Why do people just give themselves away like its no big deal?

[TheRealJuliane]

Every person you have sex with takes a little piece of your soul with them when they leave. Every single person you have sex with becomes a part of you too. Sometimes those scenes jump back into your head as you have marital sex with your husband or wife. Then you are in effect, committing adultery because in your mind, you are not having sex with your spouse but with that other person again. Anyone who throws away his or her virginity has said to God, “No thanks, I would rather wallow in the mud with pigs than to accept your white and pure gift of sexuality.”

The culture supports and reinforces the message that sex is nothing special other than a bodily urge. No big deal. Abortion is also no big deal to the culture. Yet we know the pain that abortion causes. Premarital sex is another hidden cause of life destruction.

Teach your children that they should value themselves more than to hand their precious gift of sexuality to the first person that comes along. Teach that it matters more than almost anything else. It bonds people together, it is supposed to create life, so having premarital sex and using birth control not to have babies is a double sin.

Aggiecatholic, when you get to Aggieland, go to St. Mary’s. Lots of good students there. The morality at A&M is stricter than most colleges. You’ll like it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

---

Besides of all of the sins that people routinely commit around the world: wanton taking of human lives, cheating on taxes upon which the poor are dependent, spending more as a society on dogs and cats than on poor children, people taking cold-blooded revenge on one another, pedophilia…two unmarried people who care for each other, giving themselves to one another just doesn’t like it threatens civiilazation as we know it.

But you left out abortion, which is a direct result of sexual misuse.

 

[Sonny1954]

But you left out abortion, which is a direct result of sexual misuse.

Yes, and I did so intentionally. Write the word “Abortion” and this discussion forum usually goes up in flames and all other moral issues are lost in the wreckage. And it’s not always a result of “sexual misuse.” It’s often a medical decision.

But I stick to my original opinion: that two unmarried people who care about one another giving themselves to each other just doesn’t stack up against war, poverty, hunger, wanton selfishness & ignorance.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

I suppose it is (and rightfully should be) a personal decision.

Why the Church insists on regulating a perfectly normal human function I have yet to understand. If they are going to have rules about sex I’m surprised they don’t tell us how to sweat, or pee, or poop.

Call me a cynic (actually, I’m already a cynic) but I can’t help but think that the Powers That Be, who are expected to remain chaste and celibate, are taking out their frustrations on the rest of the flock. “If we can’t do it, neither can you except under very limited circumstances and then only for the sole purpose of making more Catholics.”

 

[spunjalebi]

We don’t need to have sex, the way we need to eat, pee, and poop. Those are essential to individual survival. Sex is not essential to living your day to day activities.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

Every person you have sex with takes a little piece of your soul with them when they leave. Every single person you have sex with becomes a part of you too. Sometimes those scenes jump back into your head as you have marital sex with your husband or wife. Then you are in effect, committing adultery because in your mind, you are not having sex with your spouse but with that other person again. Anyone who throws away his or her virginity has said to God, “No thanks, I would rather wallow in the mud with pigs than to accept your white and pure gift of sexuality.”

The culture supports and reinforces the message that sex is nothing special other than a bodily urge. No big deal. Abortion is also no big deal to the culture. Yet we know the pain that abortion causes. Premarital sex is another hidden cause of life destruction.

Teach your children that they should value themselves more than to hand their precious gift of sexuality to the first person that comes along. Teach that it matters more than almost anything else. It bonds people together, it is supposed to create life, so having premarital sex and using birth control not to have babies is a double sin.

Aggiecatholic, when you get to Aggieland, go to St. Mary’s. Lots of good students there. The morality at A&M is stricter than most colleges. You’ll like it.

i cant wait to be at A&M=D! this summer i am transferring there! and i am totally excited!..and St.Mary’s is awesome i go there for Bible Study…and i agree there are some great people there=)!..i just cant wait to officially be a student at A&M=)!..and yepp you are very right about what you said about premarital sex.and abortion…i agree with you!..

 

[slywakka250]

That’s a human being you’re talking about “taking for a test drive”.

Dating/courtship isn’t a sexual try out. And imagine the heart break of the other person if you dump them because you decide they’re not good enough in the sack for you. Excuse me for saying so, but how utterly heartless, selfish and repugnant. It basically sums up everything that is wrong with this society’s sexual health.

12 year olds are getting pregnant. If they can figure it out, there’s no excuse why a grown married couple can’t.

If dating/courtship isn’t in one respect a sexual try out, what is it?

To even get a first date, you usually have to pass an initial test on your looks and personality. People are dumped/rejected for every imaginable reason including the way their voices sound, the color of their eyes, a certain annoying phrase that they use, and yes also by their performance in bed.

The heart break is heart break no matter the reason. I would never expect a girlfriend to need a profound and lofty reason for dumping me. I have no right to her attention, and she finds a man who is better in bed, and she likes sex, then I have no right to object, and I don’t see a problem with that. that is how dating works.

People have different aspects that are important to them when selecting a spouse or partner, and sexual compatibility is important to a lot of people.

I don’t see how this is selfish at all. When you have a lot of standards, you may just save yourself for who will make you really happy in the long run, instead of getting caught in a marriage with someone you really don’t even like.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

God invented sex. It was man that invented marriage.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

God invented sex. It was man that invented marriage.

i beg to differ, God created both sex and marriage:

" This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called woman for out of ‘her man’ this one has been taken" Genesis 2:23

marriage is a sacred sacrament because it is a covenant between a man a woman with God, and in marriage a man and a woman promise to each other to love and take care of in sickness and health for better or worse and untill death do them part. and sex ultimately unites them as one body.God intended sex to be saved for marriage and he created marriage:
adam and eve, and the other couples that follow in the bible. so in other words man did not create marriage. God did.

 

[Anthony_V]

While it may be physically “OK” for people to have sex outside of marriage in a secular setting, take this into account:

Sexuality is the ultimate secular drive for human life-- compromising that ability in any way, shape, or form may result in later grief or regret. In addition, the separation of sex from marriage does not ultimately degrade the sex, it degrades the marriage. If you can have sex without getting married, why the heck get married except for financial reasons (perhaps a few other obscure reasons)? And if that was the case, there would be no difference in having sex with any emotionally and physically attractive person off the street than having sex with your own SPOUSE!

As a married person, it would be your very own responsibility to make your spouse feel both unique and special in a completely intimate manner in which no one else could possibly replace. Even if your spouse was actually OK with you having casual sex and flirting with other sexually intriguing people, how great would marriage be? Would you purposely let your spouse miss out on potentially feeling special?

I’m very angered to know that some people don’t hold sex in any amount of moral regard. I’m merely 16 and I know that off the top of my head. I can easily tell you, it’s made an impact in my life, and I’m VERY glad I’ve retained my chastity. I’m even excited to continue doing so. By the way, yes, I am a guy who actually goes to a public school (the place where public education doesn’t leave much to imagination).

 

[Debora123]

I suppose it is (and rightfully should be) a personal decision.

Why the Church insists on regulating a perfectly normal human function I have yet to understand. If they are going to have rules about sex I’m surprised they don’t tell us how to sweat, or pee, or poop.

LOL! The thing is, Lost Sheep, that sex isn’t just a casual things like eating or pooping. Sex is sacred. The fact alone that it is the act that brings new life into the world is enough to put it on a very high pedestal. Yet sex is even MORE than that. It’s about giving yourself completely and totally to the person you love and are going to spend the rest of your life with. It is God’s way of binding 2 souls together in the sacrament of marriage. It’s a beautiful, powerful, sacred act of self giving love. It is NOT like just sitting on a toilet and taking a dump. Funny though!

Call me a cynic (actually, I’m already a cynic) but I can’t help but think that the Powers That Be, who are expected to remain chaste and celibate, are taking out their frustrations on the rest of the flock. “If we can’t do it, neither can you except under very limited circumstances and then only for the sole purpose of making more Catholics.”

Haha, I understand why some people might thing this way, but trust me, that is NOT the case lol. It really doesn’t make much sense anyway if you really think about it, because the idea of sex being a marital act is all over the bible, and that was before celibate priests existed!

 

[kbwall]

Many people simply don’t believe. If one doesn’t believe, then they have no real reason to wait until marriage, especially with the invention of the condom rendering unwanted pregnancies and STDs moot. Yeah, technically there is a slim chance that the condom will malfunction, but that chance is small enough that most don’t care.

Those that do believe, yeah, I don’t really understand their thinking. The Bible says not to have sex outside of marriage. I guess it’s because sex feels so good that it’s difficult to pass up. It’s between them and God.

 

[ManOnFire]

Thanks for your deep insight and incomparable wisdom.

Take your time creating the symphony. What’s the rush? Enjoy it. You’re married. You’re not only allowed, it’s encouraged. My wife and I have 5 kids and have been together for 20 years and it just keeps getting better. The key for us guys is to not imagine that she’s one of pop culture’s hotties. Forget them. You can’t pretend she’s one of them. It’s just not true and it’s not fair to your true love for the person that she is. You’ll never be satisfied until you can focus only on her. This is the woman you love. If you have true love and read a few books, like John Paul II’s theology of the body or Heaven’s Song by Chris West. Focus on her feedback. Learning how to . . . fulfill her will fulfill you. You might also consider taking a massage class at your local community college. Then do it in the bedroom. . . .

People are supposed to get married for true love. Assuming this is the case with other posters, the physical intimacy is the icing on the cake. I disagree with those people taking sexual test drives: the physical intimacy can probably be learned in most cases, imo, hopefully.

 

[ManOnFire]

Knowing what I know now, sex without true love (lust, seduction, and attraction is not really true love) is like mastubation. To get the point across, from a spiritual and emotional standpoint, it doesn’t matter much whether one’s meat rubs against your own, or against someone else’s. Once the temporary thrill is over, like a sugar high, there’s not enough substance to keep people together long term. It’s like attention deficit disorder for adults. People are worth so much more than that.

People crave Intensity. Intesity can be found via the physical and chemical push-my-pleasure-button lust, drugs, etc., which pop culture promotes, or Intensity can be found via the physical, emotional, and spiritual marriage. We NEED romanticism to get through it. Personally, the deep romanticism of certain pieces of classical music have helped me tremendously. Using sacrificial true love and romanticism to rise against life’s challenges is what creates Intensity, depth, fortitude, creativity, achievement, accomplishment, victory, and love that can make the heart sing.

The regressives (I can’t call them progressives) in the media have reduced the amount of romanticism in music, TV, movies since the 80s. What a tragedy. It seems that so many younger people don’t have faith that there are still some romantics left in the U.S. “Hotness” and money are promoted as their virtues, while these are too thin to sustain relationships, leaving disappointment and emptiness in their wake. People are worth so much more than that.

The hardest part seems to be finding true love. For those that have found true love and are disappointed in their sex lives, the sex can be learned. There are plenty of sites to help. So I don’t understand why people are placing the cart before the horse by looking for sexual compatibility first. I hesitate to tell you, but having sex with the same person for many years is only going to get boring unless the relationship is far deeper than that. It’s predictable what comes next for people in thin relationships who are sexually bored: kinky sex, harder drugs, wife swapping, materialism, entertainement: all in an attempt to fill the void inside. That’s where only the Church’s spiritual and emotional depth can fill the void.

 

[egm85]

Some interesting points have been brought up here that nobody is addressing. I love topics like this because I have a more liberal viewpoint (except regarding abortion), and I wish I could understand with my heart and not with my head why we as Catholics (not necessarily I) believe this stuff. So if someone could comment on these points, it would be appreciated.

1. People are blasting the “sexual tryout” but find dating perfectly acceptable. Is that not also a “tryout”? What makes dating different in your mind?
2. People are assuming that if a person is sexually active outside of marriage, then that person is promiscuous and has at least 10 notches in their bedpost. This isn’t really a question, but I think that this is a myth that needs to be debunked. Some people are like that, sure, but I know plenty of people in my life that had sex with 1 person outside of marriage and are now married to that person. Are they bad people? Of course not.
3. In keeping with that theme, what about people who have odd circumstances? Personal example: I am currently in a situation where I am thousands of miles away from my significant other. I would love to live in the same city, get married, have kids, but circumstances do not allow such things. When we do see eachother, I enjoy our physical encounters. After months and months of phone calls, emails, and Skype chats, it’s a beautiful thing when we can finally show eachother how much we love and miss one another and express excitement for the day that we can be together permanently. Plus, there’s no chance of pregnancy (I’m 100% infertile), so no contraceptives; we give ourselves completely to one another. I find it hard to believe that having sex with one person that I will eventually marry will send me to hell.

I think many people do abuse their sexuality with promiscuity, but others meticulously allow another to see them at their most vulnerable and share in love. I just don’t see how the latter is a bad thing, whether married or unmarried. Having “loving sex” isn’t an exclusively married thing; to call it that would be highly offensive. I can guarantee that the way I have sex and the emotions I put into it will not change once I have a marriage license.

With that said, I know that this is not a Catholic approach to sexuality, but like I said, I’m trying to reconcile my liberal beliefs with my Catholic ones. Hopefully someone can step up to the plate

 

[BlueSprite]

Your metaphor implies that having sex makes a person flawed and, essentially, “breaks” that person. I strongly disagree. What you’re saying is no different than the old Victorian notion that sex “ruins” a woman for the marriage market.
I mean, by all means save yourself for your wedding night if you want – I could care less what you do – but claiming that sex “breaks” a person in the same way that furniture can “break” and become essentially useless is entirely off-base.

Good point. You can’t break something that’s already broken. If a person views sex as “no big deal” than they’re not going to feel any kind of loss for having had it with someone before marriage.

The only people who feel the loss are the one’s who conceive of it as something to be lost. If you place little value upon the deed, then doing it won’t mean much. If you place a lot of meaning on it, than doing it when you’re not ready or perhaps willing, will produce a great loss.

There are many people in this world…with differing views. Some view sex as no big deal, some view it as “kind-of” a big deal, some as a *very *big deal…and some as hugely important. It’s up to the individual to decide how they want to treat sex, and whether or not they want to value or esteem it as something extremely important, or not.

Those who don’t value something - can’t, nor shall they ever, understand the loss of something valuable, if they never viewed it as such.

 

[AMagdalene]

We don’t need to have sex, the way we need to eat, pee, and poop. Those are essential to individual survival. Sex is not essential to living your day to day activities.

What would happen if all humanity lived singly and not one person had sex? it’s necessary for the survival of mankind. But I do believe it should be in the context of marriage.

 

[AMagdalene]

St Thomas says “Drink to the point of hilarity.”

 

[AggieCatholic22]

Good point. You can’t break something that’s already broken. If a person views sex as “no big deal” than they’re not going to feel any kind of loss for having had it with someone before marriage.

The only people who feel the loss are the one’s who conceive of it as something to be lost. If you place little value upon the deed, then doing it won’t mean much. If you place a lot of meaning on it, than doing it when you’re not ready or perhaps willing, will produce a great loss.

There are many people in this world…with differing views. Some view sex as no big deal, some view it as “kind-of” a big deal, some as a *very *big deal…and some as hugely important. It’s up to the individual to decide how they want to treat sex, and whether or not they want to value or esteem it as something extremely important, or not.

Those who don’t value something - can’t, nor shall they ever, understand the loss of something valuable, if they never viewed it as such.

my metaphor, was aimed at STDs…

 

[kbwall]

Some interesting points have been brought up here that nobody is addressing. I love topics like this because I have a more liberal viewpoint (except regarding abortion), and I wish I could understand with my heart and not with my head why we as Catholics (not necessarily I) believe this stuff. So if someone could comment on these points, it would be appreciated.

1. People are blasting the “sexual tryout” but find dating perfectly acceptable. Is that not also a “tryout”? What makes dating different in your mind?

Dating is a lot less casual than sex. With dating, you are getting to know that person, and opening your heart to them. I guess the best explanation of dating is to get to know somebody to see if you truly love them and want to marry them.

Sex on the other hand is a sacred act that you should share only with your wife/husband (don’t know your specific gender). Secular society has turned it into another part of the dating game, which I believe is very wrong. Look at all the damage that society has done to itself with casual sex.

1. People are assuming that if a person is sexually active outside of marriage, then that person is promiscuous and has at least 10 notches in their bedpost. This isn’t really a question, but I think that this is a myth that needs to be debunked. Some people are like that, sure, but I know plenty of people in my life that had sex with 1 person outside of marriage and are now married to that person. Are they bad people? Of course not.

‘Bad people’ is a bit of a loaded term. I mean, if you count anybody who’s sinned as a bad person, then we’re all rotten to the core. But if you’re asking if they have sinned by having pre-marital sex, then yes. The church/Bible is very clear on the issue of fornication. It says not to do it. There are no exceptions for when a couple is in love, but not yet ready for marriage.

How can you pass it off as a non-sin when it’s written in plain black and white that is a sin?

1. In keeping with that theme, what about people who have odd circumstances? Personal example: I am currently in a situation where I am thousands of miles away from my significant other. I would love to live in the same city, get married, have kids, but circumstances do not allow such things. When we do see eachother, I enjoy our physical encounters. After months and months of phone calls, emails, and Skype chats, it’s a beautiful thing when we can finally show eachother how much we love and miss one another and express excitement for the day that we can be together permanently. Plus, there’s no chance of pregnancy (I’m 100% infertile), so no contraceptives; we give ourselves completely to one another. I find it hard to believe that having sex with one person that I will eventually marry will send me to hell.

It is irrelevant how sure you think you are that you’re going to marry this person. I don’t mean to jinx your relationship, I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Still, the simple fact of the matter is that you are not married yet. It also doesn’t matter how infertile you are, since the sin is in the act, not in fertility. I guess the lack of contraception may make things slightly better, but that doesn’t change the fact that every time you have sex outside of marriage, for any reason, it is a sin.

Nobody is saying that only married couples having loving sex, and I’m sure your sex is done with love. However, what is said is that only married couple should have sex. Sex is a gift from God for married couple for the purpose of union and procreation. Let me ask you this; why can’t you wait until marriage? I know sex feels good and you’re excited to see this person when you see them, but why couldn’t you simply hold off until marriage? You said you rarely get to see them, and circumstance prevents you from being with them forever. However, that’s not much of an excuse. If you truly plan to marry them, why not wait until those circumstances change? The unity and love are part of what makes marriage so magical. The fact that you say it won’t change after you’re married is quite telling. What does marriage mean to you?