In my experience there are several reasons why people ‘stay,’ and why people while seeming to ‘hate’ the Church.
The first point I would make is the definition of the term ‘Church.’ Is the definition of ‘Church’ is the teachings of the Church, Church clerics and the institutions of the Church? People may dislike and have objections to these features of the Church, but these are features are not the only features the Church possess. The ‘Church’ is in fact all of us - the body of Christ.
Just because someone does not like or has objections to certain teachings, clerics and the institutions of the Church does not mean they have rejected God, and it doesn’t mean they reject everything the Church teaches. I’m quite sure I don’t need to outline the scandals in Ireland, and it is a big reason why people have lost faith in the Church. (Church as defined above) It cannot be said that no matter what people in the church do we should not loose faith in the church in my view places greater responsibility on those the people and less on church leaders when it should be the other way around as they are more responsible before God. I say this because Jesus said we may as well have a millstone placed around our necks than cause a ‘little one’ to loose faith. Can we really a merciful God expects us to keep faith in people who cause so much hurt? To say God appointment them is in my view a hollow argument. Jesus chose Judas. We are not obliged to keep faith in people when they themselves demonstrate their lack of it.
I have heard many people today say, ‘I didn’t choose my religion, it was chosen for me and I had no say in it.’ Let’s be honest, they have a point. Like you, I am a convert to the Catholic faith and maybe this is one of the reasons I can understand why people may feel resentful in being coerced into following a faith they did not choose. To say, ‘well they are free to leave - but they will answer to God’ - is not really giving them the freedom to choose but rather a conditional choice, which is not really a choice. In the Prodigal Son, the father gave his son the freedom to choose with no conditions. He never gave up hope he would come back and in the end he did.
My eldest son is preparing for the Confirmation, and he’s really confused because he says he does not know what to believe. As his mother, I have the responsibility of guiding him but I think expecting an 11 year old to never change their mind about anything they believe is unrealistic and places an unreasonably high burden on them. In short, I explained things by saying sometimes you have to do something in order to know whether or not you believe in it. I won’t go into any more detail as this is turning out to be an incredibly long post. Apologies.
The other reason people in my part of the world ‘stay’ is because being Catholic is intrinsically linked to one’s identity, and people don’t want to loose that. While they may criticize Catholicism, they don’t want to be someone or something else. I have also found when you talk to them, deep down they still believe most of it. It has also been suggested by catholic educators that what has been termed the ‘critic’ stage is a stage of faith development, and a necessary one in order to truly embrace a faith of your own free will and not just because that’s what you were raised. People who emerge from the ‘critic’ often have a deeper sense of spirituality. Perhaps the church is going through a ‘critic’ stage as a whole as we live in very confusing times.
On a final note, I once asked a priest many questions on the Catholic faith and asked him how long it would take to understand what the Church on these issues. His answer was - a lifetime.
