And, it is usually the older people. Since I’m getting up there, I use “older” because they are older than me. No one is old any more.

I like to kneel and pray after Mass for a little while and I’ve learned to block out just about everything so I don’t mind the talking as much as I used to. But, when one is standing in the pew in front of me and the other is in the pew behind me and they are literally standing there talking over my head, then I do have a problem. And, this has happened several times with different people. Better yet was the time I was on my knees praying with my eyes closed and one of the two speaking in front of me called me by name and tried to start a conversation with me! My mother taught me to be polite so there I am kneeling answering this guy’s questions. I did stick to the shortest (and quietest) answers possible and kept nodding towards my folded hands and the tabernacle in front of us. He eventually got the message. Really, I think he just couldn’t hear me and gave up.

 

[awalt]

Vertical trumps horizontal.

And there’s a place for them to talk about it. It’s called the parish hall, not the sanctuary.

You’re right. He used to do stuff like make whips and drive disrespectful people out of the temple. I’m not that radical.

So sad you latched on to that scene and not the countless myriad of scenes where Jesus was compassionate, helpful, caring, and understanding of people less fortunate than him.

 

[Katie1723]

It’s one thing to ask “what did the priest just say” or “what song did they just announce” due to being hard of hearing - I can handle that as part of my responsibility to bear others’ burdens - but it is quite another to carry on a non-related conversation…!

I once was privy to hearing about someone’s “bathroom problems”. I feel that if someone wants to talk…take it to the vestibule of the church. The Sanctuary is for praying, not discussing the merits of whole prunes vs prune juice,

Kathy

 

[Sr_Sally]

Perhaps it’s just my perspective as a candidate, but I always feel His presence in the Church. I go to Church an hour before Mass to pray the rosary and spend tme with Him in His house. It’s quite a distraction to hear anyone…young or old, talking and laughing it up at the exits. I don’t allow my children to talk until we are down the steps.

It’s annoying and disrespectful to those around you, but I also figure that the ‘older’ folks at church have a right to do as they please, so I pray that much harder to block out their noises.

If I arrived an hour before the Mass I planned to attend, I’d be very late for the Mass that was currently going on!

However, in the time in between Masses, there are people talking. Usually not standing right in the sanctuary, but in the narthex or outside in the courtyard. As the weather gets colder, there will be more people chatting quietly in the very back of the church, but those praying after Mass (or before the Mass to come) will still be able to find a quiet spot.

 

[annh]

This reminds me of my son, who complained about everyone and everything he saw or heard or smelled at mass. Instead of praying in reverence and asking God to forgive him for his shortcomings and sins. He said he couldn’t because of the behavior of others or the perfume of the woman in front of us, etc. I would remind him that he wasn’t there to pay attention to them, he was there to reverence God. He was paying way too much attention to everyone else and not enough to God. When you’re deep in conversation in a restaurant with your best friend, are you paying attention to the conversation at the next table? Of course not. So why is your attention to your conversation with God different at mass? It seems to me that you’re allowing others to affect your time there. You can 't always expect people to provide you with the perfect environment for your prayer-time, but instead have to learn to pay more attention to God then to what’s going on around you.

I’m not dissing you, you just reminded me of numerous discussions with my young son. If you go into the church and regard everyone there with active love, the way Jesus loves them, I don’t think this will be a problem for you again. Love like he loves.

annie

 

[Biblioassistant]

I’m 56 and I long for peace and silence before Mass. Luckily I am able to go to the adoration chapel and stay there till almost time for Mass. There’s silence there. However, I can’t stay in the chapel too long because I need to get my seat by the pillar so no one will try and hold my hand.

I’m not standoffish, really - if you want to hold my hand at a proper time, I am all for that Just not at Mass.

 

[turtle18]

I do volunteer at the Little Sisters of the Poor. The elderly in these nursing homes have a reverance and respect before Mass & prayer service. I don’t see the problem there the way I do at many of the churches I go to. But since they are in a nursing home, they aren’t lacking for companionship. But every church I go to has clubs for the elderly, the county I live in has a senior citzen center for the elderly.

 

[benedictgal]

So sad you latched on to that scene and not the countless myriad of scenes where Jesus was compassionate, helpful, caring, and understanding of people less fortunate than him.

Of course, if you recall Friday’s Gospel from St. Luke, Jesus also chased out the money changers, saying His Father’s house was a “house of prayers.”

Don’t get me wrong, I have the highest regard and respect for our older Catholics. I also know that a lot of them carry challenges with them (my father is the only EMHC in his parish and he visits the homebound and the infirmed–sometimes, he’s the only visitor many of these folks get). However, there is a time and place for conversation. The inside of the Church (past the vestibule) is not. The only one we should be trying to have a conversation with is Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament (or, if we are praying the rosary and other devotionals).

Unfortunately, in our “zeal” to make the Mass a more horizontal, community-like experience, we have forgotten why we are there in the first place. We are there to worship God. The socializing can take place in the parish hall or outside the sacred space.

Perhaps the worst offenders are members of wedding parties and, in my neck of the woods, 15th birthday celebrations. I happened to be at Mass at our Cathedral last Saturday where a wedding was going to take place within the 5:30PM vigil. The groomsmen were loud and boorish. The bridesmaids were checking lipstick and hair. And, the omnipresent cowboy hats were in full swing. Plus, the future in-laws were chippering away like hens and laughing fairly loud. To top it all off, the priest had to shout over everybody (including the soloist who still kept singing, despite the priest’s signal to zip it) to keep order because the Mass was fixing to start.

 

[Cat]

I love the classic Imitation of Christ, by Thomas a Kempis.

There are several chapters in that book that discuss “interior quiet.”

Here is a quote from a wonderful book called The Heart and Soul of Imitating Christ–A Fresh Look at the Thomas a Kempis Classic by Mitch Finley:

"Try to put things in perspective. If you cherish your faith-relationship with the risen Christ, you will have a vibrant and active interior life, and that is where you will live your life–from your heart. No matter what happens, you will be able at any time to turn in complete trust to God…

The one who learns to walk in the light of eternity and the light of God’s love has a life of faith, hope, and charitable love. Such a person needs no special place or time to engage in religious practices, such as prayer, meditation, and spiritual reading and reflection. He or she makes sure these things happen each day, and they are as likely to happen during a lunch hour or other ordinary time as they are to happen at some especially designated time of silence and solitude.

The person of true faith can gather and focus himself or herself in a few moments, because he or she never allows the self to become completely dissipated or distracted in work or other activities. The center of peace and calm is always there in which to turn."

(end of quote)

I agree that the Holy Mass is a sacred time, and that we need to have respect for the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. But when someone else, for whatever reason and because of some personal weakness, DOESN’T realize this, I don’t think we should allow their weakness to become an occasion for destroying our “interior quiet.” I believe that we should turn into ourselves and seek the Lord deep in our hearts, and seek to shut out all the talking and music and other noises and sights and smells that would distract us away from Our Lord.

I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. I thank God for the distractions and noise, because they help me to learn to focus on Him! In silence, it’s easy to concentrate on God, and then I become complacent. But noise and confusion is what my life OUTSIDE of church is like, and I need to learn how to deal with it and find Jesus in the midst of my life. God teaches me to seek and find Him through providing me with distractions, not through gifting me with a silent sanctuary.

If I NEED silence for my own personal pleasure, I can find it at the Adoration Chapel. And I need it often, believe me! But that’s my “vacation.” Real life is full of noise, but God is there, too.

I hope this all makes sense and is helpful. I’m getting ready to dash out the door to Mass!

 

[jrnami]

There has been a lot of talk on the forums about children/babies making too much noise during Mass. But what about all the old people who think Church is social hour? I go to several different churches and the old folks regularly talk up until Mass starts. They have no respect for people trying to pray silently and seems they are being irreverant.

I think many older people are 1) Hard of Hearing and 2) Happy to see people and maybe don’t get out much.

I think you should be tolerant of older people.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I’m of the opinion that EVERYONE regardless of age should be quiet in the sanctuary. For many of us, the time before and after Sunday Mass is the ONLY time we have to pray before the Blessed Sacrament. Is it really too much to ask of our fellow Catholics to take their conversations about last night’s football game, brunch after Mass and Grandma’s bowel issues to the vestibule, gathering space or fellowship hall? I’ve not been in a Church in the last 40 years of my life that hasn’t had a warm, welcoming area either outside the doors of the sanctuary or downstairs-and they all seem to be very empty while the conversations go on in the Sanctuary.

Why is it those who wish to have some respectful silence for prayer that are asked to be “charitable” and “understanding”? Why are those of us who dare to ask for respectful silence the ones who receive lectures about our attitudes?

I go back to my Grandmother’s words to us as children: Is what you have to say to each other more important than what you have to say to Jesus? If Jesus was present in human form before you now, would you still be talking to each other-or would you be on your knees in worship?

Jesus IS present before us in the tabernacle whenever we enter the Sanctuary. I think a reminder of that from the Pulpit now and then wouldn’t hurt.

 

[Cat]

I honestly don’t understand why some Christians consider it disrespectful to chat in the Presence of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Perhaps someone would be kind enough to explain this to me.

IMO, we are only allowed to exist in the Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament because He is kind and merciful to us, sinful human beings that we are. There is a certain extent to which we don’t deserve to ever be in His Presence, either now or in eternity. But in His great mercy and love, He invites us to watch with Him in the Blessed Sacrament.

I can only base my opinion on Biblical principles. Jesus did not despise our human flesh, but instead, became one of us. He knows what it is to be a human, because He is one Himself.

Jesus knows that humans like to talk. Humans chat because this is one of our primary methods of obtaining information about each other. We need this information to feel secure and “part of the human race.”

I honestly don’t think He is offended by chatter in His presence if that chatter comes from a loving heart that is seeking to honor Him by loving others.

I personally think Jesus is more likely to be offended by judgementalism, intolerance, pride, etc. He condemned the Pharisee who prayed, “Thank God I am not like the others, sinful.”

I think that Our Lord will look upon the hearts of those who are in His presence and determine whether they are showing disrespect or not.

I know that there are verses about “silence,” especially in the Psalms. But there are also verses about coming boldly into His Presence because He has redeemed us. And there are plenty of verses about the importance of showing love for each other.

I agree that one way to show love would be to stop chatting in the sanctuary. But the reciprocal is also true–we shouldn’t judge and condemn people who do chat. God is our Sanctuary, and we can find Him in the midst of the noise.

 

[annh]

This is a good point. An older woman, Mary, used to replace me at Adoration. She was probably 85 or so (I’m guessing) and had many problems. Although she had multiple children in town, she told me that she couldn’t do her housework because of her health and that none of her kids would help her. We would chat for 5 minutes, maybe, before I would get up to go. I am an introvert and I don’t need stranger interaction to be happy, but Mary did. Once a lady came into the small room where Adoration is held and glared at us. We immediately stopped talking and I left. I thought a lot about the glarey lady and Mary, but I think Mary is lonely, probably feels vulnerable all the time, and needs to talk, just to connect for a moment. To me, simply listening to her for five minutes was showing her the best of God’s wonderful love because I really cared about her and felt sorry for her - all those kids and nobody cared. Just looking at her, you could tell it was a blessing if she made it back again.

I ended up giving her my card and telling her to call me if she wanted help cleaning her house. I think she used it to get her children’s attention. Shortly after that, one of her daughters began attending Adoration with her, solving all problems (I hope). The kids were quick enough to show up and protect their mom from an outsider who offered her free physical help (if that’s what was occurring. Maybe they just woke up…).

I only knew that if my mom was alive…

annie

 

[Cat]

This is a good point. An older woman, Mary, used to replace me at Adoration. She was probably 85 or so (I’m guessing) and had many problems. Although she had multiple children in town, she told me that she couldn’t do her housework because of her health and that none of her kids would help her. We would chat for 5 minutes, maybe, before I would get up to go. I am an introvert and I don’t need stranger interaction to be happy, but Mary did. Once a lady came into the small room where Adoration is held and glared at us. We immediately stopped talking and I left. I thought a lot about the glarey lady and Mary, but I think Mary is lonely, probably feels vulnerable all the time, and needs to talk, just to connect for a moment. To me, simply listening to her for five minutes was showing her the best of God’s wonderful love because I really cared about her and felt sorry for her - all those kids and nobody cared. Just looking at her, you could tell it was a blessing if she made it back again.

I ended up giving her my card and telling her to call me if she wanted help cleaning her house. I think she used it to get her children’s attention. Shortly after that, one of her daughters began attending Adoration with her, solving all problems (I hope). The kids were quick enough to show up and protect their mom from an outsider who offered her free physical help (if that’s what was occurring. Maybe they just woke up…).

I only knew that if my mom was alive…

annie

What a sweet, sweet story!

I believe that we will NEVER show disrespect to Our Lovely Lord if we love.

If someone who wishes for quiet is acting out of love by asking others to be quiet, then the Lord will be pleased. But if the person who is chatting is doing so because of love, then the Lord will also be pleased.

I don’t believe He is pleased by unloving silence as much as He is pleased by loving noise. Again, I can’t point to a verse of Scripture, but I can point to principles–Jesus chastized the Pharisees when they rebuked the people who were calling out Hosannas. And he chastized those who criticized Him for healing on the Sabbath. He broke the “rules” by speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus was and is interested in PEOPLE, not rules and regulations. A compassionate heart will be more pleasing to Him than a “correct” heart.

Please don’t think that I am saying that we should use this principle as an excuse to act like hooligans in the Presence of the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Never! But to greet our friends, to meet new friends, to hug a lonely senior citizen and ask about their operation, to encourage a young mom, to compliment children–these are loving acts that are pleasing to the Lord especially if we do them IN HIS PRESENCE.

It would be great if we could do all this in the Narthex or foyer, but to be honest, I have yet to be in a Catholic church where the foyer is big enough. And to be honest, I LIKE to include the Lord in my conversations! It’s cool to have Him in the actual room with us while we are talking! I’m not acting out of disrespect because I truly believe He is listening to the chatter and enjoying our display of filial love.

As for those who seek silence, I still say, seek it within yourself. Learn to shut out the world and find that quiet inside. Don’t allow the world to drag you away from the Lord’s Presence.

 

[benedictgal]

I honestly don’t understand why some Christians consider it disrespectful to chat in the Presence of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Perhaps someone would be kind enough to explain this to me.

IMO, we are only allowed to exist in the Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament because He is kind and merciful to us, sinful human beings that we are. There is a certain extent to which we don’t deserve to ever be in His Presence, either now or in eternity. But in His great mercy and love, He invites us to watch with Him in the Blessed Sacrament.

I can only base my opinion on Biblical principles. Jesus did not despise our human flesh, but instead, became one of us. He knows what it is to be a human, because He is one Himself.

Jesus knows that humans like to talk. Humans chat because this is one of our primary methods of obtaining information about each other. We need this information to feel secure and “part of the human race.”

I honestly don’t think He is offended by chatter in His presence if that chatter comes from a loving heart that is seeking to honor Him by loving others.

I personally think Jesus is more likely to be offended by judgementalism, intolerance, pride, etc. He condemned the Pharisee who prayed, “Thank God I am not like the others, sinful.”

I think that Our Lord will look upon the hearts of those who are in His presence and determine whether they are showing disrespect or not.

I know that there are verses about “silence,” especially in the Psalms. But there are also verses about coming boldly into His Presence because He has redeemed us. And there are plenty of verses about the importance of showing love for each other.

I agree that one way to show love would be to stop chatting in the sanctuary. But the reciprocal is also true–we shouldn’t judge and condemn people who do chat. God is our Sanctuary, and we can find Him in the midst of the noise.

Cat, I don’t know what your formation was during RCIA, (and, please don’t take this statement as ill-meaning), but, as far back as kindergartgen, we were taught to always maintain silence in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. The church is not a meeting hall. It’s not a social time nor is it Grand Central Station. We are here for an encounter with God. It is a time for prayer, reflection and meditation.

In last Friday’s Gospel, Jesus chased out the money changers and the animal keepers because they had transformed a sacred space into a market place. In Jesus’ time, the Temple had three areas of prayer: the Holy of Holies (reserved the priests and for sacrifice), the inner precincts (reserved for the Jews) and the outer courtyard, which had been reserved for the Gentiles to come and worship God. The money changers and animal keepers had set up shop in this third courtyard, thus, leaving the Gentiles pretty much without a place to worship. Jesus regarded His Father’s entire house as sacred; that’s why he chased those folks out of the courtyard which was reserved for the Gentiles to worship.

Now, folks chatting away aren’t exactly doing commerce in Church, but the same principal applies. I’m afraid that we have lost the sense of the sacred. We have, perhaps, lost sight of the fact that the same Jesus who chased the moneychangers and who died for our sins, is still really present in our midst in the Blessed Sacrament. I don’t even know if silence in Church is still being taught from CCD to RCIA. It is something that we need to recapture.

I am reminded of a beautiful hymn called “Let all Mortal Flesh Keep Silence”

Let all mortal flesh keep silence and with fear and trembling stand. Ponder nothing earthly minded, for with blessing in his hand, Christ our God to earth, decendeth, our full homage to demand.

King of kings, yet born of Mary, as of old on earth he stood, Lord of Lords in human vesture, in the body and the blood. He will give to all the faithful, his own self for heavenly food.

If you ever wanted an understanding why it is important to keep silence in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, this hymn says it all. It is from the 5th century Liturgy of Saint James and it is sung to the tune of Picardy.

 

[turtle18]

Okay, so far in the previous posts, those of us who want silence have been called “judgmental & intolerant” and accused of trying to have “correct hearts” over compassionate ones.
For all of you who need noise and constant chatter, andn can’t ever stop talking, can’t you offer it up for 10 minutes before Mass to be silent? You can have an “inner conversation” in your head with each other. There are a lot of people who are introverts so I think it is thoughtless, rude & judgemental of you all to get upset with us because we want quiet. In fact it is that way all throughout society, extroverts babble on during class when you are trying to listen to the professor, completely and totally self-absorbed in themselves and never, never, thinking about the needs of others and how other people might need quiet to concentrate, pray or even think .
If you are there to see Jesus, why not have a conversation with Him, instead of with each other? How hard is it to devote 10 minutes of time on HIM? It is such an incredible gift to be in HIS presence. Why would you want to spend this time ignoring Him? The first commandment is to love God, the second is to love your brothers & sisters.

 

[annh]

I am an introvert and I am always the one standing/sitting silent while everyone is chatting away (I like to write though). I have no clue what they could be talking about with so much animation (until I worked with an extrovert, who stood outside my door in the hall literally waiting for people to come in so she could tell the same story again, again, and again). It didn’t bother me. I wasn’t really paying attention, except observing how she functions as an extrovert. Otherwise, I wasn’t listening.

I think that’s the key, as the swimmer stated - don’t listen. Close your eyes and hear yourself instead. Until you’re nomiated as sanctuary behavioral specialist for your parish or mass (haha), there’s not much else you can do, except ask the priest to address it, and it’s his call.

I actually paid attention today at mass just to see and I have to say that we must just have an extremely quiet mass, which is maybe why I don’t see this as a problem. I also second the swimmer’s (sorry, I can’t remember your name) viewpoint - greeting one another with love and caring is what it’s all about. AND I have been in attendance when the priest began the service by asking everyone to greet those around them, and it is also a way of communicating peace to one another before mass begins.

I guess I’d pray for peace and quiet and also tolerance within myself. Grin and bear it and all that.